Previously, at Cristyn Edwards’ house…

“D…Dylan?” Gary stammered. As much as he wanted to be a young man at that moment, fears and ignorance seemed to shove his maturity aside, and he saw a boy in girl’s clothing instead of an almost pretty if altogether brand new girl. And seeing in context made all the difference; meeting her over the summer at the camp meant with all the other kids who actually looked like they fit in as new or temporarily accepted girls. In the home of his best friend, it was sadly a reminder of how much more change had yet to take place between him and Hailey. He shook his head; reflexively if entirely unintentional yet still revealing.

“Y…esss….” It was all the girl could manage as she looked into his eyes. She wanted to believe. Hell, even Gary wanted to believe, but he was a confused and even scared barely-fourteen-year-old boy, and his expression told her all the things she didn’t need to hear. She burst into tears and ran out of the living room and down the hall. Gary turned to Hailey….his sister. She saw In his eyes the same lack of understanding that Dylan had just now felt. The same lack of understanding she hoped had departed.

---

A short while later…

“Hey, where is everybody,” Cristyn called as she walked in. Gary glanced down the hallway. She stare at him as if to ask, ‘what did you do?’ He shrugged his shoulders, but still came off looking somewhat guilty.

“Gary?”

“I said his name….” He looked away. Cristyn shook her head almost furiously. Gary was her friend and she understood the difficulty in nouns and pronouns, but she just knew Dylan was in her room crying and maybe with the accompaniment of Gary’s sister. It didn’t mean much if he meant well. Dylan was pretty much going through hell at home and today and this place were supposed to provide her cousin with a brief respite. She brushed past him and half-smiled; acknowledging at least that she knew he hadn’t meant to hurt anyone.

“Hard to figure out, right?” Mefus Edwards smiled. She put a bag of groceries on the kitchen table and walked into the hallway where he stood.
“We had thought that meeting up with the two of you….Hailey and you….would help her.” The stress in the pronoun was meant to help the boy and not as a rebuke. He nodded almost robotically. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to find the kind eyes of Cristyn's father Danny peering into his.

“We made all sorts of mistakes when Dylan came to us. It’s a learning process even for those of us who know and support girls like Dylan and Hailey. I know you’re trying.” He patted Gary’s back.

“Let’s take a walk, okay?” He didn’t wait but instead ushered Gary out the front door. A few moments later they were walking on a bike path in the park adjacent to the house.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Edwards. I didn’t mean to…. I was just so surprised to see ….her here.”

“I know. Cristyn didn’t even realize you had met until Dylan and she talked this morning about the camp. She mentioned what a nice boy she had met who had shown her kindness.” At the word ‘boy,’ Gary’s face began to redden. Danny noticed the boy’s embarrassment.

“You’re confused? I get that. But I suppose you already know just by having a sister like Hailey that it’s not all about you?” Gary nodded awkwardly.

“None of us comes with instructions, and we’re constantly being disassembled and put back together when we find a part in the wrong place or discover a new part that needs to be added.” He led Gary to a bench next to the path and sat down. Gary joined him; still feeling awkward.

“You’re doing a great job supporting your sister but that doesn’t answer questions you have about my niece…. And how you feel.”

“I don’t ….It’s hard to put into words.”

“You’re wondering if….” Danny left the word unspoken; prompting Gary to own the moment and his feelings.

“Gay? I….I mean….” His face began to darken once again.

“I’ve known you and your family since preschool. Would that be so wrong?” Gary put his head down.

“We’re all put together differently and sometimes we discover later than some just how different we are. But all we are? It’s who we are that matters….not what…who we are. You don’t feel attracted to boys and that idea is confusing. So think of it this way. You are….attracted to Dylan? She’s not a he, but if she was a he, would that be so bad? Even so, Dylan is a girl, no matter how she started out.” Gary looked away and nodded. Tears began to fall off his chin.

“Oh fuck...I’m sorry, Mr. Edwards. I didn’t mean to hurt ….her feelings.”

“I know you didn’t. It will be okay. We best hurry back.” Gary looked at him in surprise. Danny laughed as he stood; pulling the boy up.

“I’m cooking dinner tonight.”

---

On the interstate on the way from the airport…

“Why aren’t the kids with you?” Chris shook his head and stared at Gina.

“It’s not like you gave us notice, Chris.”

“I was able to get an earlier flight. I thought you’d be happy.” Sullen wasn’t exactly what Gina had hoped for; especially with the news she needed to convey.

“I…We are happy, Chris. The kids just had things they were already doing when you called. The…twins went to the Edward's house for dinner. And Bonnie had a sleepover that was canceled so she went over to Melanie’s with Steph… probably watching Downton Abbey.”

“Downton what?”

“It’s a show….” Gina was frustrated already. It wasn’t that Chris didn’t know about the show. It was all about his choice to accept deployment after she had pled for him to stay close to home. And now with the changes that seemed to be happening in all the Venturini children?”

“Anyway, it’s probably a good thing we’re alone. We need to talk, honey,” she said; surprised at the endearment that almost inserted itself into the conversation. Of course she still loved her husband, but she had grown to dislike bits and pieces of his life that seemed to almost always ignore her and the children.

“Okay…. Let’s talk.”

“Ah…. Maybe we should stop and get something to eat.” She faced straight ahead, hoping he didn’t see her wince.

“Good….I’m starving.” He laughed. She sighed and thought.

“I’m starving. For affection. The kids and I are starving for attention.” The words thankfully went unsaid as she glanced over at her husband, blinking back tears.

“Why are you crying?” He asked.

“Just…just happy you’re home, honey.”

That word again. Try as she might to stay angry, she still wanted to forgive him. She only hoped he would have it in him to forgive her once they talked. She didn’t really need to be forgiven; she hadn’t kept anything from him since Hailey had already made an appearance in a way. But add ignorance and an insistence that Chris Jr. was and would remain a boy to a protracted absence, and the equation could be summed up as Gina Carla Manfredonia Venturini dealing with raising three children mostly on her own. Add a transgender child to the mix, and things became all the more difficult.”

“I’m really glad to be home, too.” Chris did something quite unexpected.

“I love you.” He grabbed her right hand away from the steering wheel and squeezed before wiping the tears on her cheek with his hand.

“I love you, too, honey.” Gina smiled through the tears hoping that love would be enough to sustain them once she told her husband that he had two daughters and only one son.

I tried to paint you a picture, the colors were all wrong
Black and white didn't fit you and all along,
You were shaded with patience, your strokes of everything
That I need just to make it, but I can see that...
Lord knows I failed you time and again,
But you and me are alright

---

Meanwhile…

Mefus walked into Cristyn’s bedroom. All three girls were sitting on the floor. Hailey seemed to be the most ‘together’ of the three, oddly enough, but with more experience in fitting in, she’d cried more for Dylan than herself. Cristyn was holding her cousin; rocking her gently like a mother holding a child. Tears streamed down her face as she felt Dylan’s pain as her own; mourning with those who mourn, so to speak if a bit premature. Mefus stooped down and kissed Hailey’s forehead in blessing before sitting on the floor next to Dylan. She looked over at Cristyn and nodded; motherly pride over the compassion her daughter showed to Dylan.

“I’m so sorry,” she said; almost to all three. Hailey was already standing. She walked to the dresser in the corner of the room and retrieved some tissue.

“Mrs. Edwards?” Hailey looked out the bedroom window; as if to see all the way home.

“Yes, honey?”

“My…my dad is coming home. He…. He doesn’t know….” Hailey bit her lip and all the strength she had mustered for her friend departed as she began to tear up. Mefus nodded and glanced at Dylan; a need to show the girl that but for different names and homes, the two were all too much alike in their hurt, and that both girls mattered.

“Oh, honey…. I heard… Cristyn told me. “She grabbed Dylan’s and Cristyn's hands and squeezed with as much assurance as she could manage. Standing up, she walked to the girl and hugged her. So much time had passed since Hailey and Gary had become a part of Cristyn's life. Mefus had known from the beginning that there was something different about the twins; perhaps even before Hailey herself, and certainly before their parents.

She had long feared for the girl; a fear however that prompted two things. First, she had discovered a need in herself to understand and accept the child whom they had always known as Chris. And that led to prayer which not only prepared her for the inevitable day she would be called to help Hailey, but now to help her own niece.

Dylan Edwards was facing the same rejection and pain which had beset Hailey for so long. But in the home of Andrew and Gwen Edwards, there were no sympathetic eyes and nods and smiles. Hailey at least had two sibs and her mom. Dylan had no one. Kind and well-meaning faith can also hurt when misdirected or unaware. Andrew and even Gwen had grown almost inflexible. They loved all of their children, but with an eye to seeing three sons despite the protests of their youngest child.

I have an idea, girls, but it might make things more difficult before it gets better.” Three sets of eyes stared at Mefus in anxious hope. She smiled and nodded.

“Come out to the kitchen with me. Let’s have some tea and we can talk.” She grabbed Hailey’s hand and walked her over to the two cousins; both offering the girls help in standing. The anxious looks seemed to change a bit with more hope mixed in along with quizzical smiles that graced all three faces. Mefus bit her lip in thought; hoping against hope that something…anything… they could do would be enough for all three families. She looked upward and whispered a prayer before walking out of the bedroom and down the hall; three hopeful girls in tow.

---

Meanwhile, at Zebb’s Grill, Orchard Park, New York….

“I’m starved,” Chris said. Gina sighed and nodded. The waitress, Chelsea by her nametag, smiled and spoke.

“Something to drink?” Chris stared at the menu. Gina spoke up.

“Two Bass Ales? And a some water with lemon?” The waitress walked off and Chris turned his attention to Gina in surprise.

“What? I sort of learned how to order while you were away.”

“Don’t start!” he snapped but thought better of it.

“I’m sorry. I had that coming.” Gina wanted to agree out loud, but they needed better footing than being annoyed with each other.

“I’m sorry, too. I don’t mean to beat you up. I just hope in the middle of all this you know the reason why we’re all upset is because we all love you so much, okay, honey?” There was that word again. Her mind was telling her to stay angry, but her heart was saying otherwise. Not to extend cheap grace once more to a husband used to having his way, but a means of bridging a gap that would only widen if she didn’t speak truth with love.

A few moments later Chelsea had returned with the ale.

“Two….?” Gina looked at Chris. He nodded; more out of acknowledgement than approval.

“Two Haddock? Grilled okay?” Chris nodded and smiled.

“Baked potato and whatever vegetable you’ve got?” Gina smiled back, hoping the meal would help. The way past a man’s need to be right is through his stomach?

“Carrots…they’re fresh…carrots okay?”

“Carrots it is. And can we both have another ale?” She looked over and noticed Chris had barely reached half-way. The girl smiled and walked away once again.

“So what’s so important that we couldn’t talk about it in the car?” Chris shook his head, expecting the worst. Gina took a gulp of her water and sighed.

“I wanted to wait until we got home, but between my anxiety all day, I need to tell you now.” She smiled, hoping that would at least relieve any anxiety on his part. It didn’t.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong.” Or at least it wouldn’t be unless he made it so.

“We …we talked about some things….before you deployed this time.”

“What?” His eyes widened in anticipation; almost a pre-emptive annoyance for what he already knew he’d say.

“The twins…they’re not getting any younger,” Gina shrugged. Chris took a swig of his own ale; downing it quickly.

“We…we did talk about this.”

“Actually, I tried to talk about it. You wouldn’t listen. Your child has tried to talk about it for nearly three years.” The word ‘child’ seemed almost a concession to his demands. She took another gulp of water.

“The doctors all agree, honey.” That word inserted itself once again; almost hoping on her behalf that the man she married would act as if.

“I…I know what the doctors said, Gina.” Her name was as close to an endearment as he could speak at that moment.

“We had to do something, Chris.” She spoke his name; not as an endearment but in appeal to who he was inside. The man she married. The man she thought she knew.

“I sent you an email. It had an attachment. I know you read it because you were happy about Bonnie’s volunteering at the homeless shelter. And Gary’s homer. But you didn’t say a word about….”

“His name is Christopher…. Anthony… Junior.” Chris spoke the words in an almost monotone; a portent of something worse?

“Her…. Her, Chris. Her name is Hailey…. Did you even look at the picture?”

“I didn’t when you first sent it.” He sighed. A calm before the storm?

“But the other day I was looking at my saved folder and I opened the email again.”

“And?” Gina hadn’t meant to be so abrupt, but she was desperate enough for all their sake that urgency took over.

“The picture? I guess that’s at the park? Gary is so much … he’s quite the young man. And Bonnie is so much taller than when I saw her last….” His voice trailed off. Speaking the next few words would determine the fate of the family.

“And?” The word was softer; accompanied by a par on her husband’s wrist.

Chris shook his head once again and just looked away.

---

At the Edwards’ home….

“Anyone for more?” Danny held up the platter of fish. Cristyn nodded and speared a fillet with her fork. Dylan and Hailey hardly seemed interested in the food on their plates. Mefus smiled and shook her head no, but gave her husband thumbs up. Gary took the platter from Danny’s hand and pulled two fillets and some fries onto his own plate.

“Dylan, sweetie?” Danny looked at Mefus. She nodded and spoke.

“We can do this only if you both think It best.” Dylan looked at her aunt; once again hoping for something…anything that might help.

“This really means all of you, since each of you are part of how we hope to reach Dylan’s mom and dad.”

“If you’re willing…if you can, dearest?” Mefus patted Dylan’s hand.

“Instead of driving you home tomorrow, we think it might be a good thing if your mom and dad come to dinner tomorrow. I know they’re free since they made plans to be home when I talked to Gwen.”

“I … I don’t understand.”

“When your dad dropped you off, you were…. You were their son. Danny and I think it’s high time they got to know Dylan….their daughter.”

“Oh….I…. “ Dylan shook her head; almost refusing to believe her parents would understand. Cristyn placed her hand on the girl’s back.

“I know you’re scared. But we’ll be here…all of us.” She glanced over at Hailey. The girl nodded at Cristyn and Dylan; albeit with an anxious look.

“I….I know how it feels….” Hailey was almost apokogetic; as if somehow Dylan's pain was her fault.

“And I’m scared for you…. And me. But this is who we are?” Her voice raised a bit in question. Danny nodded.

“Who you are. Exactly, Hailey. And we will be here for you. All of us.” He nudged Gary and spoke; anticipating the boy’s question.

“Having your brother here might help Dylan’s parents realize it’s not just their child or family, and that Hailey has support.” At the word support, Hailey winced. She had the support of her mother and her sister and Gary, despite her brother’s missteps. But she also had more convincing to do, so to speak.

Almost on cue, Gary’s cell phone rang.

“Hello?” He turned.

“It’s my sister Bonnie.” He put his ear to the phone again.”

“What? When? Oh… yeah…we’re at Cristyn’s….yeah…. Okay… bye.” He clicked off the phone and spoke.

“That was Bonnie,” he repeated.

“Mom got a call…. My Dad came home early. They’re on their way home from the airport.” He said it with excitement and everyone in the room smiled save for two. Dylan shrugged her shoulders; looking at least happy for Gary. And Hailey wore a blank stare that quickly turned to a look of panic.

“D…Daddy’s home?” She didn’t wait for the reply but simply burst into tears before getting up from the table and running down the hall once again. Mefus went to rise but Cristyn touched her arm.

“I’ll go…” She turned and smiled.

“Can..Can I come too?” Gary asked. Cristyn nodded almost solemnly and they walked down the hall together

I walked a minute in your shoes –
They never would've fit
I figured there's nothing to lose.
I need to get
Some perspective on these words before I write them down
You're an island and my ship has run aground.

To be concluded...

---

All We Are
words and music by
Tim Myers and Ryan Redder
Performed by
One Republic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6GZEHyvzSE

All We Are - Reprise
words and music by
Marshall Altman and the performer,
Matt Nathanson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRwjdJVyHkA