The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1927 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

The snow didn’t last long for which I was grateful, although we’re not out of the woods yet as there could be more about, though being close to the sea usually means it doesn’t last.

I got the girls to school and went to see Pippa. We had to organise either a conference or a virtual conference to share the data we’d collected and hopefully processed. Tom was free from mid morning so the two of us went to see him.

“A conference wuld be guid, efter thae exams in thae summer.”

“I’ll circulate the data we’ve got. Aren’t we too close to the summer to organise a conference–they’re usually organised years before.”

“No fa somthin’ as specific as this–we culd use thae biology lecture theatres an’ a few either rooms, ask yer pa in law if ye culd use his hotel.”

“I suspect it would be booked by now but I’ll ask him. Couldn’t we do the whole thing there?”

“Aye, but it wid be cheaper tae dae it at thae university, I wonder if we’ve got a hall of residence available fa delegates.”

I shrugged, he asked Pippa to organise the enquiry and told me to work on possible timetables. It would have to be a weekend one. Wonderful–just what I needed to do. I went down to my office and began brainstorming. Pippa rang an hour later, “I’ve provisionally booked the bio block and hall of residence.”

“What about meals, there’s no canteen there?”

“We can use the main student cafeteria. We’re looking at Friday afternoon and evening, a dinner on Saturday as well as brekkies and lunch, Sunday brekkies and lunch and send ’em off home. Tom suggests the major attenders will be British from the unis who’ve helped. He suggested we limit the numbers to a hundred, and we’ll need a guest speaker on the Saturday and a disco for afterwards plus a bar.”

“A guest speaker with six months to go, what date?”

“Twenty ninth of June.”

“Who does he suggest?”

“You.”

“Very funny–who does he suggest really?”

“You–he thinks you should do your outtakes talk.”

“I hope he’s joking, we’re talking about the most celebrated mammalian zoologists in Europe, not some fund raiser for the local school.”

“I think he knows that, but he told me for you to think about upgrading your talk for them.”

“I’d rather see if the Attenborough was available.”

“He isn’t, Tom tried him earlier.”

“What about the minister for wildlife?”

“Would you want to listen to a politician?”

“Not really.”

“Well then, neither will your colleagues.”

“Tell him I’ll speak to him later.”

“Oh he also said that you’ll be expected to present a paper on the British experience of running the survey.”

“What’s he going to do?”

“Sit and listen to your presentation of it, I think.”

“Shit–I’ve already got enough to do without having to write a paper as well.”

“Yeah, well think about me, I’ve got to circulate two hundred universities in twenty five countries and organise the accommodation and deal with a system of registration and so on. I’ve also got to cost it with Tom and tell people there are only a hundred places.”

“We could probably fill that with...”

“Our English dead?” she laughed down the phone at me.

“Oh yes very good–I wonder if it would be easier looking for another job than doing this?”

“That had crossed my mind, too.”

“I wonder what they pay on the checkouts at Waitrose?” It had to be less stressful than working with Tom.

“Good idea, Batgirl,” came back a chuckled response.

“Batgirl? I’m dormouse woman, Batgirl indeed.”

“Beggin’ your pardon, DW. But back to the conference. Have you got the timetable done yet?”

“No–I’ll need to circulate the various contributors and ask for papers to be read.”

“I’ve drafted that already, what we wanted from you was when you wanted to speak, and do you think three papers a session is too much?”

“That would be nine papers altogether, six on Saturday and three on Sunday. I suppose I could do one on Saturday morning. We’ll need chairmen for each talk or session.”

“His lordship wants me, talk to you later, Cathy.”

“Pippa–I’ll ask Henry if he would open the conference on the Saturday, seeing as the bank contributed to the survey costs.”

“I’ll tell him.”

“Who, Tom or Henry?” I asked, but she’d rung off. I felt wrung out

A bit later I was told to report to Tom’s office with my outline timetable. I did so and was told we were going to lunch at his usual place, and this included Pippa.

I had my usual tuna jacket with side salad, Pippa had a cheesy jacket and we all know what Tom had. We discussed the conference and Tom revealed he’d secured a few thousand from the university towards the running costs.

“Does that mean we get paid for working that weekend?” I asked him.

“Ye dinna, but Pippa will.”

Oh well, that was not unexpected, but it did mean we could organise a good bar and a decent disco for those who wanted to jiggle their dinners after being bored to death by my outtakes. Oh well, at least they’ll be able to see why I turned down the UN job.

We discussed the sort of papers we wanted for each session–usually you set a theme, so mine will be the experience of organising the survey, when I’ll tell all sorts of lies about how cooperative all my fellow academics were, and the support we received from the other agencies, professional and amateur–without saying how hard I lobbied them all to take part.

I’d also be able to explain how we drew up the distribution and density maps and some of the unexplained results–including the silly ones, liked the escaped hippo and the number of supposed panthers we have in England. I’ll have to scan some of the pictures sent me and hope they work with the projector.

In the end we decided each of the sessions would include a paper on running the survey, analysing the data and finally using the data to plan conservation programmes or lobby governments to do so. It would be a comprehensive programme, except for the entertainment on the Saturday evening. What was Tom thinking of.

I got the girls after school and was so glad David was there to do dinner. I felt exhausted. In fact we changed the format and I phoned several universities to ask individuals to present a paper of a certain kind. I was successful in finding eight other volunteers to do, so it isn’t just me, who’s daft. These were people I’d liaised with over the past year or two, mostly by email or phone call, but those who I thought would do the best job. Of course the papers would be presented in English, so at least I’d understand them–not sure about Tom–he rarely speaks the language these days.

After changing for dinner–I just had to get my work stuff off and into jeans and sweater–when I heard a lot of noise downstairs. The pack of hyenas commonly known as my daughters were teasing a solitary male lion, presumably before despatching him and feasting on his flesh–um perhaps not, partly due to my intervention.

“Okay what’s going on?” my approach is so original you have to admit.

“Danny’s got a girlfriend,” sang Trish, dancing round her brother. He sat there blushing and seemingly unable to move.