(aka Bike) Part 1987 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad
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“So will that be alright?” I found myself almost pleading with him.
“It’s your house–you’re the boss, remember?”
“I know, but I prefer to lead rather than dictate.”
“I think we’ve noticed, Cathy. Now back to the menu, I could get a large piece of beef or a turkey would feed you all.”
“Let’s go for the beef then.”
“With roasties and boiled new spuds, three or four veg, Yorkshires and horseradish?”
“Sounds fine.”
“Okay, I’ll go and order the meat. There’s no vegetarians are there?”
“I have no idea, but I’ll check.” Which was what I did, and to my relief none of the Grimshaws were so inclined although we had quorn and tofu in the freezer, but I suspected David was going to be busy enough as it was without making small meals up as well.
Danny was reading, or should I say, still reading Mark Cavendish’s book, and I noticed he’d purloined my Bradley Wiggin’s biography as well. Can’t say I was too worried, I didn’t have time to read much these days–not for pleasure, at any rate. If I did I wouldn’t have a half read detective story–Commissar Brunetti, natch, which I’ll have to start over again because it’s been so long since I last read any, I’ve forgotten what’s going on–you could say, I’ve lost the plot.
Sometimes I wondered if that last statement applied to my life in general. As I said, Danny was reading Cav’s biography and his constant companion was with him, curled up on his lap.
“Did I tell you I’ve invited the Grimshaws over for Sunday lunch.”
“Oh, not Carly as well?”
“Yes, why not?”
“The girls mustn’t find out she’s my girlfriend.”
“Well I’m hardly likely to tell them.”
“I’m surprised she agreed to come.”
“I don’t know if she has yet, her mother did for her.”
“Okay, I’ll call her and tell her not to come.”
“You’ll do no such thing–your hands are going to be full with keeping an eye on Peter. It’s to help him socialise since his accident that I invited them.”
“Oh yeah, tell him to bring his bike.”
“Very funny–not. Now look, Dan, your love life is your business–but your general well being is mine. I feel involved in Peter’s life because of what happened to both of you and to him later. You should feel involved as well, he’s your friend for goodness sake, so can’t you make his well being the priority for one afternoon?”
He looked at me. I’d stayed very calm but hadn’t minced my words. His eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry, Mummy, I wasn’t thinking. You’re right, we need to get him back to normal.”
“Or as normal as he’ll ever feel again.” I felt so sad for the lad. It took me a while to adjust to having nothing dangling or folded back tightly in my panties, so what he must be feeling or not feeling, as the case may be is probably awful. He’s going to need hormone shots–testosterone isn’t available as pills–and as they’re intramuscular–that’s going to hurt–I know, I’m such a wimp.
“Anyway, how did your session with Stephanie go?”
“Yeah, not much fun, and I ended up crying again.”
“That’s okay.”
“I feel such a girl for doing it though.”
“Why? If something hurts, shedding a few tears can help to ease the pain of it.”
“Yeah, but you’d never see Dad cry, would you?”
“I have done, several times.”
“What, when Billie died?”
“Amongst other occasions, yes. Just drop this idea you have that this behaviour or that behaviour is girl or boy stuff–we’re all people. We’re all different, some of us are tougher than others for all sorts of reasons and some of us seem gentler or to you, perhaps, weaker. Just be very careful you don’t underestimate people because they seem weak–it might only happen in one aspect of their lives, and the rest of their time they might be as hard as nails.”
“Like you, you mean, Mummy?”
“I beg your pardon.” I glared at him. My own opinion was that I was about as tough as wet tissue paper.
“Well, you’re the one who fights off the baddies and rescues us, you’re the one who likes to win things, yet you have a kind heart and would help anyone in need, wouldn’t you–the good Samaritan might well have been your life story.”
I was astonished at this from Danny. I think I just sat there gawping.
“I think you’re exaggerating somewhat, Daniel. I won’t help just anyone, and could just as easily turn the other cheek and walk away from them.”
“That’s why you’ve invited Peter and his family for Sunday dinner–you know he needs help, so you’re helping him.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Oh no, Mummy, it’s a good thing I’m sure–if you can stop Trish from working out why he’s walking funny.”
“Is he–walking funny, I mean?”
“Didn’t you?”
“Yeah but I had reconstructive surgery, which is a bit more complex than trying to clean up his mess, and it goes deeper.”
“But you walked funny, I’ll bet.”
“I don’t know if I did.”
“Well he does. He walks like a girl crossed with a penguin.”
Please–no more gender different kids–I couldn’t cope with another one.
“Another of your exaggerations, Daniel?”
“No, I mean it. You wait and see on Sunday.”
“And he didn’t walk like that before his misshap?”
“I doubt it. They’d have accused him of being swishy if he had.”
“Swishy?”
“Yeah, like a fai–gay.”
“Why are you so homophobic?”
“If you’d been banged up the arse by a pair of shirt-lifters, perhaps you’d be too?”
“Danny, please–you don’t know if they were any more gay than you are.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted it.
“You’d like me to be gay, wouldn’t you? It would complete your house load of freaks. Well I’m not–I’m fucking normal–all right? I’m not like Petra or whatever he’s gonna call himself now–I’m normal, I not a fucking queer.” He stormed out of his room, almost kicking the cat as he went. She sat looking at me with an expression that was as bewildered as my own.
Having ascertained the kitten was okay, I flew after him and caught up with him as he slammed shut the back door. I grabbed one of the coats we keep there to slip on if it’s raining or you need to dash out to the garage or go and pull a cabbage. I knew how cold it was with the easterly wind.
“Danny, please wait.”
I heard him mutter something that sounded like, ‘Hiss off.’ I caught up with him and dragged him round, with my one arm while holding a coat for him in the other.
“Gerroff,” he shrieked at me and before I could dodge or parry, he let fly and caught me on the side of the face and down I went. I don’t know whether it was the weight of his punch, the shock or what, but I fell down onto the drive which felt extremely hard and cold.
He looked at me in horror, “Oh God, what have I done–Mummy, Mummy are you all right?” He bent over to help me up but I was still seeing stars and my face hurt. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, Mummy.” He burst into tears. I heard footsteps and David came running out to help me. I was quite capable of standing up by myself but he just grabbed me under the armpits and yanked me upright.
“C’mon, your ladyship, up ya get–you, mister, had better go up to your room and stay there.”
“”You’re not my dad.”
“No, but I’m big enough to take you down, sunshine–so upstairs–now, I won’t ask you twice.”
Danny, looked forlornly at me, I nodded and that didn’t help my headache, “Do as David asked you, son.”
“I’m sorry, Mummy. I’m really sorry.”
I nodded again and the pain shot through the side of my face. I felt tears running down my face and dripping onto my coat and my hand was bleeding where my fingers had hit the driveway. I wasn’t sure what I felt inside me, except very sick and confused.
Comments
Engage brain!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, we've all done it; operated mouth before engaging brain. Ho-hum, poor old Cathy but it's revealed one factor, Danny's submerged concerns about the other girls in the house. Tippy, tippy, toe now Cathy, the ice is getting thin!
Good chapter Ang. I suppose like everybody else, I'm secretly wishing that the blue light might be able to do something for Peter even yet. After all, it's saved lives from serious stab wounds before.
Dream on now Bevs but feet on the floor girl; feet on the floor!
Thanks,
Bevs.
Danny and Cathy
Danny's visible emotions have changed since the incident as shown by the outburst with Cathy. I think the sessions with Stephanie are slowly helping him a small baby step at a time. He is vocally expressing his inner emotions and thoughts, often so immediate he doesn't have time to think things out. I think Stephanie would say it is a good thing because he is expressing what he is feeling about all this.
I hope Peter will have the same good, but hard to bear, experiences with whoever his therapist might be. I don't recall a specific therapist being named for him, but good ones like Stephanie are hard to find
And Trish....well, all I can say is that I hope she is on her best behavior during Easter.
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
Emergency call to Stephanie
Danny clearly hasn't sorted much out.
(and where is Trish when her mummy needs her?)
Hope the poor little kitty forgives Danny.
Huh, where did he get that idea?
I am sorry but this is bollocks. I do not believe Cathy has ever wanted Danny to be any different than what he is, the little shite. So what is normal and where did this whole I am a boy hear me roar crap get into his head?
Nobody has rubbed it in his face that he is a 'normal' boy and that means he has prejudices against all these abnormal people in his life, including his mother.
So now everybody has to salve his poor 'impugned' insecure male ego.
Kick the bastard out.
Kim
Excuse me?
"Kick the bastard out"? Wow. I think you are being overly callous here. An insecure male ego is par for the course for any fifteen year old boy, certainly more so when the boy in case has been brutally raped only a fortnight ago. Rub it in, why don't you.
Being irrational and overly defensive for any true or imagined threat to his core self is imo highly understandable after being so victimized and I think one might expect lashing out unexpectedly, as well as retreating and hiding at inopportune times. I believe rape-victims usually have a long way to go, before they are able to again function more or less normally and without fears. But well, maybe he should just 'man up' hey?! Suck it up. Walk it off. Right?
Having a co-victim mutilating himself after this ordeal will not particularly help in establishing a solid basis for a proper and honest self reflection. Why, he might even accuse himself of failing his friend or whatever deluded self-incrimination he might think of next. Let alone the all too real prospect of taunts he, and his friend, will have to endure from the ever so empathizing 'mates' at school.
Nah, I can't understand your comment and lack of empathy. Men are people too, you know.
Jo-Anne
well....
“You’d like me to be gay, wouldn’t you? It would complete your house load of freaks. Well I’m not—I’m fucking normal—all right? I’m not like Petra or whatever he’s gonna himself now—I’m normal, I not a fucking queer.†He stormed out of his room almost kicking the cat as he went. She sat looking at me with an expression that was as bewildered as my own.
...I would never expect a child who has just been violated in the worst way to toe the line the way the family is with Danny. Of course setting limits on his language and how he behaves is necessary, but expecting him to be part of another child's therapy when he is barely beginning his own is just putting him in a place where he need not be.
Constantly correcting him for his homophobic remarks does nothing to teach him and is likely reinforcing how he feels. And certainly his blowup with Cathy explains a lot; feeling lost and out of place as the child who doesn't have many of the same problems as his sibs. Why anyone would feel it was a good thing for him to be involved in having company over when he still feels ashamed and perhaps even scared?
Call the other family up and make arrangements for another day and spend the time at home saying no to every little distraction that comes through the phone or at the door. This isn't a boy who wasn't picked for football match. This is a boy who was physically and psychologically damaged in a way that is totally and utterly demeaning and shameful for anyone, much less a child.
Love, Andrea Lena
Cut the kid some slack will you?
I was had by some "shirt lifters" when I was about 14. Never had an ounce of counseling, never told a soul, still can't specifically remember it save for the blood and soreness. I can't find a bit of fault for him lashing out at his perpetrators, even in absentia.
I'm not gay, or lesbian, and I have to say if a gay guy tried to pork me, he would meet my uncles Smith and Wesson sooner or later. Still, I think I could have sex with a male who was my husband, was tender and kind, and had respect for me, though I have not one bit of desire. Over the years, intercourse has been mixed with too much trauma.
I have not known a gay or lesbian that would force themselves on a single soul. I think those who attacked the boys were just your run of the mill, heinous booger heads, who wanted to beat on someone who could not fight back.
Gwendolyn
EVERYBODY there needs
to sort out their feelings. What happened is a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It can break them up if they let anger rule. Stephanie, Bramble, and Shekinah have a mess to sort out at Casa Cathy with Peter and his family coming for Easter dinner.
May Your Light Forever Shine
The worry now
for Cathy ( apart from her own pain ) must be how Simon might react, If as you might expect its with a degree of anger then its not going to be nice for Danny, What effect that might have given his fragile mental state is not nice to to think about, Hopefully Simon will be able to curb his natural reaction and see the attack for what it was, As Cathy metions earlier in the chapter her words were ill chosen, Whilst you could never condone Dannys action you can see given his state of mind why it happened .... Time i think for some calm sensible words .
Kirri
Oh Dear
Oh Dear. Danny is lashing out verbally and now physically, in an attempt to make others aware of his own hurt.
Whilst Stephanie is helping, it is early days for a confused teenager to accept and move forward. This is where Simon needs to help. A physical release from the anger Danny has,needs to be arranged. Perhaps Simon could make a call to one of James’s ‘friends’ to enable Danny to have access to such an outlet. Then more help from Steph.
Alas, it is often a sad part of human nature that we say hurtful things to those we love, but would never dream of saying such words to strangers.
Love to All
Anne G.