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Lunch was over and everyone had settled into the living room for 'the meeting" as Mickey, Jerry's wife had called it; everyone except for Jeannie and Jerry. Jeannie was busy getting a tray together for cups and a carafe, and Jerry stood next the front window, shifting nervously back and forth from one foot to another.

I've got hot water on for tea, if anyone wants it, as well, Jeannie said. She looked over nervously at Jerry,

"What's his problem...we talked about this for two weeks...He's still so...angry," Jeannie thought as she brought the tray in and placed it on the table in front of the couch. Todd sat alone, almost like a pariah...as if what he had was catching.

"Can we get this thing started," Jerry said, looking at his watch.

"His brother's heart is broken and all he can do is think about a fucking football game...Qual ᨠil suo fottutamente problema?" Jeannie thought as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Jerry, would you please sit down; come over here," Mickey said and patted the cushion next to her on the love seat. "The game can wait...this is your brother, and he needs to talk to you." Mickey was not only Jerry's wife, but his rock of security and peace. She grabbed him by his arm and pulled him over to her.

"We talked about this on the phone...what more is it that we need to know," Craig said, emphasizing the word we while glaring at his baby brother. He turned and smiled an uncomfortable smile at Todd, who still sat alone on the couch.

"I just don't know what to say, Todd." Craig continued. "It's not that I don't believe you...I do...but it is so...incredible."

Todd spoke for the first time all afternoon. He had remained quiet through most of lunch, and excused himself for about an hour before returning. Jeannie came over and sat beside her husband, still upset with Jerry. That Jerry was dealing with his own issues meant nothing to her at this point, since she was focused on her husband's needs alone.

"Honey," she said, squeezing Todd's hand, "It's okay, we're all here for you,” She glared at Jerry, who was looking away.

"He probably thinks if he doesn't talk about it, it didn't happen, and then it'll get buried with all of his own crap!" Jeannie thought.

Mickey slapped Jerry's arm and said, "Jer…listen to what your brother has to say.

Connie, Craig's wife had already begun to mist up, knowing the difficulty Todd was feeling at that moment. She had already faced her own childhood demons; she had been molested by an older cousin, and had gotten to the place where she saw herself finally, not as a victim, but as a survivor. She knew exactly what Todd was going through.

Todd looked around the room. Every eye was on him except for Jerry's, which were cast down and looking at his shoes. He began.

"I wrote a couple of website addresses on the index cards I gave you," he said, and he took a deep breath.

"There's a lot of information and links to other sites as well. One is a link to a video about PTSD, and the other is one for Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse as children. I figured it would be helpful and easier to understand than if I told you."

"He's still not paying attention," Jeannie thought to herself, angrily. She looked over and Mickey picked up on her expression. Mickey swatted Jerry in the arm again, as if to say, "Pay attention."

"What I don't understand," Craig said, "Is how could he get away with it...why didn't Nana pick up on what was going on?" Craig didn't doubt Todd's story, he just didn't comprehend how anyone could molest a child in an apartment with two other adults.

"I mean...didn't Aunt Susan pick up on it...where were they when this was happening?

Todd bit his tongue. He wasn't frustrated with Craig, but the explanation was such a horror, that he was reluctant to speak.

Jeannie looked at Todd, who had already begun to tear up.

"He can't do this alone...it's too much." She put her hand on his shoulder as if to say, "I'm here, honey." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek before continuing.

"Todd told me the story of how your grandfather rejected your Mom and Uncle Todd."

Jerry raised his head for the first time since they began and said, "What...what did Granddaddy say? I don't remember that"

Craig looked at Jerry and said, "Granddaddy went up to Mom when she was about eleven...that would have made Uncle Todd about twelve. He said, "I don't love you anymore, you're not my children." I only have two children, your sisters." He paused...Jeannie, what's that got to do with anything?"

Connie looked up, and her face was red, her eyes filled with tears as she said, almost sad and angry at the same time,

"It means he moved on." She put her head in her hands and began to weep, mostly out of sympathy, but also remembering her own childhood.

"The bastard rejected your mother and your uncle..." Jeannie's voice trailed off, her own eyes filled with tears, but she continued. 'He wasn't interested in them anymore." She cursed under her breath, "Che cosa e fotuttomente bastardo..."

Todd looked up, finally composed enough to resume.

"Jerry...Jerry...look at me." He said it with as much strength as he could. Craig's eyes had already begun to widen in recognition for what Todd was going to say.

"Do you remember that old photo we all had copies of? Mom and Uncle Todd and Aunt Claire and Aunt Susan?" He blinked out some tears and continued.

"Aunt Susan and Aunt Clare were smiling, but Mom and Uncle Todd looked like they just lost their pet dog...you remember?

"We've scanned the picture to our computer...I know that one." Mickey said, squeezing Jerry's hand.

"Do you remember Aunt Claire?"

"What the fuck does this..." Jerry would have continued but Mickey punched him hard in the arm and said,

"Jerry, for once could you just fucking listen?"

"Mom and Aunt Claire grew up in the same household, but they were different, but for one thing. I remember looking at Aunt Claire's eyes. She was the most precious dearest person I ever knew..."

"That's why you took the name Claire for....her" Jeannie reminded herself of Todd's femme alter ego. "She was everything you really wanted to be" She squeezed Todd's arm.

"She would smile and make you feel welcome, but she had the same sad look that Mom had...there was a real reason for that look, Jer."

Craig looked over at Todd and nodded. He and Todd had talked about this the day before and agreed sadly with the conclusion that Todd made.

"Fuck Jer… listen to me....Mom, Susan, Claire...Uncle Todd...do I have to spell it out?" Mickey looked over at Jeannie and Todd and they both nodded when they saw her expression. She got up from the love seat and sat down beside Todd, giving him a hug while beginning to weep. Jeannie reached over and patted her softly on the arm.

Connie wiped the tears from her eyes and said,

"That's what happens in families...it starts with one or two...and then moves on to the next...Jerry...your grandfather molested all of his children."

"No...That can't be right...that's fucking disgusting...why would he do that? What the fuck...no...you're wrong." By now Mickey was sobbing and had buried her face in Todd's sleeve. Mickey had been like a sister to Todd since she came into the family after Jerry's first marriage fell apart.

Craig spoke, quietly, but perhaps with the authority of the head of the family,

"He hurt Mom and Uncle Todd, and when he grew tired of them, he moved on to Susan and Claire. That's where this all started." His eyes were still filled with tears, but his voice was controlled.

"Mom never really got over it. Even after being with Daddy all those years, she never… Jer...there was a reason why she grew up a tomboy...why even after she got married she never wore anything pretty...why she dressed...almost like a boy."

"No...You’re fucking wrong...that never happened."

By now, Jeannie was beyond angry, but it wasn't all directed at Jerry. He was having a perfectly natural reaction to the news, even if he was wrong. Nevertheless, he got her attention.

"Jerry...would you just shut the fuck up and think? Why do you think your uncle fucked your brother? This stuff doesn't just happen...It has to come from somewhere. Your grandfather hurt his children. And none of them came out of it without scars. Your Aunt Susan...Remember?

"Yeah...everybody knew...she was."

"Don't say it, Jer...Don't you fucking say it," Mickey said, raising her head from Todd's shoulder, her face awash with tears.

"What, she was a fucking slut." Jerry said it as if he was proud of the conclusion.

"Jerry...shut the fuck up...just shut up and listen." Craig rarely got angry, but his face was red and he stumbled for the next few words.

"First...that's our Aunt, not some stranger. Second, you moron, listen to your own words. She had a reputation around town, yeah, but why do you think she started it... " Craig's voice trailed off, and Jeannie jumped in.

"Do you think she just got up one morning as said to herself, “I’m going to be a fucking slut?" Jeannie practically shouted that.

"Che cosa e imbecile!" Jeannie once again lapsed into Italian. "Most...I repeat...listen and get this through your fucking thick skull.

"Hey...you can't talk to me like that! Jerry took a step toward Jeannie and Craig jumped up and grabbed his brother.

"Jerry...would you please just listen? For God's sake...just listen." He patted his brother on the back in an attempt to calm him down.

"Girls who become promiscuous at an early age....lots of times...I would even think most of the time...they were abused as children...read something beside the sports page for a change..." Her voice trailed off as she looked at Connie, who was turning red, and trying to cover her face. She had her own history, most of which all the sisters-in-law had talked about. Connie knew what Aunt Susan had gone through because she had gone through it herself.

Craig looked in his brother's eyes. Jerry didn't want to know this. He didn't want to face the truth, but why so vehement?

"Jerry, they all were hurt. And everyone had to figure out how to live without having any help from anyone. Grandma was a drunk and Granddaddy..." Craig wiped his own tears from his face.

"Mommy tried to stay safe by making herself unattractive. Aunt Susan figured out that fucking was the way to get attention. Uncle Todd turned out just like his father…and Aunt Claire?" Craig's voice trailed off.

"Your Aunt Claire raised you pretty much after your mother fell apart," Jeannie said. They weren't planning on talking about Todd and his other self, but it came out. Years of dancing around what happened when Todd was caught by his mother.

"She hated your brother because he was trying to be everything she hated about herself!" Jeannie almost yelled. "She spent a lifetime protecting herself and she couldn't handle her son wanting to be what she couldn't"

"Your mother didn't just reject Todd...she rejected all of you. She couldn't handle all the anger she'd built up inside toward your Grandfather, since you're not allowed to get angry with your parents ...Isn't that what you've always said, Jer?" Jeannie was so angry and her eyes so flooded with tears that she could hardly see.

"So she started drinking just like her Mom. It didn't help that your fucking father was beating you all the time and yelling at her constantly."

"Don't say that about my father…you don't have a fucking right to say that." Jerry said, and took another step toward Jeannie.

"It stops now, Jer," A voice came from behind him. Mickey had walked over and put her arms around her husband in a bear hug.

"This is what that fucker did to you all...every one." Mickey said, her anger mixed with sad crying, but she went on.

"We've all got to get a handle on it. This isn't Todd's fault...It's not Craig's fault, but if you don't get some help for your anger, you're going to hurt yourself. Tommy and Jeannie cry when they see you lose it. I know what you saw in Iraq...I know it hurts, but it stops now...You've got to get help…we've all got to get help for this." She wept, trying hard not to let go of her husband.

"She's right, Jer,” Connie said quietly. She got up from the chair and walked over to Jerry and Mickey and put her arms around them both.

Jerry wanted so much to argue, but Connie's expression diffused his anger.

Jeannie looked around the room. It had gone from heated argument to nearly silence in a moment. Todd had raised his head and was holding onto her hand.

"Come fottutamente folle ᨠla nostra famiglia?" Jeannie said sarcastically, and while everyone was upset, even if things were calmer, there would be no-one in the Sinclair family that would disagree.

A few days later, Jeannie was still drained by the family meeting. She walked into the living room just as Todd was hanging up the phone.

"Todd, what's wrong?" She had an idea already, but waited for his answer.

"Jerry is.... I…." Todd put his hand to his face and wiped away tears, apparently angry and confused.

"He's still not talking," Jeannie thought to herself. "What is so fucking hard that he can't talk to his brother?"

"He asked me how I was, so I told him that everything is about the same." Todd sniffled loudly and he started crying. "He asked me about the other thing.... Craig said Jerry told him they didn't want to talk, and he brings it up." Todd said, obviously trying to control himself.

"What did he ask?” Why bring it up if he can't deal with it?" Jeannie thought and grew angry as Todd struggled with his words.

"I asked him why he asked if he didn't want to know.' Todd wiped his face again, this time with his sleeve. "You know what he said? Well...it happened to you.... He actually emphasized YOU!" Fuck.... And Billy Collier called."

"Haven't heard from him in a few weeks… What did he want?” Jeannie asked, wondering where everything was going.

"He called this afternoon, just before I talked with Jerry. He said he and Laura were thinking about us, and he wanted to know how I was doing.... He knew about the tremors and the other physical problems. So I told him what happened.... He deserves to know.... He's my best friend, Jeannie."

"Billy's such a good friend…." Jeannie had an idea about what Todd was going to say and it made her glad and angry at the same time. Her suspicions were immediately confirmed.

"He prayed for me...right over the phone.... And then he started to cry...right there...and that got me crying... Fuck, I'm crying all the fucking time.... I fucking hate this so much...."

Jeannie sat down and hugged Todd, her eyes filled with tears. "Honey...we're going to get through this.... We will... It's going to be okay...." She kissed his face and hugged him as tight as she ever had.

"My own fucking brother is like a fucking stranger and my best friend cries.... It's like losing Jerry...it's almost like he died...." Todd began to sob.

Jeannie held him tight, stroking his hair. "Sará  bene. Si otterrá . Dio ᨠin controllo, il mio amore." Soon her own sobs matched her husband's as they kissed. She was tired, and she felt helpless. Years of abuse and neglect had damaged all of the men in the Sinclair family, and all she could do was hold her husband and cry.

To be continued

Ask Me by Amy Grant
Words and Music by
Amy Grant and Tom Hemby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2bOMpZa7mQ
Coming Soon: Choices