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There’s a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we’re often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I’m going to seek a certain lad I’ve had in mind
Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet
He’s the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret
I sat nervously at the bar lounge off the lobby. It was my first time out, and I managed to muster enough courage to try to get lost at the convention; lost in a sea of similar folks.
“Excuse me, Miss? Is this seat taken?” I looked up from my crossword puzzle to see the most attractive man I had ever seen in my life. His face was boyish…with a youthful charm; at least no younger than me.
“No…it’s not. Here,” I said quickly, moving my magazine off the table to my purse as I gazed at the empty chair to indicate a welcome of sorts.
“It’s as crowded as I’ve ever seen this place for a Tuesday morning.” He smiled as he looked around.
“Yes…” I bowed my head. I wasn’t used to talking to strangers, much less very handsome men. I shook my head and nodded almost at the same time; a frequent feature of embarrassment of mine borne out of my continuing insecurity. And I found myself placing my hands in my lap.
I’d like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?
There’s a somebody I’m longin’ to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who’ll watch over me
I’m a little lamb who’s lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who’ll watch over me
“Oh…jeez, yes…the convention. You an ESS-OH?” he asked, but I didn’t understand. Eso? I don’t speak any language other than English; the drawback of an education in a very small town with very limited resources, and I only barely passed Spanish the two years I took it in high school.
“I don’t understand. Eso? What does that mean?” He looked at me and laughed.
“No, not eso, ESS-OH…the letters…significant other? You know? Are you married to one of the ‘women’ here?” The question was both flattering and frightening at the same time.
“Oh, gosh…no…If anything…” I shrugged and smiled, but I was scared almost to the point of being paralyzed; I managed to finish,
“I’d have an ESS-OH….but no. My name is David…excuse me…Denise Ragazzi. I’m one of ‘them.’” I pointed in the direction of a few women posing for a picture. “I wish,” I said, actually wishing I hadn’t.
“Well, you pass well…that kind of face that might suit both a boy or a girl… I notice you keep your hands hidden. You really don’t have to… your demeanor detracts from anything you might find less attractive or…un-feminine. Like I said….I took you for a wife or a girlfriend rather than her loved one.” He put his hand on mine and patted it, almost to console me.
I’d like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?
There’s a somebody I’m longin’ to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who’ll watch over me
I’m a little lamb who’s lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who’ll watch over me
“Please…I’m sorry.” I pulled my hand back and buried it in my lap as he had just described. My face grew red and hot.
“No, I’m sorry. It’s okay. I understand.” He shook his head and went to get up.
“I don’t. What just happened? I’m so ….I’ve never had anyone touch me like that before. I didn’t mean to insult you. I’m so sorry.”
True to form, I started to cry. I haven’t been back to my doctor since she said that there was nothing ‘different’ about me; none of the usual inter-sexed stuff or the hormonal deficiencies or chromosome things that you read about. I was all male for all intents and purposes except where it really mattered the most; my head and my heart. I felt horrible thatI’d insulted his feelings because he struck me as someone I would love to get to know as a friend. I’d never gotten to know anyone like that and I was so afraid I never would.
“I thought…” He sighed, sounding frustrated.
“I’m…” He spoke slowly, more for his benefit rather than mine.
“I’m….I …” He placed his hand on my right hand; it had crept back out of hiding almost on its own. I didn’t pull back.
“It’s okay…go ahead.”
“I’m like you…well not exactly…I’m not a guy…I’m a girl…mostly.” He looked down at his shirt before pulling at the collar, briefly revealing what looked like an elastic bandage.
“I like being me…this way.” His eyes began to well with tears.
“You must think I’m crazy.” he said. As odd and ironic as it sounded, I completely understood.
Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key
Won’t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me
“NO…please don’t say that. If you hadn’t said anything I wouldn’t have even known…I think you’re a very nice….man.” I stumbled over the last word. I had never seen someone so attractive in my life, and I was so afraid I’d say something foolish.
“You mean that? Oh…” He looked away.
“This is so stupid. I …you ever feel like you wanted to be something else, but you couldn’t leave the other part of you behind?” He shook his head as if he’d never be understood.
“You mean like the bandages instead of something more…radical?” His eyes widened a bit and I continued.
“I feel like if I could live like this?” I pointed to myself by circling my heart with my hand.
“I’d be exactly who I should be. But to lose…I feel like an selfish fool for saying this; especially when so many of us want something so different. This,” I repeated the gesture,
“This is who I am…but this,” I pointed below, is what I am.” I looked into his eyes and felt so ashamed; not feeling like I fit in; so abnormal in the normality of the unaccepted. He grabbed my hand once again and held it.
“Yes….that’s what….just like this.” He pointed to his chest and down below as well.” I started to cry again.
“I’m….Charlie….Well, Charlotte Danielson. Dave? Please don’t cry…it’s really okay.” Her...his eyes had teared up again, almost as if by crying he might persuade me to stop crying myself.
“We don’t quite fit, do we?” I stammered, unable to stop the tears from falling. What a fucking baby….what a blessed girl I am…I was so confused until he put his other hand on top of mine and gazed into my eyes.
“From where I sit? We….we…” his stammer nearly matched mine and his tears as well as he finished.
“I think we fit just ….fine.”
“May…May I call you Charlie?” I blushed as I wiped the tears from my face. He patted my hand once again and smiled.
“So long as I can call you Denise.”
Won’t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me
Someone to watch over me
Someone to Watch Over Me
words and music by
Ira and George Gershwin
as performed by
Linda Ronstadt
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Et80rWJNVKQ
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Comments
Thanks 'Drea,
ALISON
'could you find someone to watch over me? Sweet story.
ALISON
Picture
To bad you couldn't use one of Sarah's ( the one in the picture is Sarah Bettens) songs. Sorry couldn't help myself saying that
I will be tapping into her talent sometime soon....
....there are people who just strike me as beautiful by their whole being; she's one of them!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
so are you, 'Drea
utterly beautiful where it matters most - on the inside. Another lovely story.
Dorothycolleen
I know, I used to have a
I know, I used to have a crush on her in highschool when she and her brother Gert and some friends just started with a little band called K's Choice and have been a fan of the music since the beginnen. And ok she isn't from that for of from where I used to live.
Got me past a lot of hart times and gave me a lot of good times with the rest of the Street Team >flash back to one party with her and Kurtand ST-members from all over Europe and 1 from Israel, then the 'afterparty' with Kurt and the gang, and the morning after with the gang in Leuven -those where some of the best times in my life<
Just 6 weeks till I can go see another gig (which also happens to be in Leuven<
Off topic: had a few complicated weeks but am more or less back
Always liked it
That song, seems paired in my mind with Cry Me a River for some reason and there's this mental link to an old movie with I think Tom Berrenger. Moody and a little odd. This was spare and a bit uncomfortable much like spilling a drink on a total stranger is. Understanding and acceptance can be a bit like that, who wipes and who pats and where is safe. Nice, if that's a realistic way to phrase it.
Kris
Watching over each other
RAMI
I think that David can watch over Charlotte and Denise can be watched over by Charles. If this goes as it truly should, hopefully by the next convention or definitely by the one after that they will be both watching over somebody(ies) else. Do they have baby sitting services at these conventions?
Rami
RAMI
I Am
"I am" roughly means "I" exist in actuality.
When I say "I am Angela" it is a factual statement; as factual as the name given to me on my birth certificate.
It is my right to decide which organs in my body will decide my gender. I've selected my heart and my brain.
This story takes one of my all-time favorite songs to a place where it belongs -- near that female heart that resides in me.
Thanks Andrea -- you're special.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Someone...
My Dear Twin,
Again, you have strummed upon the the heartstrings of my life. A beeeeuutiful story.
You know I'm just back from helping some writers from here move to there (well actually from California to Indiana). Two weeks as me. I've answered only to Beth for three weeks now. It's been like coming home. I gained a new sister, and carried through on a promise.
I also was approached my a man. He wanted a date. I was absolutely positively flustered. Didn't know what to say, much less what to do...
I suppose I wish I'd had the courage to say yes. As it was, I called my sister and told her, asking what to do. She just about deafened me with her laughter.
I would love to have someone to watch over me. Now all I have to do is open my heart to take a chance....
Lots of Love,
Beth
Will The Real 'Drea Please Stand Up
After a few of your latest works I was afraid that my heart-string-tugging, tear-the top-off-the Kleenex-box, Andrea Lena DiMaggio had gone walkabout. You were making me laugh instead!
But you're b-a-a-a-a-c-k in all your glory. Those mutual misunderstandings and painful emotions and possible good outcomes are vintage 'Drea. And that oh-so-romantic song,
Beautiful,
Joanne
Something to find by the sea
It has been somewhat frustrating over the last few days. We are eight time zones east of Little Rock, in a little city of 15-20 million people. We forgot our voltage converter and let the battery to the lapyop run down. It happened much more quickly than I thought it would. I finally found an adapter at a store that sells electrical musical instruments that allowed me to plug directly into the 220 VAC. It seems that the power supply is built to allow for a wide range of voltage inputs. After three days without BCTS, I can turn the computer on. Of course, the hotel's WiFi is malfunctioning. We could get on line for only minutes at a time before being dropped off line. At last, this evening I am able to stay on line and read the stories I've missed since Wednesday. I think I was suffering from severe withdrawal. Going down through the roster of stories, I read them and left my kudos. I finished with this little gem. It is so good to be back. At least for the next eight days we will have a more reliable internet.
Interesting, this is a pretty prudish country. On television, they censor out anyone smoking in the movies. A number of sites I visit are blocked on the net as well, but thankfully, BCTS is there, and so is 'Drea.
Portia
Portia
Just perfect...
And such a delicious sentiment. We all need watching over, don't we? We try to do it here by internet, but it's not really the same as holding a hand or patting a shoulder or giving a hug, is it? Life should be a contact sport. This story reminded me of that. If I could I'd give you all a big gentle hug and tell you "it" (whatever your particular it happens to be) will be better and that you're loved.
This very special story makes me want to do that, but I can't! So instead I'll do my best, online, to tell you all I love you and that everything will be better. And thanks to the many who have done the same for me.
I love you all!
Ole
We are each exactly as God made us. God does not make mistakes!
Gender rights are the new civil rights!