Chances Are... Stories of Hope Jackie's Chance by Andrea Lena DiMaggio

Previously...Grand Island, Nebraska

“Sir…follow me to the hospital and attend to your daughter’s needs. I’m sure we can work something out with the court for your son tomorrow or later this evening, after Jackie is squared away. Okay?”

He stood there and watched the car drive off before getting into his own car. A moment later he was off down the road on the way to the hospital.

Saint Francis Medical Center... Grand Island, Nebraska...

“What happened?” John O’Donnell looked at Jackie with a sideways glance and continued.

“What did you do?” He stared at the boy in front of him, for that’s what he chose to see. The child now appeared to be a normal fourteen year old boy; normal if you considered it normal to have a bruising and swelling so bad as to completely shut the left eye. Sadly, it wasn’t swollen enough to prevent the tears from literally cascading down her face…her.

“Daddy…he punched me…Jimmy punched me.” The girl sobbed.

“I know…what did you say? I mean he just doesn’t go around hitting you.” John shook his head as if his own view was obscured instead of his daughter’s. She picked up the extra pillow and held it in front of her face; ashamed and scared. The nurse stepped closer to her father.

“I’m sorry, but she’s getting really worked up. We can’t even X-ray at this point because of the swelling. She needs to rest while the swelling goes down. Why don’t you come back tomorrow morning?” She put her hand on his arm but he pulled it away; not angrily, but more out of frustration and helplessness.

“Mr. O’Donnell? John?” The voice was soft but firm, and the hand on his arm squeezed tightly as Alison led him from the room. He turned to protest, but the sight of her badge and the expression on her face made him think twice.

“It’s already been such a long day…why don’t you let me buy you a cup of coffee?” She asked. She turned and looked around. Taryn was in the waiting area with a couple of girls; by the look of her animated display, Alison expected that she was explaining to her friends what had happened. A second later she saw the girls hold hands; it appeared that they were praying.

“Listen…I’m sorry, but I don’t even know you.” John protested.

“I know…just a friendly gesture from one parent to another; and maybe some free advice?” Again John quickly discarded any idea of protest as Alison guided him to the elevator.

Downstairs in the cafeteria…

A few minutes later they were sitting at a table. Coffee had morphed into two helpings of Beef Stew with crackers and a couple of Cokes.

“I know this is hard, but please try to relax. We don’t have to solve everything in one day. Where’s your son?” She said it softly as a request.

“He’s over at his aunt’s….my sister Becky. Listen…I don’t know what came over him…Jimmy is a good boy.” He shook his head; the good part of his son certainly wasn’t in evidence this day. He wanted to believe his son acted just the once.

“Taryn says that Jackie has bruises on her arms. I don’t think this is a one-time occasion. Has Jackie complained?” She nudged.

“No more than any other brother complaining about being picked on. It’s been hard since their mother died, you know?” He half-smiled and took a sip of Coke. Alison nodded; it took all she could manage to suppress the ‘aha’ in the back of her throat.

“It’s not uncommon for children…boys especially…to act out after the death of a parent. I’m sure your children were close to their Mom?” She wasn’t sure of anything at that point other than that John O’Donnell was in major denial regarding both of his children.

“Oh yes…both boys….” He paused.

“Jackie has been acting odd since his mother passed. He goes into our bedroom and just stares at our wedding picture. I came home last week and he was just sitting on the bed, holding her bathrobe.” He sighed; the thought hadn’t occurred to him until that moment just how profound a symbol the robe had become to his youngest child.

“So both children sorely miss their mother. And you attribute that to Jackie’s gender issues?” Alison took a deep breath and continued.

“Do you suppose Jimmy is acting out of anger in response to his grief over the death of your wife?” She tilted her head slightly and leaned forward to listen.

“I suppose…but why did he hit…why did he….” He began to stammer when he closed his eyes; his inner eye beholding the figure of a frightened fourteen year old girl who might lose the sight of her left eye. He put his hand to his face.

“I am so sorry…this is all my fault. I should have taken him to a doctor…maybe this wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t been wearing those clothes.” He was beginning to open his eyes, but his ignorance, well intended as it was, made his vision just as suspect as his daughter’s.

“Jackie will need to see a doctor, I expect, but not for the reasons you may think.” Alison said with as much understanding as she could muster.

“Someone who can help him with the problem?’

“Not quite. Jackie is dealing with several issues at once, not least of which is that you have minimized your son’s anger against her. She seems to be the focus of all his anger. And she does have serious issues regarding her gender, but that isn’t a problem to be fixed…it’s a concern and a cry to be heard and listened to.” She put her hand on his wrist gently but firmly.

“John…Jackie says that Jimmy has been drinking heavily…do you keep any liquor in the house?”

“Not really…we had a couple of bottles of rum for mixing and well...I do keep beer in the fridge downstairs. I haven’t really been paying attention. You don’t suppose?” He shook his head and tears came to his eyes.

“It’s not uncommon for children to self-medicate. Between your own struggles and his needs, he’s probably done a really good job of hiding it.

“What can I do? He’s only sixteen…and it’s just his brother…oh shit…that’s wrong…I…”

“Like I said…we don’t have to solve everything tonight. You heard her doctor say that she was going to be admitted and kept overnight at least. The social worker hasn’t begun her investigation yet; she’ll be talking with me and my daughter, and I know she’ll be talking with you. At the very least, I know they’re going to recommend separation. Can Jimmy stay at his aunt’s for the time being?”

“I guess…sure. Why?”

“Because when your daughter returns home, Jimmy will likely only be able to be near her with supervision, and with you working there won’t be any guarantee. And in cases like this that I’ve been a part of, they try to reunite the child with the family as quickly as possible.”

“What about Jimmy?”

“There is a great deal of support available. Your son needs help. He’s acting out of grief and anger, and while it’s understandable, it’s also putting your daughter in jeopardy. I’m going to recommend to the judge that he allow Jimmy to enter the pre-trial intervention; he’s a minor and it’s his first charge…no… we’re not going to say first offense…you understand?” He nodded and she followed.

“The judge will probably recommend some community service, but the key is to get some help; there are some good programs for teens regarding anger management. I’m not sure he’ll be satisfied with that alone, but anything at this point beats going to detention. The goal is to help both children and reconcile your family, right?”

“Right….Chief Duplantis? What do I do about Jackie…I mean…when his mother died…I knew he was dressing up…I thought it was a phase. But…lately…just his demeanor…it hasn’t changed so much as me noticing it was….different all along. What do I do?”

“The social worker may put you in touch with someone; I think it would be helpful if you could arrange something on your own to show initiative? There are gender specialists in the county that can help her sort out her next steps. She’s going to need a lot of support.”

“You keep saying she. When I first saw Jackie in the car with you I was so angry…you were being so presumptuous with my kid, you know. But tonight…looking at …her for the first time. Even with all the makeup cleaned off…I didn’t see my son any longer.” He bit his lip and turned away.

“I think you’re dealing with more than just the loss of your wife here, Mr. O’Donnell. Take it one step at a time. Go up and see her. Don’t criticize her or correct her. Just listen. And if they think she’s well enough to handle it, give her a hug before you go, okay. As far as Jimmy goes, bring him by the station tomorrow morning. I’ll make sure the judge releases him to your sister’s custody. If Jackie is discharged, it might be a good idea for her to stay at home and for Jimmy to remain at your sister’s house until everyone is satisfied. You spend as much time as you can at home and visit Jimmy as often as you can. The court may even let you and Jackie visit together. This way neither child will view the separation as punishment, okay.”

“What about social services?”

“Well…some people think of them like we think of Velcro…they stick once they’ve been stuck on? They’re just doing their jobs. It may seem like it isn’t fair, but it’s not about what’s fair. It’s about what’s best for both of your children. Okay?”

Upstairs a short while later...

“Mom…will Jackie be coming home with us tonight?” Taryn asked as she and her friends stood anxiously in the waiting area.

“No, babe…she’s going to stay here overnight. When she does get discharged, she’s going to go home with her dad. I can’t really say much more until she does get out of here, but we’ll make sure that she’s safe. And of course she can come and visit any time she likes. Alright, sweetie?”

“Okay.”

“Jackie?” John stood at the foot of the bed.

“Dad? They say I have to stay here. I’m so sorry Daddy.”

The girl put hand over her eyes and began to weep. John did what had come naturally when Jackie was little. The child never outgrew the need to be held and loved by her father; she only outgrew the part of her that never felt right; not a foe to be fought or an enemy to be hated. Her other self was just as real a part of her as she was; just not the person in charge or even sharing; her male self was just more of her in a different way. In time she’d come to realize just how important all of her was, but for now she needed to hear her father talk to her like she had been there all along. He tried.

“Jackie…..uh….hon…honey….” He stumbled over the words. Who calls their son ‘honey?’ But it grabbed him; as strong as anything he had ever felt when it dawned on him that he wasn’t calling his ‘son’ honey, but his daughter. In time he’d come to realize that his daughter had been there all along. But for now there would be stumbles and half-starts. He didn’t know exactly what to do when his kids were born, but he learned… and he’d learn about things that girls like or don’t. He’d learn about how some girls like football; that Jackie would never stop rooting for the “Huskers.” That it was okay to want to dress up one day and wear jeans the next. So he tried.

“Jackie…I’m so…sorry. I didn’t really know until now….I’m sorry for not listening.”

“Don’t blame Jimmy; Dad….it wasn’t his fault….” She was going to add it was nobody’s fault, but her father beat her to it.

“We’re all going to go get some help. I don’t think any of us talked about how hurt we were. How much it hurt when….” He choked up; it was the first time he had allowed himself to feel the grief in front of his children…his daughter.

“I’m sorry for not….you both needed to know it was okay to hurt and to miss Mommy….God I miss her….. Jackie I’m so sorry.” John stepped closer and sat down next to Jackie. The girl lowered the railing of the bed and pulled her father close. He laid his head on her chest and sobbed; she stroked his hair for a moment before succumbing to her own loss and the twin joys of forgiveness and acceptance as she sobbed as well.

“This is a second chance for us, Jackie and I’m not going to let it pass. Okay? We’re going to get through this. I promise.”

“I know, Dad…I know.” The girl sobbed softly and gripped his hand tighter than ever before.

“I know.”

Next: Lara's Tale