I'll miss you if you leave
I'll miss your serenity
Your words like songs in the wind
And the love that you take away

So many days in the past few weeks had changed, with a little trepidation that those changes were fleeting at best. No way to know now, but he hoped nonetheless. He stared at the papers in his hand, faded and almost falling apart. The permanency of what they spoke gave him only a small measure of comfort.

“You think this is the one?” the young woman pointed to the dress hanging on a hook from the open closet door. He turned and nodded. The moment was just one more of a cascade of sadness, but this one brought shame. He smiled weakly, shedding invisible tears lest he reveal the shame he felt.

“You have everything?” The young woman put her hand on his shoulder. God they loved her like she was their own daughter. If anyone would understand it would be her. He loved his son, and his fear was almost totally born out of shame over the secret he held so long. His son was grieving, and nothing was more important than that. He hugged them both.

“Yeah… I think so.,” he said at last and they headed out the front door.

I'll miss you if you leave
Now, forever, I do not know how to live
And the joy, my love,
Goes away with you
I'll miss you, I'll miss you
Why do you leave?
Because the love inside of you is dead

Why, oh Why?
Nothing will change, I know that
Inside of me, I feel you

Unlike those few words, their love was alive. The love had grown stronger than at any time, leading to a peace neither could have anticipated, even if both hoped desperately for its arrival. He had become somewhat content with how things might always remain even as she spoke day to day about her love for every part of who he was. He had spent so many years still in hiding even as her light shined brightly into his retreat to show the acceptance she had for the other person who dwelt inside him, even if she never used ‘her’ name when they talked.

I'll miss you, I'll miss you
Because you go away
Because the love in you is dead
Nothing will change, I know that
Inside of me, I feel you

Brief words from friends helped the shame abate. The dress was her favorite and was almost rightfully his connection to yet another part of her. And at the last, she wore it well. Lilac and lace. Soft and pretty. And cold. He could barely touch her arm until he remembered she was ‘in a better place,’ as some had reminded him. Most believed as she did. And he did as well, and that was a comfort. And the innocent, well meaning, if completely trite words by a few were still heartfelt; meant to give comfort even if they could not gladden.

“I’ll give you some time by yourself.” The very kind man said from behind to him and his son and to the woman by whom his son was blessed. Words barely escaped quivering lips and yet every word was precious. He even used the word only that morning. Agrodolce… Bittersweet. He hoped and trusted the days would grow sweeter, but the moment was filled with loss and sorrow, even if it was wrapped in love and joy. You don’t miss what you don’t cherish.

I'll miss the immensity
Of our days and nights together
Yours smiles when it was dark
You’re being naive like a small girl

And now so many gave words of comfort that recalled how much she loved and was loved. But now, in the solitude of the day, the one thing he remembered that even if she never spoke the woman’s name, she loved the woman he was, and he missed her.

I'll miss you, my love
I look and I find emptiness
inside of me
And the joy, my love
Goes away with you

Mi Mancherai
from the motion picture
Il Postino
words and music by
Marco Marinangeli and Luis Bacalov
as sung by Josh Groban
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WWe2Y05ukQ