A Mississippi River Romance Sisters! by Andrea Lena DiMaggio   all these waves are crashing in on me am I just drifting in an endless sea the sirens call out to me enchanting creatures sing soft melodies am I floating away underwater whilst I begin to sway

Danny's younger brother Vinnie Pearson also struggles with gender issues, and is seeing a psychiatrist. He also is suffering from stress-related physical illness resulting from the abuse he and his two brothers and mother suffered at the hands of their father, who is seeking custody of Vinnie. Their mother is in denial.

Previously...

"When will we ever be over Daddy?" A very simple question without a simple easy answer except it was something that Giada had been mulling over for some time.

“Yep…you sure did, Danny…you sure did.” Adele said with a sheepish grin.

At the Magliano home, a few moments later...

"What just happened?" Danny asked as he watched Miri bounding up the stairs.

"It's complicated," Adele shrugged as she looked up the stairs as well.

"Did my brother say something rude? What did you say?" Danny looked at Vinnie with a frown.

"I...just asked her if she'd go get her brother. Then her sister comes along and introduces herself as Miri and she just started crying and then she ran up the stairs." Vinnie said and joined his brother and Adele looking up the stairs.

"Oh, jeez....I think ...Vin...come out to the porch with me, okay? I'm sorry for the mix-up." He smiled politely at Adele before stepping back out on the porch, pulling his brother with him.

"What's the problem? All I did was ask her where her brother was?" Vinnie held his hands apart as if to plead for forgiveness.

"Vin...that was Miri's brother. Jerry. I guess if anyone would understand it would be you, huh?" Danny smiled at Vinnie while sighing.

"Oh, God...I am so sorry. Jeez, Danny, I swear I didn't know...I couldn't tell."

It was true. At almost fifteen, Jerry and his sister Miri were very close in so many ways as twins. For fraternal brother and sister twins, they resembled each other much more than most. With the little makeup Jerry had worn, coupled with his sister's clothing, it was understandable that he would have been mistaken for Miri.

"So he's dealing with the same things I'm dealing with?" Vinnie asked as he and Danny walked off the porch. He picked up a pack of shingles and began to climb up the ladder to the porch roof.

"I honestly don't know. Rick never said anything specific. Maybe this is something he wanted private. At any rate, I don't think we can count on him to help any time soon. From what you and Adele said, he's probably really embarrassed. I'll talk with his mother for a moment and I'll join you on the roof in a few minutes, okay?" Vinnie nodded and continued up the ladder while Danny walked back up the porch steps and knocked on the door.

"Oh...it's you again." Adele smiled and opened the door wider.

"I'd like to talk with your mom, if that's okay?" Danny said, stepping inside.

"She and Miri are up with my...brother." Adele had nothing to be ashamed about, but her face began to grow warm and red.

"I'm sorry, did I do something...."

"No...It's just....you're so much different than Rick." She looked down at his prosthetic leg and something inside her diffused her embarrassment. It was as if his loss mitigated her shame.

"I...we're not your typical family." Adele opened the door all the way and gestured for Danny to enter.

"I...gathered that." Danny laughed softly while looking up the stairs again. He wanted to explain how similar their brothers were, but that wasn't his place. Vinnie might or might not speak regarding his own issues. And certainly he didn't want this family to feel more embarrassed than they already were.

"Jerry is going through some serious questioning...like....like I did." Adele put her head down, feeling ashamed once again. Her recently ended relationship with Danny's brother made her feel awkward and nervous around him.

"I know. Rick told me." Nothing in his tone indicated any emotion.

"You...you know?" That Danny knew that Adele was a transsexual and didn't seem to be repulsed came as a relief, but did nothing to reduce her embarrassment further. In fact, his seeming acceptance made her feel more uncomfortable. And she lapsed quickly into old habits. She put her hand on his arm and smiled coyly, almost flirting, causing him to pull back. He was just being modest and deferring to her. She of course took it the wrong way.

"I'm....I'm sorry I make you uncomfortable. I guess you're more like your brother than I first suspected." She turned quickly and began to walk up the stairs.

"I'll let my Mom know you want to talk to her." Her voice was cold and just a bit angry. Most guys would have been disappointed or embarrassed. Danny was neither. He walked out of the house and down the porch steps to join his brother, making a mental note to write a letter of apology to the family over his and his brother's actions, such as they were in that they hurt several feelings that day, intentioned or not.

all these lives
are crashing in on me
and everyone I used to be
is it she or she or me
the painted prism from a child's dream

Jerry’s bedroom, a while later...

"I'm such a fool. Why do I keep doing this, Mom?" Adele sat on the floor against the bed while her mother combed her hair. Miri lay on the bed next to Jerry. She had fallen asleep trying to comfort her brother, who lay still, exhausted after a very long cry with her mom.

"You're not a fool, honey." Giada kissed the top of her daughter's head before resuming the combing.

"If you want me, I'll be honest, honey, but I'm afraid you're not going to like what I have to say." Adele looked up at her mother and frowned but nodded as if to give her mom the go ahead.

"You and I are so much alike...much more than we ever knew, obviously." She said softly with a laugh while holding up a handful of Adele's hair as evidence.

"But it goes beyond being a woman, honey. You've inherited something I never wanted for any of you children...I am so sorry." Giada returned to combing Adele's hair, this time more nervously.

"My mom was a door mat for my dad, and I picked up on that when I started going with your dad. I could never say no to him. I never did anything for myself and I did everything he asked...everything!" Giada would cry, but not now...she needed to stay focused in order to help her child at that moment.

"He told me he loved me and that if...if I really loved him I'd...." She shook her head. Her eyes began to fill with tears.

"Nothing he ever asked for....I did whatever he wanted," she repeated, almost as if she felt a need to atone for being human.

"You came along three weeks after we got married." She shook her head, not at the birth of her first child, but at the timing.

"And it was only because my dad insisted that we got married in the first place. So when you...after your surgery, I knew...I just worried ...since I always had caved to whatever your dad wanted...all the time...you'd be....I should have said something, but I was so afraid. I hardly had stopped drinking and here my son is now my daughter and I was so guilty and ashamed for not seeing what you knew all along." She bit her lip.

"It's not your fault, Mom. Everything I've done...I'm so ashamed." She closed her eyes and her vision was assaulted by memories at worst left along to die and at best in need of healing.

"Rick...he said he loved me...he said he didn't care what I'd been. But he kept asking and asking. I thought I had nobody...no chance without him....so everything he asked...."

Adele turned and buried her face against the comforter that draped over the side of the bed. She began to weep, overwhelmed with the knowledge that she had turned out exactly like her mother. Giada slipped off the bed to the floor and held her daughter.

"It's okay...baby....it's okay...it's my fault...my fault." Giada began to weep and cried hard enough along with her daughter that she shook the bed. Miri and Jerry woke up at once and both grabbed their sister's and their mother's hands in comfort.

"I'm so sorry...please forgive me...I should have done things better. I should have left your dad long ago...I'm so sorry." There was enough guilt and shame and regret and confusion to go around for all of the family, but then forgiveness and love cover shame and guilt like a warm blanket, transforming them into life and healing. The family was turning a corner, but the greatest of change was yet to come.

all these days
are crashing in on me
from one to another
memories
moments of joy and moments of pain
at this moment they're all the same

Meanwhile, on the porch roof...

“What do you suppose is going on with him?” Vinnie looked back at the house roof as if he could see through it into the home below.

“You know I honestly don’t think we should talk about him, Vin.” Danny shook his head.

“Yeah...I guess you’re right. I know if he’s going through anything like what I’m going through it sucks big time!” Vinnie laughed and handed Danny the pitchfork to remove the remainder of the old roof from the porch. It was going to be a big task, and not having the extra hands than Jerry might have provided just extended the job.

“You know, if you think about it, you just might be the friend he needs at this time.”

Vinnie winced at the thought. He was struggling with his own issues; he still wasn’t even sure that he was a he, despite the breakthrough he and Megan had that morning. The thought of helping someone else was akin to handing Jerry a piece of bread out of the loaf he had just discovered when he hadn’t even eaten himself.

“Jeez, Danny...let me catch my breath, okay?” He snapped at his brother, feeling overwhelmed.

“I’m just saying that I don’t think all of this stuff happening is just a coincidence. Think about it. Like I said, if anyone would understand him, you would. Don’t feel like you have to do anything; I’m sorry I put that on you, especially after this morning.” Danny put down the pitchfork and reached over and grabbed Vinnie’s arm.

“You’re my sib, like I said. You mean more to me than anything, and I’m here for you. I’m just saying that you might be here for him...okay?” Vinnie nodded.

“Can we talk?” Vinnie nearly lost his footing on the roof, stepping on a misplaced hammer while closing his eyes. Danny grabbed him and pulled him back, sitting him down on a pile of shingles.

“What’s up...Vin...hey...” Danny noticed that Vinnie had begun to tear up.

“I feel like...I am so fucked up, Dan...What the fuck is the matter with me?”

“Whatya mean, Vin? Because of what you and Megan talked about? That you don’t know who you are?”

“Not just that, but that’s a lot of it....am I queer?” Coming from Vinnie it would have sounded disconcerting, since he was a transgendered kid with a lot of questions. What he actually meant? Was he queer like in abnormal, strange...out of the ordinary, like the word used to mean.

“Yeah...I suppose you are, but then so am I. I told you a bit...but we stopped there. When Aunt Lucy moved in with us for a while between marriages she had a bedroom in the basement...you know where the pool table is now?” Vinnie nodded.

“She kept her clothes in a wardrobe Mom set up for her...she was never home and she hardly was sober when she was. I used to sneak in and borrow stuff. You know? A bra here...a slip there. She had a minidress that fit me...I was twelve...what the hell did I know? When she moved out...she took all of her clothes, and I think that part of me went with her? Like it didn’t matter any more because I figured out that’s not who I was...but it was a part of me for nearly three years...so yeah...you’re queer...and I am too!” He laughed as his last sentence brought a slight smile to his brother’s face. Vinnie spoke.

“I don’t know...today...when I saw Miri...the real Miri...she was so....like I’ve never felt before Dan.” He put his head down in anticipation of what he was going to say.

“Let me guess. You thought about Jerry, right? And you wonder if you’re...well, jeez i don’t know what to call it...gay, straight? Jeez, Vin...What can you call yourself when you don’t know what you are? You certainly don’t know where Jerry is coming from.” Vinnie frowned and looked out off the roof to the St. Louis skyline in the distance.

“Let me clue you in.” Danny said, patting his brother’s knee.

“First...don't go rushing to label yourself; folks will do that without any help. You are who you are, Vin. And second? If I had half the support you have now when I was your age? I might have made different choices.” He slapped his prosthetic leg.

“Don’t get me wrong? I still would have joined, but I don’t think I would have been in such a hurry, because I might have been joining to be a part of something rather than get away from Daddy’s belt.”

Vinnie winced at the word ‘belt’ and began to cry.

“Hey...it’s okay. We’re going to get through this...every bit of it, and I want you to know that you can tell me anything, bro. Or sis.” He didn’t laugh at the word ‘sis,’ but instead smiled and nodded.

“I don’t know, Danny. It’s like I’ve never felt before.” And it was. At nearly fifteen, Vinnie’s confusion had blossomed, unhindered by any attraction to a single sole. His fear of his father’s wrath had nearly destroyed any self-esteem he had, and a relationship with anyone, boy or girl, had been furthest from his mind...until today.

“I’m no expert, but I know enough to know that Dr. Megan would probably tell you that figuring out who you are is the most important thing you can do at this point. You’re not even fifteen yet, so relax and enjoy the ride.” Vinnie shook his head.

“I’d like to pull over at the next rest stop, Mr. Bus Driver!” He laughed but the tears began to pour in earnest. Danny stood up and pulled his brother up into a hug.

“It’s okay, Vin...It’s going to be alright.” From anyone else, the words would have seemed hollow and vain, but the tears in Danny’s eyes gave Vinnie hope that things would indeed be alright.

all these thoughts
are crashing in on me
and does this mean my restless mind will never sleep
I toss and turn just to see
and the sea began to breathe
and I can't make out what it means
am I further from the truth I seek

“It’s getting late, and I want to catch Mom before she goes to work. Leave the stuff up here except for the tools, and we can come over after church tomorrow, okay?”

A few minutes later they were down from the roof, taking off their work gloves and tossing them into the bucket in the back of the pickup. If they knew they were being watched, both brothers might have felt even more awkward than they already did, but watched they were. Miri and Adele peeked through the curtains as the brothers got into the pickup. Miri sighed and stared at Vinnie.

“He’s cute.” She poked Adele in the ribs.

“Which one?” Adele laughed in spite of her exchange earlier with Danny. There was something very different about him, even if he was Rick’s brother.

“Both!” Miri giggled.

“But the younger brother? Do you think he likes me?” This coming after a meeting between her and Vinnie that lasted all of fourteen seconds.

“What’s not to like?” Adele turned and looked once again out the window, wondering if she could ever find a way of expressing herself....would she be able to have a real relationship that honored her as well as another?

Meanwhile, Giada stood on the porch. She stepped down after waving to Danny. He got back out of the pickup and walked up to the porch steps.

“I wanted to thank you for this opportunity, Ms. Magliano. I’m sorry that our presence today was so upsetting to your....family.” He was going to say ‘son’ but thought better of it; he didn’t have any idea of what or whom Giada’s child actually was, and he didn’t want to step on any toes. She smiled at him and spoke.

“And I wanted to thank you for your generosity and your service. And I wanted to tell you to tell your brother that he didn’t do anything wrong. Jerry’s going through a real crisis and you both caught us at the wrong time. If your brother is anything like you, I’m sure he’ll understand, okay?” Little did she know how much Vinnie would understand.

“We’ll be by tomorrow after church to work, if that’s okay with you?” Danny said as he started to back away toward the truck.

“That’ll be just fine. I’ll see if I can get Jerry to come out and help, but you’ll understand if it’s too much?”

“No, problem. We’ll see you tomorrow,” Danny said as he climbed into the truck. A few moments later they were off down the street. The girls smiled at each other and giggled briefly before closing the curtains. And looking out of the upstairs bedroom window Jerry sighed, wiping away the tears with....her sleeve.

do these these tears fall from my eyes
are they real or just the rain from the skies

all these waves
all these waves
all these waves
crashing in on me

Next: Ummm. Would You Like to Take a Walk?"

Waves
as performed by
Chandra and Leigh Watson
The Watson Twins
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4x05SJ2WfpA