The Secret Redux Part 1 by Andrea DiMaggio

Maired and Erica discover - The Secret Redux

Celtic Woman’s "The Blessing" played in the background and both women had allowed their tea to grow cold.

"I really don't think this is necessary," Maired said as Erica brushed out her long dark red hair. "We already have a photo for the next CD, why do we need another one." Maired was uncharacteristically loud, which made her almost as loud as Erica's "inside" voice, like they say in grammar school.

"I think you look nice, My Dear." Erica looked over her lover, noting the nice magenta skirt-dress with matching heels. "The production people lost the photo CD we sent over, and they just figured you might as well take a nice new photo for your new work." "Her" new work actually was the CD she helped her "brother" Mark produce and record. She had put down her own tracks privately, and had not actually met the other members of his band, per se, having met them, of course in his normal Mark persona. But that was about to change.

"I'll drop you off at the studio and pick you up after my meeting with the publishers. Marie is over at my mom's for the afternoon, so we can get our errands done. Billy Bear is going Korean and Maori this week, so they need me to look at Grace's new artwork." Billy Bear was the main character, as you may recall, in Erica's children's series, which had begun to be published overseas. And you may recall that Marie was their recently adopted daughter. Erica had planned for an uneventful afternoon, but you know what they say about the best plans….

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"Hello, is anyone here?" Maired said as she opened the door to the studio. The last photo session of all the band members was taken in the back office against a nice blue backdrop, so she headed to the rear of the studio. She was looking at some liner notes when she was surprised by Bobby Cahill. As tall and blond and handsome as they come; seeing Bobby caused Maired to blush ever so slightly, despite already knowing him through her “brother.”

"Excuse me, Miss, can I help you," Bobby said. He noticed a familiar face and continued,

"Oh, gosh, you must be Maired Underhill, Mark's sister. I'm glad to finally meet you. You play piano with such verve, Ma'am, and I feel privileged to be on the same recording as you." Bobby had played bass on the last CD and was slated to do the same for the new recording. Maired was so surprised (and not just a little nervous) that she dropped the liner notes. Both reached for the notes at the same time and butted heads, evoking a soft "Ouch," from Maired and a smile from Bobby. He reached again and placed his hand over Maired's, sending an awkward, unwelcome but entirely nice electric feeling up Maired's arm.

"Here, let me get that," Bobby said, and their eyes met. Bobby felt that he must have met Maired before, since she looked so familiar, but he put it off to her being Mark's sister. The engineer came into the studio a few minutes later and took the photo, leaving Maired and Bobby to attend to some other matters. Bobby looked at Maired and noted that her left hand wore no ring (She wore the diamond Erica had given her only on special occasions.) Bobby stepped closer to Maired, but still at a gentlemanly distance and said,

"I'm glad we finally got the chance to meet. I hope we can work together some time soon." With that, he smiled and walked out to his car and drove off. Maired would likely have been embarrassed about her embarrassment, if that were possible, since her face was almost as red as her hair.

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Meanwhile, across town, Erica was busy with her own encounter, which she would find both awkward and nice at the same time. She was busy looking over the new artwork for the Asian Billy Bear market when she was startled by a decidedly masculine voice coming from behind.

"Hi, I'm Tom Grazzioso. Dave is busy with another project this afternoon and sends his apologies. He'll see you next week, if that's okay." Tom offered his hand only after Erica extended hers, remembering his manners. Tom stood about 6'2" and was likely the most attractive man Erica had ever met, save her own adorable husband. She found herself staring at him and quickly turned away, faking a sneeze. Tom proffered the obligatory "Bless you," and sat down at the conference table next to Erica. She grew uncomfortable and hoped she wasn't blushing. (She was, but only on the inside.) The afternoon proved to be long, uncomfortably warm, and remarkably pleasant considering these were all mixed with doubt and guilt.

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"I met Bobby Cahill today," Maired said as she put her purse down on the table by the door. Erica followed suit and soon both were on the couch, hugging. Marie was in her baby seat on the floor, fast asleep. Erica looked puzzled at Maired’s remark.

"But you already...Oh, I get it," Erica said in recognition. "Mark knows Bobby from high school, but he's never met Maired." Maired was going to say something about what happened when they bumped heads, but Erica spoke first.

"There's a new guy at the publishers that I'm working with. Tom Grazzioso." She said Tom's name with a little more emphasis than she had meant, and Maired became uncomfortable, tensing up. After nearly four years of being "around," Maired and Erica continued to have the infrequent but awkward moment or two when she failed to remember how Mark needed support. It was odd, but not uncommon for spouses to forget that however comfortable they might be with their husband's or boyfriend's girl persona, their men might often need reinforcement in the male area as well. It's all a bit confusing; I have a hard time keeping it straight myself. Mark as Maired felt immediately threatened by Erica's mention of her new male co-worker. Neither Maired nor Erica realized just how much they were affected by their new acquaintances, but they were about to find out.

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Maired was home spending a nice afternoon with Erica and Marie when the phone rang. She picked up the receiver and heard. "Hi, Mark, how's it going?" Bobby asked, causing Mark to answer, "Okay," and Bobby quickly followed it with,

"I absolutely adore your sister, bro. Is she dating anyone?"

"Not to my knowledge," Mark answered, knowing full well that "she" wasn't seeing anyone.

"If you see her, tell her I enjoyed meeting her, and I'd love to take her out, if that's okay." Unlike a lot of guys that might ask that question, Bobby was indeed a gentleman and really would treat someone like Maired well. Mark said goodbye and hung up the phone. He tried not to, but immediately recalled the feeling he had when Bobby and Maired touched. His face grew red, causing Erica to say as she walked into the room,

"What's so embarrassing, My Dear," Erica asked, causing Maired to respond,

"Bobby just asked if I’m seeing anyone."

"Well, silly, you’re not seeing anyone. Don’t you want to go out?" She was teasing, but her words caused even more embarrassment and just a little bit of guilt as Maired had thought of that already.

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Erica sat at the conference table, feeling very uncomfortable and oddly nice at the same time. She looked over at Tom, who was holding a folder and pointing to the door, as if expecting someone to enter.

"I'm actually glad that Dave is out sick. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed work so much." Tom was really a gentleman, but a recent widower, who probably had let his guard down, and lost sight of his own boundaries. He reached over and placed his hand softly on Erica's and squeezed gently. He really didn't mean to flirt, and she really didn't mean to respond, but she smiled at him and while she didn't encourage him, neither did she put him off.

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Later that evening, Erica had just put Marie to bed when Mark entered the room. He looked uncomfortable, and not just because of the conversation he and Erica had been having. He was worried about what might take place when he followed Erica’s suggestion.

"Oh, go ahead, it'll be fun." Mark didn't think it would be fun at all, but you may remember that you might find something entirely wonderful as your girl-self that your guy-self might hate. Mark didn't turn red, but felt almost ashamed at his feelings. He "reluctantly" agreed as Maired to meet Bobby for coffee at Erica's suggestion...just for fun. Erica didn't realize at the time, but her desire to see Maired go out on a date was rooted solidly in her own desire to explore her own feelings for Tom, such as they were. And Maired felt guilty even as she thought about what might happen when the two met. Both would discover a lot about themselves over the course of the next day or so.

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Bobby and Maired walked along the shore of the pond at the park. Bobby had spent much of the time complementing Maired, which “turned her head,” as your grand mom might say. She was almost intoxicated by the acceptance, which while foreign to her, still felt somehow right. It seemed like, as they say, “a good idea at the time.” Maired would quickly find out it wasn’t right at all…for her.

After a while they found a bench overlooking the pond, where two swans nuzzled politely and one goose honked rudely at the pair. They sat down, and Bobby, ever the gentleman, kept his distance even as he paid Maired yet another complement.

"You play beautifully, Maired. I'd love to hear you live sometime," Bobby said and reached over and took Maired's hand in his. He hadn’t meant to be forward, but here he was with a pretty “unattached” girl. She blushed, partly out of embarrassment since she still was a shy girl even after being "out and about" for nearly four years, as we know. But she, as Mark, was also ashamed at having odd but nice feelings at the attention Bobby was giving Maired. And she didn't do anything to discourage Bobby, either, leaving him to say,

"I hope we can become closer." Almost like a movie, he raised her hand with his and kissed it softly like a suitor. She blushed in earnest and tried to pull her hand away, but smiled politely at the same time, which Bobby misread completely. He moved closer to her side and leaned over and kissed her. Mark felt frightened and ashamed even as Maired enjoyed the attention. She was completely surprised at her reaction but shouldn’t have been; it was, after all, the first time she had ever been kissed by a man.

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Erica sat next to Tom in the conference room. Dave had to leave early for a meeting with another author, so they were left alone, both feeling awkward and confused and scared and excited and wonderful, albeit with a lot of guilt as well.

"You really didn't have to go to the trouble, Tom, really." Erica looked up at Tom, who had placed a nice bouquet in front of her on the conference table. "Nonsense," Tom said with a kind smile. "Just a reward for having finished our work." He really had no intentions of kissing Erica at that point, but she was there, and he still missed the affection he enjoyed with his late wife. He leaned over and kissed her, much less romantically than you might have expected, but romantic nonetheless. Erica tried not to enjoy the attention, but she was being kissed by a handsome man, and we can forgive her that, since she would eventually be forgiven by both herself and Mark. But she gave way to the moment and kissed Tom back. It was the first kiss she had ever received from anyone other than her spouse, and it felt good and bad at the same time.

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Bobby pulled away immediately at Maired’s “No, please,” followed by “I’m so sorry…” Maired and Mark began to cry at the same time, if you follow me. Mark was ashamed and really was sorry to have led Bobby on. Maired was sad and scared, and altogether confused about her new feelings. Bobby, ever the gentleman, looked at her with understanding and acceptance that you might not have expected, but then again, I did say he was a gentleman.

"I am so sorry, Maired. I shouldn't have. Please forgive me."

"I...I'm so sorry...I should have told you, but...." She buried her head in her hands.

Bobby was a great guy, and perhaps a little more perceptive than most. He waited until Maired had composed herself and then said this,

"I only just realized when I kissed you, but I...well, hell, it seemed...” He paused and smiled; much as you might remember your brother smile when you told him a secret; a smile that indicated that you’ve got nothing to worry about.

“It's okay, bro. We all have our secrets. I never would have guessed, and I must say you had me going. But I know how much you love Erica...you've told me as much on more than …several occasions. I can't say I didn't enjoy it, but that's more credit to Maired than to you.” He laughed, more to himself than to Maired, and he certainly didn’t want to embarrass her at all.

“Let's just say we're not made for each other and let it go at that, okay." He smiled again, and his demeanor changed from potential suitor back to good friend and band mate. Hard to fathom, but that's the way relationships go sometimes. Mark and Bobby would once again be friends; buddies as they say, for life, but they never, ever talked about “the” kiss again. Years later, however, when Bobby was married with his own family, he would get his kids laughing at the story.

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"I'm so sorry, Tom." Erica sat next to her friend at the table, patting his back. He was weeping, more out of grief than embarrassment. She felt ashamed herself for leading him on, and she said,

"It was wrong of me. You are so attractive, and..." Erica tried to finish, but started crying herself, when Tom patted her on the arm.

"I know. I'm sorry. I miss Jennie so much, and you are such an attractive woman. Please forgive me." They traded apologies back and forth for several minutes. As painful as the thought was, Erica knew she needed to talk with Mark about what happened between her and Tom. And Maired had some things she needed to talk about with her as well.

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That night, after nearly two hours of rocking Marie to sleep, they lay in their own bed, nearly exhausted from the day’s events. Chloe Agnew’s "Floating in the Air" came softly from the CD player, which aided Marie’s drift into slumber land.

"It's okay, sweetheart, I understand." Erica really didn't understand it all, but then again, neither did Mark. They held each other and cried and they laughed; nervously at first, but almost in fun after a while. After all, they had loved each other since they were kids, and the events of the day just provided them with another interesting opportunity to discover just how much they loved each other. And while they never forgot the odd and wonderful feelings they had earlier that day, they also noted that Tom and Bobby weren't nearly good kissers as Mark and Erica, and Maired, too, as they reminded themselves over and over and over throughout the night.

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Exploration

“So tell me, My Dear, what would you like for your birthday?” Erica said as she stood over the stove, stirring the tomato sauce. You might recall that Erica never, ever used the term “My Dear” when speaking to her spouse unless she was referring to Maired, Mark’s alter-ego.

The last few birthdays celebrated in the Kiernan household were for Mark. One birthday in particular was celebrated for his late twin sister Maura, who you may remember had succumbed to cancer in her teens. But the family had never thought about Maired in that regard, since “she” was just part of his personality, however important, and had no “real” life of her own. Erica felt that there needed to be a change this year. She had come to treasure Maired as a lovely and important part of her relationship with her husband, and he had finally come to the place of feeling secure enough about himself to let “her” visit as often as she chose. Sound confusing? It probably is, but for the familiarity some of you may have in relating to this lovely couple.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Maired said as she chopped some garlic for the sauce. She smiled at Erica and continued. “I know Mark’s been wanting to read the new Vince Flynn novel, and Sue Grafton has another alphabet mystery….W or X if I recall. There’s something about owning a book, even when your favorite place is the public library.”

“I know what Mark wants, sweetheart, it’s what you want that interests me,” she said as she took the chopped garlic off the cutting board and put it in the pot. “I’ve been thinking about some things we could do together that might make your birthday special, this year, My Dear.”

There was that term of endearment again. She was determined to wrench something out of Maired. It was really a case of being over-considerate. Maired, even after nearly four years of being an integral part of the Kiernan household, nevertheless continued to feel like an interloper; as if she didn’t belong, despite encouragement from Erica. Today would mark the beginning of a change in their relationship. It would be awkward at first, even though they had made several attempts over the past few years, but this time they would find out more about themselves and this attempt at exploration would be fruitful and wonderful and funny and nice all at once. Erica finally said, with mock-impatience,

“Dammit, girl, forget everyone else, what do you want for your birthday?” Maired actually started blushing at the word, but Erica continued, this time in non-verbal fashion. She put the spoon on the counter, walked over to the table, leaned over and kissed Maired hard and passionately. Erica moaned softly in Maired’s ear before whispering,

“Perhaps this might give you some ideas?” She kissed Maired again and returned to the stove and stirred the sauce. She looked back at Maired, whose face had turned nearly as red as her hair.

“I’m sure that you can come up with something, My Dear, but I’ve got some ideas of my own.” We can talk about it over coffee.

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Unlike most of Erica’s and Gina’s schemes, their respective partners were included in the plans this time. Marie, their adorable toddler, was not quite nineteen months, and had become completely enamored with the occasional visit to Grandma’s house. Diane, Erica’s mother, had just invited a sweet couple they knew to live with her and share her home. Between the three women, Marie would be well looked after and spoiled.

Their friend April was expecting their first, and she just adored Marie. Motherhood and marriage were fairly foreign concepts to April, who had been convinced at one time that she would settle down with a girlfriend and enjoy life as a loving if not quite committed adult. She had not planned on falling in love with Lainey, and certainly marriage was never “in the cards,” as she once put it. But sometimes things have a way of surprising us. Lainey was an adorable girl, somewhat younger and shorter than April; and she was also somewhat ….male. Lainey had chosen to live her life as a woman, but she was going to be a Daddy for the first time, which confused everyone except Erica’s mother Diane, who had experienced the very same thing with her own beloved Ronni, the father of her daughter. (For those who are nearly as confused as this author, you may consult her stories, “Another Secret,” and “Providence.” All this to say, Marie would be in good, loving hands for four or so days as Erica and Maired got away for a nice long weekend.

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“Are you sure she’s okay with this?” “She” being Gina’s husband Ben’s alter-ego, Katie. Katie was no stranger to forays into the real world; she had participated as a bridesmaid for two weddings, attended a jaza club en femme, and even accompanied her “brother” along on his honeymoon at the insistence of the bride. This weekend actually promised to be a lot of fun and a time of discovery for both couples. Maired was actually glad that Katie and Gina would be coming along with her and Erica. Gina felt that Katie deserved just as much of a special weekend as Maired, and Erica and Maired were happy to share this time as well.

“I know Katie’s actually looking forward to this, but I’m not sure she’s ready for the “payout,” Gina grinned as she thought of Erica’s plan. All four “girls” would be traveling to the Boston area for a few unique experiences. Erica had planned for a trip to a dressing service for a complete makeover for all four girls. While the service usually only caterered to t-girls, all four women would enjoy a makeover and photo shoot. The rest of the weekend was promising to be intriguing as well, since Erica had once again booked Maired into a jazz gig,; this time at Scullers in Boston. The next day would include a daytrip to a spa, and the following day would be a secret as final surprise for the birthday weekend. It would proved to be a memorable birthday indeed, and in wonderful ways Erica could never have anticipated.

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Next: Many Happy Returns!