A Christmas Sampler a Christmas Anthology by Andrea DiMaggio Theresa's Story

Theresa moved about the kitchen, singing softly to herself; the aroma of garlic and oregano and tomato filled the air.

“No….” Her face twisted into a mask of tears of grief and fear as he nodded ‘yes,’ once before the two embraced.

Chicago Theological Seminary...two years later...

Theresa stood outside the student center. At twenty-seven she felt out of place, and her anxiety went far beyond first — day nervousness. She not only felt old, but she hadn’t planned to return to school, but it was more than just the academic challenge. She remembered the beginning of her journey.

St. Joseph's Hospital, Fort Wayne Indiana...

“It’s your fault…Terry…I don’t know why he did what he did, but it’s your fault…” The man stood nearly toe-to-toe with Theresa. His voice wavered a bit as he sat down, shaking his head. The woman behind him grabbed his arm from the side and shook it gently.

“Tim…Tim…let it go...It’s not her fault…you know that…you don’t mean.”

“Her? Him…let’s get that straight once and for all…not her…this isn’t a woman. My son married a freak and he died for his sin…him…he killed Andy…he killed my son.”

“Tim…cancer doesn’t…it wasn’t anybody’s fault…let it go…you have to let it go.” The woman buried her face in his back, weeping. He turned and embraced her, his eyes darting back to Theresa. She turned away.

“That’s right…you should be ashamed of yourself…Get out of my sight.”

The present day...Registration at CTS...

“Ms. Delvecchia? I see you have a BSN from Northwestern. What are your plans; you could just go for your MSN or Nurse Practitioner degree. You’re really getting into this quite late...”

“I’ve got all the time in the world, Sir.” She looked down at her left hand and sighed.

The office of Karen Krupinski, Psychologist…

“Things seem better, Theresa. You seem so much less anxious. How did you handle the weekend?” Karen smiled.

“I heard his voice…it didn’t…you were right. I was afraid I couldn’t remember, but I can still hear his voice. “ She put her head down and began to cry.

“How many years, Theresa?”

“We would have been married four years. We…we knew each other since…” She started to explain but the recollection caused her to cry harder.

“Since you were best friends...when you were little, yes, I remember, Theresa…It’s okay.”

“He called me.” She sobbed.

“Your father-in-law? That must have been hard? Your last words were so painful…his last words?”

“It was different…healing sort of…I can’t…” She shook her head. The tears still streamed down her cheeks but she was trying to smile.

“He…he said that he was sorry….that he was wrong…out of the blue…after a year.”

“Theresa? It sounds like you’re conflicted…was it a good thing that he called?”

“Yes…but…it was like I lost precious time…with my own parents…they…we had a relationship….they accepted me.”

“Why, Theresa? Tell me what was going on…why they accepted you…they did love you didn’t they.”

“Yehhhesss.” She began to sob again. She looked around and found the box of tissues and wiped her eyes and nose.

“You WERE good for their son, weren’t you?” It was a question that was asked almost every time they met; an opportunity to face and confess the truth about herself.

“Yeeehhhssss.” She cried.

“But it’s so hard to remember…the love you and he had…and the good that came of your love? Your time together was a good thing, but you still struggle…”

“Yes.” Theresa looked at Karen and tried to smile, but her tears got in the way.

“Tim rejected you…it hurt more than anything except for Andy’s death… what hurt the most about that?”

“I had nobody to talk to…nobody to hug…nobody to love….my heart was broken and I lost the only three people in the world I cared for…I was all alone. Andy died…and I know I’ll see him again….I had prepared for him going…but mom and dad….blaming me because their son loved me…I don’t understand what happened.” Theresa looked at Karen for an answer that wouldn’t come from anyone but her in-laws.

“Why? I don’t know why…especially when they accepted you…”

“He said it was his fault…for everything.”

“What did he mean by that?” Karen suspected something but wanted Theresa to come to the conclusion herself.

“It…he said he felt he should have said something….done something…that he alone had to answer to God because….” She began to weep. Karen sat still, shaking her head. It was more than just ignorance that had fueled Theresa’s rejection.

“He….said….he raised a boy to be good….that it was his fault that his son rejected his faith…his fault.”

“So being a pastor’s son…and marrying a pastor’s….listen to me, Theresa…he felt that both of you were…”

“I think when the church threatened him…it was like he became a different person…he went from being
my …like my own father to being….”

“That’s not all, is it?” Karen knew what the answer would be.

“He stayed away…until Andy’s….I know it was fast…very fast…but that doesn’t excuse what he did…his own son…Kenny didn’t do anything wrong….His dad took something so precious….so special and it’s like he took a statue…and smashed it….I don’t know if I can put the pieces together again.”

“I think you already are, Theresa…you’re doing very well and you’re getting stronger. “

“I’m so confused…I’m so angry with him…but….”

“It was good that he reached out? Even if he’s still wrong?”

“Like…maybe there’s hope…I’m so foolish for hoping…wasting my time.”

“Isn’t that what you call ‘going the extra mile?’ Extra mile, My god, Theresa…it’s like you’ve walked around the planet a few times…you’re not foolish…not at all. Your faith is what means the most to you, and you live it….that’s not foolish at all.”

“I wish he’d….It’s like losing my parents all over again…It’s like losing Andy all over again…my only tie to him…” Theresa put her head in her hands.

“I can’t tell you how strong you’ve become in the last few months…like you’re gained so much strength; you’re doing great Theresa…even only a few months ago this would have set you back…but now…and yes…you can always hope. It sounds like it’s a cautious hope…”

“I understand that I can’t change him…but I am changing myself…that’s a good thing, right?”

“Yes, Theresa…that’s a very good thing. He might come around…he might never come around, but you’re handling it well. What about Andy’s mom?”

“She writes me all the time…even e-mails,” Theresa laughed at the thought. “And she prays every day that….” She began to cry once again.

“It hurts that you’ve been separated…that she feels she can’t see you. Right? But it feels good that at least you know that….” Karen tilted her head in question.

“She loves me…like I’m still part of the family.” Theresa began to sob after that; the conflict of her mother-in-law’s love and her father-in-law’s rejection was too much. Karen shook her head again. Theresa was making great progress. To deal with grief under any circumstance was hard, but to deal with the rejection and the loss at the same time. They still had work to do, but Theresa would be okay.

Lecture Hall, CTS, the next day...

“Excuse me, Miss, is this seat saved?” The man stood in the aisle and pointed to the seat next to Theresa.

“No…but it’s under heavy conviction.” Theresa actually winced at the old joke even as the man sat down quickly. He was tall and handsome in a rugged way. His nose looked like it had been broken at one point, but the slight bend seemed to give his face character. He looked to be about forty, but his grey hair gave him an ‘older, distinguished’ look.

“Dave Armitage,“ he said softly as the professor stepped to the podium.

“Theresa Delvecchia,” she whispered.

The students slowly packed up books and notebooks and were leaving the hall as the class ended. Dave turned to Theresa and waited for a proffered hand, which he shook gently.

“Nice to meet you…” His smile was kind and he had the look of someone who had learned kindness through living the Bible as well as reading it.

“Me, too,” she said softly, wincing once again. “Is that the best you could do? Me, too?” she thought, but he just kept smiling at her.

“I’m a widower…two years last month. I pastor a church in Morton Grove, and my congregation trundled me off to school for a bit of a refresher, I suppose. I think they knew I needed a break after Tina died.” He sighed; the connection between him and his late wife remained strong.

“I lost Andy about the same time…It’s been hard, but I guess like you may know, it’s getting better every day.” She found herself staring at his eyes, almost a slate grey, but with a spark… a life she had only seen once before.

“I’m sorry,” Dave said with a sigh, as if somehow he should have known and felt her loss.

“I had a lot of support when Tina passed,” he sighed, almost as if he knew how much she had missed in her own lonely journey.

“It was hard…my parents died when I was in undergrad school; right after I got married to Andy.” At the mention of his name she felt a stab in her chest. She was surprised to look up to see this stranger with tears in his eyes; she began to write it off to his own commonality of loss until he touched her arm.

“No one to turn to and losing the love of your life…I am so sorry.” He bit his lip and looked away, once again appearing as if he felt he should have known. She tried awfully hard, but as they say, you can choose whom you will love and you can choose whom you will marry, but many times you are unable to choose with whom you fall in love.

“I….I need to get to my next class….Mister…excuse me, Pastor Armitage.” She went to pull away and felt his hand let go slowly. As she walked down the aisle to the exit, she found herself looking into Andy’s eyes once again and it brought her to a halt at the door as the tears blurred her vision.

Theresa's apartment...the following Friday evening...

“Hello…Oh…Hello Tim…what…I don’t understand?” Theresa pulled the phone away from her face and sighed.

“I understand…what? You and Betty want me…what? I can’t…what…you…you’re sorry? You said that before …forgive you? I forgave you already…I know…You couldn’t help….you could?” The tears streamed down and pooled on the notebook sitting beneath her on the desk.

“Lunch…I don’t…Betty…is that you? No…no…don’t cry.” It was amazing that in the midst of her own hurt she continued to be focused on being kind and accepting; returning love.

“Okay…tomorrow…Love….love you too, Betty.” The surprise was pleasant and painful, and Theresa sat down at the desk and cried.

Guy's Diner, the next morning...

Betty waved as Theresa was led back by the hostess. Betty stood and hugged her. As they both sat down she noticed that Betty was alone

“Oh…Hi, she almost sighed until Betty tapped her on the arm.

“Tim is parking the car…we just got here ourselves. I bet you thought…” She laughed softly but her laugh trailed off as she saw the tears in Theresa’s eyes.

“We have so much to say, honey, but for now…at least for the next few moments, just I’m sorry isn’t enough…We…well, here’s Tim...Let’s say grace and then we can talk, okay?” Tim sat down next to Theresa and smiled; the first smile he had shown to her in nearly two and a half years. It was almost painful in its lateness.

“Dear God, thank you for your provision and bless the food and the fellowship, In Christ’s name we pray, Amen.” Tim’s choice of words was odd; he never prayed for fellowship; much less with his estranged daughter-in-law. He turned to her and smiled again, but his eyes were filled with tears. He turned to Betty and nodded before speaking.

“I’m glad you were able to be with us today. I’m not good at this…I’m so used to being a Pastor….like the way I was taught was to be separate…not too involved, and I don’t remember ever learning in seminary how to be real? Like I was not so much too good, but too busy or too involved. And I can’t remember ever apologizing to anyone. I….I….mmmm…” He stammered and Betty reached over and grabbed his hand.

“I’m sorry….Theresa…I am so sorry I never came…I never….” Betty began to cry softly.

“I wouldn’t let her call you…to see you….I was so convinced I was right.” Tim shook his head. He squeezed Theresa’s hand.

“I was wrong. You were the best thing to happen to Kenny. He…tried to tell me and I was so foolish and arrogant. The church was more important to me than my own son….and to what end. I ended up leaving that church anyway…and in the end I lost almost everything…” Betty squeezed his hand at the word ‘almost.’

“I lost my faith…for a time…but I lost my son…and I nearly lost something…someone so dear to me and Betty…forever? Theresa? Is there any room in your heart to forgive me? If not me…please forgive Betty…she really was put in an unwinnable situation. “ It was a tender scene…several of the other diners had turned to witness Tim’s confession. One woman in the adjacent booth began to cry.

“I never….of course you’re forgiven. You and Betty gave me the most precious gift besides my own faith. You trusted me…gave me your son. How could I not. I’ve never held it against you…it just hurt so much that you said what you said.” Theresa bit her lip and shook her head.

“I’ve never stopped loving you…never. Oh, Dad…Mom? “She said the words as if asking permission to use those endearments.

“We love you, too, Theresa…we don’t deserve your love, but we want to be family for you once again…if you can find it in your heart.”

“Find it? It never departed, Mom…I love both of you.” The three gripped each other’s hands as if to never let go.

Theresa's apartment...the Tuesday before Christmas...

“Yes…I’ve got the train ticket in my hands…my last final was this morning…yes…six this evening…yes…oh and Betty…tell Tim...tell Dad that Dave has a question he needs to talk over with him….yes…Mom...yes!!!

Next: Dylan's Story