“It is time.”

Previously…

The DePasquale home…

“Happy birthday, early, Sue,” he said. She looked into his eyes and saw tears; nothing completely out of the ordinary for him, but still a bit emotional for a meal with family. Lina was standing at the foot of the stairs leading up to her bedroom. She stepped aside as a familiar figure walked down the stairs into the living room.

“Happy birthday.” The voice was halting; as if there was more to say than just a birthday greeting. And what was left unsaid had been left unsaid for years. Tonight, the word was finally spoken.

“Susan?” The voice might have been tentative and almost doubtful in a way, but the softness of the intent made the moment more precious as Jerry Albanese held his arms out. The gesture was desperately needful but entirely daunting for a girl who already lacked confidence in her own impressions and faith. It was entirely too much to take in for a girl who was used to believing she deserved nothing but shame on a day filled with acceptance. She started to shake before falling into Carlo's arms, weeping.

On this half lit day
with your crown beneath your wings
ev'ry word just echoes
and the empty world sings

Susan stood in a field; hilly and half-covered with flowers. The smell of salt filled the air as the breeze from the sea cooled her despite the hot sun overhead. She looked around and saw she was standing near what looked like a large stone patio surrounded by gnarled old trees and a large stone wall almost tucked into a corner.

She felt alone, very weary and even a bit scared despite the warmth of the breeze; a comfort that only took the edge off her dread. She walked carefully to the wall and touched a clump of the ivy that had nearly covered what looked like a door. She placed her hand on the rusting handle and pulled. It gave way quickly and much easier than she expected. As the door creaked open she heard her name….

“Susan?” She found herself looking up into Lina’s face as she lay on the couch.

“What…” Consciousness brought recollection and recollection dragged sadness back into her heart as she began to cry; this time softly and almost without sound. Lina helped her sit up and sat down beside her; almost cradling her like a child. She blinked back tears and gasped as she looked at the figure standing in front of her.

“Dad?”

“No…it’s me, sis.” Danny said with a sigh. Carlo stepped closer next to his brother and shook his head slightly.

“He was here, but when ….” Carlo started to speak, but choked up with angry tears.

“He left. He was here. I’m sorry. I told him not to surprise you like that,” Danny said, his voice a bit more subdued, but still with traces of his own angry disappointment, and not for himself.

“We were going to tell you, but it didn’t quite work out, and I’m sorry. I should have said something,” Lina said as she squeezed Susan’s shoulder. Susan went to pull away; Lina’s words stung for only a moment and she sidled back next to her aunt with a look that seemed almost apologetic, prompting Danny to speak.

“We let you down. I guess we wanted things to be like they were when we were little. I should have warned you…at the very least I should have….” His voice trailed off. And it was like they were little in a way as old fears and sadness filled the room like damp air on a hot day.

“I’m so sorry.” Lina looked her in the eyes. Hope deferred makes the heart sad, as it says somewhere. There was hope in everyone’s heart, if only for the moment Jerry spoke the girl’s name for the first time. But fulfillment doesn’t always come quick or easy, as their father’s absence showed all too well.

“It’s okay,” Susan said with a sigh. It wasn’t okay at all, but the girl had gotten used to disappointment and at that point, any movement away from pain was good; at least as good as it could get. She smiled weakly and stood.

“I’m…I’ve got to go lie down.” Tired comes in so many forms. Being energized by acceptance from other people at other places at other recent times did nothing to abate the fatigue of still-present rejection from the one person from whom she sought acceptance. The person whom she hadn’t stopped loving; whom she adored even now, since every child wants desperately to love their father even if he acts and says and does things that aren’t loving himself. She went to walk away but stopped as the sobs overtook her. Lina got up and grabbed her hand.

“Guys? I’m going to put Susan to bed, okay? Go ahead and grab something to eat,” she said, pointing to the food laid out on the dining room table.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” Danny nodded. Carlo walked over to Lina and Susan, quickly followed by his brother. They hugged the pair and stepped away as Lina walked Susan down the hall to her bedroom.

A moment later Susan had shed her skirt and blouse and shoes and was lying under the covers; her head practically buried in her pillow. Lina lay on top of the blanket, still hugging the girl as she sobbed. It would have been better if Jerry hadn’t reached out tentatively; it almost felt as if he had intended all along to make a show while planning to withdraw. Like being rejected twice, the rejection was made stronger by his choice to speak her name only to dismiss her. Lina spoke silently in prayer as she held her niece. Soon both were asleep; safe and warm in the knowledge of love that still remained hopeful in the shattered family.

Where have you gone my feather light heart?
I never imagined you would leave
Where have you gone my sparkling wind?
right here is the hardest place to be

“Oh Queen of Narnia, what do you bid of me?” The woman sat on a divan; belying the words that almost harkened to an era of servitude. This woman wasn’t a servant in the basest sense, but her demeanor seemed to speak of a desire to please and a willingness to sacrifice. It wasn’t servitude. It was love. Love in the almost purest sense that gives instead of takes; that listens instead of speaks; that seeks to know instead of being known.

“Come to me.” She heard the voice, but instead of the lion, it was the woman who spoke; her arms open in welcome and her eyes shining brightly in love…..

In the glistening
of the lost and open sky
tiny piece of you sits
Simple wish waits for reply

Where have you gone my feather light heart?
I never imagined you could leave
Where have you gone my sparkling wind?
right here is the hardest place to be

Union County College, that Friday afternoon…

Susan sat on the bench at the bus stop. She was deep in concentration as she turned the pages of a worn, dog-eared copy of her favorite author. A second later she felt a presence and turned to find Noorah sitting beside her.

“Lewis is a favorite of mine as well.” Her accent was a mixture mostly of Union County but with a refinement that likely came from her British mother.

“A universalist from what I can gather. There’s hope for you Christians yet,” she teased. Susan’s face began to redden and she turned away, leading Noorah to come to the obvious if incorrect conclusion.

“Oh, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to make light of your faith.” She bowed her head while continuing to speak.

“And I didn’t mean to presume that my faith was …. It was entirely wrong of me. I am so sorry.” Noorah would have felt just as embarrassed with anyone else, but something deep inside urged her strongly….had been tugging at her for days, in fact, which made the shame of the moment even more painful. She put her hand on Susan’s arm and Susan pulled it away; slowly and deliberately, but without a word.

“Please forgive me, Susan? You’ve been through so much hurt and the last thing I wished to do was to add to your pain." Her words were met with silence. She bowed her head, hoping that she could find the right thing to say. Susan made it easier without communicating a single sentence as she turned toward Noorah. Her eyes were a bit red and puffy. She nodded with a half-smile before turning away once more; prompting Noorah again to touch her arm. This time she stayed still other than a slight nod before looking upward as if in prayer. She sighed and turned again to Noorah and spoke.

“I don’t know what to say….” She paused and bit her lip.

“Of course I forgive you, Noorah. Really…there’s nothing to forgive. I just…”

“You don’t want me to sit here with you?” Her inflection indicated a question, but it really was a statement; a means to verify what Noorah feared…desperately hoped against, in fact, since she had been troubled by dreams and shadows the past several nights. She sighed and went to stand up but this time it was Susan’s turn to reach out.

“No…stay…..Please?” It would be the only words exchanged for the rest of the day between the two. Noorah pulled out a tablet and began reading, but not before squeezing Susan’s hand. The girl smiled and returned her attention to Lewis. To say that she was confused would be a gross understatement. But even in her confusion, somehow doubt seemed to be stepping slowly away; a enemy beating a reluctant departure in defeat.

The two exchanged one or two glances before the shuttle pulled up next to the bus shelter. Susan stood up and went to leave. As she placed her foot on the step into the bus, she paused. She turned to see Noorah staring at her. Without knowing what to do, she did something that she hadn’t done since before her mother died. She blew a kiss to the young woman sitting on the bench before getting on the bus. In a few moments the bus was off down the driveway and off campus; leaving Noorah alone with her thoughts…thoughts that were just as confused but just as settled and peaceful as the girl she was beginning to love.

Forgiven beneath the shadows
Delivered into a dream
the beating wings of the weary
let me in take me in

Where have you gone my feather light heart?
You mustn't forget what love can see......

To be continued…

Where
Words and music by
the performer, Lisbeth Scott
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vi2Pghkgp5A