Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 1968

The Daily Dormouse.
(aka Bike)
Part 1968
by Angharad

Copyright © 2013 Angharad
All Rights Reserved.
  
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I had Meems behind me puffing away like an old steam engine and two in front of me who’d apparently disappeared. I know that physics suggests that things can’t simply disappear, something has to happen to cause change, but looking ahead I couldn’t see either of them. I had to keep Meems with me or I’d have to go home and tell everyone that it would be quieter in future because I’d lost three of the girls. The downside of progressing at Meem’s speed was it was likely to be Christmas again before we caught up with the missing miscreants.

We rounded a corner and they came plying up behind us, giggling. They must have hidden as we came past and come up behind us. I stopped and read the riot act. Trish was not overly impressed until I explained in words of one syllable why I was worried. Then she apologised and burst into tears. I told her to stop before she rusted her bike, which made her laugh and order was restored.

About fifteen minutes later and perhaps a mile and a half further on, I decided they looked tired and we turned round and cycled back home. Just as we were putting the bikes away, Trish asked, “While Danny’s away, can we go out on the bikes again?”

“Danny–away?” I queried, I’d obviously forgotten something.

“Yes, he’s going to the battlefields–you’d forgotten, silly Mummy.”

“When?” I signed the form and gave him a cheque–why had I forgotten, or perhaps, how had I forgotten?

“Next week.”

“Thanks for reminding me.” I locked up the bike shed and dashed into the house. “Where’s Danny?” I asked Jacquie and Stella. They both shrugged. I dashed up the stairs to his room, he was playing on his computer and nearly dropped it off his lap when I burst into his room.

“Wow, Mum, don’t you ever knock–I could have been sitting here naked.”

“Never mind your inadequacies now, when are you going away?”

“Friday, why?”

“I need a list of all the stuff you want to take–clothes I mean.”

“But it’s only Saturday.”

“Danny, if I need to wash, dry and iron stuff, I’m going to need a few days. Remind me how long is this trip?”

“Four days including the going and coming back.”

“Okay, so you’ll need some stuff for walking about, something tidier in case you go to a restaurant, jammies, undies and socks. Which case are you taking?”

“Thought I’d take my sports bag.”

“Is is big enough?”

“I dunno, do I?”

“Well go and get it and let me see.”

“Jeez,” he said, rolling his eyes as he got up off his bed.

“You could always stay home instead.”

“No way,” he went to the fitted wardrobe/cupboard in his bedroom, poked about for a moment and brought out his bag. I opened it and dropped his dirty football kit on the floor.

“You can take that down to the washing machine or it won’t get done.” I tipped up the bag and out fell two magazines, Nuts and FHM both had pictures of women with large exposed breasts on them. “I hope you didn’t buy these?”

“Um no, they belong to a friend.”

“Well you’d better put them with the others,” I said and he went crimson and his mouth moved but no words came out. “Go on, under your shoe boxes.”

“Muuuum, that’s private.”

“If you’re going to keep a stash of dirty mags, be a bit more inventive in their hiding place, eh? If the girls get to see them, I’ll be very cross.”

“You mean you’re not cross already?”

“Danny, I know what boys get up to–usually page three. Yes, I’m disappointed in you for buying them–never mind the friend bit–but I’m also disappointed in these girls for selling their bodies like meat. Plus half of them have either been photoshopped or they are deformed–normal women aren’t like that are they? Orange skin, cleavages down to their knees and eyelashes long enough to sweep the floor, plus half their hair is artificial.”

“Yeah but I like ’em.”

“I’m sure you do, but these girls are trading on their sexuality.”

“So?”

“Son, it’s not nice. Women are people, not sex objects.”

“Yeah?”

“This sort of smutty magazine tends to suggest women are only good for sex.”

“Yeah, but that’s stupid.”

“But that’s what they say and to prove it they’re selling you a hard-on for your left hand to play with.”

He went a deeper shade of red.

“They agreed to do it.”

“I’m sure they did, and were probably well paid.”

“So?”

“You can’t sell people like baked beans.”

“What like human beans?” he joked.

“Danny, this is serious. The exploitation of women is serious. The amount of sexual assaults on young women is rising, in India it’s appalling. In this country it’s bad enough, but as long as magazines like this are about, men will see women as there just for their titillation.” The last word made him smirk–okay it wasn’t the best one to use.

He stood there with a smirk on his face. It was a waste of time and breath. “How would you feel if Julie or Sammi posed for this sort of stuff?”

“Oh yeah,” he almost gasped.

I obviously asked the wrong question. “Would you really want them exposed for all and sundry to see?”

“Dunno, never thought about it.”

“Well I’m asking you to think about it. How would you like it if pictures of me appeared in there–would you like your mates to be able to see my tits?”

“Uh no–but that’s different.”

“What’s different about it?”

“You’re much older.”

Silly question and answer number two. I’m wasting my breath, I should have confiscated them and binned them–except I know that he’d just buy more of them. I sympathise. He lives in a house full of women and the teenagers are very pretty, so he’s going to feel frustrated.

“Take your kit down to the washer now.” He picked it all up and shot out of his bedroom. I went to our room and found a bag of Simon’s he could use. It was bigger and better made and he could lock it more easily. Then I went down to my study asked Jacquie to make me a cuppa and started to make a list of the things I thought Danny would need to take with him.

I drank the tea and had managed to shorten it to about a hundred and fifty items–it was no good–men and women have different clothing requirements when going away. I take three times as much as Simon and have it packed a week before. He throws a few things in bag and we leave. I really don’t know which is better–except he doesn’t take into account that I wash, dry and iron the clothes he throws into the bag, without which he wouldn’t have a clean ones.

Si came to see where I was and the lists in front of me.

“What’s all this?”

“Danny’s going on that school trip to the battlefields.”

“Crikey, I’d forgotten all about that.”

“Well it’s a good job one of us remembered, isn’t it?” I lie so easily nowadays.

“It is–but then women are better at that sort of thing. All he needs is two of everything.”

“What two pairs of socks and underpants?”

“Yeah.”

“But he’s going for four days–he can’t wear the same underpants for more than a day–what if he gets wet or falls in the mud?”

“I think the mud was a hundred years ago, babes, an’ yeah he would wear the same underpants the whole time.”

“He isn’t going to.”

“Okay, four pairs then–what’s the problem with that?”

“I was going to pack eight lots.”

He shook his head and left muttering something or other.

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