---

Previously...

“Tony?” Linda’s voice was quiet but calm and firm. He looked away from his mother to see her standing by the door.

“I’ll always love you, but you need to leave. I can accept your treatment of me; you don’t owe me a thing. But you owe your mother your life, and she doesn’t deserve your anger. If you want to be angry, be angry at me. I’m the one who let this go on when I should have told you it was okay to leave, right?” Her voice was tinged with only a hint of sarcasm, but he got the point nonetheless.

“Okay…You’re right. She doesn’t deserve this…” He couldn’t bring himself to apologize to Linda, even after all of that. He walked back to his mother and kissed her cheek quickly while grasping Susan’s hand.

“Take care of Mom, okay?” He said it almost as if he believed that everyone needed a reminder to be kind but him. He went to kiss Linda on the cheek. She offered no resistance, but didn’t raise her arms to welcome his offered embrace. He looked once more at her, his face showing just how much he misunderstood her and his mother and Susan and mostly himself. He walked to the door and glanced once again at Linda, his expression the same as you might see of a little boy who was sent to his room for misbehaving; “fine…I don’t care…be that way.” With that he walked out the door and was gone.

Susan squeezed her partner’s shoulders and led her back to the couch where she sat her down. She turned just in time to see Linda begin to shake. She ran over to catch her daughter in her arms as Linda began to sob so much that her whole body began to convulse. Linda wasn’t a big girl, but her dead weight was too much for Susan and they collapsed to the floor. She held her daughter in her arms, rocking her back and forth as she cooed softly,

“Shhh…shhhh….It’s okay, I’m here….I’m here.”

---

Linda's apartment, on the phone with Tony...

Passion and truth
We were about
Before the shadows
Stole the beat of our hearts

“I’ll send the jacket to your mom…I know she wants to keep it for you…Yes…no, Tony, I don’t hate you.” Linda shrugged. Was she kidding herself? Did she have the strength? Could she be strong? She couldn’t afford not to be.

“You mean the world to me, but I can’t do this anymore. No…I mean this is a perfect example…here you are on the phone…busy again, but you want me to make room… I’ve made room for you in my heart for over a year, and you only peek in and look. You don’t want to stay, Tony, and that’s okay. But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t even say it’s wrong for you to be number one in your life, but I can’t be out of the running for the top ten. Yeah, that, too. You don’t have to believe like I do…I have my faith…but you can’t be angry with me over what I believe. Either you accept me or you don’t. No…” She took a deep breath.

“I know the next few days are going to be busy for you…no…no Tony, it’s not going to work. You can’t just come in and out of my life like this. No. Yes, I still love you.” It amazed her that after all this time, with his behavior toward her; it was he who sought approval and acceptance, despite how he treated her. He made no effort to affirm or support her, but he sought her support and approval.

“Yes, you can e-mail me…no, I can’t break away…no…no…Tony…yes, you’ll see me on line, and I'll see you in August when you get back...Yes...I love you…bye.” She hung up the phone. Shaking her head, she walked into her bedroom and threw herself on the bed and cried.

Undo this leash
You say tied
When only our fears are to blame this time
And what am I to you
Just spit it out
I'm not afraid of the words that you hide

---

Julliard School of Music, Manhattan, New York the following day...

“Linda? Got a second? Annette Perrugino called out from the department office as Linda was getting her mail. She walked over to the doorway and poked her head in.

“Sure, anything for you.” A phrase usually said in half-jest, but completely earnest between the two girls.

Annette laid several books on the secretary’s desk before walking over to Linda. She reached over and pulled Linda in close with her right arm, hugging her tight.

“What’s up?” Linda said as they parted. Annette smiled. They had only known each other for a few weeks, from the end of the semester, actually. Annette had been hired to fill Melanie Lu’s position as an instructor while Melanie was on maternity leave. The two of them hit it off immediately despite the fact that Linda had only turned nineteen and Annette was nearly twenty-seven.

“A bunch of us are getting together on Saturday for a late lunch. You live in Brooklyn, so this will work for you since the restaurant is probably only about a mile from your apartment. Javier and Rosa and I can swing by or you can walk there if the weather is okay. You know Gobi Restaurant?” She smiled warmly.

“No, but anything out sounds nice, especially with friends.” Linda smiled back. It had been quite a while since she had eaten out. She really couldn’t afford it, but it really was something she needed to do.

“Well, I’ll call you Saturday morning to see if you’re walking or riding.” She smiled at Linda before noticing the worried frown upon Linda’s face.

“Oh, Jeez! What’s with me…I forgot to tell you, a bunch of us gainfully employed folks decided that you needed a break and what with being an intern an all, we’re treating, okay?” Linda grinned nervously.

“Okay…so long as it’s not too expensive.” She shrugged apologetically, mostly for the need to be treated, but somewhat as well for her own self.

“Don’t worry about a thing, kiddo, we’ve got you covered.”

Linda almost beamed at the playful expression, remembering her father had always called her 'kiddo.' She remained in awe of Annette, being reminded even then of what she had to deal with on daily basis. The woman walked back and went to pick up the book she had set down. She accepted the proffered help from Ali, her teacher’s assistant as he placed the books in the crook of her right arm. She wasn’t wearing her prosthesis, and her left sleeve was pinned at the shoulder. She walked by Linda on the way out of the office and grinned slightly nodded, almost like Frodo at the end of the movie; she was alright.

Annette walked out of the office, feeling relieved at her clever ‘save;’ Linda couldn’t afford to come out for lunch, and she certainly wouldn’t come if she knew it was Annette’s treat alone. She smiled and hummed softly to herself as she walked down the hall.

---

Linda's apartment that evening...

Linda sat on the couch, trying to fill out the grading paperwork for her last class. Grading had been struggle all week, and she gave up trying for the day, unable to see the paper through her tears. She tossed the folder on the cushion beside her before grabbing the toy raccoon on her other side. She hugged it and rocked gently back and forth, pretending her father was holding her close.

“I know it hurts, Lee, but I promise it will be okay.” She felt her heart beat in her chest as the words reverberated inside her.

“Dad…I think I made a mistake.” She wanted him to prove her wrong as she looked around the room, seeking something of his that she displayed. She eyed the picture of him standing tall in his uniform, taken the day before he died. Laying the raccoon gently on the couch, she got up and walked to the bookshelf and picked the picture up, handling it reverently.

“There you are,” she heard him say softly, his voice soft and gentle but still loud enough to be heard over Beethoven’s 7th, Movement #2. His face almost glowed, the picture glass reflecting the sunlight pouring through her living room window. She smiled and took a deep, cleansing breath.

“What should I do? This hurts so bad, Daddy…I can hardly breathe…Why did he leave? What’s wrong with me?” She wished so badly for the answer that wouldn’t come in words, but her wish was answered anyway as she almost felt his hand on her shoulder.

“There’s nothing wrong with you any more than the rest of us,” she remembered her father tell her years ago when she failed to make the finals in her first piano competition.

“We all fall short somehow, Lee. Even me.”

She had idolized her dad like so many children do, and he never disappointed her if he could help it. But he had his faults, which he freely confessed, not only to his God and his wife, but his child as well. He wasn’t perfect, but he tried to be good and kind and fair, all of which anyone who knew him would agree he did.

“But what do I do now? He’s the only one I ever loved?” She sniffled and looked deeply into her father’s eyes, seeking advice. The glint of the sunlight reflected off the glass into a spectrum of colors on the wall, the bevel edge acting as a prism. She smiled at the sight.

“Be yourself,” she remembered. The last piece of advice she received before her father left for the final time. “Be kind and love as much as you possibly can.” His smile seemed to broaden as she recalled his hearty laugh.

“I can’t be prouder than I am right now. You and your mom are so special to me, and I love you very much.” Her heart grew bigger even as she became smaller and younger, remembering the last hug she received from him, one that enveloped her like a warm blanket on a cold day. Tears spilled onto the floor, but for the first time in over a week, they were happy, safe, and confident tears. No matter what happened from then on in, she knew that she was loved and always would be loved.

---

Linda's apartment, the following morning....

Where do we go
Where did it all crash
When did it start to fall apart

Silence and quiet
Passion, the truth
Shadows, only shadows

Linda placed the photos in a shoe box and laid the box in the trunk by her bed. Almost reverently, she went through every picture she had of her and Tony and wrote something on the back; about thirty in all, not counting the other pictures she had in a file on her laptop. It was her way of burying the past; the relationship was over, and nothing would revive it. She believed in miracles; don't we all, to some extent? But she also knew that as long as her connection to Tony existed; at least as a couple, her love for him would enable him to stay insensitive and thoughtless. It wasn't a punishment, but a gift to let him go. As she closed the trunk lid the phone rang.

"Oh, hi, Mom...yeah...thing are getting better...yes I'm wearing heels." She laughed softly, looking down at her feet, which sported the same old off-white Reeboks. "Wearing heels" was her mother's catch-phrase to encourage her to remember that she was a girl, after all. It really didn't matter what she wore as long as she could remember that.

"Oh...I just remembered. Tell Laura Tony left his letterman's jacket here...Yeah...I'll send it UPS tomorrow. He can pick it up when he comes home in August. No, I'm not going to...” She looked over at her fridge, which consisted of doing a 180 degree turn from the oven.

"They had to cancel the course because the professor's sister is very sick.... Yeah...lymphoma ...she's gone for the summer, and they don't have anyone to fill in....No...It’s too late to register for another class...." She reached into the fridge and pulled out the quart of orange juice and poured herself a glass.

"Well...I've got enough kids lining up for lessons, that I can fill my time and make money, so I guess it works out okay." She took a sip of the juice and made a scrunchy face. Orange juice after brushing your teeth is not a good idea.

"Yes, Mother...I'm okay...really. Well of course I'm still crying....but not as much...I promise ...no...Yes... well a bunch of the younger faculty members are going out for lunch on Saturday and they asked me along." She sighed. Despite her friends' kind offer, she wasn't really feeling ready to socialize.

"She's still crying...oh gosh Mom...put her on the phone...yes, put ...I know...you just told me that...but I need to talk to her." She shook her head. Breaking up with Tony didn't just affect the two of them, since their mothers were each other's step-moms as well.

"Laura...Momma....please...you're a great Mom...yes....no...Yes...I'm still crying....oh gosh, Momma, it’s okay...yes...of course I still love him...I always will. Yes....Brother...that's right....no...I know...I wish it worked out too!" Her eyes began to fill with tears. The 'missing' was getting a bit easier every day, it was the 'hurt' and the 'regret' tears that still flowed on a regular basis.

"Yes...of course...why would you think that...oh I'll always love you no matter what...yes...you're my Mom, too! I love you too, Laura...okay...bye..." She breathed out a deep sigh and wiped her face with a hand towel lying on the counter.

"She's still crying? Oh gosh, Mom! Oh...okay...Tell her again I love her. What? Okay. I'll call you Sunday after church, alright...yeah...your time, not mine. I know...Mom?" The safety of her mother's voice reached across the miles and held Linda as she began to cry again. You know, the kind of safety only a parent's arms can provide; the kind that says it's okay to cry, 'I've got you."

"When does it stop hurting?" She paused, waiting her answer but really knowing the answer already. She sighed once again and stuck her tongue out slightly in thought.

"Yes...I'm sure I'm going to be alright...I just wish I knew when. I love you Mommy." Not one to be childish, nevertheless, "I love you Mommy" was an important part of their relationship; no matter how old she'd get, no matter what job she'd take or what honor or accomplishment she might achieve, to them both, Linda would always be Susan's little girl.

After all we have been through
I can only look at you
Through the eyes you lied to
I'm givin' up, givin' up
I'm givin' up on you
After all if there is no way out
If you cannot stand beside me
If there isn't love
There is only pride
I'm givin' up, I'm givin' up this fight

Next: Nice!

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Givin'Up on You
words and music by
Lara Fabian
as performed by the composer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rn5JGUy6b20&NR=1

Symphony No. 7 in A major, Op. 92
Second Movement
composed by Ludwig Van Beethoven
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uOxOgm5jQ4