(aka Bike) Part 1999 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad
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I woke up with Simon looking at me as if I were an object of curiosity not his wife. “Hello, darling,” I said and smiled at him.
“Yesterday, all men were bastards and rapists–what’s changed?” He didn’t wait for my response which was possibly just as well because I just lay there completely and utterly gutted. I cried silently. He might have had a point but he’d almost demonstrated his first statement–or was he trying to show me what I was accusing him of being–only I hadn’t accused anyone of anything.
I might have been a bit over the top about the sexual assaults in India but they do worry me. I worry about vulnerable people everywhere–I’m a feminist. The fact that women are the most frequent victims gives some justification to my concerns. I hadn’t accused Simon of anything, he’d taken the cap and worn it even though it didn’t fit.
I heard him in the shower and glanced at the clock–it was only six. It was tempting to go back to sleep and hope he eventually worked off his bad temper–but my mind wouldn’t let me do that, in typical control freak modus, I’d caused him to be this way so I had to fix it.
Had I been thinking rationally, I’d have seen that he chose to argue as he was doing. He could have reasoned with me, he could have argued loudly and emotionally against me–but he didn’t, he chose to sulk and then abuse me at his leisure.
I climbed out of bed, and despite the euphoria at seeing Billie, well I thought I did so that’s good enough for me, I felt tired and down in the dumps. Simon had curdled the milk of human kindness that Billie had helped my heart to produce over night and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Part of me felt very sad, part felt very angry and part of me felt like a little girl who had just welcomed her daddy only for him to be cross with her for something she didn’t do.
I pulled off my pyjamas and pulled on a sweater and my jeans and went downstairs shod only in my slippers. I filled the kettle and switched it on while I sliced some bread and dumped it ready to brown in the toaster. Simon would take a few minutes to dry himself and get dressed. I waited for five minutes then pushed down the bread into the toaster and began to make scrambled eggs. Sammi was down first, so she had the first plate and she smiled and sat down to eat. I made another plateful and placed them down for Simon. he looked at it and then me–“What’s this for?”
“Your breakfast, what else.”
“Nah, I’m a bastard and a rapist, remember–better get my own food.”
“For God’s sak,e, Simon grow up will you? I accused you of nothing last night.”
“You accused all men, thereby indicting me as well.”
“Rubbish, I was on about a specific example quoted in the Observer.”
“Is this the same Observer that published an anti-transgender rant by one Julie Burchill?”
“Why are you doing this to me, Simon?”
“Answer the question, is it or isn’t it?”
“You know it is–you also know the article was withdrawn.”
“Like your accusation?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t understand you let alone the question.”
“Your accusation is deemed to be invalid.”
“Why was that?”
“You didn’t approach the bench before we started.”
“What bench? Simon you are talking total bilge.”
“Am I? You sure you got the name right? You sure it wasn’t Charlie.”
“I’m not sure about anything anymore, I picked up the scrambled eggs on toast and scraped them into the bin and ran upstairs to my bed which I jumped on and promptly burst into tears. Thankfully, he didn’t pursue me possibly because he recognised my flight as a desire not to fight back.
When I woke a while later I had three girls on the bed with me who were looking very concerned. “Are you all right, Mummy?” asked Livvie.
“Yes thank you, darling.” The expressions on their faces went from doom and gloom to sunny periods in a blink.
“Why were you crying?” asked Trish who presumably wanted tear samples to compare to a list of crocodilians.
“I had a misunderstanding with your daddy which caused him to shout at me. I don’t like it when he shouts at me.”
“Me neither,” she agreed and the other two nodded.
“Why did Daddy shout at you?”
“I’m not going to go into that now, it’s grown up stuff.”
“Sex, I s’pect,” suggested Trish and smirked.
“I told you I wasn’t going to tell you, so you can stop guessing.”
“It wasn’t a guess, Mummy.”
One of these days...
“It was sex, wasn’t it, Mummy?”
“You believe what you want and I’ll do what I want–okay?”
“’Snot fair, Mummy,” whined Trish so much so that I got off the bed and locked myself in the bathroom where I took a shower. If they wanted breakfast, they could find one of the other adults to assist them.
I don’t think I felt any better, just cleaner when I emerged from the bathroom and redressed in clean underwear and pulled on the same jeans and jumper. With an air of trepidation I descended the stairs to catch Trish discussing my sex life with Stella and Jacquie.
“...I don’t think she gets it often enough, or Daddy doesn’t–I read this article which said that women who don’t have enough sex get all crabby and men get all aggressive.”
“Trish, sweetheart, I think that article might have been a bit simplistic; lots of things can make people crabby including stress such as having one of your children attacked.”
“I’m not listening to any more,” said Danny and he almost walked directly into me. I had to hush him so as he didn’t give me away to the debaters in the kitchen. He nodded that he understood and he went upstairs. I just waited in the hallway at the foot of the stairs listening.
“Is sex nice, Auntie Stella?”
I could feel Stella blushing through the wall, “Um–it can be–you’ll–um–have to wait until you’re older to find out.”
This child seemed preoccupied with sex–I decided I needed to speak with Stephanie but not right at this moment. My tummy rumbled and I worried that the others would hear it. I glanced at the grandfather clock, it was nearly nine–no wonder my tummy thought my throat had been cut. I walked briskly into the kitchen, “Have you had breakfast?” I asked to all and none.
“Yes thank you, Mummy; Auntie Stella made it for us.” Trish tried to sound accusing but I ignored her anyway, I wasn’t playing her mind games today, I was doing what I wanted and that wasn’t to argue with an eight year old.
“Can we go out on our bikes?” she asked me.
I glanced out of the window, “It’s raining, sweetheart.”
“So?” she sounded indignant.
“So–you can’t go out.”
“I sick of this regime,” she said and tossing her hair back she decamped leaving us all speechless.
Comments
I hope it's only a bad dream
The trouble is, this nightmare may be real. This does not bode well.
Portia
Boots
Trish seems to be getting too big for hers.
S.
kind of blew away yesterday's
good feelings.
Cathy's being tested ...
boundaries are being examined, if only cos' Trish is more advanced than other kids her age. Curiosity about sex is normal for kids, no need for Cathy to be embarrassed about it.
good chapter Ang.
Still lovin' it Bevs.
Cathy's being tested.....part 2
That is exactly what I think Bev, only you expressed it so much better than I could. Thanks.
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
Marrage
Is a work in progress. Ever being refined by the messiness, we call life. Simon does have a point. Catherin does need to establish that the present company is excluded from a rant. Simon is a sensitive person, and after all of the stinging commentary he is properly, and well to be angry, for not clearly being excluded from the list of evil people.
There needs for Catherin to target her statements a little better so she is not trying to kill a bug with an atomic bomb. When a laser would do, with a lot less collateral damage.
With those with open eyes the world reads like a book
Whatever, Simon
Simon is such a child though.
Instead of discussing it calmly and trying to rationally bring down Cathy's concerns about men, maybe even offer a constructive solution to those very real issues Cathy brings up, he just gets all high dudgeon and digs in his heels.
Way to go with conflict resolution, guy.
Like it or not women are more vulnerable to physical dangers in this world and a significant source of it is men. Men still have a responsibility to raise their sons to be masculine but there is enough masculine culture where they don't bother to teach the limits of sexual conduct as that would be 'emasculating' them.
Without their role as the manly protective one then they feel at a loss because the reality it is women who is at the most risk in the reproduction game and women are the one who has the clear role in creating offspring. The reality is in a modern society, other than for sex, men are not an absolute essential sorry. but we cannot do without women though.
I do not think it is all Cathy's fault obviously as this is really a situation where I think Simon needs to walk a mile in Cathy's shoes.
I am however getting tired of Cathy turning on the water works at a drop of a hat and automatically trying to think of ways to cave and appease Simon. They both need to grow up.
At this rate this story will turn into an episode of YHIAW :)
Kim
When to say no
There was in interesting segment on NPR's 'Talk of Tha Nation' either Wednesday, or Thursday about how children, especially girls, need more education in sex than just saying 'No,' although there is nothing wrong with that. But 50 years ago, the 'birds and the bees' talk was considered adequate, and it was in most cases and the "NO' was usually enough. But today, with the internet and television and cell phone, all of which give us almost instant information, while girls and boys are thinking about sex, they need more. Girls need to know how to protect themselves against the strong male advances, even to the point of kneeing them in the groin or hurting them in some other way, and why they should do it. And this talk about sex, especially among the young females is happening at an even earlier age than it used to.
So it is conceivable, even probable that Trish, even for her age, may have been talking about sex more and more with friends at school. It is time for Cathy to give her and Livvy more than just 'the birds and bees' talk.
Thanks to Stella for trying to answer some of her questions, but it seems to me that Cathy needs to set down with Trish and Livvy at least, and talk more about when to say no, and what to do about if the boy refuses to respond.
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
Oh just like
The transgender community should have calmly talked the all Julie Burchill thing?
That's just rubbish. Simon has every right to feel offended and also is obliged to do so! If someone makes a generalized unclear statement that put one public in a bad light without any concrete basics that's Chauvinism , and as such should be reprimanded. What will the children think? What would Danny think???
If someone would have told me all trans girls are rapist after someone close to me was raped I would have gone just as berserk as Simon if not more so.
As for your ugly comment about the necessity of females vs the lack of necessity of male : well I am sorry to tell you neither are replaceable at the moment for the purpose of creating children and non are essential to anything else. What is it that so special about women that makes them irreplaceable ( bare in mind we don't count the bear children thing as men are required for their sperm, so both are on an equal ground) ? While it might hurt you to hear it you owe a lot of your daily comfort to some very specific men (Tesla, Newton ,Pascal and so on) as do you own it to very specific women (ada Lovelace , Marie Curie and the likes.
Are Ang and Bonzi setting us up for something BIG in chpt 2000?
Simon's REALLY pushed it too far.
But then even nice guys -- I assume we all agree he IS one -- sometimes do stupid things.
Guys are often taught to be very completive, be it physical or verbal.
Sounds a bit like Simon is trying to get in the last word PERIOD.
Problem is he has already *won* the *battle*. Cathy admits she might have pushed the accusations about males and assaults too far. But he keeps pushing even after she has said she is sorry.
He doesn't know when to stop and they are hurting for it.
Mind you all or most of her family are guilty of this at times but at the moment we are verging on a perfect storm. Even Trish is in on the idiocy.
If only Cathy can remember what the spirit of Billie said about Cathy and Simon being soul mates and inseparable.
But then I got the impression my mom and dad were soul mates or danged close to it yet mom almost left him a couple times between their 20th and 25th anniversaries.
He was working very long hours and pushed some arguments too far. Mom might have left if not for us kids and her devotion to my disabled older sister.
Plus at this time her dad was dead the better part of a decade and her mom's mind failing. Eventually landing grand mom in a nursing home for the last couple years of her life. Stressed the hell out of mom.
There were a few months were she didn't talk much to us and even less to him. It pained me to see her hurting and to be honest I was not very warm to my dad for a while.
Yet later they were very close again. He took her death hard when cancer finally took her after 53 years of marriage. Amazed dad didn't curl up and die on us.
Moral of the story is WORDS CAN HURT.
Dad NEVER was physically abusive nor mom. They were raised better than that. And rarely verbally either. Still mistakes happen. And dad had/has this completive/teasing streak.
DAMNED fine stuff Ang. I can see so much of my childhood and after in this tale. Like a funhouse mirror, showing an image distorted yet recognizable. Often exposing a stark truth otherwise hidden.
You have not lost it... whatever it is that people lose. In my case it's mostly hair
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Remember John
Inseperable means "until death do us part". I'll leave you to consider the ramifications of that and the upcoming episode 2000.
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
The dreaded "escape clause"?
ACK!
But if I recall right Billie may have implied even death would not separate them.
But then Bonzi IS incontrol here as is a cats right over us lowly humans so...
John in Wauwatosa where is has been rai ning or at least misting almost continuously for over three days. Maybe snow tonight. Even the emerging frogs and the ducks are crying FOUL!
John in Wauwatosa
Since the Shekinah Glory is
pleased with Cathy, it is only fitting that the anti-Shekinah Glory is out to case her trouble.
May Your Light Forever Shine
Did anybody party?
Like it's 1999? :)
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.