Easy As
by Angharad
part:388

I was in the middle of eating my sandwich when the phone rang. I was a little apprehensive about answering it, because no one was supposed to know I was here. At the same time, it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to make an informed guess.

I picked up the receiver, "Hello?"

"Hello, Cathy," said Simon.

"Hello, lover," I replied, "What's that noise in the background?"

"Bristol Temple Meads Station."

"What on earth are you doing there?"

"Waiting for my fiancee to come and get me, why?"

"She could be busy with her piece on the side."

"She can't cope with one man, so two would be a man too far."

"Damn, you know too much, now I'll have to kill you."

"Can I choose the method."

"What?"

"Of how you kill me."

"What?" I said, and his reply made me blush.

"Well come on, the sooner you collect me, the quicker you can start loving me to death."

"Have you eaten?"

"Never mind food, I'm sex starved, now hurry up."

I got in the car and was still smirking to myself as I drove down to the station. It took me twenty minutes, but there he was, waiting for me with his overnight bag and a bunch of flowers.

I pulled up and he climbed in, throwing his bag over to the back seat. We kissed briefly and then I drove back to the house. "How did you find me?"

"Duh!"

"You took a risk coming down on the train, didn't you?"

"You had to be here, there was nowhere else."

"I could have been in a hotel or B&B."

"With a dormouse?"

"It might have been a dormouse friendly establishment."

"I'll ask the tourist board to consider it next time they update their manual. One question?"

"Yes," I smiled at him.

"I thought dormeece were protected, how come you have one?"

"I have a licence to handle them, study them and where appropriate keep them."

"So it's you not the university that has the licence?"

"Yes, which could be one of the reasons they got rid of them."

"Couldn't they just get another licence?"

"They could, but maybe someone didn't want them to."

"I see, conspiracy theories abound once more. Tom had some awful bruising after you tried to kill him."

"Tried to kill him? I was just angry with him."

"Remind me not to make you angry."

"At least I didn't try to stuff a bike frame down his throat."

"That was different."

"Sure it was."

"Oh come on, Cathy, the guy had a knife, he'd already stabbed you as I found out afterwards. I wasn't going to wait to be introduced, I jumped off the bike and used it to keep him at bay."

"It just happened to catch him in the mouth?"

"Well he had a big mouth."

"I never did thank you for helping to save my life that day and apprehending the perpetrator of the assault."

"He's pleading insanity."

"He probably is barmy."

"In which case they should lock him up in a secure mental unit and throw the key away."

"What is he, a paranoid schizophrenic?"

"That's what he wants them to believe, and the doctors have swallowed it. Little green men tell him to attack cyclists because they're destroying the planet."

"Can we change the subject? Mind you, I feel safer with you here."

"I didn't do much of a job last time did I?"

"Only because I was riding faster than you."

"You always do, watch out Cannonball Cavendish, Wonder Watts is on her way."

"Oh come off it, I'm not that good unless you're comparing me with you."

"Oh thanks a million. Any more insults like that and I shall keep my flowers."

"I was beginning to think you were anyway."

"Oh yeah," he blushed, "these are for you." He spoke as I pulled up in the drive.

"What for me, what a lovely surprise."

"Oi, watch the sarcasm, or I'll give 'em to Spike."

"I don't think she'd eat them."

"How do you know dormice don't have higher feelings like humans?"

"I've studied them for several years, next question."

"Fair enough, I was just asking, that's all."

"Are your neighbours sharing with you?" he nodded towards the damaged house.

"No, they never actually stayed here."

"Why didn't they tell you?"

"I don't know, I was so relieved when I found they weren't here, that I didn't bother to find out."

We went into the house, and he shut the door and pulled me into his arms.

"Careful, you're crushing my blooms."

"Wait till we get upstairs...oh, those blooms, well put them down then." I dropped them on the floor. "Hey, be careful they cost me a fortune."

"Make your mind up, Simon, are you going to ravish me or have I got time to put these in water?"

"Erm, can I smell fresh bread?"

"Yeah, I made some this morning."

"Can I ravish you after we've eaten?"

"You are so romantic, Simon, I am underwhelmed by it all."

"A fellow's got to keep his strength up, you know, this ravishing business always makes me ravenous."

"How many have you ravished already?"

"Only a few today, needed to save my energy for the main event, don't you know?"

"I'm so glad. It'll have to be a dormouse sandwich, I haven't done much shopping."

"Eh?"

I kissed him, then took him into the kitchen to see a fat, little furry thing still curled up in the loaf."

"I thought they lived in teapots."

"That's only in Alice in Wonderland and he didn't sleep in the teapot, they were trying to wake him up by dunking him in the teapot."

"So this is a wholemeal breadmouse?"

"Seems to be." I told him of my adventure yesterday and my frantic search for Spike and where she ended up."

"Spike, you're a very naughty girl, running off like that with out telling your mummy. Maybe I should buy her a mobile phone."

I handed him his sandwich, "If you can get one she can use, I'd be very interested in seeing it."

"Oh ye of little faith," he sighed grabbing his sandwich and taking a big bite of it. "Hmm, I've really missed your bread."

"I thought you were implying you missed something else even more?"

"All in good time, I have to pace myself and deal with the inner man first."

"Tea?"

"Fine, unless you have a nice French wine to go with the cheese?"

"Sorry, I don't and the cheese is Irish Cheddar."

"Oh! oh well, tastes okay with your delicious home made bread."

"Flatterer," I had turned away from him and bent down to get a vase out of the cupboard under the stairs. Suddenly my bottom stung, and I realised Simon had pinched me. I stood up and spun around to slap him, and he was pointing at Spike's cage. She was awake and nibbling a bit of bread. I watched rubbing my bum as I did so. "I'll have a bruise there now, you pig."

"Oink, oink!" he said and began to laugh.

"My mother always said it was common to pinch a woman's behind."

"I couldn't resist it, I mean you were waving it about in the air like a flag, so I gave in to temptation."

"You can jolly well kiss it better, later."

"Yes please," he grinned.

Needless to say, we had an early night.