(aka Bike) Part 1985 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad
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I saw Stephanie and her sprog off, then after telling the girls it was half an hour to bed time, I collected a notebook from my study and went up to see Danny. He was sitting on his bed sniffing. He looked up as I entered. “Steph told me you needed this.” I held up the notebook and he nodded and then took it from my proffering hand.
“Anything you need to tell me about?”
He shook his head.
“Something I want you to understand, I’m your mum which means I’m on duty twenty four seven. If you do need to talk to me, come and say–day or night–okay?”
He nodded.
“Please tell me you understand.”
“I understand, Mummy.”
“Good, I also want you to remember you’re the innocent party in all of this; however much provocation you gave those two men, nothing justified their attack. Plus, any sensation you had during the attack which seemed pleasant was just a consequence of having your prostate squeezed. It was like a reflex and quite beyond your control.”
“I know,” he said staring at the cover of the notebook.
“You have a pen?”
He nodded, adding, “In my bag,” which he pointed at with his chin.
“It will be safe to keep in your room.”
“I know–and Mum...”
“Yes, darling?”
“Thanks.”
“It’s what mums are for–being there.”
His eyes filled with tears and we hugged, “I keep waking up dreaming it’s happening again.”
“D’you want to sleep with Daddy?”
“No, I’ll be alright, I ’spect.”
“You know where I am.”
He nodded and I left him to his thoughts. As I walked down the stairs I wondered how Peter was doing–his act of self-mutilation made me wince, and the prospect of him dealing with his loss was not one I would relish being involved in. No matter how clever the energy might be, even with its help, I can’t see him growing a replacement. I really pity his poor parents.
“How is he?” Simon said as I reached the hall and I jumped out of my skin.
“God, you frightened me.”
“Sorry, I was just wondering how he was.”
“My fault, I was thinking about the other boy.”
“Thank goodness his name wasn’t Dick.”
“Simon, that is uncalled for,” I chided him.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I was just thinking out loud.”
I shook my head, that was Simon all over–never engages brain before putting mouth in gear. “Danny is still a bit upset–presumably from the therapy session.”
“I thought it was supposed to make him feel better?”
“Eventually, yes it will, but he has things to work through first.”
“Yeah, I suppose.”
“He’s having bad dreams.”
“Hardly surprising, is it?”
“I told him to come and get me if he feels the need–I hope that goes for you too?”
“You need to ask me that, Cathy?”
“Yes, not because I doubted you, but because I needed to be certain.”
“I’m not sure that makes me feel any better.”
“Sorry, but Danny is the problem at the moment: we can restore dented egos later.”
“That makes me feel so much better.”
“I thought it would.”
I couldn’t just expect Si to be as supportive as I, because he works longer hours and needs his sleep. I also needed to ask him because I can’t give a commitment on his behalf without first getting his permission or agreement. I wasn’t trying to be funny or dismissive–his part in this family is very important.
“Si?” I called gently, “We all love you, you know.”
“Yeah–words, Cathy, words.”
I went off to my study before he saw me crying–I’d made a real pig’s ear of that. I sat at my desk looking at an email from Danny’s teacher on the trip, Mr Baird.
‘I’ve just heard about what happened to Peter Grimshaw, the other boy. I can’t believe it–it must be the shock of it.
I’m trying to keep it quiet at the school, but it’s almost bound to get out–thought I’d better warn you. If you haven’t heard about Peter, let me know.
Paul Baird.’
I wrote back to him, ‘Dear Mr Baird, I’ve heard about Peter’s misfortune, so I don’t need the gory details. I have no doubt that it will get out and hope that Danny won’t be seen in the same light by the trolls at that school. At the same time, we are all giving Peter our unanimous support for whatever life might bring for him now. Doubtless, at the time, Peter had a good reason for doing what he did–I suspect, he might feel differently now.
If Danny is subject to harassment when he does return to school, then I must remind you I have very good lawyers and I will sue the school if it allows such things to happen.
Yours, Cathy Cameron.’
I was still upset about what had happened with Simon, the last thing we need now is to fall out amongst ourselves. He was watching Top Gear, that programme presented by Jeremy Clarkson–yeah, that Jeremy Clarkson.
“Si, could we talk for a couple of minutes?”
“I’m watching that,” he said ignoring my request.
“Fine.” I stormed out of the sitting room and back to my study where I burst into tears. How can I apologise when he won’t talk with me? I sat sobbing and feeling that some days life seemed to overwhelm me–today being a case in point.
A short time later he poked his head round my door, “What did you want to talk about?”
“What I said earlier–I wanted to apologise–what I said wasn’t at all what I meant.”
“And you expect me to say everything is back to normal, do you?”
“No, I simply thought that if we’re fighting amongst ourselves we aren’t having much energy for helping Danny.”
“I still can’t believe you had to ask me.”
“At times, I might be a little too direct.”
“A little?” his voice rose.
“I’m sorry I spoke out of turn but I needed to be sure if I said something to Danny, you’d be on the same wavelength.”
“Of course I am–we’re a team, aren’t we?”
“Yes, but even teams have agreed plans and tactics.”
“Okay, so we’re united now.”
“Yes.”
“Good–you coming to bed?”
“It’s not ten o’clock yet?”
“With all that’s going on at the moment, I think we need all the sleep we can get.”
“Okay, I’ll be up in a minute.”
I locked up and checked for the kitten–she was nowhere to be seen–least, not in the places she’s allowed to frequent. I had a feeling I knew where she was–she’s a little monster–albeit, a very loving one.
I checked on the girls–they were all asleep. Then I went into Danny’s room, and sure enough, he was cuddled around the cat. She regarded me with one eye and continued purring. In the battle of wills–I lost to her ages ago.
Comments
A strain on the family
I think they need to speak with Stephanie also, not as patients, but as parents. I am surprised Stephanie has not included them in on what she hopes their roles should be in supporting Danny.
Kim
Cathy and Simon should let
Brambles tend to Danny in her special kitten way. They they felalso both need to admit how they feel about what happened to Danny.
May Your Light Forever Shine
Not ruined forever.
I once listened to a pastor talk about a girl that had been raped, "she'll never get over it", she said. It took me a while but I eventually confronted that pastor. "You had no right to say that. She will get over it and be stronger to boot". I said with considerable wrath. We should be absolutely supportive and help the wounded resume normal lives as soon as they can.
G
Bramble
Bramble has her own way of healing. Remember when Cathy was the room of what - the hospital? - about to commit suicide? It was a kitten that saved her - a kitten that later could not be found. And then Cathy wanted to stop off at the animal shelter where she found Bramble, who I recall looked remarkably like the cat that had saved her. Which brings up the question, "Is Bramble a part of the Shekinah's plans for Cathy?"
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
Angharad, you take this tale directions I
could never imagine or anticipate. The misunderstanding between Cathy and Simon was so unexpected and natural in this kind of situation. Makes the story feel so real.
Thanks
The thing about trauma and therapy...
...especially at the beginning? It's not designed to help someone feel better. It's usually designed to help someone like Danny identify and understand how and why he feels the way he does. And while it may get better, the initial sessions are there to help him (and others) cope while they wait for things to get better. He won't be moving on quickly, since the trauma was doubly damaging; hurting both his physical self and his mind and emotions. Memories and nightmares and even mere physical feeling may set him off. As troubling as his mood may be, it's at least safe to say that he's angry, which is a good thing. Other emotions will come to the surface and between Stephanie and him and his family, things will improve. But apolgies and guilty parents aside, the one thing Danny needs right now is someone to be ready to listen. Thank god for cats, aye?
Love, Andrea Lena
Dogs have owners ...
Cats have staff.
I'm thinking pet therapy is going to be an important element in Danny's recovery. Many abused children end up trusting only their pets. Its about 'unconditional love'. If kids have endured nothing but betrayal and abuse during their formative years, they often grow up trusting nobody and remaining thus damaged for ever. Hopefully the single incident that affected Danny will not leave a permanent psychological disfigurement. The number of individuals who comprise the detritus from care yet always have a dog for company is dishearteningly too frequent.
If a cat forms a bond with its human however, despite the cat's self-interested nature, the relationships can become every bit as therapeutic as the dog/human bond.
Good chapter Ang. Thanks.
Bevs.
xx
Which is why I like cats!
When I'm very depressed, sick, or healing my critter makes it a point to be with me. Some folk don't understand cats, but they are as loving as any pet or child can be.