The end of the Girly Girl Experiment
It's been almost 15 years since I first tried to share my girly side to the world.
And while I can’t say it’s been a total failure, the blunt fact is that it is coming to an end, and overall I accomplished very little that remains.
I tried heels - until my knees said no thank you.
I tried makeup - and only ever looked like a clown - a male clown at that.
Earrings? Couldn’t keep them in my ears, finally the holes closed.
Stockings? Far too expensive for how quickly I would destroy them, and they never fit anyway.
Dresses and skirts? Mostly pushed to the back of my closet.
Painted nails? A bust.
SRS? Can’t happen, due to poor health choices.
And now, its my hair. I can’t manage it when its long, and when its short - well, I look like a man.
So honestly, what’s left?
Nothing.
Now, I am still pretty lucky. Most of the people who love me call me Dot, and I have never been threatened with violence, much less attacked, and I even briefly held a job, which is better than a lot of trans people get to do.
But I can’t shake the notion that as a girly girl . . .
I’m a failure.
End
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Comments
Not a failure
Not by any measure.
As for your hair... next time do not say Yes to your Mom.
Samantha
thanks, Samantha
huggles.
A loving, caring person
That is what is left. A good person. Pronouns and honorifics just put people into boxes, no one person can be put into a box. I think that is why I'm uncomfortable with movies where people are kept in boxes (cells).
You, Dot, are a person who can do things, help others, and care about others, that's why the Goddess put us here. Life is to be lived. You tried being a girly girl which is more than some of us did out of fear or other reasons. You are wonderful and don't let anyone get you down. You go girl!
>>> Kay
thanks, Kay
huggles.
Not all women are girly girls……
Like most things in life, there are many variations on the theme. It’s a broad spectrum, if you will allow me to use the phrase.
Personally, most of us are a little of everything. As an example, my hair is longer than my wife’s. I wear skirts or dresses to my office nearly every day, as well as heels - and most days I am the only woman who does so. My office is located in a distribution center, so most employees are either casual or at the most business casual. But as senior management, I dress the part and am always dressed much more professionally than most; I am often in meetings with a vendor, other senior management, or even the ownership of the company, and must dress appropriately. Not to mention that I was always taught to look the part - whether as an officer in the military, or as senior management in my civilian career.
Of course, the fact that I enjoy dressing that way is just an added bonus. I do have to keep a pair of trousers and flats in my car or in my office, as occasionally I need to change in order to spend time touring the DC or on a truck - and heels and skirts so don’t work for that, lol.
My wife, who is a very feminine woman, does not wear skirts or dresses as she does not like the way her legs look. She does not wear heels often as they bother her feet and her knees, whereas I am always in at least a 3” heel - unless the two of us are doing something casual together. In that case, I will wear flats or a low heel - mostly because my wife is uncomfortable with me being too much taller than her. At 5’10” (even though I have lost a little over an inch in height since beginning my HRT some eight years ago), wearing a 3” heel makes me 6’1”, which is about seven inches taller than her. Although she has gotten considerably more comfortable with me in heels over time.
I am blessed with strong nails and good hair (although it is much curlier than I like), and keep my nails at a professional length and always wear nail polish. My wife has not been nearly as lucky; she wears her hair shorter than me and does not ever wear nail polish. I wear make up every day (unless just staying around the house - not a lot, but my eyes are always made up and I always wear lipstick. I will admit that it is only recently that I have been comfortable enough to run to the grocery store with minimal or no makeup.
Anyway, between my wife and I - well, let’s just say that I am the princess, lol. But the point is that you don’t have to be girly to be a woman. What matters is what is inside. Be whoever you are, and be comfortable.
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
on the inside, I love the idea of being a girly girl
it just doesn't work in the real world, and don't tell Jaci!
thanks for the support hon. huggles.
Girly Girls
Girly Girls are over rated. I'LL NEVER PASS, but I still go to my local watering hole
dressed up as Polly on occasion. I'm accepted as a bit strange but harmless.
So just be yourself, who ever you are. At our age who cares.
I'm nearing 80 and have been called Polly since I was about 10.
It's a family nickname from the east end of London.
Enjoy your life it's the only one you get this time around.
All my love Polly J.
Polly J
thanks, Polly
huggles.
consider something
how many people have you touched with your kind words lifting them up or one of your story's when they are having a bad day. i bet a lot more than you realize. our lives are far richer with you being here. that by it self makes you anything but a failure. I will never be passible but that doesnt stop me from being who i need to be its because of you and others that give me the strength and the confidience to do it. I guess what im trying to say is thank you and dont give up .we all need each other.
Definately not a Failure
Even if you don't feel successful, if you hadn't tried your dysphoria would have poisoned you. The world is much better with you in it.
Nope! <You< are not a failure. The things you list ...
... didn't work out (for you).
-
Some famous inventor-guy was asked: "are you discouraged by all your failures in trying to invent {I forgot what}?" - "Not at all. I now know 2,500 ways that do not work."
-
See [1].
Top two things I've done that might be called 'failures' - I call them "didn't work out". To wit, being married. The success part of my marriage 'failures' is learning I am unsuited to same.
Somewhere out there - I may or may not know her - is a happy Lady or Ladies whom I've allowed to be happy - because I am not dating or married to her/them.
Health? [2]
Heels and your knees? Anatomy, physics, physiology ...
My legs don't match in length, so I need a 5 cm lift in one shoe. After 30 (now 60 and counting) years, the middle three toes of that foot are partly numb (I still have 'protection pain' reception, so I'm safe there). Failure of me or lift? No. Anatomy, physics, physiology ...
Hair? Grows back. Sigh, but slowly, sniff. And next time, every time, dammit, tell them "No!". OK? Meanwhile, take care of what you have. Me? ... male pattern baldness ...
Earrings? I'm ignorant, but "better piercer" (not the /stereotype/ 'teeny bopper at the mall') and larger gauge (diameter) earring posts come to mind.
Me? Thought about earrings, but body piercings while taking a blood thinner ... nuh-huh ... So does that mean I and my AFIB and my xenografts and drug(s) are 'failures' ... ?
Hmm ... feel free to 'bin' this suggestion - but https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labradorite might go well with blond hair or (maybe!) that purple top in your photos.
--- ---
I had a Most Excellent friend. At a very 'down' time in my life, she asked me to make a list of all the good things about me. Well, 4-1/2 decades later, I'm still here...
Dot, I'll start your list for you. And no, you don't have to share - but sharing might be a Good Thing. Keep adding to your list.
-
You have posted several hundred very nice stories here - and a lot of them give me "happy sniffles".
You're the first of two my FB friends whom I have here. And you Post bunches of stuff on FB, happy, sad, anger-making, funny, ... Oh, and I have your FB home page book-marked in my browser.
You're open and honest about events in your life, happy and sad and funny. You don't always 'sound like' the Hallmark Greetings Christmas card collection. You are also brave enough to sometimes 'sound like' "Dear Ann Landers ..."
Your links to stuff you've done in your Church.
===
[1] "Shared pain is halved. Shared Joy is doubled." Spider Robinson, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider_Robinson
I'll hazard a guess that we have known this, about Sorrow and Joy, for a very, very long time. Known it possibly before we could talk. (Close order of 100-200 thousand years b.p.)
[2] "poor & better" health choices: You can start right now, this very day, with your very next meal, your very next food shopping trip.
Regarding food, the very best site (among a lot of good sites) is www.pcrm.org/vegankickstart. That site, and all info on PCRM.org, is >> Free <<. No pills, no potions, no "buy our stuff!!!", no weird shi -er- stuff like kale & durian smoothies ... Did I say > Free <. Well not quite, because you have to buy food anyways. So buy good foods, not stuff that will hurt you, maybe Kill you. Selfish me. I have no desire for the pain of seeing you listed in the "In Memoriam" column.
The replacement meats, dairy, cheeses, eggs: We don't have to. And the replacements can get real expensive, real fast. But some of them help. A lot. I have fake coffee creamer and fake -er- replacement sausage in my freezer/fridge right now.
This will also help. >A lot.< I in-person know the author and her family: https://www.veganstreet.com/vs-guide-for-new-vegans.html
"Girly-girl" is a seriously wrong-for-you 'image model' ...
"Ain't hardly nobody" who is, or can be, or even wants to be /rude language, sorry/ "Tits on a Stick", like Mattel's Barbie.
And it would take at least two of these three things to make me into Barbie's 'significant other, "Ken Six-pack":
a) talented 'Photoshop',
b) smoking (a lot of) still-illegal-in-parts-of-USA marijuana,
c) buying a six-pack, and start pulling the tabs ...
Have a look at Maddy Bell: (random Maddy Blog post) https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog-entry/100164/even-more-n.... Scroll down to where she replies, with her photo.
I don't think Maddy will ever present as (or want to present as) "girly-girl". But I bet she 'rocks' Mature Classy Lady.
===
A >lot< is how we present.
A Famous Actress and her just plain ordinary friend were shopping in New York City, Friend asked "Why is nobody noticing you?" - "I don't want them to. Watch this.", and the Actress 'turned it on'. A block away, heads turned.
-
At a time when he was one of the most recognizable faces in film and on television, Groucho Marks and friends were in a restaurant when a Birthday Party family was getting settled. At the right time, the waiter handed the birthday cake to Groucho, Groucho presented and served the cake to the family, then went back to his friends. ... >Nobody noticed!<
=== ===
We (of course) must work with what we have. Much of what you mentioned - it's props.
Think about this: A lot of people make a lot of money doing 'phone sex'. No video, no props, no makeup, no LBD or 'killer heels' ... Just their voices and the joint imaginations of themselves and their client.
So if you are presenting "Mature Classy Lady", I'm going to think "She's rocking that short hair look with the Labradorites ('pops' her blond hair) and purple blouse".
If you present as 'girly-girl" I might think "Why didn't she grow up 15 years ago, and just >why< is she in my space?"
hey
less of the mature!
lol
thanks for the name check!
Madeline Anafrid Bell
My two penneth
You are you and that is fine. If you don't look great in a dress, but still like dresses, then stuff it and wear a dress. Clothes are as much as we feel about ourselves, as how others view you. So be true to yourself and those who get it will be friends and those who don't probably wouldn't be worth having as friends.
It's the person inside..
Dot, of all the people I know, either on here, or *gasp* in real life, you are the most girly girl there is.
Someone is down, or new to town? You give a "hello" and an encouraging word.
Someone writes a story and no one comments? You do.
Something funny happens, where nobody is hurt? You have a fit of giggles. If they are hurt, you go and help.
You have a bad day? You ask for a huggle.
Dotty, you make me smile every time I see your name attached to something. You are what my Mum used to call a ray of sunshine.
Not a Girly Girl failure, miduck, but 100% the real deal
Lucy xxxx
"Lately it occurs to me..
what a long strange trip its been."
thank you very much, Lucy
have a Dottie huggle, on the house!