(aka Bike) Part 1979 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad
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“I want to hear all about it, but I have to get back to Danny.” James asked Minette to take me. I felt exhausted but I felt a need to be with him. When I got there, probably fifteen or so minutes later, Simon was sitting with him and on his bed was brand new football, one of those black and white hexagonal sorts only it was blue and white and had been signed by the whole Chelsea team. He was ecstatic about it and showed me each one in turn. When I looked at Simon wondering how he’d managed it, he shrugged at me and smirked.
When he’d calmed down a little, I had a little cuddle with him. “The men who did this to you, won’t ever threaten you again, sweetheart.”
“You fixed ’em, Mum? I knew you would.” I glanced across to Simon who looked at me with a knowing expression.
“No, dear, I helped to find them but they were dealt with by the French police.”
“Oh,” he held on to me more tightly.
“There was some shooting and they were both killed.”
“Good,” muttered Simon.
“I’m glad,” said Danny, “they deserved it.”
“Well that’s what happened, so they won’t ever bother you or anyone else ever again.”
“How did you manage that?” asked Simon.
“I didn’t, I followed a hunch and located one of them then called the police and the bad guys started firing first, I believe. The police returned fire and were in superior numbers.”
“You sound as if you were there,” observed Simon.
“We saw part of it, we were staking the place out from a nearby house. I gave the old lady whose house it was, a hundred euros for the use of her front room for a couple of hours.
“The house they were in was one of these courtyard ones behind a large wooden door–the police knocked on the door and got no sensible answer so they hooked the door up to a helicopter and pulled it out of the wall, along with half the wall.”
“Wish I’d seen that.”
“It was quite exciting.”
“Aw, I always miss all the best bits,” Danny grumbled.
“How’s your friend Peter?”
“Dunno, haven’t seen him for a couple of hours.”
“I’ll pop and speak to his parents a moment, won’t be long.” I slipped into the next room where Peter and his parents were sitting. I relayed the news about the siege and its conclusion. Peter gave no reaction but his parents seemed pleased. “They can never hurt you again, Peter,” I said to him.
He looked at me with a blank expression and then back to the spot on the wall he was staring at before. He looked completely traumatised.
I saw a similar football on the floor by his father’s feet, I presumed Simon had brought one for him as well, though I couldn’t see any signatures on that one.
I asked about the discharge of the two boys and was told they could be discharged now, providing they were seen by a doctor back at home and it was suggested, also a psychologist or psychiatrist.
Danny agreed he was ready to go home as soon as, but Peter worried me. He seemed to be in profound shock. I tried to send him some more healing but he didn’t seem to be receiving it. This was new unless it was the same as those who don’t wish to be healed. I tried twice more to engage him but he wasn’t having any of it. He was now beginning to worry me.
It was getting dark as we drove to the airport and after a brief check by customs we boarded the aircraft. Peter was still in his trancelike state and I suspected he’d gone into a state of detachment and hadn’t come back out of it. I sat back and relaxed and asked the energy to try and help him, I closed my eyes and tried to climb inside his mind to see where the problem was. He was still totally withdrawn.
I saw the attack through his eyes. At first he was shocked then and he resisted, but when he was penetrated he ejaculated himself, presumably from pressure on his prostate. Thinking he’d enjoyed it, rather than being able to understand what had happened, he was punishing himself for seeing himself as some sort of pervert.
Oh boy, the shrinks would have their work cut out with his case. I tried to send an explanation to what had happened to him but he blocked it. He’d sealed himself into a shell and it was going to take great skill or luck to get through to him. I felt so sad. I knew we had yet to deal with Danny’s response in full, but I felt we’d cope with it and Danny had good ego strength, so I felt sure he’d come out the other side, although he’d probably avoid public toilets for some time.
After touchdown and customs, a car met us at Southampton and drove us all home, we dropped off Peter and his parents on the way through to our place. It was quite late, but everyone was waiting up for us and Danny was given a hero’s welcome and a kiss and hug from everyone.
After the celebrations had finished and the children were all in bed, Stella asked me over a cuppa, “How’s the other boy?”
“He’s not good.” I went on to explain what I’d thought had happened.
“And he’s resisting your help–the blue stuff?”
“Yes. He thinks he got off on it and is punishing himself.”
“Oh god, how sad is that?” she looked very serious. “I can’t say I’m sorry that those bastards died while resisting arrest.”
“Yes, but unfortunately we’ll never know why they did it?”
“Cathy, I think that’s less important than knowing they’ll never do it again to any other kid.”
“Perhaps–I just think it’s sad all round.”
“How did you find them?”
“I saw the attack in a dream and remembered the faces of the attackers, I saw the door of the house they were hiding in, in another dream and got Minette to show me areas where there were lots of alleyways, once we were in the right one, I was led straight to it.”
“You’re amazing.”
“No if I were that, I’d have seen it coming and stopped it, the two boys would have been spared the trauma and those two men would still have been alive and perhaps in a position to choose not to do it.”
“So it would have been someone else’s kids and they might have killed them.”
“I’ve healed most of the physical damage in both of the boys–Peter couldn’t stop me doing that–but I can’t get into his mind at all. Perhaps when he’s asleep it will be easier.”
“Sounds like you’ve got a long night ahead. Anyway, I’m off to my bed,” Stella hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, “G’night,” she said as she exited the kitchen. I rinsed the cups and washed my hands. I suddenly felt very tired and crawled up the stairs. Checked Danny was okay–his bed was empty and my tummy flipped. I went to tell Si and found the two of them fast asleep in our bed. I did my ablutions and after putting on my pyjamas in the en suite, I slipped out of the room taking my phone with me as a clock and went to sleep in Danny’s bed.
Being in the strange bed took me a while to relax and go to sleep so I spent the time sending light to Peter in the hope that it would help while he was asleep–I wasn’t overly hopeful.
Comments
Simon
He is a dad. Which is a wonderful thing.
Acute stress reaction
A quick perusal of Wikipedia suggests that might be what's happened to Peter. Apparently it typically lasts a few hours, but can last a few days; while in a minority of cases it can develop into PTSD if the symptoms last more than a month. While he's so withdrawn and unresponsive there's probably not much that can be done, but hopefully over time chinks will appear in his mental armour allowing either the energy or a fully qualified psychologist entry.
Danny's probably coping better due to his experiences in the children's home before he moved in with Cathy (and I suppose the psychotherapy she did with him in his first week may have helped him cope with future traumatic events).
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
I'm anticipating some
troubling dreams.
Peter is suffering unjustly
from the attack. Hoping that Cathy, or someone can break through his shell.
May Your Light Forever Shine
Blocked memory
Interestingly, I did not remember mine until in my 40's. It was in a group of survivors of sexual abuse where it started surfacing...
Re: Blocked memory
It took thirty years before I remembered about being raped at 4.5 years of age. When I did remember, it was quite different from your experience, I was living in a homeless shelter for women; I went into a trance state while in a common area with about fifteen or so women, and from what I was told afterward, I regressed significantly, as they said I was talking like a little girl of about four or five years of age.
Blocking the memory of something like that is not all that unusual, it is a method that enables the child to survive the act and continue on.
Peter is going through the trauma
of have been sexually assaulted and found that his body betrayed him while being assaulted. It gave him pleasure during the assault. Now Peter is questioning his entire identity and sexuality because of it.
A woman's body betrays her during assault because her body is more sensitive and can derive more pleasure from stimulation. So it is, in part, understandable to compare that to what Peter had gone through. The question is whether Peter can garner up the strength to overcome the shame and humiliation to be himself from it, much like women have to, after such an assault has occurred to them.
The real damage though, is Peter questioning his identity and sexuality. Maybe some issues already existed before that we are not aware of? Maybe it's his male identity thing? Whatever it is mentally, Cathy does need to do something because, left untreated, that can lead Peter onwards to suicide to end the lingering doubts and horror.
As with any rape victim, aftercare and support is entirely crucial to their ability to function and go on!!!!!!
Sephrena
It's always there!
You can try and shut it out, you can 'build-a-wall-around-it', you can simply recognise that it happened, (though you can never just accept it,) you can seek revenge every which way but it's always there.
As for the ejaculation aspect, yes, that is the most stressful because when you reach puberty or if you are already passed it, every ejaculation CAN BECOME A REMINDER! That is a huge issue to address because it becomes associated with one's own perceptions of one's sexuality, it throws up immense questions.
All these questions are bloody hard to answer especially when those questions run in tandem with other aspects of your sense of gender like gender duality.
I can't tell if my gender question helps or hinders my self esteem issues surrounding the rapes. I try, often unsuccessfully, to use my gender variance to ward of the grey wolves. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.
Cathy and Simon will have their work cut out for a long time.
Good chapter Ang. You've addressed issues that need addressing.
XX
Bevs!
You cannot help
but wonder if there may be some delayed reaction for Danny that Cathy might yet have to cope with , Having said that Danny does seem to have a pragmatic nature, So maybe he might be spared any further pain, Sadly the same cannot be said of Peter , As if the pain of the attack was not bad enough, To them suffer the reaction he has is more than a boy of his age should have to put up with ...We can only hope Cathy and her blue light find a way through ..
Kirri