The Secret Redux Part Four Let’s Face the Music and Dance

 
 
"I told you long ago that I've loved you for so long; I want what's best for you...for us." Erica was looking at Maired, but speaking to Mark, if you follow me. "What's not fair is holding you back!"

"But not at your expense." Mark said.

"I'm willing to take that risk."

This debate had been going on for over an hour, and neither was budging, more out of deference to the other than to any stubbornness or selfish motive. They loved each other that much; it was almost a transgender version of O'Henry's "Gift of the Magi." Erica was willing to jeopardize her standing as a children's author in order to see Mark's career blossom as his alter-ego Maired's music was taking more precedence lately. It was entirely his choice, as he was becoming more comfortable playing jazz, but more about that later.

The gig at Sculler's was slated to begin in an hour, and Maired, thankfully, wasn't first, so she had some time to prepare before going on. Erica was worried that the discussion would unnerve Maired to the point of distraction, making it difficult for her to perform.

"I'm only going to be me here, if you follow me; just your "sister-in-law,” she said.

"What if this actually takes off?" Mark asked, truly worried about Erica's standing and reputation. If it were revealed that Erica Kiernan's husband Mark and his "sister" Maired were one in the same, it could seriously harm her position and reputation as a children's author, since there were still plenty of people out there that considered transgender the last taboo. The interesting thing is that Erica had once again made a concerted effort to reinforce Mark, but they were discovering that Maired and Mark were "coming together," so to speak. Everything she loved about both aspects of her husband seemed to be integrating into a whole personality, although there had been nothing disjointed about Mark. It was more like a melding; Mark's charm and wit were more frequently being displayed by Maired, and the care and sensitivity, what some might consider feminine traits, were actually parts of his whole being. In fact, almost everything Erica could point to about Maired's personality was really always evident as Mark, just not in such a "softer" package, as it were.

Maired was becoming more successful as a musician in her own right, and Mark no longer felt threatened as he felt more secure in himself. It was as if Maired might be the name he used from time to time, but he remained Erica's husband, now and forever, but his Maired persona had now become as much of him as his music or any of his other qualities. So the question remained; what to do?

Erica had decided that their happiness, whatever that entailed, was worth much more than her career. She was ready and willing to give it all up and start over to see them happy. Sort of like selling her hair to buy the watch fob?

Mark had decided that Erica's writing was too important to too many people, and his "coming out" might jeopardize something that not only affected them and their daughter, but countless children and families who derived great comfort and encouragement from her writing. So tonight would be a nice night; a wonderful evening of shared secret. Certainly, nothing would diminish Erica's appreciation of Maired's unique and utterly gifted talent, but Maired's career, at least in a public sense, would end here tonight, no matter what the outcome of the competition. Maybe like selling a watch to buy fancy combs for his wife's hair?

Fortunately for them both, a decision would not be necessary, since the outcome of the evening; the choice of whether or not to continue Maired's career, had already been decided. A knock came at their door.

"Excuse me, is Maired Underhill available?" A woman in her thirties stood at the door, smiling.

"She's here, I'll just get her." Erica went back into the suite and told Maired that she had company.

"Hi, I'm Lana Mancuso, I'm sort of the talent coordinator for Sculler's. I've got something I wanted to discuss with you before you go on tonight." The woman smiled, and offered her hand to Maired. Something seemed different about Ms. Mancuso, but Maired couldn't put her finger on it.

"I know that you've recorded on your brother's album, and that you've had a limited release CD with a few songs of your own. What you don't know is that I know that you and Mark Kiernan are one in the same." She smiled, and Maired's eyes widened in fear. She patted Maired's arm and continued

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me; that's why I came here now, before this evening. I'm Bobby Cahill's cousin...he sorta accidentally on purpose slipped up in a phone call we had last week...again, honey, your secret is safe with me. But I was more worried about how it might appear if your wife was to show up at your gig. I'm sorry that the world isn't ready for a children's author married to a TG recording artist, but that's just the way it is...for now. After my operation, I wondered if I would ever get another chance myself, seeing how most people like to be safe with who their favorite singer is singing to, if you follow me?

Lana Mancuso used to be Larry Mancuso, and he was highly regarded as a fine singer, albeit too androgynous for some. When she transitioned, and especially after her surgery, she felt more secure and confident about her talent, and what had been a marginal talent blossomed into a very gifted one. She was popular, at least in the Boston area, and she wanted to see that others like her felt safe and encouraged. But what to do about this evening?

"You and your friends will be sitting just off stage, and the lights will be way, way down low for when you play, so that no one recognizes your wife. Maybe sometime in the future, we won't have to do stuff like this, but I know and like Billy Bear, and would hate to see his next title be, "Billy Bear is Sad: Erica's contract was dropped by a bunch of moronic prudes!" She laughed only a little before crying. She had some support within the "community," but like so many others, she had no support from her family, save her kid sister, who thought Lana was cool, and her cousin Bobby, who had more than just a little exposure to the transgender "experience."
Bobby knew and loved the Kiernan's, and he wanted to make sure that nothing would place their relationship in the "limelight," as the old expression goes, so he had called Lana after Mark shared that he was going to be playing at Sculler's.
 

Their traveling companions for the weekend had no such qualms about the evening, nor whether or not Katie Kelly was spending too much time with the family, so to speak. Katie was visiting the Kelly household often, and Gina enjoyed every bit of her husband’s distaff side. It was something wonderful since “they” had shared a lifetime together.

A recent discovery made things a little more interesting for them as well. In going over some documents that Ben had received after his father’s death, Gina’s Uncle Tony discovered that since Ben’s father left no heirs other than him, he was the beneficiary of a life insurance policy that his father had taken out shortly before his death. The seed money he had received from his dad was really only the first installment of what his father had tried to do to atone for his past with his family. Along with the legal documents, a letter was included that was to be read upon his dad’s death.

“Dear Ben, if you are reading this letter, it means I have passed on and am now facing the one judge whose rulings are final. I have lived a bad life, and it has taken nearly all of it to discover that. When I left you and your mother, I had no direction other than self-destruction, and my selfishness led to your neglect and your mother’s and your abuse. I am truly sorry for what I did to you, and I can only ask forgiveness. I expect nothing as I deserve no pity or mercy; only one can grant that, and I hope that my change of heart will have proved to be what he wanted all along.

It is to my eternal regret that I treated you so badly; you did nothing to deserve my hatred and abuse, and it is to my shame that you received nothing of what God entrusted to me to impart to you. And it is to my joy and pride to know that despite my neglect and horrible treatment; that you turned out to be a fine young man. I contributed nothing to your success and provided nothing but discouragement and shame, and it is to God’s credit and yours alone that you have become the man you are. I had a change of heart, so to speak, after my girlfriend left me. She was stronger than your mother, God rest her soul, and was able to leave before I destroyed her too. I cannot begin to atone for what I did to your mother, and I once again can only ask for your mercy and forgiveness. After Janet left, I went to AA, and eventually I stopped drinking.

One of the steps in the program is to seek forgiveness and try to provide restitution if possible. I have changed my will to include you, Ben, and I hope that the money can some how help you. I had an agency look into your life, and I am proud that you are providing those in need with the help they require. Hopefully, this money will help in making you financially secure enough to continue your ministry. This letter has been too long in coming, and I again ask for your forgiveness.
It was signed, “Belatedly but happily in Christ, Sean Kelly.”

Years of abuse to his own body prevented Sean Kelly’s redemption to go beyond the spiritual reconciliation and he died before he was able to connect with his son. He had no idea that Ben had forgiven his father long ago, a gift from his own merciful and loving mother, which in turn made him whole and restored.

All that to say, Ben had decided after much prayer and talk with Gina that he would begin working in his ministry full time; his father had left him over five-hundred-thousand dollars, more than enough to keep things going. His work at the middle school, as rewarding as it was, just didn’t fulfill him, and he found great joy and reward in helping others who had issues like his own.

What that also left for him and Gina was what to do with Katie? She was more and more a part of who Ben had become, and Gina loved her husband dearly, but was becoming more comfortable with having both of them around all the time. They were using this getaway with the Kiernans to decide just how much each would spend, and both of them were having fun at least in exploring the possibilities, even if they arrived at no conclusion.
 

 
The three women were “dressed to the nines,” like the old saying goes. The blonde was actually looking more at ease than ever, and she and her raven-haired companion nuzzled and kissed and held hands throughout every act, enjoying the jazz and each other’s company. The brunette looked anxious, but not for herself. She wanted her lover to succeed in showing everyone just how talented she was.

The redhead sat down at the piano. She was self-assured and relaxed, and she started playing some Gershwin, evoking some applause from the audience. After playing a few Cole Porter songs, she quickly moved into a medley of Berlin hits, culminating with “Let’s Face the Music and Dance,” fitting, as both couples were considering life-altering decisions, and were confronting fears and doubts with the confidence that only their love for each other could provide.

Maired looked directly at Erica and sang,

She ended with a variation of Diana Krall’s version of “I love Being Here With You,” by Peggy Lee, evoking several minutes of applause before she left the stage to join her companions at the table. Lana Mancuso walked over to the table and leaned over and kissed Maired on the cheek and gripped her hand warmly.

“Thank you so much for coming tonight. I know you could have performed just as magnificently as Mark, but this means so much to me and some others of us out there,” she said, using her hand to gesture toward the audience. “A few of my friends dropped by, and they were blessed by your performance tonight. God bless you dear, and thank you Erica for helping arrange this for us.
 

 
As was their habit, the couples retired soon after arriving back at the hotel. Gina lay in bed, wearing virtually nothing other than the sheet from the bed. Katie had changed into a camisole and tap pant combo and was just getting into bed when Gina began to laugh.

“What’s so funny, darlin’?” Katie said softly. Gina got up, dropping the sheet to the floor. She smiled warmly at her lover and kissed her on the cheek before taking her in her arms. She began to move slowly in a box step while crooning in Katie’s ear,

“So while there’s moonlight and music and love and romance…let’s face the music and dance.”
 

 
Erica lay in Mark’s arms, cooing softly and contently. It was the first time Mark had “showed up” for the weekend, and he was more than welcome that evening.

“Billy Bear is Relieved: Maired’s Staying in the Closet for the Time Being.” Mark laughed softly, evoking a frown from Erica.

“What are we going to do, honey?” Erica looked at her husband with wonder and doubt, not for him, but for what the future would hold?

“Well, two things to keep in mind, sweetheart. First, no matter what we do, we must keep your writing first and foremost in our decisions. Maired can’t become more important than your work, and that’s okay, since I’m find with that.”

“What’s the second thing, My Dear?”

“Life can be an awfully big closet!”

Let’s Face the Music and Dance, Words and Music by Irving Berlin