Dainéal’s Dream


Gra Geal Mo Chroi...Reunion
(Bright love of my Heart)

Be Thou and Thou only
The first in my heart
Quietly You arrived
Never forcing me to choose
Bringing Your perfect light
Into this sunless room ... of mine

Previously...

“What shall we play, Miss Orla?” Zoe looked down the street as the cab turned a corner.

“Very hopeful indeed!”

Moira's flat....a few days later...

Moira stepped out of her room and into the hallway; nearly colliding with a pretty girl laden with a guitar case and not one but two purses. The girl smiled broadly at her as if they had known each other all their lives; an expression of delight.

“Oh…hello…you must be Moira! Mrs. Maithair told us about you. All good, never you mind!” Zoe smiled at the girl as the two met in the hallway. Moira bowed her head slightly.

“I’m Zoe an this is my partner, Ashleigh.” Zoe turned and pointed to the girl exiting their flat. She had a mandolin case in one hand and a very full cup of tea in the other.

“Ooooh…I love mandolin,” Moira said, forgetting the previous night’s events if only for a moment. Music had become a first love to her; perhaps it had been all along, but certainly now first in her heart since the love for Seonaid seemed to have lost all hope.

“Do you play?” Ashleigh’s smile seemed to brighten up the dully lit hallway, and her warmth took the chill out of the air. Zoe stepped back and allowed Ashleigh to greet Moira. She put her tea on the window sill and opened the mandolin case, handing the instrument to the girl.

“Here,” she said with a smile. It takes a relationship and trust for a musician to give up her instrument quickly, especially to a stranger, but Ashleigh was no regular musician; her music was an extension of her soul; which was trusting and caring. Moira was almost reluctant, but in a few moments was playing a nice traditional tune.

“You work at Bannon’s, aye?” Zoe said in a soft and fairly new brogue that belied her Arkansas roots. Moira nodded.

“Oh…she’s got the sweetest voice this side of heaven, Zo…” Ashleigh said enthusiastically. It was almost impossible for the girl to say anything without being encouraging. Moira blushed just a bit.

“Oh…no…not me…you two…I’ve heard you rehearsing….” She bowed her head once again.

“Nonsense, darlin’! From where I stand, there’s plenty enough talent to go around, aye. You should sit in with us tonight. I bet Jackie won’t mind one bit for a song or two, an it might even help with your tips as well.” Moira shook her head but Zoe grabbed her arm softly.

“You’ll be great, and we can have some fun. We do traditional, an we have a wee bit of fluff we pop into the act now an then, an you can just play along. Got your own mandolin, do you?” She shook her head no.

“Here,” Ashleigh said with a smile, handing her the case. “I’ve got another, dear!” Moira shook her head once again. All this kindness was overwhelming, and Moira put her hand to her face.

“Oh….no, darlin’ , don’t feel bad. It’s just an instrument, an you’re a friend. Please, don’t feel bad.” Ashleigh began to cry along with the girl. That the mandolin she had just given Moira was 200 years old made no difference, but she knew that every bit of kindness the girl received would go far to bringing about the healing she so desperately needed.

“Lissen….we’re off to Bannon’s later, but it’s just about time for lunch. Why don’t you come along with us…it’s sort of an anniversary for us. We’ve been together for three years now, and we’d enjoy havin’ someone celebrate with us.” Zoe put her hand on the girl’s back. She blinked out some tears and tried to smile. The two guided her gently down the hallway to the stairwell and down to the street to the old Ford Zodiac . As they reached the car

, Moira turned to Ashleigh and cocked her head.

“Three years? You sound so much more together; I would have thought you had been playing longer than that.” Ashleigh giggled just a bit and Zoe laughed softly before saying,

“Oh…we’ve been singin’ together for a lot longer…We’re celebratin’ our bein’ lovers…” The comment was nearly lost on Moira until she realized what the girl had just said. Of course, it was entirely pretend from the standpoint of details. They hadn’t even known each other for three years, but their relationships, both musically and romantically, were formed before they were even born, in a matter of speaking. And of course, the two of them were standing on a street in Dublin in 1965 decades before they were even born.

“You and…her?” Moira stammered, more out of disbelief than embarrassment. She knew how she felt about Seonaid but even though she had been out and about for some time, the girls were the first ‘couple’ she had ever met.

“As ever was, darlin’! As ever was.” Zoe smiled and kissed Ashleigh on the cheek before climbing behind the wheel of the old car.

“Now? Who wants Chinese?”

Looking through stained windows
I see a rose on the wall
Thorns that draw blood
From Your face
I hear the agony of Your call
... to me

Meanwhile...across town...

“You alright?” Maired probably would have welcomed someone asking her the same question. Seonaid nodded her head tentatively before bowing her head altogether.

“Well, we’re a fine couple of fools, we are, Janey dear!” Maired plopped down on the couch next to her and patted her hand.

“Teddy seems to be okay, dear. But the question is, are you?” Since childhood, Maired had looked up to Seonaid in many ways, but in others was very protective and even self-sacrificing. Seonaid was not going to have any of it.

“Now stop it this once! You care more about the lad than I ever could. When will you finally admit that your life counts as much as anyone? He’s a grand fellow, and you shouldn’t worry about me, Mare…. you’ve been holdin’ my hand ever since this foolishness all started.” She shook her head and went to get up but Maired grabbed her arm and pulled her closer.

“It’s not foolishness, Janey. Don’t ever say that. This is who you are, no matter how things have played out. We've been workin' on this quilt of yours since forever, an I’m not goin’ to let you tear out my fine stitchin’ in self-pity. We’re in this together, cuz, an we’re goin’ to see this to the end! I shoulda never tried to hook you up with Teddy….like we say, he’s a fine lad, but you were never meant for lads, were you, darlin’” She swatted Seonaid playfully, but the girl didn’t respond other than to put her head down.

“Now…what’s happened is done with, dear. We can’t go back, but we can fight as hard as we can right where we are.”

“She hates me, Mare….I never went back…I could have…”

“No…stop…there’s nothin’ that could have been done without givin’ up who you had to become, and if anything is worth anything it’s that you two are who you are now, and you still love her.” Seonaid put her hand out to stop Maired, but her cousin continued.

“An judgin’ by that scene at the pub the other night, she still cares for you. Nobody gets that upset if they don’t care anymore, Janey girl. You’ve come too far to give up now.”

“An I suppose that lets you off the hook with Teddy?” Seonaid swatted her back, but not as playful.

“I…I don’t think he cares for me the way he cares for you, cuz. An I’m not one to push.”

“Are you kiddin’? I know some billy goats that are politer than you. The problem is that ever since you were little, you never ever pushed for yourself. Well, pardon my French, Mare, but it’s about time you fookin’ pushed for yourself.” Seonaid had perhaps used profanity only one or two other times in her life, but she was angry and the moment almost cried out for it. It was as if the two girls were playing an ‘I’m less worthy than you’ game, when both of them deserved a break.

After a few moments of relieved silence, Maired spoke.

“I'm hungry! I’m too tired to cook, an we don’t have anything cold to eat. There’s that nice new Chinese restaurant not too far from here,” Maired said, almost in resignation. The girls were very tired, and not from work, but from the sheer exhaustion of feeling defeated.

“Okay…. But can we please talk about anything but love and such, dear? I don’t think I could handle another moment of emotion. “ Seonaid sighed. Maired put her arm around her cousin’s shoulder as she stood up.

“No talk..just eatin’ for once. I’m with you, Janey. No talkin’.” She smiled a half-smile hoping that they actually could avoid all things romantic and hopeless. Just a nice bit of Moo Goo Gai Pan and a side of awkward silence, or so they thought.

China Sichuan Restaurant...a bit later

“Why don’t you go in an get us a table, dear. There doesn’t seem to be any place to park here. We’ll meet you inside.” They spotted a parking space just a few metres from the restaurant, but it was as if it was hidden to Moira. She nodded and got out and walked to the entrance, even as Ashleigh giggled in anticipation. A moment later Moira was being led to a booth near the front window by a petite Asian girl with a decidedly unexpected brogue.

“My friends will be along shortly.” Moira said softly, but not so soft as to be unheard by the women in the booth next to her.

“M…mmm…Moira?” She turned and looked over the bench to see two familiar faces. The woman right next to her turned her head quickly, almost ashamed.

“Seonaid?” Moira’s face turned red, but she wasn’t embarrassed.

“Yes…it’s me.” The girl was almost apologetic, as if being in the same restaurant was a crime. She continued in that vein as she put her head down.

“Where’s your boyfriend? Busy lookin’ for a fookin’ ring, I’ll bet.” Moira was as angry as Seonaid had ever recalled, and her own face rivaled the deep shade of red spreading across Moira’s face.

“Easy on her, Moira! It’s been a rough time for her, and you bein’ angry at her won’t help. Besides, that’s not her boyfriend your talkin’ about. He’s mine!” Maired said defiantly. She loved Moira because Seonaid did, but she wasn’t going to let Moira’s remark pass, even if her own declaration surprised all three women.

“She didn’t kiss him….he kissed her, and she didn’t ask fer it at all, darlin’! She’s only had eyes an every other fookin’ body part for you since she left home.” Maired was almost in tears; her protective mother hen was angry and sad in the same moment.

“I don’t understand.” Moira protested. Seonaid kept silent but for the quiet sobs as Maired reached across the table to hold her hand. She held her other hand up to quiet Moira.

“You don’t have to understand. Janey here has been carryin’ a torch for you since she came to live with me and my sisters and my Ma….every single year hopin’ that she could be strong enough to do what she had to do. An she did! She’s a find woman, Moira, and that’s a fact, it is.” Moira turned to Seonaid, almost ignoring Maired’s words, but getting to the heart of what she meant.

“You….you never came back. I thought you….that you didn’t care any more.” Years of abuse in so many ways had clouded the girl’s judgment and every disappointment was perceived as personal, not matter what the reason.

“I…I looked for you but you moved. An I couldn’t find you. You….how could you think that I didn’t care. You’ve been in my heart since we were kids. I….I’ve loved you since I first knew you. How could you think…after ….” Memories of sacrifice and bravery came back to Moira as Seonaid continued.

“I would give the world for you. I…” She would have kept trying to justify and protect herself, but the love she had for the girl wouldn’t let her. It was as if the whole restaurant lit up with recognition; the two were both crying ‘separately’, but in a moment the two cried for each other.

“How hurt you were….what he did to you…I am so sorry. I should have stayed. I should have never left you.” Seonaid sobbed as Maired squeezed her hand. Seconds later Moira had left her booth and was sitting next to Seonaid, embracing the only love she ever had.

“I’m…you didn’t do anything. It was him…an my Ma….if it weren’t for you, I’d be in the grave. You saved me…you did.” She pulled the girl to her and held her close, almost as if Seonaid would drift away but for the embrace.

“I love you…I’ve loved you since we were little….You were different than any boy I ever knew, and we know why. You were never a boy…even if your name was Dainéal, you were a girl….my girl.” She hadn't meant to kiss her, but kiss her she did, and not just in a 'I'm so glad you're okay' way; the most tender, precious moment either had ever experienced.

The restaurant was eerily silent, but in a moment music began to fill the dining room; Zoe and Ashleigh stood by the counter, their voices blending in a mixture of romantic ballad and traditional Irish song, but in a tongue that hadn’t been heard perhaps in centuries. The waitress stood next to the girls; her Asian features seemed to change in a translucent manner, revealing a very old and wise Calleigh.

“I thought I’d lost you forever,” Moira said as she kissed Seonaid. Even though her heart was focused on her own need in a way, Moira began to heal finally as she realized just how much she was loved by the girl she held. The girl who had set aside her own needs for so long to see that Moira and her Ma were taken care of; money that could have gone to pay for her change had been given to take care of the girl she loved. Only after they had moved to Sligo did Seonaid begin to think of herself.

“I would never…neeever turn my back on you. I love you more than my own soul!” Seonaid stammered. Maired patted their clasped hands until she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked around to see Teddy standing next to the booth with a puzzled look on his face.

“I got a message at work….someone left a note sayin’ you needed to see me…that it was urgent.” He looked over at Moira holding Seonaid and finally accepted what he had sensed all along; that Seonaid would never love him. He was a good man, but her heart had belonged to another for a long, long time.

“Can we take a walk?” Maired said as she stood up. Teddy nodded and they headed toward the door. A kind looking older Asian woman held the door open, thanking them for coming. Fiona was always good at extending thanks. She whispered a silent prayer for the two as the door gently closed behind them. A moment later she was joined by another woman who might have resembled France Nuyen or Anna May Wong, but was a woman of resourcefulness; Orla's talents gathered and strengthened from centuries of practice.

And in the corner of the restaurant by the kitchen, a sweet older woman sat quietly, sipping a nice cup of Oolong tea. Mrs. Maithair, or rather, Fianne o’ Murchadha smiled, knowing that her own prayers had been answered as her daughter and the love of the girl’s life finally were together. She realized that her life’s dream….a dream that made itself plain to her precious child with the help of fairies and magic and women of the old arts and kindly young musicians …..that her dream had been fulfilled. And with that, Fianne o’Murchadha faded away with a smile and a song on her lips…the same song that the girls sang to bless the love of Seonaid and Moira.

And somewhere else and some other time, a tall angelic looking woman smiled. She wore a green gown, irridescent with a gold cord around her waist and a gold band around her head. Gold bracelets circled her wrists and she wore gold slippers. Meadhbh, Queen of the Fairies looked skyward and nodded in acknowledgment as one more day passed where the will of the creator was fulfilled in the love of two dear souls. As the old tongue says, Lean do chroá­, fá­orẠna aislingá­ (Follow your heart; dreams do come true) May it be true for you also.

In the stillness of moonlight
I am awakened by Your grace
And the love that glistens
In the tears on Your face ...So make Your home inside my heart
Fill this empty house of stone
Make Your home inside my heart
Let me dance in the brightness
Of Your throne

Of Your throne
for me

Epilogue: A to Z Music, Little Rock, Arkansas...the present...

The girl smiled politely as the woman and her ten-year old girl exited the store; the young lady beaming as she held the violin case in her hand. A second later the woman was joined at the counter by her partner, who kissed her sweetly on the cheek.

"I can hardly remember anything that happened, honey. But my heart is filled with ...hope." Zoe looked out the storefront window; almost expecting to see fairies and such in the parking lot instead of a few cars and her Vespa.

"All I know is that I know it did happen, and we were a part of it. And I can't wait for another chance to help."

"Do you know how much I love you?" Zoe said as she kissed Ashleigh.

"A chuisle mo chroá­, Zo..." the girl said softly, only a bit surprised at her new command of Gaelic."

"You're the pulse of my heart!" She said softly as she kissed her lover back. And Zoe smiled, her eyes open the entire time so as to drink in the moment. She blinked back some tears before saying finally,

"As ever was, my dear...as ever was!"

Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May
(complete version)
1909 by John Willam Waterhouse

Inside My Heart
words and music by the artists,
Iona
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ri2d4hNCIxM