The Palace Theater, Broadway, May 1970

What is it that we're living for
Applause, applause
Nothing I know brings on the glow
Like sweet applause
You're thinking you're through
That nobody cares
Then suddenly you hear it starting

“Lynn? Penny can’t do the Saturday matinee; she’s filming F.B.I. Friday and won’t be back in time. Sunday as well, so you’ll do Eve for Saturday. Janice is going to do Sunday. You do understand, right?”

Lynn didn’t mind at all. She was happy to even get Saturday. Most of her time she was helping the stage manager, and she even got a chance to suggest some changes in staging for the second act. The best part had been meeting one of her idols, Betty Jean Persky. Most people knew her as Lauren Bacall, but to Lynn she was Aunt Betty; a good friend and ally in the business.

That night, after the show…

“Daddy, can Mommy get on the extension?” Lynn practically shouted into the phone. A few moments later, she heard a click and a hello.

“Mommy? Daddy? I’m on for Saturday…yeah the matinee….Janice is picking up Sunday….No..it’s okay. Really. She’s been waiting for an awfully long time, and she’s really much better…No, Mom…she is!” Lynn paused for a moment and sighed a happy sigh.

“Uncle Ira? No…I’m going to see him tomorrow. Yeah….he’s doing okay…they decided not to go through…yeah…there goes my chance for stardom.” She laughed softly and grinned. A proposed staging of A Star is Born on Broadway. She would have at least had a shot at an audition. The Marni Nixon of never performed musicals.

“I got some cartoon work and a couple of commercials…nothing big, but I’m still keeping busy. Maybe a chance to help Uncle Ira with his memoirs…yeah, Mom…he says hello and I think it’s probably the millionth time he’s said thank you…yeah….it was good that….yeah Daddy….he knows. You’re my father…of course…. Yes, Mom….I’ve got the best uncle in the world….I wouldn’t….no…” She sighed once again, recalling Ira’s determination to do the right thing.

“Mom…do you think….I….my voice is better than a lot of girls here, but I don’t seem to be getting any help. Even with Uncle Ira…no….well Dad, you have to admit…I am different…why shouldn’t they treat me…oh I know you love me and you….yes Mom….I love you too, but that doesn’t change things. If I knew I was just not as good…yeah, maybe I am ‘typed out.’ You have to admit, though, that there aren’t too many of my type here to begin with.” She laughed, but a frown crossed her face followed by a few tears.

“No, Mommy, I’m not crying…Okay, maybe just a little. You understand. What, Dad? Of course I believe you. Daddy…stop…please….Okay…okay. I…Lynne Marie Marchioni am a great daughter….and a good woman….and a marketable…” She laughed.

“Marketable? Oh. I….Lynne Marchioni am a very loveable woman who will make someone a great wife someday…No Daddy…things don’t look too good in that area.” She held the phone a bit away from her face and faked a cough. Shrugging her shoulders, she blew out a breath. It was hard enough trying to be the daughter they wanted; even if she started later in life. It would be even harder to explain why she hadn’t found a husband. She had tried; falling in line behind the expectations that marched her and many thousands of other women just like her since she was little into preconceived notions.

They're writing songs of love,
But not for me:
A lucky star's above,
But not for me.
With love to lead the way,
I've found more skies of gray
Than any Russian play
Could guarantee.
I was a fool to fail!
And get that way,
Heigh ho! Alas!
And also lackaday!
Although I can't dismiss
The mem'ry of his kiss...
 
“I’ve got to run…yep…Jacqueline of All Trades…Phil has that nasty flu that’s been going around, so I’m Stage Mistress for the evening. Yep…of course…Mr. Right. Yes, Daddy. Okay, Mom…Love you both!”

Lynn hung up the phone and sat down on her couch. She didn’t have to be at the theater until noon, so she sat back and put her feet up on the couch. She looked around her apartment until her gaze fell upon the photo sitting on the half wall between the kitchen and the living room. Just an 8  ½ by 11 blowup of one of those photo booth pictures. A very happy looking Lynn Marchioni giggling as her date for the day was nuzzling her neck; her date’s long red hair wasn’t due to the changing styles of the times so much as the style of her gender. Tough being a transsexual in 1970. Even harder trying to live outside the expectations of those in the newly burgeoning community to which she held a very shaky membership.

It started oh so swell,
This "let's pretend."
It all began so well,
But what an end!
The climax of a plot,
Should be the marriage knot,
But there's no knot for me.

And finally — Embraceable You!

Applause
Lyrics by Lee Adams

But Not For Me
Words and music by
Ira and George Gershwin
As sung by Carolyn Leonhart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-CjQ_TEXc0