Late January...four years ago...
Hard to tell
Or recognise a sign
To see me through
A warning sign
The phone call was brief and should have been jarring but for the numbness it immediately fostered. Not a bad description because the gentle care of numbness was needed; at least for a few days. Emotionally numb, but more like how your foot feels when it's awakening after 'falling asleep.' Room enough to staunch the horrendous pain to come, but with leeway for the absolutely essential grief...that precious, vital part of who I was...who I am.
Someone once said, "What is grief, if not love persevering?" Decades of life together would not be lessened by the horrific moment in time. But even as she was laid to rest, my heart could not lament the loss without a wave of regret of what could never have been. Or could it not? How many of us have read of fanciful trips or parallel worlds? Who of us would refuse a journey destined at least for a little while to somehow restore... revitalize...reimagine what had been lost.
Somehow an eddy of cloud mixed with a near deluge enveloped me and I was taken...
satisfied, if the past it will not lie
(Torn asunder) the future you and I get blown away
(In a lifetime)
(In a lifetime)
As the rain it falls (we begin again)
Heavy in my heart (as the storm breaks through)
Believe the light in you (the light shines in you)
For an imaginary land filled with imaginary selves, it was quite ordinary. No spectacular transformation into the woman I had always dreamt of being. Nor was she restored to become whatever she had hoped she would be when she was a little girl.
No. Just two seasoned citizens only a wee bit past their prime, but ever...so ever in love...
Our last moment on earth together was sealed with a kiss and I love you, too, exchanged. This new moment went past duplication; wandering into the hugs and kisses that would have completed that fearful day had fate withheld its cruelty if only for a short while.
Without colour, faded and worn
Torn asunder in the storm
Unless the sound can save your body and soul
Unless it disappears
Somehow I thought of that old TV show where the guy leaps between time and space into someone else's life. Even as that crossed my mind I heard someone scream NO! I looked between us and saw that we both had begun to fade away. The scream was mine. How dare fate tear us apart now that we had been reunited? What kind of god could be so harsh? So unloving? So cold?
Selfish storm, hold on the inside
(Torn asunder in the storm) one life in the storm
In a lifetime
In a lifetime
In a lifetime
In a lifetime
But even as I had fallen into hopeless sobbing I felt her hand touch my face. The face she had wondered about when we first talked about the woman she had somehow unknowingly married all those years ago.
Even as her countenance was fading, she kissed my cheek and laughed softly. before simply saying,
"In a lifetime"
Next: Two: I Remember You
In a Lifetime
written by Ciaran Marion Brennan
and Paul Hugh Brennan
as performed by Clannad
featuring guest artist Bono Vox
Comments
"What is grief, if not love persevering?"
nice start.
The numbness of grief...
...leading to what, I wonder.
The story tags don't indicate fantasy
so maybe healing dreams leading to closure
and a way to make the memories a positive thing?
I know how personal this one is for you, so I'm feeling this one.
~love + hugs, Ronni
"Government will only recognize 2 genders, male + female,
as assigned at birth-" (In his own words:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU