Bonnie's Wish   Why, God? Is it my fault? Why can’t she help me? I wish I wasn’t going to die.

The Steen Home...Ardmore, Pennsylvania...

“Mom?” Bobby walked over to the window seat in the living room and sat down. Allie was sitting there, staring out the window at the snow falling heavily, almost like a blanket of white down. It was peaceful. As he sat down next to her she reached over her shoulder and he grabbed her hand.

“Hi…” She sighed.

“It….”

“No, honey, it didn’t work…” She gasped before turning around, her face red from crying.

“What do we do now, Mom.” The boy shrugged his shoulders, fighting back his own tears. Someone had to be brave for the moment; his mother’s courage had nearly reached an end, and his sister was almost too tired to go on.

“We pray.” She choked back a sob and continued. “And we get ready.”

The next week...

“There’s a lady at the door, Mom.” Bobby yelled to the kitchen where Allie was preparing lunch. She wiped her hands on a dishtowel and walked to the front door.

“Hi…” The woman offered her hand, saying, “You may remember me, but don’t worry if you don’t”

“Oh, gosh….Dana…..Dana Mendellsohn….you arranged the donor drive…of course I remember.” Allie shook her hand before pulling her into an awkward hug.

“I can’t begin to thank you….it meant so much to Bonnie…” Allie turned sideways slightly and looked down the hallway.

“She’s up…” Allie shrugged; her expression was almost apologetic. “Your timing is excellent. She’s….”

“Listen, Mrs. Steen, you don’t have to explain. My daughter goes to school with your oldest. I am so sorry.” Dana wanted to know…who wouldn’t, as morbid as that might seem…how long Bonnie ‘had.’ But she left the question unasked.

“We…Gina Kelly and Maeve Stuart and me….we got together with some folks, and we have something for you…I hope you don’t mind.” She reached into her purse and withdrew two envelopes.

“It’s not much, but we hope it will help your girl…” Dana blinked back some tears as her face grew warm. “I just hope….”

“No…” Allie put her hand on Dana’s arm, her face awash with tears as she spoke haltingly…’

“There’s….there’s still some time.” The word ‘some’ shouted like a cruel taunt even though it was barely audible.

“Here…this is for you and your family. We plan on having a fund-raiser to add to this.” Allie opened the envelope and found inside a check for three thousand dollars. Even with the excellent insurance that she and Carter had, the bills had been overwhelming. She hugged Dana and smiled.

“This…this is so kind…thank you.” Bobby stood to the side, trying in vain to hold back from crying.

“And this is for Bonnie….It’s not much…sort of like make-a-wish…I know her situation was sudden, and you haven’t even had the time…so we thought this would be a good way…” Dana’s lip quivered. She had struggled with the loss of her own mother to cancer, and had walked along side Maeve when Cal had passed last year. Allie opened the second envelope, finding another check for two thousand dollars.

“She can use it for whatever she wishes, Allie, okay?” The word ‘wish’ was so ironic, given the conversation she and Bonnie had only weeks before before…

“Why, God? Is it my fault?” The girl had wept in her mother’s arms, not even noticing her mother’s presence. Like any child…even at fourteen, the questions of life and death were so challenging.

“Honey…I don’t know…” Allie shook her head, filled with as much doubt and pain as the child in her arms.

“It’s because of this,” the girl said weakly, looking down at the soft pink nightie she wore. She frowned and began to cry softly.

“I’m sorry…I’ll…” She went to pull off the gown, nearly tearing at it.”

“Oh, God, honey…no…you’re…please, Bonnie, no…” Allie wept, rocking the girl back and forth gently as she whispered in daughter’s ear.

“You’re a treasure to God, honey…you aren’t bad…this isn’t wrong. You’re a beautiful child in his eyes.”

“Then why, mom? Why…I don’t want to die…I wish I wasn’t going to die.”

“I don’t know why, honey. But you’re my beautiful girl….my beautiful girl.” Allie said softly before the two fell together and wept.

“Mom…” The girl looked up weakly as her mother held the bowl of soup in hopes that she had regained her appetite.

“Yes, Honey.”

“There’s no more time.”

“Don’t say that, Bonnie…please…” Allie said, trying to convince both of them that her daughter was wrong.

“You have to make a wish…” Allie nearly cringed at the word, remembering the conversation that they had. She made a wish; a wish that wouldn’t come true…at least the way she understood. Bonnie smiled weakly and spoke.

“If it’s my money to wish with?” She said haltingly between gasps. “I know what to wish for..I know what to spend it on.” She reached up and pulled her mother close and whispered in her ear, laughing softly. Allie’s eyes widened as she listened to her daughter’s plan.

“Are you sure?”

“He told me, Mom…yes.” Allie looked over at the open door, as if she could see down the hallway. She looked back at Bonnie and put her hand to her mouth and began to cry. The girl’s hand touched her arm, gaining her attention.

“What, honey?” Allie choked back a sob.

“Roberta is a nice name, don’t you think?” Bonnie put her head in her mother’s lap and looked up, but her gaze was not at the ceiling but beyond.

Bonnie Steen died that afternoon. The funeral was attended by several local celebrities including two Philadelphia Flyers and the second-string quarterback from the Eagles. Nearly everyone from Ardmore stood in the falling snow as the girl was laid to rest. Sitting in front of the grave were Allie and her husband Carter, their older daughter Heidi and the newest member of the family, Roberta Steen.

The plaque that would eventually cover the ground was propped against a chair next to the grave. It read,

Bonnie Ingrid Steen, 1998 — 2013,
Before I shaped you in the womb,
I knew all about you.
Before you saw the light of day,
I had holy plans for you…
Jeremiah 1:5
“She knew where she was going…
And she knew who she was…”

Next: Paul's (And Lina's) Wish