Chances Are... Stories of Hope Susan's Chance by Andrea Lena DiMaggio

Bonasera Hair Salon, Fairfield, New Jersey....
 

Celine Dion's Taking Chances was playing softly on the radio. Susan found herself singing along when the door opened. Jackie walked into the salon and up to the counter.

“Hey, Mom, I have some time. Want to catch some lunch?” Sophie smiled and glanced over his shoulder before answering,

“Oh, sorry, Jackie, Mrs. Rudolph is coming in for a cut in a few minutes.” She looked down at the appointment book and smiled before saying,

“Just a second, hon. Susan? Tran doesn’t have an opening until four; can I put you down for that?”

“No, thanks. I’ve got an appointment with a client back at my office at three, and I think it’s going to run long.” Susan sat behind Jackie in the waiting area. He noticed that Arnie was lying quietly at her feet.

“Say…I’ve got an idea.” Sophie grinned. Susan of course didn’t see the expression on her face, and she stopped smiling just as Jackie turned his head back to face her.

“Since you’ve got some time and Susan doesn’t have an appointment, why don’t you two go to lunch instead?”

“Oh, no…I wouldn’t want to impose,” Susan said softly. She hoped her cheeks weren’t as red as they felt.

“Nonsense. Jackie, you don’t mind, do you?” A question that would put anyone on the spot, but he felt even more pressured and embarrassed, but something also dwelt inside of him at that moment and he replied,

“Oh….not at all. It would be a pleasure.” Now it was time for Jackie to hope his cheeks hadn’t reddened at his own words.

“Great. I’m sure you’ll both have a nice time.” Sophie was hoping for more than nice for both their sakes.

“Excuse me, Miss MacDougal….Susan, do you mind if I take your arm? I don’t want to…I know it’s important to….I…” He stumbled on the words. She reached up and patted him on his outstretched hand.

“I’m sure Arnie won’t mind some help. You can be on my left and I’ll hold onto him with my right hand, okay.” The dog rose and moved close to her right side where she grabbed the handle of his harness. She reached out again and grabbed Jackie’s right hand.

“You kids have a nice time,” Sophie winced; she sounded like a grandmother.

“Oh, well,” she said and she leaned sideways and turned up the volume on the radio.

Hunan Cottage, Fairfield....a short while later...

“I thought you might like something quiet, if that’s okay?” Jackie said they made their way to their table. A few minutes later they sat across from each other. The waitress had already brought water and they had ordered. The table was small and round and a bit more intimate than either of them wanted, but the restaurant was more crowded for a Monday than they had expected.

“This is very kind of you. Thanks.” Susan put her head down; her expression was mostly hidden by her glasses, but she still felt embarrassed.

“Actually it’s my pleasure. Really,” he said trying to convince them both.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you out for a while, and this….well…” He sighed in frustration as he searched for the words to convey how he felt. And still not knowing exactly how he felt made that task all the more difficult.

“You…you wanted to ask me out?” Susan was surprised. She raised her head slightly, trying to approximate ‘eye contact.’

“Ye…yes.” Jackie was growing more tongue tied until the waitress relieved his anxiety by arriving at that moment with their food. He sighed in relief. He looked at the woman in front of him and shook his head; somewhat out of marvel, but with deeper emotions coming to the surface as he watched her bow her head. She mouthed a silent prayer before saying a soft, ‘amen.’

“May I ask you something? I don’t mean to be patronizing, but I also want to know if you don’t mind?”

“How long have I been blind? It’s not a bad question, Jackie. I wasn’t born blind. I have a degenerative condition that started when I was about nine. It’s gotten progressively worse to the point where I only see small points of light.” She reached down and patted the dog.

“Arnie does my looking for me now.” She laughed softly.

“Do…do you remember colors and things…what your sister looked like? Oh, I’m so sorry. This must be difficult for you.” He sighed in frustration. She reached over and patted his left hand, and then became embarrassed herself when she realized it was his prosthetic.

“I guess we both have gotten used to a lot of things we never thought we would go through. I am so sorry.” Jackie knew that she couldn’t see his face, but he still felt like covering it anyway.

“Okay…since you asked me, I’ll ask a favor in return, okay?” He nodded, forgetting for a moment, but she continued anyway.

“May I touch your face? Would that be alright?”

“Oh….your way of ‘seeing me?’ Oh gosh, Susan, I’m sorry. I don’t want to be patronizing and it seems that’s all I’ve done since we sat down.” He bit his lip in frustration; mostly to keep from getting further into a trouble that didn’t exist.

“It’s alright, Jackie," she said.

"I know you want to respect me. And yes, it’s my way of seeing you, if you don’t mind.” Jackie didn’t mind at all and wanted her to stop all in the same moment as her hand reached up tentatively and touched his cheek.

“Very strong jaw line; I bet the girls just love you,” she teased. She raised her left hand and touched his other cheek.

“Really, though; your face has a lot of character. Where did the scar under your lower lip come from?” She said, expecting it to be something hugely serious.

“I fell off my skateboard when I was seven. Took a header into my neighbor’s front porch.” He laughed, and it sent a shudder through her hands. She pulled away for a moment but resumed by caressing his ears softly.

“Not so bad, was it?” She said as she pulled her hands down in front of her. He nodded, forgetting again.

“I’ll take that as a yes?” She laughed softly again, but underneath she was growing nervous; regretting ever having come.

“Yes….” He said, turning away for strength, once again forgetting that she wasn’t ‘watching.’ He spoke.

“Susan? May I ask another favor?”

“Only if you let me have a bit of my soup first?” Now it was his turn to shudder. He realized that they had been talking for minutes and had yet to eat.

“Oh…jeez, I’m sorry. Go right ahead.” She picked up the spoon beside the bowl and began to eat. He sat and rested his elbow on the table to cradle his head.

“You’re staring!” She laughed, which made him feel uncomfortable until he realized he was making no sound.

“Oh…yes, sorry.”

“May I take these?” the waitress asked and Jackie realized he had yet to eat a thing. He nodded anyway and she took the bowl from the table along with Susan’s.

“I’ll be back in a bit with your entree’.” Susan nodded and Jackie watched the waitress walk away before speaking once again.

“I’d like to try something, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure, what is it?” She tilted her head slightly.

“This is embarrassing. Would you mind….I’d like to touch your face.” He knew he was blushing even without the benefit of a mirror.

“Oh….okay.” She agreed quickly but paused and asked,

“Why?” Not an accusation or demand, but merely out of curiosity.

“I’m not trying to be difficult and I’m sorry, but I’d really like to see how it is to ‘see’ the way you do, if that’s alright.”

“Oh….okay….that’s actually very kind of you,” she said and then she paused. As she went to continue, she felt his hand touch her face softly.

“I’m at a disadvantage…sorry.” He didn’t have to point to his prosthetic for her to understand.

“I’ll have to compensate, but I promise I’ll be respectful.” He didn’t realize how much he didn’t need to say that. A moment later his hand was etching her laugh lines, and his thumb paused carefully against the dimple on her left cheek. She pulled away slightly.

“Jackie….” She said softly, almost as a protest. She felt his finger press lightly against her lips, giving her pause. He hadn’t meant to silence her; his only desire at that point was indeed to experience how she saw people.

“You’re very pretty,” he said with a laugh that belied the nervousness in his heart. Of course he could see her anyway, but touching her gently and sensing her face through his fingertips was almost more than either of them could stand.

“I may be blind, Jackie, but I’m not a fool. I’m not pretty at all,” she protested. He put his finger on her lips once again, but this time his intent was clear; he wanted her to stop speaking for a moment.

“I suppose that depends upon who’s doing the looking. From where I sit you’re very pretty. A matter of taste I suppose.” He stopped speaking and pulled his hands away. She thought he was through, but he reached again and carefully removed her glasses.

“Oh, god…no…please, Jackie,” her protest was a plea that he didn’t ignore, but he continued.

“It’s okay….trust me.” She had never given herself over to trust anyone but she sighed deeply and nodded; her reluctance fading as his hand once again touched her cheek, but with a feeling of a caress.

“Jackie…please….” She put her hand up and covered her eyes.

“Don’t…I’m so ugly.” She gasped as his hand gently pulled her hand away from her face.

“No….You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. Your eyes are beautiful.”

“Jackie…my eyes are cloudy and sightless and ugly!” she snapped at him. He pulled his hand away as the waitress returned with their meal. Susan quickly retrieved her glasses and put them back in place. The waitress nodded and spoke,

“Just wave if you need anything and I’ll be right over.” A moment later they were alone again in the crowded restaurant.

“You don’t know me well enough to say that, Jackie.” She said it in a loud whisper, but her expression was more of regret than of anger.

“I’ve loved you since I saw you and your sister for the first time in my mother’s salon.”

“You can’t love me, Jackie!” Susan was glad that her glasses were back in place because she knew she was on the verge of tears.

“I don’t have a choice, Susan. It’s just how I feel.”

“I think we need to stop this right now.” She said it in another whisper but looked around so to speak wondering if anyone else in the restaurant was listening or watching.

“Stop what? Stop talking to you, now that I finally have the courage to speak? Now that I’ve gotten brave enough to talk? I’ve been a coward, and I can’t stand it.” Of all the words to use. She reached out with her left hand and grabbed his right arm.

“How can you say that? You’re the bravest man I know. I’m the coward here, Jackie. I haven’t been honest with you, and you deserve more than that!”

“You a coward? You live with adversity everyday and you can say that? No, Susan…no. You’re brave. You’ve faced life head on and you shouldn’t put yourself down. I’m sorry, but I can’t let that go without saying it again. I love you. I don’t know how much plainer I can make it?”

“I’m a fake…Jackie…are you blind? Don’t you see? I’m a sham.” She put her head down and began to sob. A moment later she felt his hand cup her chin softly. He raised her head gently and spoke.

“I know you see me as a fool, and maybe I am, but I’m not so foolish as to not notice you and my Mom…the little asides…the hush at times when I walk into her shop? Susan. I know.”

“We…we talk a lot.” It was all she could say in response, fearing the worst but desperately hoping she was wrong.

“I’ve known for a while. Don’t ask me to explain, ‘cause I can’t. I just know.” He reached over again and caressed her cheek. She went to push his hand away and he grabbed hers and held it softly.

“You don’t know what I’ve been…who I’ve been. You just see a blind girl, and that’s all, Jackie. Who’s blind here?” She shook her head.

“I don’t care where you’ve been other than that it’s part of who you are. You need to know me…that it’s where you end up that counts. Not where you started from.” He said, echoing what his mother had said only days before.

“It doesn’t matter to you that I can’t have kids? That I can’t be the wife you deserve? The companion you need?” By now she struggled to speak, her voice choking at times.

“Of course it matters. Because it’s how things are! But it’s not the end all or even the beginning of what I want….like you said…what I need.”

“How can you say that? I’m nothing close to what you need!”

“Susan…let’s get one thing straight. You can’t tell me what I need. Only I get to say that. Not you, not my mother, God bless her. Me. And who I need is you! This is my chance, and I hope it is for you as well.” She shrugged her shoulders as if to say I’m not sure; she was entirely sure of him but was totally unsure about herself.

Jackie may have been brave before but right then and there he did the bravest thing he ever did and leaned over the table and kissed her; nothing as spectacular as he had ever expected, but a monumental moment for both of them. Two brave souls taking a risk like never before. She found herself unable to resist, and kissed him back. After a few moments they felt awkward and oddly not alone.

“Will you be ordering desert?” The waitress tried not to but laughed softly anyway as the rest of the diners applauded.

“Coffee?” Jackie asked with a smile. Susan put her hand on his face and felt his grin.

“Coffee sounds just fine," she sighed. "Just fine."

Next: Allie's Tale

Taking Chances
words and music by
Kara DioGuardi and Dave Stewart
as performed by Celine Dion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5U4pFi5pm5w