The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1983 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

I sat cuddling Danny, I felt lost, it was all beyond my experience and to some extent my understanding. Oh I understand basic sex, I also understand boys doing stupid things–it seems part of being a boy. I can almost understand the chauvinism shown by the boys to the two Frenchmen, though their response if it was what triggered the attack, was ridiculous and unjustifiable.

Whether they deserved to die isn’t a question I can answer. It was they who fired on the police, so they had something to hide. Apart from that, I have no idea what happened. Were they in hiding because of the attack on the boys or were they doing something else as well–I don’t know, but James might be able to find out. I suppose I’ll have to tell him all the gory details–I’m also going to get Stephanie to come over tonight if she would and speak to Danny or give me someone’s name who can. I don’t care what it costs in terms of money.

I don’t know what I think about Peter and what he did–it just baffles me. I could understand if he was gender dysphoric or had that body dysmorphphobia or whatever they call it where people have legs cut off because it doesn’t feel right to have two of them or whatever. That I can’t get my head round at all though I suspect some would say I had healthy tissue cut off–I’d tell them it wasn’t cut off, just recycled into something I could use. That I also felt happier is important but then that’s what the limb pruners say as well–and I still don’t understand them–how can life be easier if you’re missing part of a limb? How can life be easier if you’re missing a dick? Simple, I can still pee, I can still have sex–okay I can’t ejaculate–but I can give and receive pleasure, so I can justify it–to myself at least, and that’s what matters.

“What are we going to do with you?” I asked Danny, though it was rhetorical, rather like Tom’s sair fecht. It’s expressing a feeling rather than a meaning.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry, Mummy.” He began to sob into my chest again and my top began to feel a bit damp, besides it wasn’t getting us anywhere, especially Danny.

“Look, I’m going to try and get Stephanie to come over later. I want you to speak with her and tell her everything–okay?”

“I’m ashamed, Mummy.” He wept again.

“I’m sorry, kiddo, but she might be able to help you with those feelings.”

“Peter isn’t turning into a girl, is he?”

“I don’t think so, why d’you keep on asking me?”

“Well he cut off his dongle, didn’t he–no boy I know would do that.”

“Danny, neither of you have been thinking rationally since it happened–Peter seemed to be worse than you–it’s probably pure upset which caused him to think erroneously and act even more so. If he doesn’t regret it already, he will when the reality of what he’s done kicks in. He’s going to need a lot of support from his family and friends–and I hope you’re still in the latter category.”

“He’s still my friend.”

“Good. I have to go and see if I can get hold of Stephanie.” I let him go and he curled up on the bed, his eyes were red and he was still sniffing. On opening the door, something small and furry shot in and straight up his curtains. “Who let the cat upstairs?” I said loudly and a door shut noisily downstairs.

I turned round to see the cat dive bomb Danny, and moment later she was kneading him like a piece of dough–then she curled up and snuggled into him and he put his arm round her–as if they were comforting each other.

I don’t think they can understand what’s going on just that they pick up on someone under stress or distressed and for some reason they try to comfort them–or some pets do. I haven’t seen a goldfish do it yet.

I shut the door to his bedroom and went down to the study where I called Stephanie who wasn’t very pleased with me. “Cathy, I’m on maternity leave–you know that.”

“I know, but it’s an emergency...” I explained what had happened and she sighed and was then outraged and then speechless at what Peter had done.

“He did what?”

“He cut the lot off and flushed it all down the toilet–by the time they recovered the missing bits, they’d been in a sewer for several hours–they were too contaminated to be of use.”

“And you think this was to punish himself for an orgasm he feels he shouldn’t have had?”

“That’s my reading of it–what worries Danny is the same happened to him.”

“If these men were regularly indulging in homoerotic behaviour it’s not surprising that they hit the prostate–they’d probably know more about prostates than the average urologist. Is he religious, this Peter?”

“I don’t know. I know Danny isn’t.”

“There’s a surprise in your household.”

“Hey, I don’t stop them, just express my opinion that it’s a total waste of time.”

“What, your opinion?”

“Ha bloody ha, you should have been a psychiatrist, Steph.”

“Touche.”

“So, will you see him?”

“I could pop round for an hour about six–what’s for dinner?”

“Salmon, I think–I’ll check with David.”

“Oh if he’s cooking it, I’ll be there for six–I’ll speak with him after dinner–and I’ll need a babysitter.”

“That can be arranged.”

“See you later, then.”

I felt a little better knowing that Stephanie would soon be on the case I knew she was very capable and therefore Danny would be in good hands. I went back up to tell him that she would see him after dinner but he was fast asleep with Bramble–who looked up saw it was me, stretched and then went back to sleep.

I checked with David that he was doing salmon and he nodded. I left him to it, or the potatoes–I did tell him we had an extra mouth to feed and he nodded again–but kept on doing whatever it was he was doing with the potatoes. It looked like he was going to ice them–he had one of those bag things with the nozzle on the end, but it looked bigger than any I’ve used for icing.

Simon appeared with his sidekick–Mima. Despite the weather, they’d been down the garden hoeing–that means using a hoe–not in the US Afro-Caribbean idiomatic sense, least I hope not–but regulating the growth of weeds between the rows of veg–not that much is growing, it’s either two wet or too cold.

“How’s Danny?”

“Asleep with the kitten. Stephanie’s coming to see him after dinner.”

“Unlike her to miss out on a feed,” was his response.

“She’s seeing him after she’s had dinner with us.”

“That sounds more like the Stephanie we all know and love.” He laughed and went off with Mima to wash their hands.