A Nervous Day All Around

By Andrea Lena DiMaggio

A brief synopsis — Four women, centuries old, versed in the ways of Draoidheil, the old art, not of witchcraft as we know it, but rather blessings and help for mortals; they are charged to bring hope and courage to a child living in doubt and fear. Each woman has the task of influencing one mortal only that knows the child, so that they in turn can bring hope. Power was useless; it usually was, Persuasion imbued with love, acceptance and understanding would be the weapon they would use to fight this battle.

Calleigh the Wise would enable a fearful woman find the courage to stand up for this child

Orla the Passionate would bring the girl’s best friend to understand that in order to love the child, she had to let her go.

Fiona the Resourceful was given the task of helping a man understand that he had it in him to help the child, provided he could receive help from the one who love him more than life itself; his wife

And Maired the Innocent? Her task was the hardest, for she was charged with returning the immortality she had just received only to resume her former self; that of the child’s brother

It had not even been twenty-four hours, and Michael was already reverting to form…somewhat.
Most of the wisdom he had received as a member of the family of women had worn off, so to speak. While he was Maired, all the wisdom his predecessor owned was given to him, rather her while she still remained a part of the whole. When he transformed back, some of what she had been given naturally left, being only meant for the time of being Maired. But the compassion and understanding would never leave him; being special and life-long gifts he received during the first transformation. These gifts were really part of him all along, awakened as he felt first guilty and foolish and cruel when the memories of his brother’s pain flashed before his eyes in an instant. When he became Michael once more, those memories were still intact, along with a determination driven by his desire to change; things would be different. Like a distaff version of A Christmas Carol but where he was almost one of the ghosts as well.

Paddy was sitting at the dining room table studying for a geometry test when Michael walked in. Aunt Reena was outside hanging clothes on the line and Neddie, their Irish Setter sat quietly at the back door waiting for her return. Paddy looked up to see his brother walk into the dining room and winced out of habit, expecting a slew of invectives followed by “Hey Patty, or Patsy-girl.” Michael pulled up a chair and sat down next to Paddy, evoking another wince as he turned his attention back to his study.

“Pat, we’ve got to talk.” Calmly, simply, and so out of character with Mike. Paddy expected it was leading up to some teasing but he saw that Michael had tears in his eyes….not fake crying, but real honest to goodness tears.

Michael was going to lie. Out of all the things he remembered as a member of the group was that he had been dishonest and certainly disloyal to his brother, preferring the company of the very same crowd that teased Paddy every day. He had prayed before entering the house, and almost felt a dispensation to fabricate a story. It really wasn’t lying, since he had every intention of revealing the truth to Paddy but was sworn not to. So he exaggerated. The tears were real, even if the story wasn’t. Michael felt the sting of guilt and shame even as he had entered the room…Not false guilt or misplaced shame. But the guilt and true shame that we feel when we actually realize how much we have hurt someone. And while the tears were real, they were also helpful, since they were the catalyst for Paddy’s trust.

“I’ve been thinking…about how I’ve treated you….” Michael looked into Paddy’s eyes, which still displayed doubt. That is until Michael continued.

“I’ve been keeping a secret from you and Aunt Breena,” which was actually true; just not the secret he was about to confess. Michael realized that to gain his brother’s trust he would have to demonstrate understanding and acceptance in a way that could not be mistaken as being insincere or false.

“The reason I’ve been picking on you is because…” Here he actually cried, remembering the nights that he heard Paddy cry himself to sleep over the pain of rejection by not only his classmates, but his own brother. “I’m so sorry…I...should have…” Michael could no more have told Paddy his “secret” any sooner since it was a secret only born yesterday, literally.

“If this is one of your jokes…” Paddy said, his own eyes misting up, wanting to believe his brother, but afraid of another lie or cruel insult.

“I want…this is so hard,” which it was, since he didn’t want it at all save for his new-found desire to love his brother and understand and support him. “I think I…..Oh fuck…this is so fucking hard…” He lapsed into his usual profanity, but it lent an authenticity to his obvious frustration.

“Michelle…her name is Michelle.” Michael buried his head in his arms on the table and wept harder than he ever had. He had no intention of becoming a girl at that point; he wasn’t even sure that he knew what that meant. But at that moment, in the dispensation of his tale, Michael finally almost magically understood his baby brother for the first time.

“Patty” he said softly, uttering the name with such affection and love that things changed in a moment between siblings.

“Patty…my name is Michelle”

Three women stood in the hallway outside the man's office. His door was open, but they remained outside. The hallway was empty save for a young girl talking with her track coach about missing practice, and a woman posting some photos in a display case.

"Is this the one?" Fiona asked Calleigh.

"Yes, he has spent much time trying to help the girl, but with little success. His colleagues don't appreciate what the girl is going through; although they sympathize somewhat with the bullying the boy has endured."

"They don't understand but they sympathize...now I don't understand." Fiona displayed her childlike innocence even if it spanned three centuries. Always exuberant and hopeful, she was the most resourceful of the quartet...trio. Their fourth member had departed only recently and her replacement, so to speak, had been "sent back" with her own task.

"Almost all of her teachers find her to be intelligent and kind and friendly, but they do not understand who she is inside. They see her clothes and her hair and are sorry that a boy should be harassed; that a young man would receive such cruel treatment."

"They see her as him," Orla interjected, not to presume to correct or instruct Fiona, but to express the lament that they all felt for the girl.

"If they don't see her for who she is, what can I do to help?" Fiona wasn't upset at all by Orla's observation. She always deferred to Calleigh's wisdom, which usually identified what needed to be done. Calleigh was not only wise, but she encouraged her sister's giftings. Fiona merely needed Calleigh to identify the task, and she would find a way; she always did.

"The man inside the office has a secret he needs to share. If left unsaid, it will paralyze him and prevent him from helping the girl. But if he has someone to tell, someone who will understand him, he will have the courage to help the girl himself."

"So I am the one he tells?' Fiona asked, anxious to start.

"No, my sweet sister. You must pray for him to gain the courage to share this secret with his wife." Calleigh smiled, not because Fiona knew the secret, although she did. She smiled because she had every confidence that Fiona would somehow prepare the way for the man to confess his own fears and shame. Only when he had the courage to trust the love of his sweetheart would he be able to help the girl with her own fears and doubt.

Fiona looked at Calleigh and beamed, a wide grin spreading across her face. In a cute, if altogether centuries old manner, Fiona said in an almost singsong voice,

"Then I guess I better get started!"

Dan Lambert was sitting at his desk reviewing some paperwork when a knock came at his open door.

"Excuse me, but is this the guidance office?" The woman at the doorway asked, with a soft but deep brogue.

"Yes it is," Dan said as he stood to greet the woman's proffered hand.

"Then I'm at the right place,” while shaking his hand. "I understand this is where I talk to someone about an outside presentation for an assembly?"

"Yes it is, but I'm afraid you have wasted your time coming down here," Dan said as he noticed the woman's hands were about the size of his. "The spring schedule has already been set, and there are no other dates left until next fall," he said apologetically. He looked up and noticed a decided lump at the woman's throat and her jaw seemed very strong. He realized that he was looking at a man; or rather a woman who used to be a man.

"Oh, dear me, where are my manners," the woman said again, her deep voice belying her feminine appearance. "My name is Fiona...Fiona Ryan. I lead a transgender support group in town here, and I was told we had a date for our presentation. I had talked to a Linda Calabrese? She said the last Tuesday in May was open”

"Oh, yes," Dan said nervously, struggling not to stare at the woman's face, which was "sufficiently" feminine while retaining some of her former masculine characteristics.

Fiona enjoyed this part the best since it was like playing dress up, charmingly childlike perhaps if she weren't over three hundred years old. She had indeed assumed the form of a transgender woman, and her effort to be authentic succeeded.

"I...I'll have to check the calendar," Dan said nervously, but Fiona cut him off.

"Your year planner on the wall says TG Assembly, May 29, 2012. Is that about right?" Dan knew it was right; he and Linda had been talking on the phone the day before. Linda had been in a very bad car accident, and wasn't due back until the week after the assembly, leaving the administration representation to him as temporary coordinator of Student Activities. Which meant he had to attend the assembly, which evoked the nervousness Fiona was looking for.

"It's right..." Dan's voice trailed off.

"Mr. Lambert, is there something wrong?" Fiona asked, once again the voice seemed disconcerting coming from someone wearing a floral print knee length skirt.

"It's just that I wasn't prepared..." Dan's voice trailed off once again.

"I certainly understand your nervousness, bein' as I'm lookin' and soundin' a wee bit like a boy but wearin' girls clothing, yes?" Fiona always played up the Irish accent, knowing it could be helpful in putting her assigned mortals off their guard." One time, about 1972 or so, she lapsed into her Irish persona and spoke with a gentleman for nearly ten minutes before she realized she was speaking in Gaelic.

"I had it just as difficult the first time I laid eyes on someone like me. But, as you can see,” she used her hand in a broad gesture to point to herself, "I got over it....and you will, too." She grinned slightly, feeling just a little bit impish. Fiona was resourceful, and could always come up with some sort of persona that helped her mortals feel connected.

"Our assembly isn't very involved, but you might not like it once you hear what we've planned."

By now Dan was very nervous indeed and becoming more uncomfortable and even anxious moment by moment.

"We'll do a brief presentation, have a few of our members get up and talk about their own experiences, and then do a question and answer thing at the end." She actually said 'ting, once again playing up her accent. It won't take more than an hour or so." The "or so" made Dan even more nervous, wondering how long this presentation would actually last.

"We've really only got one request, but I'm afraid it makes your job that much harder."

Dan winced expecting the worst, but actually agreed when Fiona continued.

"Since this is such a controversial subject, and since the TG Student group asked us to come specifically for support, we would request that you "disinvite" anyone who isn't interested in understanding or even attending. And yes, I know that would include most of your students, but it's really to keep the presentation safe for those who really want to attend. I know you can't guarantee that there won't be some fools who think it's a fine thing to taunt, but that's okay. Maybe they'll stay long enough for some common sense and civility to sink in. Either way, I'm sure you'll be able to handle whatever comes along."

Dan smiled nervously, attempting to hide his frustration. Since the time for the assembly had been blocked out, it really meant an early dismissal for over 400 students, with the nightmare of transportation and other considerations.

"I think that about explains it, Mr. Lambert other than that we need to get together to coordinate your part of the assembly."

Dan looked at Fiona as if she had two heads...his part...what did she mean? Fiona noticed his shocked look on his face and smiled what would have been a comforting smile but for the fear and utter dread in Dan's face.

"You are transgender, aren't you?

Next: A Friend's Sacrifice