The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1906 by Angharad Copyright © 2012 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

After our friendly plod had pushed off leaving me two cups of tea and several plain chocolate Hobnobs lighter: I sat down to read the paper, Tom having done the easy crossword, I thought I’d have a go at the cryptic. It felt more challenging than usual because I hadn’t done one for weeks. So to build myself up to it, I glanced through the paper.

I read about the two female medical students in Delhi who’d been attacked by a gang of men while riding home from the cinema on a bus. One had been critically injured being raped repeatedly and then beaten with iron bars. It seemed I had some misapprehensions about India. It’s a huge country and parts of it are very poorly developed so one assumed if this sort of thing went on it would be in the hills somewhere with a general lawlessness, not in the capital.

Seems I was wrong. According to the article, women in Delhi take awful risks in travelling at night, even reasonably high caste young women as these must have been and that women are treated as very much second class. This apparently in the largest democracy in the world. I suspect it opens up a whole new meaning to the word democracy, and none of it would be acceptable to a modern European woman.

I sat and reflected at the anger I felt as a woman, on behalf of these two young women, one of which had died. The public were demanding action and riots had happened, though I suspected nothing would happen other than lip service like the US with supposed racial integration and lynchings up into the Sixties and perhaps later of black men.

The world has been populated by humans of one sort or another for 400,000 years, unless of course you believe Archbishop Usher in which case it’s about six thousand years. Personally, I suspect the good cleric was mistaken in his calculations and I’m sure his modern day successor would have no difficulty in agreeing with me. Either way, we should be ashamed of ourselves as a species, we stopped evolving morally about the same time as we stopped living in caves.

I looked at the paper and everywhere there was mayhem and murder. Twenty odd soldiers in Pakistan executed by the Taliban–why? What does it prove, except militant Islam is as disgusting as militant anything else?

The shootings in that school in America, one or two since and the intransigence of the gun lobby to understand logic; but then, if you need ten guns to feel safe in your home, you might be living in the wrong place.

In Mexico and other Latin American countries the death toll from drug wars is hundreds of thousands–it’s unbelievable. Even in damp but relatively safe England, we aren’t really safe. A couple of people have been murdered since Christmas, one an elderly organist going to church to play for midnight mass. What for? How could killing a sixty eight year old man achieve anything but a short term power trip for a couple of thugs, one of whom is about fourteen? It defeats any coherent thought I can offer except pure disgust.

And to cap it all, the frigging IRA are at it again, planting a bomb under a copper’s car–they don’t like people enjoying peace and quiet.

What is wrong with people? None of this could happen if most of us practised what we preached, instead we hold double standards because our main interest is ourselves and our greed for power or resources while we preach against those we fear or dislike or use to distract against too much attention while we feather our own nests.

If ever there was a time for a cleansing by a divinity, I should think we’d be about due again. Never mind Sodom and Gomorrah, we are far more sophisticated and educated now, and we know so much more about right and wrong. I despair for humanity because we have ideas above our station, we are apes. Apes with technology. There is no god of any sort and if there was, greed would have killed him off long ago.

So why do we care about hiding our nastiness, why don’t we just go and take whatever we want and ignore any morality whatsoever–it would make life a bit easier. Instead of worrying about the sick and starving in Africa we could just let ’em starve or die, use the money we’d save to buy more things we don’t need, like more guns–we’d probably need them because the Chinese would be on the march, needing our resources to fund their excessive need.

Eventually there would be a huge and catastrophic war probably with weapons of mass destruction which would achieve one good point–it would thin out the two legged vermin for century or two. Instead, I think I’d almost welcome an asteroid strike and hope it killed me and my family immediately, because I wouldn’t want to live in the aftermath and I’m not sure how much longer I wish to in today’s climate.

Hypocrite? Probably, I mean I live comfortably from a system which I believe is corrupt but it enables me to do small acts of kindness when I can. It’s all a total waste of time because the forces of darkness seem always to grow stronger whatever happens because they only exist in men’s hearts–this I know. Only man has the capacity to distinguish between good and evil, because it’s the duality of our natures. It has nothing to do with all the bollocks of religion–it’s pure human stuff–but then so is religion. Those who can’t see that haven’t smelt the coffee and I don’t mean the stuff Tom makes–though that is pretty evil in itself.

I caught sight of my own face in the window, reflected in a slightly distorted way by the double glazing. I could almost feel the anger reflecting off myself–what was the point of existence–just to make up the numbers–or to allow those who had religion to smile smugly in their conceit of understanding? There wasn’t one–except as Richard Dawkins’ said–‘procreation’. Yeah, like that makes no more sense than the religious nuts.

I was feeling lower and lower, almost ready to expire from a broken heart. Had all my optimism, my struggle to become myself, my desire to love and be loved been a waste–a vain glory?

The rain lashed against the windows and Tom dashed in with Kiki and several soaking children–even feeding the ducks was now negative.

“Whit a storm,” he declared shaking his coat while trying to stop the dog bouncing about the place with her large dirty feet.

“Mummy, we’s aww wet,” declared Meems and I stirred myself from my lethargy to get some towels.

“Whit’s thae matter?” asked my perceptive adopted dad.

“I think I’m tired of this world.” I offered distributing towels to the children and accepting an armful of wet coats and anoraks to hang to dry.

“Whit?” he looked at me in astonishment.

“You heard me, the wickedness of men–at times it’s too much.”

“Oh, is it noo? Sae whit are ye goin’ tae dae, just sit here and let it come f’ ye?”

I shrugged my shoulders–I had no plans.

“Frankly, I’m disappointed in ye. Ye’ve the most wonderful bairns to bring up and ye’re goin’ tae chuck in thae towel? Just like that–no attempt to stop it.”

“I’ve spent my whole life fighting it–it’s all a waste of time and effort–the system is run by men who perpetuate the darkness.”

“Aye, but ye’ve ken’t that f’years.”

“I’m tired.”

“Too bad–d’ye think I’m goin’ tae let ye jus abandon these children because you feel tired? We all get tired, those of us who can see whit is really going on–those of us who try tae spread love and decency–because we honestly believe in them. D’ye really think I’d let ye?”

I felt my eyes well up with tears and I shook my head.

“Well then, pass me anither towel an’ stop bein’ such a dunderheid.”