Dainéal’s Dream

Wave after Wave

Wave after wave rolls on
And the water falls and the line is drawn
Wave after wave rolls in
And the line is gone where my feet have been

Previously - Sligo of Sligo County, Ireland, New Years Day, 1965….

Moira had given up all hope; it wasn't that she didn't care...she no longer had the strength. Moira threw herself on the bed and sobbed into her pillow. She didn’t notice, but a kindly young woman clad in a dark blue gown sat on the bed and rubbed her back.

“Aye Fiona, what she needs now is love, pure and simple. Let it flow from you to her; a gift of the one who made her; not to be discarded but treasured. Not someone to be used, but someone who will finally realize just how precious she is." Calleigh the Wise nodded as the woman continued her ministrations. And two younger women stood off to the side and sang almost as one a sweet melody in an ancient tongue; older than the old Irish and filled with hope.

A few months later...

"You should just give up and get a job like everybody else." Agnes spoke in a quiet, near monotone. Moira shook her head and tossed the newspaper on the couch.

"You just don't get it. I've nothin' here, Ma. An I can't go back home, either. So wish me luck, 'cause I've got a job waiting for me in Dublin."

"An since when is waitin' at a tavern in Dublin any better than here?"

"They said I can do my singin' in the pub on the weekends, Ma. An what better place, aye?" Moira didn't sound any more convinced than her mother, but it was all she had. Wave upon wave of disappointment had crashed against her shore, and she saw no future; least wise in Sligo.

"I suppose you've got a boy takin' you there?"

"And what if I have? What would you have me do, Ma? Join a fookin' convent? As if they'd take me. I'm what they call a wanton woman...a fookin' whore, if I may use your own words."

"Stop that! You're damning yerself to hell, girl, and I won't be a part of it. You made your bed." Her mother put her hands over her ears as the girl screamed; half moan and half sobbing,

"It weren't I who made that bed, Ma. The devil take him!" She ran to her room and slammed the door. As she threw herself on the bed, sobbing, she failed to notice the woman sitting on the chair in the corner. The woman was bowed in a prayerful pose, and her tears matched those of Moira's. Fiona shook her head. She wasn't discouraged; her head shake was for the sad and utterly excruciating hopelessness the girl felt. But if Fiona was anything, it was passionate, and she redoubled her efforts as she prayed quietly.

Hills that i know are there
Hidden from my view by the misty air
Light shining through the gray
Turns the water deep shades of lilac blue

Dublin...a few weeks later...Maired and Seonaid's flat...

“What’s wrong with Teddie, lass?” Maired said as she sipped her tea.

“Did I say anything was wrong with him? Oh, god, Mare….” Seonaid sat down next to her cousin, putting her head on the girl’s shoulder.

“If yer afraid, I understand….but there’s no way he’ll find out unless ye tell ‘im!” Maired wasn’t trying to be deceptive; she just knew how difficult it would be for her cousin if her past came out.

“That’s not what it is…oh, sure, I don’t want him to know just yet….I’m not planning on doin’ anything with him or anyone else for that matter. If I thought that’s what I wanted, Mare, you know me…I can’t lie…I just can’t. This is who I am, and I’m not ashamed.”

“Oh, I know… I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” Maired realized that what she wished for was near impossible; her cousin would likely never find someone to love her for who she was; she might never find someone to accept what she was.

“I’m hurt already and I hate myself for it.” Seonaid bowed her head and put her hand to her face.

“How long has it been? Seven…almost eight years, and I haven’t back but fer Da’s and Bridget’s wedding, and Moira had already moved to Sligo. I should have followed her, you know? I hate myself.” Seonaid repeated that phrase so many times over the past several years, but Maired never took her lightly.

“Enough of that, lass. She chose to go away, and you had your own life to lead.”

“But how do I know it wasn’t with her? I should never have changed. I hate myself” She buried her face in Maired’s chest and sobbed.

“Shhhhh….shhhh.” Maired felt helpless to ease her cousin’s pain. On better days…most of the time in fact…Seonaid was almost confident in her decisions, and her surgery remained part of the fulfillment of her lifelong dream, but so many girls in her situation would be plagued with doubt and even guilt over someone else’ grief or disappointment. Somehow her mother knew even at her birth that she’d always been meant to be Seonaid instead of Dainéal, and that was a comfort, but Seonaid still wondered strongly from time to time if she had made a big mistake. Maired helped her keep things in perspective.

“That first day you came to visit? Katie lent you one of her dresses for the afternoon, and it was like we had a brand new sister….no…it was like we had a long-lost sister who had been away and had come home.” She smiled.

“I left her, Mare….I was…I’m so selfish.” Seonaid, like many of those like her, was used to apologizing, as if being herself was a crime. That wanting to live as her true self was somehow selfish by depriving an unnamed expectation its judgment.

“You’re the most giving girl I know. All the families you work with all love you; you just love them and take care of them, darlin,’ and that’s a fact! An that’s it….you’re not a man….you never were. You’re a woman who can understand and identify with the girls who’ve been hurt or the Ma’s who’ve been left to fend for themselves. I wish you’d go easy on yerself, Janey. It’s killin’ you and it’s wearin’ me out…. I feel like I wake up every day an hafta rebuild all the work we did the day before!” She laughed, but she half-frowned before joining Seonaid in crying.

“I hate to see you so sad, Janey. You’re my best friend, and that’s a fact, darlin’ and I just love you so much. It’s gonna be okay…I just can’t say why or how, but I feel like you’ve been touched somehow ….some way you’re gonna be happy, aye?“ Maired pulled Seonaid closer and held her tight.

And nearby two women sang a sad but hopeful song.

“Isn’t there anything else we can do for her?” The girl looked at Orla with a sad frown, as if she was somehow letting down the young woman to whom they sang. Her companion stood close and rubber her arm and put her head on the girl’s shoulder.

“Anything else? You, dear one, are doing exactly as much as anyone can, and it’s doing her good, and the other one to whom you’ve sung.” Orla smiled and nodded at Calleigh, who spoke.

“Without peace and strength and hope to guide her, she’d be lost, child. It’s no small thing you’re doing.” Zoe put her head down, embarrassed to have asked the question.

“No need for shame; you’ve done nothing but ask a question, child.” Calleigh smiled at the two girls.

“I know you want to do more, and when your time comes, dear child, you’ll be busy enough. But the song…your music is like the gentle warmth of the sun on a cold day; the girl will hear and see better for it, and she’ll move into that place where she’s supposed to be.”

“Excuse me, mum, but I guess that’s why you’re called the Wise, isn’t it?” Ashleigh put her head down, almost shy, but lifted her eyes hopefully.

“I’m wise because I am older than most; although I am still young! And while we’re on the subject, don’t think you don’t have your own calling.” Calleigh used her hand in a broad gesture to indicate their companions.

“Fiona the Passionate….always running ahead of the rest of us; impetuous some might call her, but with a heart to see the best in folks.” At that, Fiona blushed a deep red.

“Orla the Resourceful! Sometimes thinking a bit too much when her heart would suit her better, but always trying to find the best way to bless someone!” Orla nodded in agreement; she wasn’t proud, but she did recognize the truth when she heard it.

“And our newest member you’ve met?” Calleigh nodded at a petite woman that seemed to hide behind her; dressed in a gold gown with a broad green leafy belt with green sandals, the woman was filled with nearly as much awe and wonder as the two girls.

“Fianne the Faithful. She likely might hold onto things a bit too long at times, but she’s as loyal and true as anyone ever was, and she believes in folks long after others have abandoned them or forgotten.” Fianne looked at the two apologetically, almost as if she didn’t belong.

“So now what about you two? When we met, all we could know was what we saw in the then and now,” Calleigh said, recalling the first time the girls ‘sang.’

“Oh….yes…when that nice lady was trying to keep her job.” Ashleigh smiled and nudged Zoe.
(see Down To Earth*)

“We helped on that?” The two had only just met the Women of Draehoidel and were immediately brought into ‘service’ so to speak. She looked at Calleigh who nodded and replied,

“Of course!”

“But we’re not ….it’s ….I haven’t…” Zoe looked around and recalled that time and place seemed to be completely fluid for her since she had been called to sing.

“Been born yet? Aye, there’s that.” Fiona laughed and pointed to the two of them.

“And yet here you are! I know it’s confusing. Think of us as servants of the creator, and your singing is what helps bring harmony to it all. Our work transcends time and space.”

“Will we ever serve like you do?” Ashleigh asked softly.

“You may yet be serving as we speak…remember time and place, child.” Calleigh nodded and looked over at the other women who smiled. Zoe cocked her head to one side and had the distinct impression of being back in her own time at the music store even as she and Ashleigh stood outside Sioneaid and Maired’s flat in Dublin in 1965.

“But here and now, what shall we say of your names? Zoe…ah…yes…life. Well, from what I know of you already, you certainly are full of life, and you impart that to others as well. What was it that your friends said of you? Queen of Sweetness? Aye…Zoe the Sweet,’ Orla said. The girl put her head down and her cheeks grew warm and red until Fiona spoke up.

“Oh, she wasn’t joking. Names are important to the creator, child, and you are as sweet as any one could ever be; it is an honorable title.” At that the girl smiled. Ashleigh gripped her arm proudly.

“And what of you, dear one? You bring such comfort and strength to those who know you…Ashleigh the Joyful, I believe?” Calleigh said, and the others nodded in agreement.

“Well then what to do now?” Fianne asked, still standing behind Calleigh’s shadow. She looked ‘through’ the wall of the flat and saw Seonaid and Maired were still crying. Even though she was now one of the women, her mother’s heart went out to her daughter and niece.

“We’ve got a few things to do all over, dear heart. Fiona and the girls here,” Calleigh said, pointing to Ashleigh and Zoe,

‘Will be watching over these two,” she continued, indicating Maired and Seonaid.

“And there’s a girl that lives not too far from here who could use the love of a mother.” Calleigh nodded at Fianne, who looked back in puzzlement.

“Listen to the poor girl, not too many years ago, Fianne.” As if words came from the very breeze itself, she heard,

“NO…lemme finish. Yer Ma, God rest her soul, was the nicest person I ever met. She…she listened to me…one time she….she let me lie next to her in bed an she held me like I was her own.”

“Now is the time to hold the girl like your own, because for a time, she will be. Dia duit, dear one, and success be yours for all of their sakes.” With that Fianne nodded and slowly disappeared as like a wisp of cloud on the breeze. Orla smiled at the women and nodded at Calleigh before disappearing in the same manner moments later.

Calleigh turned to Fiona and Zoe and Ashleigh. Fiona stood still with her arms folded; not impatiently, but in anticipation of what she knew was coming next.

“And as for you two,” Calleigh nodded at Zoe and Ashleigh. A moment later the two stood solidly in the hallway of the walkup in front of the apartment next to Seonaid and Maired’s. Instead of long flowing gauze, the two wore peasant tops and long denim skirts. Zoe’s hair was pulled back in a pony tail and Ashleigh wore a bandanna. 1965 Dublin was about to make its first acquaintance of The Dublin Lassies, a new folk duo.

“What just…why am I talking like this?” The two almost said in unison, their familiar tones replaced with sweet and joyful but decidedly Irish brogues. Zoe turned to Fiona, expecting some sort of instructions, but heard instead,

“I’m sorta just overseein’ you two, aye? “ She began to laugh softly and was joined by Calleigh, who said finally,

“You’ll be fine. All you have to do is show these two here that life is worth living because after all, what could be more life giving than sweetness and joy, aye?”

Songs like a healing breeze every breath inhale
And the goodness feel
Rise from the bird above from the flower below
In a song of love

Light shining through the gray
Turns the water deep shades of lilac blue
Music in every sound light beyond each cloud
Hope in every dream

The Dublin Lassies
(AKA Ashleigh the Joyful and Zoe the Sweet)
circa 1965

Next: Tá¡ Mo Chroá­ Istigh Ionat (My Heart Is Within You)

*Down to Earth

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/26750/down-earth-part-21

"That's Ashleigh and her girlfriend Zoe. Distant 'relatives' if you take my meaning. They may be helping out from time to time. You know the kind of tasks we have... balladeers...they sing into existence the strength some of our charges may need, if you recall? But we've got work to do here yet, dears. Before we go, we have some partings to arrange and a new beginning."

See also:
The Singer and Her Bride

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/28225/singer-and-her-b...

Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May
(complete version)
1909 by John Willam Waterhouse

Wave After Wave
words and music by the performers
Iona
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shjHAZMbjRE