A Mississippi River Romance Reckonings! by Andrea Lena DiMaggio   the story's always better than the truth so tell me what you wanna see and i'll give it back to you

"Hey...Miri...wait up." Violet Rubio yelled as she dodged a slow moving mini-van that had just pulled up to the crosswalk.

“Well, it’s mostly right...we are wondering about chemistry, for sure.” Violet looked over at her sister Cindy and smiled.

The Magliano home...late Saturday evening...

“You guys okay?” Adele looked into Miri’s room. Miri sat on the bed and Jerry sat on the floor, much like Adele had done that morning with their Mom. Jerry had been crying...again. His male persona was taking the proverbial beating. Miri looked up and shook her head no. Adele walked over and sat down on the floor next to Jerry.

“Hey, sweets...what’s goin’ on?” She leaned closer and grabbed his hand. “Nice eye shadow, by the way!’

“Don’t start, Del...This is too fucking hard...what did I do to deserve this?” He winced as he recalled just who was sitting next to him.

“Oh...I don’t know...maybe you’re getting psychic hand-me-downs from me, bro. I was younger than you when my struggles started. And I knew for sure that this is who I was. Anthony was the illusion and Adele was the real deal, hon. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” She grabbed Jerry’s arm.

“I don’t even know who I am. Did you wonder about who you were supposed to be with?” Jerry shook his head and his gesture was literally mirrored by Miri as Adele noticed the dual doubt reflected in Miri’s dresser mirror.

“There’s no ‘supposed to,’ Jer...you are who you are and you’ll find you like who you like. I’m still not sure at times what I’m looking for. I think you might feel better if you settle who you are first, you know?” Jerry shrugged his shoulders.

“One thing is for certain from where I sit. You’re not all boy, I don’t think. But how much of a girl you are? What do you think, Mir?” Adele looked up at Miri who picked up where Adele left off.

“Del’s right. You gotta figure out who you are. You ever get to talk with Ms. Kalicos?”

“She was out sick last week...I got an appointment at lunchtime on Monday. God this hurts. Del...did it hurt this much when you were deciding?” Adele paused a moment before answering.

“It wasn’t so much deciding as figuring me out, you know? I was already a girl in my heart; my mind just hadn’t put two and two together.” She waited for Jerry to reply, but he just shook his head.

“Don’t worry, honey...you’ve got some time. You’re not even fifteen yet. We’ll get through this.” She said and Miri’s reflection in the mirror showed Jerry he had both sisters’ support. She knew she had her Mom’s love and support. The only person not on board was Jerry himself.

but if you tell me that you want me to be
- around, i think i'll stay
but if you bind me, i can promise
i will run with the light of day

In the middle of the night, St. Luke’s Medical Center Critical Care Unit...

"So what did the doctor say? I bet they...son of a bitch Danny...I'm so sorry..." Rick put his hand to his face.

"I should have said something... You and Vinnie...if I'd said something?" Danny grabbed Rick's hand softly and pulled it away from his face. Rick had never really cried for his own pain after he left his childhood behind. His defenses rarely let himself in, much less anyone else.

"Rick...we need to talk." He turned around and looked down the long hallway. Julia was lying quietly on the couch in the floor waiting room. He blew out a sigh before taking a long ponderous breath, wondering how he could tell Rick about the news.

"I mean...shit...I should have stopped him...Vinnie didn't have a cha....you didn't have a chance." Rick leaned back against the hallway wall, scraping his shoulder against the metal frame of an oil painting.

"Rick....when was the last time Vinnie was over there? Do you remember?" Danny was trying to piece together a timeline. Danny looked back down the hall, fearing his mother's awakening after a long evening. At two in the morning they were all exhausted. Danny planned on driving his mother back home as soon as she woke up, but didn't want to disturb her. Rick shook his head.

"Last year sometime?" He turned away and coughed, trying without much success to convince Danny he was still 'stoic Rick.'

"Listen...it's not your fault...If it's your fault then it's mine as well, and I'm not accepting any blame for what that bastard did. And is that all he did? We didn't know...I didn't know he hurt you until you told Mom about it this afternoon. Vinnie only just started talking to Dr. Megan...I don't know what they discussed about this, but if she even suspected it was Daddy, she would have turned him in...she has to. So none of us knew that he was hurting the others. That's the way the bastard wanted it...that's how it works. If anything, I should have said something this spring when I started dealing with it with my doc."

He grabbed Rick's hand again, but Rick pulled it away. His eyes seemed to flash and grow dim at the same time.

"That settles it...I'm going to go kill the fucker....I'm gonna..." Rick started to walk away and Danny did the only thing he could to stop him; he stuck out his leg, causing Rick to trip and bang into the wall. Before Rick could get up Danny was on him, pinning his arms between the wall and floor.

"No...you're not. We are going to talk to the social worker when she comes over at seven... You and I are going to get Mom home. Mrs. Bronstein said she'd keep an eye on her until we get home. We're going to go home...take a nap...get up...clean up...and come back here."

Rick struggled to get up but Danny leaned on him.

"He's gotten away with too much already, Rick...You're not gonna give him your future! Understand?” Danny's tone was as angry as he'd ever shown, but he wasn't angry with Rick at all. Any more resistance and Danny thought he'd have to clock his brother with his prosthetic; whatever it would take to keep everyone safe.

"You don't understand...I should have done something...I have to do something. Dan...you just don’t know! When I was thirteen? Vinnie was almost three.” Rick buried his face in his brother’s sleeve.”

“Fuck...Rick...no!” Danny cried, trying to push his brother away, but he didn’t have the heart.

“No....I didn’t..but I thought about it. Mom left me alone with him to go shopping. I don’t know where you were...but I fucking thought about it....I’m so fucked up, Dan...why would i want to do that. Daddy had stopped by then...with me...I thought i was the only one. I swear to God i never touched him, but I’m just like Daddy... I don’t care about anybody but me...”

“No Rick...you’re not just like Daddy. Cause you didn’t hurt anybody...you may have a fucking temper, but then I’m in the same fucking boat as you, right?” He uncharacteristically punched the wall. Rick started to shake.

“We gotta stop him, Danny...He can’t get away with it anymore.”

Rick's weeping began to sound almost like a seven-year old who was told he couldn't go to Disneyworld. He collapsed in his brother's arms and sobbed. And for the first time in his life, even if his anger was still nearly out of control, his sadness was not for himself, but for his brothers and even his mother.

"You have to help me, Rick...I need you to help me with this. We're going to talk to the right people and see that he goes away and never gets out..." Danny was calm and control. His grief over the devastation his father had wrought was nearly overwhelming, but he'd cry after it was all over.

and i'm telling you i don't want me to be
the worst of what i am
and i'm telling you that i'm trying to be
a golden man

Mid morning at the Magliano home....

Giada put the phone down and called out.

"Kids...can you come here for a sec?" A moment later Miri and Jerry walked down the stairs as Adele came in from the kitchen.

"What's up?" Miri said.

Jerry was still self-conscious from the previous day's drama and winced, expecting something ...anything that would condemn him.

"Jerry? What's wrong?" Giada asked. He shook his head 'no' and she spoke again.

"That was Danny Pearson. His brother went into the hospital last night...he's doing better but he'll be in for a few days...bleeding ulcers." She shook her head, wondering like any other parent would about what would give a fifteen year old boy an ulcer. She looked over at Jerry and realized she was looking at a child with enough inner struggle to produce acid by the gallon.

"I think we should go see him," Miri said as she turned around and stared at her brother.

"We can stop by after school tomorrow; the bus goes right by the hospital...St. Luke's, right?" Giada nodded and Miri continued.

"Maybe Adele can pick us up after she gets off work? So we'll still be home early, okay?"

Adele normally wouldn't like being volunteered, but she didn't mind stopping by the hospital on the off chance Danny might be there. She still felt awkward and insulted by his behavior, but she had hoped it was just a glitch in an otherwise nice personality.

"I'll pick them up about five - five thirty. I don't mind." She turned and expressed her only control over the situation and stuck her tongue out at Miri. Jerry laughed, but his heart wasn't in it.

"I'd rather not go, if it's all the same to you." He looked over at Miri, his eyes practically pleading for a pass.

"I can't just go alone...I hardly know him. If we both go it will be nice and won't make him uncomfortable."

"Not uncomfortable? The last time he saw me he thought I was you!"

Jerry shuddered, fearing the reunion at the hospital more than anything he had experienced. He didn't know how he felt about Vinnie. He didn't know how he felt about himself. He didn't even know what he felt about himself; was he a boy? A girl... A freak? He began to cry. Adele walked over and pulled her brother to herself in a hug.

“You’re going to be alright. I promise. Tell you what. I’ll get off tomorrow and we can all visit him together. If I think things are getting too much for you or if Miri sees that? We’ll just say we have to get home for dinner and leave. But you have this chance that I never had...I’m not complaining, but if I had half the understanding and support you have? Think of it this way. He already knows you have issues; a secret revealed loses its power over you.” Adele squeezed his arm

“Besides...He’s probably so zonked with pain killers he’ll probably think you’re Miley Cyrus.” Miri tossled his hair before kissing him.

Adele thought again of how Danny might be at the hospital when they arrived. Her fear of repeating the past was being overtaken by her fear of being alone, and she had already started to think about what she would wear. But it would be what Danny decided to wear that would break the tie between risky, guilt-driven behavior and an honest relationship at last.

shoot the lights out, and you'll see
shoot the lights out, it's just me
shoot the lights out, shoot the lights out

Shoot the Lights Out
Words and music and performance by
Chandra and Leigh Watson,
The Watson Twins
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzNOUDgmgcI