The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1054 by Angharad Copyright © 2010 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

“Have you done my wheel, Mummy?” Trish pestered as I was talking to Henry.

“More or less, don’t bash it again, or you’ll have to wait for a new wheel.”

“Okay, Mummy,” she grinned and I gave her a Paddington hard stare, but it was wasted on her. I restored the wheel to the bike, checked the brakes and gave it back to her.

Henry watched me and poked about in my tools and equipment. “You seem to know your way around a bike.”

“Sort of, why?” I asked him back.

“I used to find it very therapeutic to come home from a hard day and tinker with a bike or two.”

“Depends upon what’s wrong with it. Some jobs can be challenging and I prefer to be in an even mood to deal with them, nothing like dropping a pile of ball-bearings to improve a temper.”

He smirked, “Been there done that–I never did a job like that without having some spares, just in case I dropped them. Just poking round here, you have spare cables and bearings, brake pads–it’s like a professional bike tech’s workshop.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment–after I found the shops were closed whenever I needed a new part, I decided to keep a few in stock of the most likely ones to need replacing.”

“So I see–you have a very practical mind, Cathy. I like to see that in people I employ.”

“I see, so this where you crank up the pressure is it?”

“No, because I think that if you really thought about the UN job, you’d see it was made for you.”

“Before my children, maybe I’d have agreed with you, except I feel inexperienced for such a role–it should go to a respected expert in the field, someone who has an international reputation–like a professor–such as Esmond Herbert.”

“You realise he’s one of the panel who considered you should be approached.”

“No I didn’t–why did he do that?”

“He heard you talk at that evening thing you did there and he thought you were a good candidate.”

“Oh come off it, Henry, how could he decide that after one casual talk I did?”

“He has been watching your career more closely than you think–although he did have some confusion at one point, he thought you were two people.”

“With the amount of things I have to do, it might be easier if I were.”

“Look, Cathy, you need help about the house–someone to do the donkey work and for you to have what time you have spare as quality time with your family.”

“I’m too young and inexperienced to do this job–how do I deal with top politicians and captains of industry? They’ll treat me like a child.”

“If they do, I’m pretty sure you’ll make them regret it–otherwise use your charm and grace and they’ll all be eating out of your hand. Beautiful women can twist men around their little fingers.”

“Well maybe you should get Cheryl Cole to do it, then.”

“Don’t be silly–we want someone who knows all about ecology, about the mechanisms involved in conserving habitats and thus species.”

“You’ve been well briefed.”

“Well of course, I’m trying to persuade someone I know will tie me in knots if I’m not.”

“Henry, I wouldn’t do that to you–I respect you far too much, and besides, as my pa in law, I’m very fond of you.” I pecked him on the cheek–“Let’s go and get a cuppa.”

We sat in the kitchen drinking tea and chatting. “May I ask you something?”

“You can ask but I won’t guarantee an answer you’ll like.”

“What do you really think of the world?”

“It’s a lovely place that we’re rapidly destroying.”

“So what can we do about it?”

“Be less interested in greed, and be more conscious of the fact that if the wildlife goes, we’re probably not too far behind it in the extinction stakes.”

“Why should that worry us?”

“Apart from the fact that we’re destroying our children’s heritage, we’re also destroying the biosphere–it only becomes a matter of time before we destroy ourselves. Countless species are disappearing which we’ll never see or analyse and which might provide us with new resources or drugs if we had the time to conserve them. It’s probably too late already for many of them.”

“So you don’t think we’ll be able to clone them back into existence?”

“I don’t know, but it might be possible in a few hundred years, by which time we’ll have reduced the planet to miles and miles of monoculture rice and wheat or soya to feed the dozen billion parasites of which species we are members.”

“So how do we stop it happening?”

“It’s too late, we can’t.”

“It’s never too late, Cathy, there is always something one can do.”

“To achieve what, a solitary dormouse which can’t breed by itself; or some exotic bird in what was the tropical rainforest. It’s too late. We had our chance and decided we wanted petrochemicals and money or power.”

“Ouch.”

“It’s nothing personal, Henry, you’re generally a good man–it’s mankind, ever since they escaped from the slavery of the Garden of Eden, they’ve been multiplying and consuming resources. With too few natural predators, and too little disease, we’ve multiplied until we’ve become the problem.”

“Garden of Eden? I didn’t think you believed all that stuff?”

“I don’t, but it serves as an analogy which others can understand.”

“So you’d stop it if you could?”

“Stop what?”

“The destruction of the planet.”

“Weren’t you listening? It’s too late already.”

“I told you it’s never too late to do some good.”

“Well I think it is.”

“So that’s it then?”

“Yep.”

“So you don’t care about your children?”

“What’s it got to do with them?”

“Well from your devilish scenario of an end to the world, it’s bound to affect them.”

“It won’t happen for a generation or two, they’ll be okay–in the short term anyway.”

“Isn’t that hypocrisy?”

“What is?”

“Pretending you care.”

“I do care.”

“About yourself.”

“I thought that was your mantra, Henry.”

“At least I’m up front about it, Cathy dearest, whereas you preach, but don’t practise.”

“What do you mean, the mammal survey is going to help save what we can.”

“Oh whoopee doo, the mammal survey–so listing a few mangy foxes is going to save the world, is it?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I felt myself getting very hot under the collar as my temper began to rise.

“Your survey is hardly going to save anything is it–the most it will do is show how woeful the position is.”

“Isn’t that a starting point? Without knowing what the position is, how can we convince governments to act? They won’t do anything until we can prove what is most effective in countering the problem.”

“You just told me it was all a waste of time.”

“It is, to a large extent.”

“That isn’t the same as a total waste is it?”

“What are you trying to prove, Henry?”

“That you can make a difference, that it isn’t too late.”

“Okay, explain to me how I do that, then?”

“You play upon the largest stage you can; you take your case to the highest courts to the most powerful governments; you use the organisations that can get you heard. You educate and influence; you keep researching and proving your case; and you keep shouting it to the world–eventually people will listen.”

“Will they? Who is going to listen to a transsexual–a freak, the tabloids will have a field day. Then my children will be at risk again–it’s no use.”

“So why did you make the dormouse film?”

“Because you asked me to.”

“No, you sold me the idea–I merely helped to fund it.”

“I wanted to share my love of small furry critters which happen to be the most loveable and inoffensive animals in the country. I knew I could do that.”

“Didn’t you risk being exposed?”

“Yeah, but I agreed it with Simon and Tom and the kids.”

“Did it happen?”

“No, you know it didn’t.”

“No, you charmed the whole country with a presentation that was as cute and sexy as your little furry charmers. Every man between the age of fifteen and ninety five wanted to sleep with you, every woman wanted to hold a dormouse and look as sexy as you did. Cathy, you charmed the country and subsequently, many other places. You could do this to the whole world if you tried.”

“What, by making another film?”

“Not necessarily, you could do it by using the world’s largest conservation organisation.”

“Who’s that, WWF?”

“One with more clout than them, one who gets the attention of world leaders and of governments, one which...”

“I can see where this is going, sorry, Henry. I can’t do it.”

“You could, what you’re saying is you won’t.”

“Okay, I won’t.”

“Fine, just don’t cry any more crocodile tears about extinctions–because you had a chance to do something and chose not to take it. Like I said earlier, you’re a hypocrite. I have to go, thanks for the tea.”

He looked reproachfully at me and walked to the door.

I sat at the table and burst into tears.