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Because the sky is blue, it makes me cry
Because the sky is blue...aaaaaaahhhh

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Previously...

“Mommy…I….It….my fault…I’m ….I’m so sorry.” He began to sob once again.

“Honey…why are you sorry?” Marlene leaned closer, getting down almost eye to eye. The boy choked back a sob and repeated,

“I…my fault,” He looked away and spoke haltingly,

“Pastor Tony…he…I.” He looked up at the ceiling as tears cascaded down his cheeks once again. The look of shame mixed with horror practically shouted at Marlene; her eyes widened in angry recognition and she swore for only the third time in her life; this time with as much righteousness as profanity.

“Dear god in heaven, son of a bitch!”

Love is old, love is new

---

Syracuse, New York, 2021...

“Dr. Davis? Teddy called and wanted to know if he can make it for four on Friday,” Nancy said from the office doorway.

“Sure, Nan… if he wants to come in sooner, that would be fine as well. I can come in at lunch time if that works, too.” Giana smiled and Nan nodded. Teddy was growing stronger every day; a testimony to both his determination and the grace of a real God who brought the boy to a place of healing after being hurt by someone who pretended to care.

“His mother has struggled so much since they were…” Nancy put her head down. Giana knew all too well what the boy and his parents and sister had gone thru, having felt the same pain of rejection in her own past. Healing was still ongoing with Giana and all of the clients she had helped over the years….

East Syracuse...2008...

“I’m sorry, Marlene, but they won’t budge!” Ken Spataro shook his head and practically snorted.

“This isn’t right. How can they do this to him?” Marlene looked past Ken down the hallway to Evan’s room.

“What did they say? How can they just explain this away? Tony is a minister, for god’s sake?”

“Marlene…”

“Tell me!” Ken said nothing and she continued.

“Damn it, Ken, tell me!”

“It’s his word against Tony’s, and with Tony being Junior? “ He tried to look away quickly but she caught the expression on his face.

“Oh, God, Ken, what else?”

“They say Evan is just trying to take the focus off of his….” At that point Ken bit his lip and shook his head. Marlene waited for a moment before shaking her head, realizing that Ken was almost as angry as her.

“I’m sorry, Marlene. He’s got the board behind him and Evan is considered to be in sin because of his status.” Ken reached for words; no one in church understood, and only a handful of people including Ken were willing to try.

“They know he’s seeing a psychologist? That wasn’t supposed to….I told that to Pastor Tony in confidence! This isn’t right.” Angry tears streamed down her face. She felt helpless and alone, even with Ken’s support; a wounded lioness just out of reach to save her cub. Ken frowned, leading her to shake her head, this time only slightly; sadly with little disbelief. Ken spoke again.

“He’s not permitted to return to Youth Group until he repents.” It was too much, and Marlene threw her coffee mug, breaking it against the sink. She put her head down on the table and began to sob. Ken went to pat her on the back but withdrew, feeling both ill-equipped and awkward.

“I’m sorry, Marlene, but there’s more.” He winced, fearing how much his next words would affect the already distraught woman. But he whispered a quick, silent prayer.

“It seems that someone…the board knows about Evan’s other issue.” He hated to put it that way; Ken had known the boy for a long time, and it wasn’t an issue as far as he was concerned; even if he didn’t understand it all. And now everything was coming to light in a very bad way that reflected poorly on everyone but one; and he had the backing of the board.

“They're saying... Caryn Davis has been helping Evan.” Marlene looked up. She knew Jeannie and Cal and Caryn, and they were a very kind and generous family.

"Caryn and Celia Stankowitz have been asked not to return to the Youth group and Caryn has been removed from the Youth Worship team as well.”

“It…it’s all my fault.” Ken turned and found himself face to face with a familiar face if surrounded in a way by an unfamiliar guise. Marlene looked up and saw Evan standing in the kitchen doorway. He wore a plain pair of jeans and a tee shirt; typical garb for a teenage boy. But the tee shirt was a bright magenta and pushed out by a girl’s chest. Marlene put her hand to her mouth and gasped.

“See…even you hate me. I hate myself….I hate myself.” The boy ran down the hall and into his bedroom, slamming the door. Ken turned to follow but Marlene waved him off.

“Give him some time, okay?” Ken nodded and sat down at the kitchen table.

“Maybe we just need to pray?” He looked down the hall and back at Marlene. There was nothing but concern in his expression, and something in his eyes spoke a peace to Marlene. She put her head down slightly, reaching out to grab his hand.

“Dear Lord…Please take care of Evan…we can’t but we know you can.”

A while later...

Marlene stood outside her son’s bedroom and rapped lightly on the door.

“Honey? Can I come in?” She stood in silence for a few moments before she heard a click followed by,

“Okay.” The voice was weak and seemed to fade even more. She opened the door and found Evan standing in the middle of the room. He was bare to the waist and wore an old pair of Syracuse warm-up pants; barefooted. What little makeup he had worn only a half-hour before was replaced by a freshly scrubbed face, which was puffy and red from crying as well. His hair was wet and slicked back.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I…” He was almost sick from crying and the words stuck in his mouth. She rushed to him and pulled him close.

“No, honey…no…no.” Marlene held him with her hand on his neck as she kissed his cheek. He shook a bit in her arms and sobbed.

“It’s my fault…I’m sick….I should be dead.” He had no strength left in him and he fell like a stone to the floor, weeping. Marlene dropped to her knees and held him as he wept; her own tears falling like a torrent; beginning to wash away misplaced guilt and shame and the confusion that can only come from being falsely accused.

And Ken stood in the doorway, praying silently with a resolve that could only arise from a righteous anger.

---

A few weeks later at the office of New Life Fellowship

Because the wind is high it blows my mind
Because the wind is high...aaaaaaaahhhh

“There’s no way you can get away with this,” Ken practically shook his fist; not a very ‘Christian’ thing to display towards his pastor. But then Anthony Renatto had ceased to be his pastor when he chose to protect his son at the expense of truth. Ken looked at Pastor Renatto and realized the man truly believed his son; more was the pity that he was so deluded.

“You’re wrong, damn it, Tony, but you’re holding all the cards. You really need to think about putting this church under some sort of accountability, or this whole thing is going blow up in your face.”

“I’m really sorry you feel this way, but I understand. You seem to be spending an awful lot of time over at the Thomassino home, Ken. Do you honestly think you can be objective about the boy when you’re carrying on with his mother?” It took all Ken could do to keep from punching his spiritual mentor in the face at that point, but he managed it; just barely, but he managed it.

“You know something, Tony. I’m going to try to give this whole thing to God, but it’s going to take a long time. Here,” Ken thrust an envelope into the man’s hands.

“Just in case you haven’t figured it out yet, it’s my resignation from the board. Think about it, Tony. You’re doing the wrong thing for your son in protecting him. This will end up hurting more than just him, and it’s a shame because his wife doesn’t deserve this and Evan and whoever else he’s fucked doesn’t deserve it either.” Tony went to speak but Ken held up his hand.

“Before you say anything, keep in mind that what your son did to the boy is way worse than anything I could say to describe it. You’re wrong, Tony!” With that he walked out of the office.

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A little while later...

“Marlene?” Ken said thru the screen door. A moment later Marlene walked into the kitchen. She had a folder in her hand, and while she wasn’t smiling, neither was she frowning.

“Before you start, yes, I heard, and I’m so sorry.” Marlene shook her head.

“It seems Evan isn’t the only one who had a confidence….” She stopped in mid-sentence, the word sticking in her throat.

“I’m only sorry that it came to it, but I can’t stay there; not when your son is being treated like a criminal instead of the victim.” He paused, noticing the look on her face. She held up the folder.

“Evan and I have seen another psychologist that was recommended by his doctor.” She half-smiled, as if something might be good about her decision, but had yet to come to any fruition. I wanted to talk to you, since you’ve been such a good friend and support for us both. She turned away and Ken tilted his head in question.

“If you have trouble with this I’m sorry, but I did want to tell you about what’s going on.” Ken wondered what would cause her to question him like that.

“Here,” she said, pulling out a booklet and handing it to him.

“This will explain it better than I ever could.” She sat down at the kitchen table and he joined her, sitting across the table from her. He looked at the booklet.

“Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents *,” Ken read from the cover.

“You’ve been such a support, I feel I owe you this much, at least.” She turned away, but he reached out and touched her hand.

“You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of, Marlene. You’ve done the best with your child in the worst of circumstances.” She sighed; waiting for the ‘but’ that would never come; no patronizing ‘there, there, it’s not your fault.’ Instead he patted her hand.

“Whatever Evan is going through, I’m sure he’s got the right help and the best support.” He smiled at her and she sighed, but he finished.

“And the best mother a kid could ever have. You’re going to be okay.”

“I know…it’s just that it’s been so hard on….”

“You can’t call your child ‘him’ anymore, can you?” Ken looked down the hallway toward Evan’s room. Marlene shook her head and tears came to her eyes. The love that should have been extended by the shepherd came from another; almost like a sheepdog who sees to the flock when the master is gone.

“I’m with you, Marlene. Me and a few others who know and are more than disappointed. I’m not planning on doing something stupid like try to start another church; I don’t have the background or the temperament, and I like owning my camera shop. But looking into another church makes sense. The board isn’t going to do anything about Tony, and I’m hoping that his father does. I don’t want to drag the whole church through the mud, but I’ll say something if it comes to it so that no one else is hurt. But you have my entire support for whatever you do; church and here at home. I’m your man.”

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A month later...

“Mom….” The girl stood in the doorway of the living room. She was dressed modestly in navy tights and a navy maxi skirt under a long black cardigan over a teal top. Her feet were shod with plain navy tennies but for the pink laces. And she wore a very tentative half-smile of relief.

“Oh, honey, it’s okay.” Marlene stood up and hugged her daughter.

“I know you didn’t want anyone to be hurt, but it was his choice…their choice. I know you don’t feel good about Tony at all; especially with his wife and baby, but he wouldn’t listen. I’m just glad something came of it before anyone else was hurt.

“Mommy?” The girl spoke the name she hadn’t used in years; more out of expectation than real choice. Finally, at last in her own home and feeling for the first time in her own skin, in a way, the name suited the moment; both for the affection as well as the need for security. Her eyes began to fill with tears.

“I know, honey. I know. One day at a time, and I’m here with you. Dr. Carter said you’re doing great already; she’s really proud of you, and so am I. So let me do what I know best, okay?” She pulled the girl in for another hug and kissed her cheek.

“I love you, baby, never forget that. And God loves you, too, no matter what anyone says, okay?”

The girl nodded and smiled broadly for the first time in her short life as her mother held her close and safe.

Love is all, love is you...

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Syracuse, New York...2021...

“Dr. Davis? I’ve got two calls for you. Your wife is on line two, but she just wants you to know she’ll meet you at Erawan at seven?”

Giana nodded and blew out a breath; happy that things were falling into place. Nancy pointed to the blinking light on the phone.

“Your dad...says your cell phone went to voice mail?” Nancy smiled as Giana picked up the phone.

“Hi…dad? Yeah…sure. You’ll get Mom to the restaurant by seven-thirty? Great. And dad? I love you.”

Giana looked down at her desk; maybe a bit more cluttered than she normally would like, but the several piles of handouts and booklets would be in the hands of needy kids and parents soon enough. And while she still had things she had to deal with, just as much as her clients, she also knew that being further down the road allowed her to look back and take stock of her life through the lens of her calling.

Yes, she had been hurt as a child, but she was strong and secure and knew who she was; her experience served her well in helping her clients sort through their own doubts and pain.

“Dr. Davis? Caryn is on line one again…” Nancy laughed at the normal ‘tag’ routine the couple played, since they both were busy helping others.

“Hi, Caryn? Oh…okay. That’s great. As a matter of fact, that’s terrific! Okay honey…see you at home. Love you too, bye.”

“Nancy? Can you come here for a moment?” Giana looked up to see her secretary already standing in her doorway.

“Caryn finished with her pastor’s meeting early.”

“I’m way ahead of you. Since Teddy is coming in on Friday instead, your afternoon is free.”

Nancy laughed softly, feeling like a cruise director instead of a secretary at times, but it was all good. Giana leaned back in her chair and sighed and smiled to herself as Nancy walked out. She looked at her desk once again, almost glad at the clutter. Her gaze fell upon the photo facing her; a very nice picture of two brides holding hands under a tall trellis interwoven with roses. And she picked up the name plaque by her stapler; she was never one for prestige, but the plaque had been a gift from her mother and she displayed it proudly.

It was made of wood with a brass overlay that read, “Dr. Giana Thomassino Spataro-Davis”

It might be only Monday, but Giana knew it was going to be a beautiful week.

Love is old, love is new
Love is all, love is you

Next: Oh Darling!

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Because
words and music by
John Lennon and Paul McCartney
as performed by
Evan Rachel Wood, Jim Sturgess,
Joe Anderson, Dana Fuchs, T.V. Carpio
for the soundtrack of

Across the Universe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMniylSi0nI