Dainéal’s Dream

Creideamh, Dá³chas Agus Grá¡
(Faith, hope, and Love)

Today the grass is greener
Than I have ever seen
Today the sky is bluer
Than it has ever been
And today my heart is beating
Like I've never felt it beat
And today flowers are growing
From the ground beneath my feet

The o' Murchadha home...

“Hello?” Moira practically cowered when she found Dainéal sitting on his front step the following day.

“Oh…hello.” The boy automatically put his head down, feeling ashamed. After their words the day before, it was almost a shock to Moira since she had let him know just how much she appreciated the enormous sacrifice he had made. But he was solely concerned with his lack and the confused feelings he had for the girl; it was nearly unheard of that any boy would want to be a girl. To want to be a girl and have feelings as he did was completely foreign.

“You’ve nothin’ to be ashamed of; leastways with me, but with no one else if they knew how much you gave up to save me.” Moira began to cry softly, putting her hand to her face over her own undeserved shame. She closed her eyes and shivered at the memory until she felt a hand grab her own.

“Yer safe, Mo….don’t be scared.” The child seemed to grow stronger as he reassured his best friend ….more than best friend.

“He’s gone, and to hell with him; you’re safe.” It was as if the purpose in his life unfolded before him even as he stood and held the girl. He grew taller in a way, but the form seemed to change as well as his faith in his future unfolded before his eyes.

“Yer alright, Mo….yer alright.” He said softly as he squeezed her in a brotherly embrace….more than sibling and completely changing from fraternal to sororal in a way. Moira pulled away from him slightly to face him.

“I’m so sorry…it’s my fault. You gave up so much.” She sobbed; feeling guilty once again for the evil acts of another that visited her and would have visited others as well had the boy not returned.

“No…’twas his fault…his alone, and I’m glad he’s dead and gone. You're safe now. I’d die before I’d let that happen anymore!” He struggled to keep composed, but he began to cry as well; the impact of his sacrifice hitting him harder now that he realized just what had been in the balance. At that moment he made a choice; a life changing decision that all boys and girls make sometimes at fourteen.

“An’ if I can help it…nobody will get away with what he did to you!” At the mention of ‘what he did,” the girl in his arms sobbed hard enough to nearly convulse; her body shook enough to shake them both.

“Oh….Dan….I’m so sorry.” She kept saying it over and over as he stroked her hair; her shaking began to subside as his arms enfolded her in protection.

“It had to be, Mo….never mind….shhh …shhhh” She continued to cry, but she changed in his arms as well; a life debt that went beyond just owing a life as she fell in love with her savior even as he began to see his salvation in her. How much can happen for two children barely into their teens? They would find out, and the changes would be wonderful.

In You I live
In You I live
In You I live and breathe

That evening...

“Dano….come here for a bit, aye?” Da said as he hung his slicker up on the back of the door. Liam and Má¡irtá­n were sitting on the couch; both with odd looks on their faces.

“What are you two doin’? Best get into the kitchen and fetch yer dinner. Me and Dano have things to talk about.” He laughed and the brothers got up and went into the kitchen and closed the door behind them. The boy put his head down as he sat down next to Da, fearing the long-standing routine of being lectured by his father over some lack or omission.

“Yer brothers and I have been talking about things, child.” There was that word again. He couldn’t remember his father ever using the word ‘child’ with him until recently; the kindness seemed to directly follow his mother’s death, as if her passing had softened his father….it had softened him. The boy could see a life in his father’s eyes that seemed almost contrary to the grief the family felt over her death.

“You know that yer Ma loved you, but I don’t think I’ve ever told you.” He never had told him; it wasn’t what fathers told their sons. Certainly it wasn’t what a father told a son who constantly disappointed him. Eammon put his hand out and shook the boy’s hand. A first gesture; a beginning of something heretofore absent, it literally shocked the boy.

“Well, child…I do. I love ye and yer brothers more than I can say. It don’t come easy to me, and I don’t know how to do it the right way; yer mother was good at that; maybe she made up for my lack, but I think not. I owe you an apology. What you tried to do for your friend….I never saw such courage, child.” He had no recollection of his father saying anything so warm; a tenderness he had only observed in his mother, his father seemed to grow big in his eyes that day. And his father continued.

“I’m proud of you. Yer Ma was always proud of you, and I should have known why.” He choked up at the words, but struggled to continue.

“She an’ I had a talk….before she passed.” The boy shuddered at the memory of the closed door. What could they have talked about that would bring his father to tears.

“We talked about you three an we talked about things between her an me, you know?” The boy nodded; there were some things his father and mother shared that would always remain between just the two of them.

“But our last words just before she said goodbye?” He stammered as the boy leaned closer to hear. His father reached out and put his hand out and rested it on the boy’s shoulder.

“They were about you.” The boy swallowed hard, wondering what he had done to evoke such emotion in his father and what would cause his mother to use her last breath to speak of him.

“I don’t understand all of this; your mother felt strongly enough that I have to believe, even if I don’t understand.” His father seemed hesitant to speak further. He paused and looked away, but what usually signaled disdain or disappointment was merely his father’s way of regrouping as he struggled for new ways to speak to his child. His child.

“I hafta say, I was thrown for it; I had to go speak to Padraic over at the school.” Padraic being Eammon’s cousin, who taught at St. Gerald’s in Castlebar.

“What….what did Padraic….I don’t understand.” Da shook his head and tears began to fall; the boy had seen more emotion from his father in the past several days…at least emotion other than anger….than he had seen in his entire lifetime. Eammon shook his head, struggling for words.

“Yer Ma’s last words? She said…’take care of ‘em, Eammon…take care of ‘em.’ Of course I’m gonna take care of you three. But then she grabs me by my chin an kisses my cheek and whispers in me ear, ‘take care of her.’ An of course I don’t have a clue….” He laughed softly even as he continued to cry.

“I don’t understand.” Dainéal shook his head and his father laughed once again.

“Well, me too, child. That’s why I had to think a bit until she said,’

“’Seonaid, darlin’. You know what I mean’” Dainéal’s eyes widened.

“You know I don’t begin to understand a lot of things, child. Yer Da ain’t the brightest, ya know, but I do know about some things.” He smiled and looked away. Once again, a gesture that usually meant disappointment was merely his way of gathering his thoughts.

“I don’t understand, but yer Ma did, and that’s good enough fer me, aye? So I went and had a talk with Padraic….he said somethin’ about. Dear God in heaven this is so fookin’ hard! He said that some …this is so hard.” He began to cry harder, and the boy leaned closer.

“What, Da…what’s wrong.”

“He said that some boys….are born and they….”

“Some boys are born and don’t fit in because they feel like they’re girls.” Liam’s voice came from the kitchen doorway. His face was a mixture of frustration and sadness and perhaps a bit of anger as well. But he smiled as he sat down on the other side of Da as Má¡irtá­n came into the living room and sat down in the chair opposite the couch. Eammon’s eyes grew wide at the words.

“I’m sorry, Da, but Padraic rang up and told me what you two talked about. He thought that you might need some help with this. You see, little brother….Little brother.” Liam laughed at the words.

“There are some boys that get born in the wrong body, is what he said. And that they can’t be boys no matter ….no matter how hard they fookin’ try.” He shook his head, remembering his cruel taunts toward Dainéal.

“An the only way to fix things is…to help them get the body to fit the head…an the heart.” Má¡irtá­n chimed in.

“So…we got to look at things an figure out how to fix what we’ve been missin’ all this time. I’m with Da on this. I don’t understand it. I don’t even like it, truth be told. But Ma thought it to be true, an if that’s what she held, then who am I.” Liam began to weep. It was hard, having just lost his mother, to face the prospect of ‘losing’ his baby brother as well. But as he said, Ma believed it to be true, so he and Má¡irtá­n and his Da would try to see how to make things turn out alright.

“I don’t understand,” the boy repeated once again, shaking his head, his own tears falling from his face as well. It was more than he could ever have hoped for.

“It means, child,” his father said, placing his hand on the boy’s head, “that you an me are goin’ to Dublin to see a doctor. Then we’ll see what we will see, okay?” The boy’s face still displayed confusion and even sadness, anticipating yet another disappointing moment in his life until Liam said finally.

“Smile, kiddo…yer gonna get help! For what it's worth, we do love you.”

And Má¡irtá­n laughed before finishing,

“Welcome to the family, Seonaid o’ Murchadha!”

Today my hope is stronger
Ans the vision's clearer
To walk in love eternal
The path that takes me nearer
And to You the music's playing
Like it has never done
And to You my feet are dancing
Underneath the sun

In You I live
In You I live
In You I live and breathe

Next: Revelation

Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May
1909 by John Willam Waterhouse

Today
words and music by the performers
Iona
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdy6sf2-tsY