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The changing colours of its fruit
Have dowered the stars with merry light
The surety of its hidden root
Has planted quiet in the night

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Previously… Outside Karen’s house…

“I had a wonderful time tonight.” Kevin’s words formed an unasked question. Karen nodded.

“I need to talk with her first, okay?” While Karen was not going to assume anything, between what she felt in her heart and what she believed Heather had spoken to her from above, she trusted that Kelly would understand. No promises. No assurances. Nothing but two adults who almost desperately came to collaborate on giving unconditional love to a girl who was just beginning to find her place in the world.

Remembering all that shaken hair
And how the winged sandals dart
Thine eyes grow full of tender care
Beloved gaze in thine own heart

On Kelly’s front step, a few days later…

“You want to go to Moira’s?” Glynnis smiled at Kelly. Spending time alone seemed to trouble Kelly for a variety of understandable if even sad reasons. Kelly nodded gingerly; the idea of spending time with the few girls who knew and essentially were her ‘sisters’ appealed to her more than isolating herself.

“You don’t have to. I can call her and say another time? But…” Glynnis touched Kelly’s face gently.

“It’s not your fault. None of this is.” She looked away and across the room to the bedroom window, as if she could see all around the town to where Pauli’s choices had touched them and others.

“It was all about….” Thankfully no one she knew had been visited in their childhood by the abuse Pauli and his sister had endured. It did not excuse his behavior but it certainly explained it. Kelly nodded.

“I…. I feel sorry for him.” Glynnis sounded almost apologetic; odd given that he had accosted her. But Kelly nodded again.

“He was never…It’s like everything has been taken from him. He tried to… I don’t know… show he was…. Sorry.” Kelly stopped and began to tear up.

“Trying to be something… someone he isn’t?” Glynnis touched Kelly’s face again and kissed her cheek.

“I… I think I’d like to go, if that’s still okay?” Kelly practically pleaded. Glynnis nodded back.

“It’ll be fun….” Glynnis hoped it would be fun. Moira and her girlfriend Gina and Glynnis and Kelly and Maggie. The thought pulled at her for some reason until she realized that everybody was paired off except for her sister. She sighed but regrouped enough to repeat,

“It’ll be fun.”

At O'Conner’s later that afternoon….

“I forgot to tell you,” Glynnis looked at Kelly and half –frowned.

“It’s a sleepover.”

“No… I can’t,” Kelly said. Even with an understanding aunt and uncle and cousin, guilt and shame still dogged her almost unmercifully. As she stepped into the house an unexpected figure stood next to her uncle.

“Hey….” Kevin stepped closer and hugged Kelly awkwardly.

“Tommy asked if I could hang around since the house will be filled with nothing but him and a lot of ladies.” He stammered a bit at the end. It still was a bit difficult to think of Kelly as a lady, young or otherwise. But the heart can see what the mind misses and he smiled at her; almost a proud moment at the idea that his little child was actually growing into womanhood. Kelly blushed as the hug ended.

“Have a good time….” He paused as he recalled what Karen had said to him about Kelly’s need to be affirmed. He continued, even if the words were more awkward than the hug just moment ago.

“Honey.” The word itself was as affirming as anyone could have managed, but it still had an effect no one could have anticipated. Kelly burst into tears and ran down the hallway into Moira’s bedroom, only to find Moira and Gina trying on clothes as they stood in their ‘altogether,’ as Fiona was wont to say.

“I’m sorry,” Kelly stammered. Gina waved sheepishly in her own small embarrassment even as Moira spoke words that only added to Kelly’s confusion and shame.

“It’s okay, Cuz. We’re all girls here.” Kelly began to shake. Gina stepped closer to comfort her but she pushed away and ran into Moira’s bathroom, slamming the door quite unintentionally.

“MOM?” Moira called out only to find Fiona already swiftly walking into the bedroom.

“Why don’t you two go order the food and maybe you and Glynnie and Maggie can go with your Dad and Uncle Kev?” She shooed them out of the room, but her smile let them know that it was okay and that they had pretty much done a good thing even if it was taken completely if understandably wrong.

“Call us when you get back?” Gina tugged at Moira’s arm and nodded, and both girls quickly got dressed and left the bedroom.

For all things turn to bareness
In the dim glass the demons hold
The glass of outer weariness
Made when God slept in times of old

A bit later…

The bathroom door opened and Kelly peeked out.

“Coast’s clear, Kel.” Fiona said cautiously. Kelly stepped out into the bedroom. Her face was still red from crying. Fiona patted the bed and sat down. Kelly hesitated for a few moments but gave in and walked quickly to her aunt; nestling against her as she sobbed. Fiona stroked her hair.

“You know, baby, we have hardly spent any time just by ourselves. You are so special to me…to us of course, but especially to me.” Kelly pulled back a bit and looked askance at her aunt.

“Even before you began to ‘show up’ you reminded me of her….but now? It’s like Heather is alive in you. You’re your own girl, but you are so much like your mother.”

“No, Aunt Fi…no…” Kelly began to shake her head but Fiona put her finger to Kelly’s lips in a gentle gesture. Fiona wiped away the tears that fell freely from her own eyes and smiled.

“I am so proud of you, Kelly. I am so very glad you are alive in in our lives.”

“I don’t feel…alive.” Kelly shook her head slightly, more out of fatigue than denial. Fiona squeezed Kelly’s arms.

“You’re coming out of a very long time where Kelly had to sleep… keep quiet because you could not have known how you would been received. I am so sorry for that. It’s so much my fault.” Kelly shook her head no, owning all of the needless shame and guilt.

“No, Sweet Girl. I should have said something before you had to show your father. Your mother made us promise…” Fiona put her hand to her face. Life can be so confusing and expectations, even well-intended ones, can be unrealistic. She smiled and kissed Kelly’s hands.

“When we… When we knew there was no more hope… Your mother made us promise….”

“Us? Promise? I don’t understand.”

“She knew her time… Her time was ending, honey. The first thing she said was ‘Take care of my boy.’” Kelly winced at the word boy. Fiona shook her head no but her face was bright and loving.

“Oh, no, Kelly. Not you. Heather …Your mother always called your father ‘My boy.’ ‘Take care of him. He has too much to give and no way of knowin’ how to show it. Nor any way of receiving love.’”

“Dad? Love?” Kelly felt guilty as soon as the words left her lips. He had been loving of late; an awakening of his own.

“I’m sorry, Aunt Fi…. He’s trying.”

“Yes he is…both ways.”

“Both ways?”

“He wants to love you for who you are. I think you crying isn’t because he doesn’t care but because finally he does care for Kelly. He knows you at last as a daughter, and it’s almost too hard to take in all at once, right?” Kelly nodded and Fiona continued.

“She said to us, “And take care of my sweet….girl.” Fiona gasped and Kelly took her own turn at providing solace as she hugged her aunt.

“I am so sorry I didn’t talk to Kevin…your dad…but now? It’s still us who were tasked to make sure the sweet girl was okay.”

“You keep saying us? Us?”

“Me and your Mam’s best friend.”

“K…Karen?”

“You notice that she says ‘there’s my girl?’ when she sees you or asks about you? That’s Heather talking… why we both have said it now that you’ve come out of hiding. There’s MY girl means there’s our girl… Karen’s. Mine, and your Mam. We love you, but I think Karen loves you much more than she’s been able to show. But that’s changing….in so many ways.

“Like with Dad? But…” Kelly began to shake her head.

“Well, you’re your own person, and I can’t tell you how to feel, but leaving your father aside for the moment, I must say I can’t think of a single soul who loves you more than our Miss Karen, yes?” Even as the words drifted out like a covering, Kelly smiled while once again returning to her recently-acquired emotional default as she began to sob happy tears. Tears mixed with only a bit of the bitter but mostly sweet, comforting and peaceful as she wept quietly in Fiona’s arms.

“Shuuuhhh…shuuhhh,” Fiona repeated while repeating.

“You are loved, dear sweet Kelly O’Meara. You are loved."

Later that night…

All the girls except for Kelly sat in a circle on the floor. Moira waved to Kelly to come over, but the girl stood by the bedroom door before speaking.

“I’m going to…” Kelly put her head down and started walking into the hallway toward the living room. Glynnis began to get up but her sister Maggie put her hand up.

“Let me, sis?” Glynnis shook her head slightly.

“Please? It’s really important to me.”

“Oh…okay,” Glynnis replied with a quizzical look. Maggie caught the expression.

“I think I need to talk to her as much as she may need someone to talk to, Okay?” Glynnis nodded and smiled and Maggie trailed Kelly down the hallway.

“I wish Maggie had someone,” Gina said as she smiled at Moira. The girls nodded as well even as Glynnis sighed. Apart from her mother and father, the two most precious people in her life were just down the hallway, and she hoped that both might have something the other needed. They did.

A few moments later…

Fiona sat on the sofa curled up with latest Fantastic Beasts book. She peered over her reading glasses to find Kelly and Maggie standing awkwardly at the archway into the living room. They went to turn but Fiona waved and spoke.

“I have some reading and it looks like you two need some time alone.” Maggie’s eyes widened in embarrassment until Fiona added.

“Girls sometimes need to talk when Ainten and Oncle are out of the room, aye. You two are the best of friends, and probably could teach me a thing or two.” She turned her attention to Kelly.

“Your father and your uncle are out doing guy things. If you need us, Miss Rowlings and I will be down the hall in my bedroom.” She got up and walked over.

“Night ‘lessin’ we’re needed, dear girls.” She kissed them both on their foreheads and walked down to her room.

“You okay talking?” Maggie asked even as she gently guided Kelly to the sofa Fiona had just vacated. Sitting them both down, she held her arms wide, but seemed to be asking for rather than offering a hug. Kelly obliged almost sheepishly.

“We’re friends, right?” Maggie asked but continued.

“We’ve all know each other since we were all at Helen Morgan Elementary. And you…You and Glynnie… like forever?” Kelly winced, since her life up to only a few months ago excluded Kelly herself in a way while her father held onto the understandable if dramatically incorrect assumption that he had a son named Kevin.

“I sorta liked Bobby Kapusta but he moved away. And then I was really…” Her eyes grew teary.

“Violet Corrigan kissed me when we were all at Sparta Middle School, but her Mom got…. When I started drinking I wasn’t so nice to be around.” She didn’t have to go further but she did.

“Everybody didn’t like Daddy … you know how he was? Sure you do… Glynnie tells you everything. She loves Daddy, but it was so hard. Mrs. Corrigan said I was…just like Daddy…” Her voice almost drifted into a sing-song mixed with soft weeping.

“I hate myself,” she said, echoing words and thoughts Kelly hat also felt for so long. Kelly pulled her best friend 1.5 into a hug.

“I know….” She repeated as she rocked Maggie in her arms. Father issues? Identity Issues? Even sad laments of love that only a teenage girl could understand. She repeated,

“I know…I know…”

It might have seemed contrived. Glynnis did share with Maggie everything that Kelly would allow but Maggie’s hurts and needs were immediate and genuine. It was really foreordained, since Maggie needed someone outside of her sister to understand, since sisters have to, don’t they?

And Kelly needed to listen and care and be there for Maggie, since in helping Maggie, she was reminded that she wasn’t the only girl who felt out-of-place and rejected. And she also realized that even if she had come into girlhood late, there were some who knew all along that while she may have been christened as Kevin Junior, everyone she cared for knew it was baby Kelly O’Meara her mother gave birth to nearly seventeen years ago.

Remembering all that shaken hair
And how the winged sandals dart
Thine eyes grow full of tender care
Beloved gaze in thine own heart

Glynnis smiled at Moira and Gina; asleep on the bed cuddled in each other’s arms. Even if they were a bit flirty at times, the girls remained chaste so to speak; out of their own respect for each other since Morira's parents and Gina’s mother trusted the girls to being navigators of their own course a wee bit.

Glynnis crept down the hallway. She stepped quietly into the living room. Maggie had fallen asleep in Kelly’s lap. And Kelly looked at Glynnis; almost in apology, but Glynnis shook her head.

“She’s needed someone besides just me and Mommy to talk with, and I guess it’s why you needed to be here?" She whispered and sat down next to Kelly. Kissing her index finger she placed it on her sleeping sister’s cheek. Kelly stared at Maggie and did not notice Glynnis leaning close.

“And for you?” Glynnis kissed Kelly on the lips; trying very hard to be gentle. Perhaps a bit more sisterly than she would like but just sisterly enough to be what Kelly needed in that moment. Times would come where love was more than just acceptance, but Kelly needed Glynnis – period.

And of course the only one who was not crying at that moment was Maggie; adrift in a peaceful sleep. Happy tears fell onto her face from both girls, however, so she did participate in a way. And soon Maggie was joined in blissful rest by her sister and the second best friend she would ever have….

There the love a circle go
The flaming circle of our days
Gyring, spiring to and fro
In those great ignorant leafy ways

To be continued

Ce He Mise Le Ulaingt? / The Two Trees
Lyrics by W.B. Yeats (part One)
Lyrics by Patrick Hutchinson (Part Two)
Music by the performer
Loreena McKennitt
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lX2D-mbS-UE