The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1911 by Angharad Copyright © 2012 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

I suppose everyone must think that this house is absolute chaos with madness and mayhem all day every day. It isn’t, well not now that David does the food and Ingrid does the cleaning with a bit of help from the rest of us. Okay, I’m still the boss, insofar as David and Ingrid answer to me, and we discuss menus and cleaning schedules. I also provide the money for replacements of equipment and so on. Ingrid works hard and gets top money–ten pounds an hour for domestic work is good and she’s contracted for a minimum of twenty five hours per week–so before tax she earns two hundred and fifty quid. She said she hasn’t known such riches since she was single. I also know she was promising Hannah all sorts of treats once she had paid off her debts.

Those we discovered were quite large–about ten thousand pounds large–so she was in trouble financially before she met us. I mentioned this to Simon and he sent her to see a debt counsellor he knows and they consolidated all her debts into one and he arranged a cheap loan to pay off the other creditors. She came back full of the joys of spring. It was going to take her three years to pay it all off but at a reasonable rate–and it was deducted at source, so she couldn’t default on it.

Now clever as I am, I don’t do wages and taxes, I pay someone at the bank to do that for me–or Simon does–so they only need to speak to me if they have a query or I agree they did overtime. I do a form online and they get paid the extra next month.

So our domestic affairs run reasonably smoothly providing everyone is well. When David was ill recently, Ingrid and I shared the cooking until he was back amongst the living. Sadly, if I’m ill there’s no one to cover my stuff except Stella and possibly Julie who has lost a lot of that laddishness she showed earlier on. She is both beautiful and elegant even though she doesn’t really appreciate it yet. She’s probably too short to be a model, but she’s certainly beautiful and has a figure to die for.

Sammi has been head hunted by a modelling agency and while she was flattered for a few days, when they suggested she get a portfolio done, she chickened out preferring to stick with computers, with which she is an absolute whizz. The bank is paying her quite a lot of money to run their cyber-security and she’s doing a course at UCL one afternoon a week as well.

When the modelling was mentioned, all the girls were telling her to go for it but she had made enquiries about doing a portfolio and discovered it took hours and cost loads. If she’d made it as a model and I’m sure if she’d wanted to she could, she’d have left the bank in the lurch and she took those responsibilities seriously. I know Simon was impressed with her loyalty and got her a couple of thousand a year more for that alone.

I made those who were working, so Julie and Sammi in particular, pay something for their keep. They weren’t initially happy, but I pointed out that Simon, Gramps and I paid for everything, but we didn’t consume everything. When I showed what those two actually consumed, at first they wouldn’t believe me, but then a day or so later realised that my figures were quite accurate–then they paid up. I got Simon to set up an investment account which buys shares with the money I get each month and any profit go back into the account to buy more shares. If any of the kids get into financial trouble in years to come, we have a safety fund to use instead of having to bail them out ourselves–except none of them know about it, so it will be a real surprise. If no one needs it, say in ten or fifteen years time, I cash it in and we’ll all share in the windfall. As the others get older and earn money, so they’ll be asked for some money for their keep as well, which will go in my pot too.

I know we’re very fortunate in that we’re all in employment or full time education, even Jacquie is now doing an access course for university. I saw Ingrid talking with her a few days ago with a starry look in her eye. Jacquie brought home a list of courses the adult education people do and she was seriously thinking about doing some to make her think again. I told her I’d help her fund them if she passed them. She looked bemused so I explained.

“If you do say a GCSE in maths or English or whatever, if you pass it, then I’ll refund half the course fee.”

“If I fail it?”

“You pay for it.”

“But that doesn’t seem fair,” she whined.

“Subtle it isn’t, but I want to reward your effort, because I think you’re clever enough to pass a few of those and it would also look good on your access course if you decide to go to university.”

“I fancy doing nursing.”

“A very worthy profession, speak to Stella, she was a nurse specialist.”

“Wow–why did she stop?”

“She was ill and they weren’t very supportive of her–plus she had the babies.”

“And she doesn’t need to work.”

“Not really, though I happen to think it keeps you younger and healthier.”

“It certainly seems to suit you, but then you’re somethin’ else anyway.”

“I’m what?”

“You’re like that rabbit thing which keeps going when all the others have had their batteries run down.”

“Oh the Energiser Bunny?” I blushed, because for a moment I thought she meant another sort of rabbit which also used batteries–although I’d never actually used one.

“Yeah, that’s the one–you know on the telly.”

I nodded and suspected that the other wasn’t usually shown on telly as far as I knew.

When Si and Sammi came home that evening, David was just putting the finishing touches to the dinner. Si went up to shower and Sammi came and whinged to me.

“What’s the problem, kiddo?”

“That stupid agency.”

“The model one?”

“Yeah, I bumped into her again lunch time when I went out for a sandwich.”

“And?”

“She told me I was wasted as a computer tech.”

“But you’re not just a tech, are you?”

“No–I know–but she won’t leave me alone, keeps telling me I could be earning millions.”

“For you or her?”

“Yeah, of course–I forgot about her.”

“It sounds to me as if you haven’t really put this to bed, have you?”

She blushed and shook her head. Julie seems to think I should have done it.

“Do you want to live in a goldfish bowl?”

“What d’ya mean?”

“If you made it big time as a model, your transgender status would come out, which might initially help, but you’d have to keep yourself as thin as a rake, which even Pejic finds difficult. Plus you’d be surrounded by luvvies who either want to be seen with you, shag you or rob you. If that’s the world you really want to live in, that’s fine but don’t expect too much help from us, because none of us know anything about it.”

“Daddy would be disappointed too, wouldn’t he?”

“He’d be heartbroken.”

“I’ll tell her to go away next time I see her.”

“That’s up to you, Sammi, but it sounds like the most positive thing to do.”

“Did no one ever ask you to model for them, Mummy, because you’re so beautiful.”

“Don’t be silly, dormice don’t wear clothes.”