The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1956 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

“I don’t think you realise how traumatised that girl is,” I said quietly to Simon who’d been concerned when my eyes started leaking.

“I know she’s been through a rough time,” he admitted.

“She takes a long time to trust anyone.”

“Especially men,” he showed he was still awake and thinking.

“Yes, even ones as nice as you.”

“Thanks, babes, that’s made my day.”

“I can’t begin to imagine how she must have felt as a five year old–barely more than a baby–to be betrayed by her family and the justice system and how that must have impacted upon her.”

“I did offer to fund an appeal.”

“But that would have involved her disclosing who she was and all the problems that would cause.”

“You did get that copper to own up to what he did wrong and to confess his interest in it being his son who drowned. And the home secretary did issue a pardon.”

“But no compensation nor any for the rape and subsequent abortion and hysterectomy–the bastards.”

“Yeah, that was bad.”

“And moments ago you were saying good riddance.”

“Yeah, I was just thinking about the fact that she owes you loads for rescuing her.”

“She owes me nothing, I just repaid a little of what the system owes her.”

“Yeah, but that’s the system, not you.”

“Si, we are the system–even if we disagree with it–it is done in our name.”

“In which case I resign–I want nothing to do with a system which tortures little girls.”

“Then you’d have to change it from outside which is far harder than from inside.”

“You’re a real subversive, aren’t you?”

I blushed, I wasn’t, I was about as compliant as they come–up to a point. I wouldn’t be driven, only led. “No, anything but–however, I am an individual and prefer to make up my own mind about things.”

“Helped by the Guardian.”

“It does have some similarities with some of my thinking,” I agreed.

“Bloody champagne socialist,” Si said, but it was a tease, because the title applied to him even more than to me.

“Pots and kettles,” I said and he chuckled.

“I suppose it was a bit unsophisticated unlike my lover.”

“Oh yes?”

“Yeah, she’s a woman of mystery.”

“She’d have to be, your wife would kill her,” I suggested.

“Nah, my wife is a nice woman, sophisticated, generous of spirit...”

“You’re only saying this because I gave Daddy a case of Laphroaig.”

“Generous of spirit–dear god,” he groaned.

“I thought it was quite good and it happens to be true as well.”

“How come he doesn’t share it, the miserable old sod?”

“That you’d have to ask him that yourself.”

“Maybe I will one of these days.” Simon blustered but I knew he wouldn’t.

We lay there cuddling and he added, “So what’s the plan for Sunday?”

“I don’t have one, she hasn’t said she’s coming yet.”

“But you always have a contingency plan.”

“Not this time.”

He sighed as if he was disappointed. “Not even a small one?” he asked.

“Not one of any size at all.”

“Geez, I must be in bed with my mistress, because my wife always has a plan however risky it is–she’s a compulsive planner.”

“Oh is she, it must be something we have in common, then.”

“I don’t understand women, and my wife in particular.”

That last remark, even if said in jest, made me flinch.

“Perhaps you try too hard?” I suggested even if I knew it wasn’t true.

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Men and women are just different.”

“Yeah, Mars and Venus, I know.”

“That is pure psychobabble.”

“But you just said men and women are different.”

“Yes, but not that different.”

“You can’t have it both ways.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not fair.”

“So, when has that mattered?”

“You claim it all the time.”

“That’s different.”

“You’re changing the rules again,” he complained.

“So?”

“Well, it’s not fair.”

“Of course not.”

“I’m not playing this stupid game any longer, when you have something useful to say, let me know.”

“I don’t know if Jacquie is coming yet, she’s supposed to phone tomorrow to let me know, but I don’t know if she will.”

“Will what? Phone or come?”

“Either or both.”

“How can she do this to you? you’re the one who rescued her.”

“Si, we already discussed this, she’s very damaged, and does things in a rather haphazard way, sometimes I think she’s possibly testing us.”

“I think I just failed the test,” he said. Then he turned over and went to sleep.

I didn’t find it quite so easy to compartmentalise things like that, it’s supposed to be a man thing–which I don’t know is true or not. So, I lay there and worried probably for an hour or more. During this period I tried to see why Jacquie was acting as she did but I think it was simply a consequence of being emotionally very damaged.

I suspect apart from her family, this girl, Geraldine, is the first person she has felt safe with, but the first bit of trouble they have she might come running back here for her bolt hole: which is one reason why I’m not sure about her civil partnership. Admittedly, it does show commitment but it also causes more red tape if she does need to bolt–and that concerns me. I tried to visualise her bathed in healing blue light and hoping that she understood that we only wanted her to be happy, not to spoil her fun.

I must have drifted off to sleep while I was trying to heal her because I once again saw her as a five year old watching the little boy drown–it was heart rending and I woke myself up crying. Fortunately, Simon didn’t wake so I was able to go to the bathroom, have a quick wee and wash my face and hands. It meant I lost another half an hour’s sleep but I then slept very well and when I woke on the Saturday morning, it was to three aliens climbing into bed–Trish between us; Livvie on my side and Meems with her dad. Of all the children, she has probably taken most to him as a father figure–she loves him to bits, and he does her.

“Are we doing anything today?” asked Livvie.

“I don’t know yet, sweetheart,” I said without opening my eyes.

“Can we go shoppin’?” asked Meems.

“What do you need to buy?” I asked her.

“Cwothes for my dowwies, they need new ones for da spwing.”

“We’ll see, Meems.” I said and tried to go back to sleep and pretend she hadn’t said anything. It was probably some ten minutes later the phone began to ring.