(aka Bike) Part 1095 by Angharad Copyright © 2010 Angharad
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Stella and the baby got me through the rest of that day. The other children seemed to get on my nerves, and it was only at bed time that I was able to apologise to them for my bad mood. I explained that seeing a little coffin alongside two big ones brings home what is inside— a dead child—and it upset me.
It would have been nice to have had Simon home with me, but he was busy advising a financial think tank which suggested what we all knew anyway—that the proposed government cuts were going to hit the poorest hardest. It seems these days that he’s much more involved in financial strategies than commodities. I hope he doesn’t spin off into politics which seems to be the way he’s going. Hopefully, he’ll be home tomorrow night or Saturday.
I did eventually sleep, although I kept seeing the coffins. I was walking along a dark country lane which felt more Mediterranean than England, and the tall hedges behind the stone wall which lined both sides of the lane, seemed like olive trees or figs—I don’t like either, so I wasn’t tempted to try them.
I became aware of something stalking me from beyond the trees and the hairs on my neck stood on end. I carried on walking, though I picked up a piece of stick which felt like olive wood to use as a cudgel if necessary were I attacked.
The light was fading as I trudged along the lane and the lane descended into a sort of valley before rising in the distance up the other side. I wasn’t sure where I was going but I seemed to know I had to go through this dip before I could rise up the other side.
I wanted to run, but the surface of the lane was far from even, and I worried about falling and being an easy target for whatever was stalking me. At the bottom of the dip, I came across a gateway, and there leaning against the gate was a beautiful woman, with long dark hair. Her eyes were blazing like two emeralds, and I was a bit afraid to gaze into them, however, I felt politeness was important and I wished her a good evening.
“A good evening to you, too, Catherine.”
I had to stop and face her, “You know my name, madam,” I replied keeping things very formal and polite.
“I know all about you, Catherine.”
“Might I ask how or why, as I don’t consider myself important enough to be worthy of such study.”
“Every woman is important to me.”
“That’s good to know, madam.”
“Even those who bear my essence but have to labour to express it.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand.”
“Those who like yourself came to womanhood by a less traditional route.”
“Oh that,” I felt myself blushing.
“Yes that, you’ve had to fight for recognition of your female spirit.”
“I suppose that’s a succinct way of saying it, yes.”
“Oh, I’m very succinct—it comes with age.”
“Well, I must say you don’t seem that old to my eyes, but I have a sense that you might be ageless,” I was feeling less threatened, but felt something very unworldly about this lady.
“Ageless, yes, that will do nicely: you’re a good woman, Catherine, even if you struggle to accept your own spirit of femaleness.”
“I’m sorry, madam, but I’m not sure I understand you.”
“Accept who and what you are.”
“I do, madam.”
“Do you? If so, how did you have the impertinence to consider that I, of all divine beings, couldn’t distinguish between a real female and a wannabe?”
I blushed brightly enough to be seen in the dark. “Um—I’m sorry if I offended you, it was unintentional.”
“So do you retract what you said?”
“I do if it caused offence, madam.”
“My essence is strong in you, therefore you must be female—quod erat demonstrandum—or don’t you understand these modern languages?”
“I understand, madam.”
“Good, listen to my voice when I speak to you in future.”
“I shall try, madam, how will I know it is you, and not my mind playing tricks on me?” I thought I answered that quite well.
“Oh we have a real doubter here—your name didn’t used to be Thomas, did it?” She laughed, and I felt the whole place echo with it. I felt my erector pilorae muscles pulling on the hairs of my skin giving me goosebumps.
“I’m sorry, madam, I didn’t mean to cause offence.”
“Didn’t you? Believe in yourself and your female essence.”
“I shall try, madam.”
“And listen to that small still voice inside which comes from deep within, from a place of calmness and tranquillity.”
“There isn’t much tranquillity in my life at present, madam.”
“Which is why I am here addressing you now—for an intelligent woman, you can be very slow, Catherine.”
“I’m sorry, madam, it’s been a very tiring day.”
“You make excuses.”
“No, madam, but I find the death of children very distressing.”
“Ah, but only if you believe in the limitations of the physical world and not look beyond it.”
“Madam, I’m sorry but I’m a scientist, trained to investigate the physical world.”
“And yet you use the healing energy I give you.”
“You give me?” I spluttered.
“Yes, where did you think it came from?”
“I didn’t know, I’m sorry. I hope I haven’t abused it or failed in using it?”
“I don’t think so—no, your restraint has been commendable, and you have helped those of your daughters who also bear my gift, to show restraint also.”
“Thank you.”
“You are welcome, continue to exercise my gift to you intelligently, but listen to my voice guiding you.”
“I will try—might I ask your name, madam?”
“Of course, you don’t know, do you?” She laughed, and the valley echoed her laughter.
“I’m sorry, madam, I don’t.”
“I am Shekhinah.”
“Thank you, I’ll remember it.”
“Yes you will—now sleep and feel my essence in you.”
I woke the next morning knowing that something had happened during my sleep. It was six in the morning and yet I felt buzzing with energy—I heard baby C gurgling as if someone was entertaining her, yet when I looked there was no one there. I got up and lifted her from the cot, she squealed and gurgled at me in recognition, and I held her to me.
“You know, wee yin, something happened in my sleep and didn’t understand a word of it. I held her to me and she began to suck my breast through my nightdress. “You’re wasting your time there, sweetheart,” I said to her before feeling a wetness and strange sense of pleasure from her sucking. “Yuck, you’ve made me all wet now,” I said looking down at my nightdress only to realise something else was happening—I was wet at both nipples—I was lactating—spontaneously? Then in my head I thought I heard feminine laughter and a cold shiver ran down my spine.
Comments
Explanations
Does Cathy now have an explanation for her blue light, albeit one that physics can't explain. But, motherhood? Is this a dream?
Topsy
Mostly Harmless
Cathy has been
the essence of women most the time, once in awhile she backtracks, hopefully she can remember this you’re a good woman, Catherine, even if you struggle to accept your own spirit of femaleness
4 out of 5 boxes of tissue(for the beauty of what was given) and 9 gold stars
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
Won't Wee Trish…
…be pleased that Cathy is lactating. I hope it doesn't come as too much of a shock for Stella, and that the rest of the family will will not be too flabbergasted.
I know a teenager who's name begins with T will like it too.
Interesting episode, Angie,
Love,
Hilary
I Love This
This is such a wonderful happening. I had been hoping for it for her. The conditions were right. Motherhood is kicking in.
Portia
Portia
Oops!
There goes that lactation fantasy.
It's a theme in several of my stories. There's definately something going on in Transgendered girls subconscious. Some of my pre-op and post-op friends admit to dreaming of one day being able to breast feed a baby. So far none have managed it though I'm told with the right hormones it could happen.
Ho hum, now where did I put that baby.
Loved this post.
keep it up Cathy.
Love and Hugs,
OXOXOX.
Beverly.
to BEV
YES TS's can lactate, look for my posting last chapt. I even listed one of the drugs used.
Loved this one
finally, the energy helped Cathy (and of course little Catherine). Loved that "feminine laughter" comment. Maybe there is still hope for Trish going through a completely normal (female) puberty in a few years. Is little C going to be a very special little lady? I sure hope so.
Had to google the name of course. "The Shekhinah is held by some to represent the feminine attributes of the presence of God (shekhinah being a feminine word in Hebrew), based especially on readings of the Talmud.[2]"
Interesting. This figure is clearly addressing Cathy as a woman. No matter how she came to be one. Also mentioned her daughters. No distinction about adopted or foster. Maybe I'm trying to read too much into it but I liked the messages and I hope Cathy "listened".
Still concerned about Cathy's feeling of being stalked. Would be cool to find that she has a stout olive wood cudgel beside her bed.
She Recognized That Cathy's Essence Was Female
Shekhinah could see very clearly that Cathy's essence was female and she took the opportunity to try to help her realize that she is no less a woman than a GG. Since she is now lactating, there is no doubt. I wonder if she will be blessed or "cursed" with another surprise in 28 days? I think she should prepare herself for anything now LOL!
Breast feeding
I sort of expected her to be breast feeding at some point, though I thought it would be her own child. Yes, I suspect that the blue light will be turned inward someday, and she will finally be whole.
Much peace
Gwen
PS, Lactation is no fantasy. It has happened to men in India.
Definitely a case of
if I knew you were coming I would have baked a cake :).
The Divine Presence does not usually communicate with a mere mortal directly. It is a special event indeed. A seed has been planted I think which will one day break through her humanistic cynicism.
I've been hoping that Cathy have somebody to talk to and she really has no peer who can come close to understanding who she is and what she wields. In biblical terms, she has been found favor in the eye of God and was given a great gift. So it only makes sense that the Presence talk to her on a level she can still comprehend of course as no doubt the personification in her dream is the minutest fraction of the Presence. But still, to get even that much. However, that said, there is a bit of self-interest on the part of the Presence as she needs a Cathy who can reach her full potential to act a bit as her proxy and be a better tool.
However, in the mean time, hope Cathy does not think it was merely wish fulfillment or a quirk of biochemistry that is making her lactate. Let's just say she has been given a great big shove in the right direction this night. Cathy is already quite capable at using the Blue Light, she will be an absolute wonder when she finally is in tune with her feminine force/will. Her personal presence may even become more forceful such that few people will be able to stand up to her.
Kim
Bike 1095
I am Shekhinah tells me thatthe Spirit is that of God for He has Shekhinah Glory.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Nothing Gets By Cathy!
Look at that, she figured it right out! Two wet nipples in the presence of a baby who wanted to feed. Aha! She must be lactating. No dummy, that Cathy. That must be why she's a leading mammalian researcher!
Shekhinah, eh? I was half expecting one of your Egyptian deities from another story. :) Had to look this one up. The Talmudic Hebrew name for the female presence/spirit of God? You went straight to the top for this one!
Being a scientist and all, I rather hope Cathy finagles a lab test on her milk, to make sure it's fit for baby's consumption. Of course, if you actually believe in the Divine, you could skip this step, but Cathy doesn't.
LOL. Wonder how Simon will take this, now that he has competition for Cathy's bod! Will he be proud and gracious, or a grumpy sorehead?
___________________
If a picture is worth 1000 words, this is at least part of my story.
Good point about Simon
Pippa, You would have to say that when Simon doesn't get what he feels are his conjugal rights, That he gives a whole new meaning to the word sulk !!!
Loved this chapter, While it was in the form of a dream, You would have to say that it answers a lot of questions about Cathy... And as for the end sequence of the wet nightdress....Well that was just pure Angharad.... Lovely stuff...
Kirri
I could wish...
Or, at least I think I could... I know I REALLY wanted to nurse both of our daughters, and made do with a bottle (though, they both did try to find the other way!)...
Interesting twist to things.
Thanks,
Anne
So now Cathy's journey to
So now Cathy's journey to complete womanhood is beginning. She seems to be making the journey in bits and pieces, but she will arrive, there seems to be no doubt in that per the "lady". I also believe that three young 'misses' will also achieve their female roles and eventually become mothers themselves. Jan
Shopping time!
Well Cathy, this is indeed a great surprise!
Pretty soon, you're going to realise that you'll need some nursing apparel: time for shopping!
Thanks A+B: I don't know how you do it, but you certainly manage constantly to surprise.
Plainly Suckling
Bike Resources
Bike Resources
Genetic Woman,
I doubt Cathy will ever be a genetic woman, but I also don't think it matters. She is more female that the majority of girls out there.
One more dream like this and preggo !!
Well sometimes a dream works better than hormones. Now, carful when Simon comes home.
You may have grown a reproductive system. Tom doesn't have to go to the hospital for donor milk anymore.
Cefin