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Jerry sat on the bed, phone in hand. The nervous look on his face was almost an understatement compared with the growing knot in his stomach. He waded past the typical brother to brother greeting and spoke.

"Craig...we need to talk." Mickey stood by the bed next to Jerry as he held the phone, a very scared look on his face. She rubbed his arm as he continued.

"Yeah, but I need you to come over here with Connie. We can get someone to watch the kids, but it's gotta be over here and just us and you and Todd and Jeannie, okay?"

"No, it'll be better if we talk here....Yeah, I know your house is bigger, but there's something I've got to take care of, and I'll feel better if we talk here, okay?"

"Alright, four tomorrow, we can order out for pizza. Yeah, I love you too." Jerry hung up the phone and turned to his wife, who looked at him with an understanding smile.

"They'll be here...." Jerry looked at Mickey, whose understanding face gave him the safety to let go. He began to sob.

"He'll hate me after this, Hon...I don't think I can do this." Jerry looked at Mickey, whose eyes were filled with tears, a sad but sweet proof of her love for him.

"It's going to be okay...he loves you and Toddy...I think you're selling him short." She rubbed his arm once again.

“Trust me,” She whispered as she sat down on the bed and pulled him into a warm embrace.
 

A long nervous day promised to be even longer as the family’s afternoon was about to get interesting.

Mickey stood at the door. The delivery guy was just driving off as Craig and Connie pulled into the driveway. Craig got out of the car and walked up the sidewalk, leaving Connie in the car.

"Hey silly, aren't you forgetting something," Mickey said with a smile as she pointed back to the car.

"No...we sorta had an argument...she's okay...I was a jackass as usual, so she's going to sit there for a few moments until she can figure out a way of dealing with it without killing me." Craig half-smiled from embarrassment and kissed Mickey on the cheek.

"The pizza is on the table in the kitchen. I've got plates and stuff. Help yourself to drinks in the fridge."

"Sure...where's Jerry?" Craig said; looking past Mickey and seeing Jeannie sitting in the living room, her typical mug of coffee glued to her hand.

"Oh...he and Todd had something they were taking care of. They'll be here in a few minutes." Mickey grimaced.

"I sure hope the hell this works," She thought to herself as she bounded down the front steps to greet Connie, who was just then walking up the sidewalk.

Craig looked at his watch. The family had nowhere else to go that evening. He was anxious just because he had been waiting all of twelve minutes without either of his brothers making an entrance.

"I thought you said they were going to be here soon." Craig looked again at his watch, as if time had suddenly advanced in the few seconds it took to ask the question.

"Craig, give it a rest." Connie said. "We don't have to be anywhere, and I'm sure things can wait a few moments. Come here and let's make up while we're waiting, okay?" Connie smiled at her husband and turned to Jeannie and Mickey and half-smiled, as if to say, "Look what I have to put up with." Jeannie just shook her head.

"You know, I'll be right back, okay?" Mickey smiled again and quickly ran up the stairs.

"Oh great...one more goes missing." Craig said, looking at his watch.

"Sweetheart, give me your hand." Connie said it in such a way as to sound almost romantic.

Craig stuck out his right hand, and Connie promptly pulled his watch off his wrist and tossed it to Jeannie who stuck it in her jeans pocket.

"There! Now isn't that better?" She said and kissed him on the cheek. Craig wasn't amused at all.

"Very funny. Where are they?" Craig said, looking at his wrist out of habit.

"Craig...Si calmatevi?" Jeannie said with a wry grin on her face. Craig spoke no Italian, but even he understood what Jeannie said.

"Why should I calm down? I gave up a Saturday of golf with some friends for this and Jerry isn't even here."

"Yes, I am," a voice said from the stairway. Craig turned to look at his brother, but someone entirely different stood on the stairs. A tall woman in her thirties, what some might at one time called handsome, stood next to Mickey. She wore black linen slacks and a cream silk sleeveless shell. Her hair was short but feminine. She wore little makeup; the only adornment besides some lip gloss and eye shadow was a very nervous look. Standing behind her and Mickey was another woman, clad similarly save for the color of her shell, which was a rich brown. Apart from the younger one’s long hair, they were near twins, and they looked familiar.

Craig stood up and stared at the two women next to Mickey on the stairs. He turned and looked at Connie as if to say, "Do you believe this?" He took one step toward the stairs and stopped. His face turned from wonder to astonishment and quickly to anger as he said,

"Oh, fuck no!' He walked quickly down the hallway to the bathroom and slammed the door.

“I told you it wouldn’t work…I’m so fucked up…” Jerry sat on the couch, his head in his hands. He had resisted the urge to cry up until that point. Connie got up and sat down beside him on the couch, putting her hand on his shoulder, which had just the opposite effect that she intended as he turned and fell into her arms and wept.

“Jerry, It’s okay…Craig loves you…he just doesn’t understand.” Connie patted Jerry on the back and continued.

“All of this has happened so quickly…Todd’s illness; your illness. He’s scared. He thought he was going to die last year after the cancer scare.” Connie rubbed Jerry’s neck.

Jeannie stood up and smiled.

“Mickey…you’ve only got the one bathroom down here, right?” She looked down the hallway with a conspiratorial grin.

“Oh….yes…Jeannie…we only have the one bathroom down here, and I have to go too.” Mickey giggled as she ran up the stairs.

“Well…I have to go potty, and someone is going to have to vacate the bathroom!” Jeannie said as she marched down the hall.”

“Hey Craig…I gotta pee really bad and Mickey’s using the other bathroom.” Jeannie said as she rudely banged her hand on the door. A moment later, the door opened and Craig walked out, still angry, but with a face that was less red than a few minutes before.

“Don’t start.” Craig said as he looked at Jeannie. She just smiled and walked calmly into the bathroom and shut the door.

Craig walked down the hallway and entered the living room. Ignoring the scene on the couch, he walked into the kitchen. He grabbed a plate and helped himself to some pizza.

“Craig James Sinclair,” Connie said loudly, “You come right out here and talk to your brothers.

“Hell, no!” Craig said calmly. “What brothers? You gotta be kidding me.”

“What?” Jeannie’s voice was hardly heard over the sound of her loud footsteps as she ran down the hall. She walked into the kitchen and got into Craig’s face.”

“Stop it! I’m so fucking tired of this family. You’re being such an ass! Get in there and talk to your brothers.” Jeannie rarely cried, and never in front of anyone, but then and there years of frustration came spilling out in a torrent of tears.

“You have to stop this now…this has gone far enough.” Jeannie wasn’t angry as much as she was frustrated over years of the Sinclair stoic “ignore the elephant in the living room” approach to life.

“Craig…we’ve known each other f…fff…for a long time, and I know you love your brothers …Prove it! Puh..prove me right and go in there and show me.” Jeannie was weeping almost uncontrollably at that point. Mickey had come back downstairs and went to Jeannie and held her. She looked over Jeannie’s shoulder and stared at Craig. He got up slowly, mostly out of embarrassment, but also because he really didn’t want to face both Mickey and Jeannie at that point.

“Come over here and sit down, okay, Hon?” Connie patted the cushion next to her. Jerry sat up and looked at his brother as he sat down. His face was puffy from crying and he had bit his lip hard enough to cause it to bleed. Todd sat in the corner, his head turned away facing the window, silent.

Mickey walked Jeannie over to a chair and sat her down. Jeannie was always the strongest out of all of them, but the last year had finally taken its toll; she sat quietly and wept. Mickey kissed her on the top of the head and squeezed her hand.

“I’m going to go make some coffee. When I come back out, I expect to see at least three of us talking, yes?” Mickey rarely got angry, but every once and a while she’d get “her Irish up.”

She walked over and kissed Jerry on the cheek.

“It’ll be okay, I guarantee it,” she said quietly and walked back into the kitchen, but not before slapping Craig softly in the back of the head.

“Talk!”

Mickey came into the living room. It would have been a surprise if Craig had actually begun to talk. He sat by himself on one side of the room. Connie sat next to Jerry, who was holding his head in his hands, weeping. He had tried to get Craig to open up without success. Todd sat on the chair next to the front window just staring out into the front yard. Jeannie stood next to him, her arms folded. Her face was puffy from crying, but her look was anything but sad.

“Mr. High and Mighty doesn’t want to talk.” Jeannie spat out, almost as an epithet. “He thinks he’s better than his brothers.” At one time, Connie might have defended her husband. She looked at Jeannie and smiled a half-smile.

“He doesn’t want to talk because he’s afraid.” She said it almost matter-of-factly…almost without emotion, but she continued.

“He doesn’t want to face what he fears, so he just clams up. Any wife in the room with a spouse just like that…raise your hand. Jeannie’s arm nearly pulled out of her shoulder socket as she threw her hand up quickly.

“This one here…well, we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt since he’s been opening up lately, but what a struggle, huh girls?” She patted Todd on the head.

Mickey nodded. It had taken her nearly the whole time they were married just to get Jerry to get help.

“She can’t stop talking now, “Mickey said, pointing to Jerry. Realizing she had used the feminine pronoun, she started to correct herself, but stopped in mid sentence.

“Oh shit, I meant…“ As she paused, she looked at Jerry, almost apologetically for the apology she was giving.

“No…hell no…I’m tired of saying what everyone wants to hear.” She looked again at Jerry and continued.

“I married Jerry knowing that he wanted to…what the hell…” She got stuck on the word no one wanted to hear.

“He likes wearing dresses once in a while, so what?” The answer came from the least likely candidate to agree with Mickey. Jeannie was biting her lip, more out of anger than anything else.

“Todd likes to wear dresses….Jerry likes to wear dresses. Who the fuck cares anymore? These are our husbands we’re talking about, not some fucking strangers!” She looked right at Craig at the last sentence.

“Craig…would you please at least look at your brothers…you don’t even have to say anything…for now. Just listen…your brother…b.r.o.t.h.e.r. Jerry…Bronze Star in Iraq…Purple Heart…your brother Todd…kind; considerate, your brothers?.” It was a plea, but an angry one. Jeannie was tired of all the struggles. She married Todd for better or worse, and she couldn’t think of a worse time; a time where he needed her more than ever.

“Todd…Look at me, babe.” Jeannie said as her tone changed from angry to soft and inviting.

“Babe…Don’t worry…I’m not going anywhere…ever…” Tears began to fill her eyes as she walked over and stood next to Todd. She placed her hand on his shoulder and used her other hand to point to Mickey and Connie in a broad gesture.

“Me too,” Mickey said as she sat down next to Jerry and put her arm around him.

“That just leaves one person,” Jeannie said as she looked at Craig.

Craig sat motionless, just staring at the floor. His face was almost hidden, but Connie could see that he had begun to tear up. Connie got up from where she sat next to Jerry and crossed the room. She grabbed Craig’s face and pulled it up gently.

“You have to tell them” she pled.

“Tell us what?” Todd said. Up to then he hadn’t spoken a word. His face was red, and he looked at Craig almost accusingly.

“I can’t,” Craig said. “I just can’t” He tried to put his head down but Connie grabbed it with her other hand and held fast.

“This has to stop now…Either you tell them or I do.” Connie sounded angrier than anyone could ever remember.

“Bbbb…ut…” Craig began to plead.

“Damn it, Craig…Tell them!” Connie practically shouted.

“This oughta be good…” Jeanne said as she walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine.

A…I gotta confession.” Craig said almost sheepishly. Known as the confident brother in the Sinclair family, he seemed anything but confident at that moment.

“What?” Todd asked. He didn’t know what Craig was about to say, but Craig’s reluctance seemed to indicate that it was probably something he should have said a long time ago. And he was right.

“When we were little…Todd was a baby and Jerry was about five.” Craig’s eyes filled with tears. He pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his face.

“You guys don’t remember Granddaddy.” Just the mention of the name made Jeannie sit up and take notice.

“You were too little to take fishing….” Craig said the word fishing like it was the worst word in the world.

“He took me with him to the lake. We spent all day there.” The tears began to flow as years of shame came to the surface.

“He…he…said he had a special game…that….that…just him….and me….ju..juhhhhst….” Craig broke down. Connie stood next to him and he buried his face in her sweater.

“Sonofafucking bitch!” Jeannie said. Without realizing it, she squeezed her empty wine glass so hard it broke, cutting her hand. She grabbed her hand and wrapped her sleeve around the cut without thinking.

“Spero che egli ᨠin fiamme nell'inferno cosa un fottuto bastardo...” (I hope he burns in hell. What a fucking bastard) she screamed.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph…” Mickey said laughing nervously through her tears…”this family is fucked up.”

“I was afraid…” Craig said after the commotion died down. It had gotten very quiet very fast, and all eyes were looking at him. “That I’d….turn out….just like….Aunt Clare.”

“What? What?” Todd stood up. “She was the best part of the family, Craig. What are you talking about?” He was dressed in his femme garb, but he sounded more like Todd at that point.

“Ju….jussst …llloook.” Craig said, pulling an old photo out of his jacket. The photo was black and white and very worn. “Take a look at tthhhhe picccturrrr.” Craig was sobbing and the tears fell on the photo in his hand. Todd took the photo from Craig.

“Two boys and two girls…so what? This looks like mom and this looks like Uncle Todd and this looks like Aunt Susan, but I don’t recognize the other boy. Where’s Aunt Clare.”

Mickey looked over at Connie who just nodded yes. Mickey said,

“Oh shit!” Which evoked the following from Jeannie,

“Che fottutamente bastardo...”

“Toddy,” Connie said softly, “Look at the back.” Todd turned the photo over. There was an inscription on the back which read,

“The MacDonald Children. Mary Grace, 11, Theodore Paul, 10, Susan May, 8, and Carl Alexander, 7. With love to Daddy.”

“Fottere!” Jeannie cried. “Oh God…” She walked over to Todd, who just stood there shocked. She pulled him into a soft hug and patted him on the back.

“I guess you’re a lot more like Aunt Clare than you thought,” Jeannie said sarcastically and then buried her face in Todd’s shoulder.

Everyone was crying except for Mickey, who just sat there and said quietly,

“I’ll call the sitter and tell her we need a little more time, okay?”

“Who’s the kindest person you ever met?” Mickey asked Craig.

“I guess Aunt Claire?” Craig looked confused.

“And who was the most difficult person you ever had to deal with?” Jeannie asked him.

“No…we’re not going to go there…that’s not fair.” Craig said bitterly.

“But it’s true…you know it. Mommy was so hurt, but she didn’t have to act that way all the time…she didn’t have to treat Todd the way she did.” As soon as Jerry said it, something came to him. Something that might explain her behavior.

“I think I know why Mommy was so upset with Toddy.” Jerry said. “Think about it. When Toddy got caught dressing up, how old was he?” Jerry shook his head, almost hoping that the past wasn’t as twisted as he assumed.

“I was thirteen…almost fourteen.” He bit his lip.

“Uncle Todd was still alive, wasn’t he?” It pained Jerry to name his uncle, as his brother was forever linked to his abuser, not only by what took place, but also that he and his abuser shared the same name.

“Oh…” Mickey said suddenly, almost like she had the correct answer on “Millionaire.”

“She didn’t want him to turn out like her baby brother?” Mickey looked at Jerry for the answer, but Connie spoke.

“Sometimes…in a family like ours…the older victim becomes the victimizer. She looked at Todd and continued.

“Your grandfather wasn’t the only one hurting your Aunt Claire.” Connie and the rest of the family refused to call her Uncle Carl, despite the revelation about her true nature, at least her nature at birth.

“Oh…I see,’ Mickey said, a look of recognition crossing her face.

“She was afraid that Todd would attract attention from his Uncle just like Aunt Claire did?”

“You see why I didn’t…what…” Craig was almost in tears.

Jeannie spoke up, again the unlikely voice as an advocate, but she had read all she could about her husband’s “hobby,” which she had discovered was not a hobby at all.

“Craig, it’s okay, but you have to know a couple of things, okay?” Jeannie’s angry brusque tone had been replaced with a softer, more understanding voice.

“Crossdressers are mostly heterosexual males. Like your brothers here.” She pointed at Jerry and Todd with a broad sweeping motion of her hand.

“And they were likely…nope, in their case they were actually transgendered before anything happened to them…the abuse…” She smiled at Todd and Jerry looked at Mickey, who just beamed.

“You’ll be gay if you’re gay, Craig, not because of anything that happened to you. And your brothers would be gay even if they never wore a dress if that was their nature, do you see?”

“And what would be so bad if you had been gay? What would be so bad if you grew up wanting to wear a dress? I can think of a lot worse things than that.” Connie interrupted as she put her hand on Craig’s shoulder.

“Do you even think I’d find you anything less than who you are if you were like your aunt or your brothers? I love you, honey, and no matter what, you’re still the man I love and the one I chose to marry.”

“This part of Jerry and Todd…no…that stops here as well,” Jeannie said. She walked over to Todd and kissed him on the cheek.

“Jerry and Claire here are expressions of the woman inside the men Mickey and I married. I know it was a struggle for me at first…in some ways, I think it may always be that way with me, I don’t know.”
 

 
“Jerry and I love each other.” Mickey said it, which didn’t sound terribly new or surprising. Until she added, “She brings me great joy, and we love that we have a special relationship that starts and ends with who she is as my best friend and sister.” She looked at Craig and smiled and added, “And we don’t hide her from the kids anymore.”

Craig looked as if he were going to spit out his coffee until she said,

“Okay, I just made that up. But we are going to tell the kids someday soon. Jerry is too important a part of our lives to hide anymore. If she’s valuable and loved by me, then she needs to be loved by her children as well.” Mickey’s eyes began to tear up. Jerry was overcome with emotion and could not talk.

“Just something to think about Craig…Don’t try to take it all in at once. Just remember the most important part of this whole day is that we all love each other and we’re family, okay?” Jeannie said.

“Oltre a Dio, nulla ᨠpiá¹ importante di famiglia, Si mi fratello?

Craig looked at her and said softly, “Family and God? Yes, my sister.”

“There’s a program on tonight on PBS about Transgender and Family, honey, do you want to watch?”
Connie called from the living room.

“No, honey, tonight’s that Jesse Stone movie I wanted to watch.” Craig came into the living room with a bowl of popcorn on a tray with two cans of diet coke. Connie looked disappointed until he added,

“Besides, I got it set on TIVO, okay?” He smiled as he kissed her cheek.”

“Now don’t wait up for me, okay?” Jeannie was standing at the front door. She had recently enrolled in the state university to finish her masters in social work after nearly a decade out of school.

“Okay…I plan on reading a bit and putting some laundry in. Wake me when you get in, okay?” the voice called from the kitchen. A very attractive woman walked into the living room, clad in lilac colored satin pajamas. She smiled at Jeannie who smiled back and said softly,

“Don’t worry about changing before I get home, okay? It’s alright for tonight. See you when I get in, sweetheart.” Jeannie blew a kiss and walked out the door. Claire sat down and picked up her novel,
“Warm in LA,” Faye Kellerman’s newest. Claire was still trying to decide who she most identified with, Pete or Rina Decker. She settled on Rina, but only because she was a good cook.”

“Honey, are you coming to bed?” The voice called from the bedroom.

“I’m not so sure about this.” A voice answered from the bathroom.

“Oh, come on, it’ll be fun. Besides, aren’t bunnies supposed to be sexy?” The first voice asked?

“I guess…I really never thought of it before.” The voice called once again from the bathroom. A moment later a very attractive woman came out of the bathroom wearing...a flannel-lined pewter satin nightgown. Her companion sat on the bed, wearing an identical outfit. And on their feet were the cutest bunny slippers you’d ever want to see.

“Hey sexy” Mickey called from the bed. “Why don’t you come over here and find out how we rabbits like to make love?” She giggled.

“You may look like a doe, but I bet you screw like a buck, yes?”

Jerry turned the light out and walked over and climbed into bed.
 

Mickey kissed Jerry passionately, the dark hiding her pleased expression as she said simply,

“Yes!”

Coming Soon: Mickey and Jeri's story!
 
In Her Eyes by Josh Groban
From the Album Awake
Words and Music by Michael Ochs and Andy Selby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaPrej1Tvmc