Sometime in the future:

Dear Reader: I was delighted to find that this writer account was still open after all these years. I wanted to write this story to tell you something about my family. I haven’t much experience with writing, so please bear with me, okay? I hope this blesses you. Sincerely, Angelina Abruzzi

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Last time:
Drea was surprised that Janet had remembered so many details of her story after hearing it only the one time. She was about to say, “And?” when Janet said,

“Toni is my sister.” Janet smiled the Mona Lisa smile once again, prompting a puzzled look followed by a very confused look.

“She lives in town. I told her all about you and she wants to see you.” Another enigmatic smile, which finally evoked,

“Andy…It’s me.”

Drea was floored. Toni was her first love…childhood sweethearts…Saddest part of her life…saddest behavior followed by an even sadder divorce. She never kept in touch after a brief reconciliation of sorts after Toni remarried and before she met Annie. But the real kicker came next.

“And Toni…I know what you’re thinking….She misses you…she asks about you all the time, and she wants to see you.” Janet smiled once again and started to laugh.

“Drea, honey…I know it’s been a long time, but I know you remember…Toni didn’t have a sister. Sweetie…It’s me….Kenny.”

"Kenny?" Drea looked into Janet's eyes with a flash of recognition clouded slightly by nearly forty years of separation.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Janet said as she waved her hand across her body in a broad gesture of display.

"1985, Canada...Montreal." Janet said while continuing to grin.

"That was the year Toni and I split up..." Drea said trailing off. She bit her lip and looked away." She felt Janet's hand pat her wrist.

"It's okay honey," Janet said as Kenny disappeared, so to speak. "She wants to see you."

"I don't know," Drea said. "After all these years? It was a lifetime ago." Drea put her hand to her face and wiped a piece of "sleep" out of her eye, aided by the beginnings of tears.

"And a whole other life ago, too, Sweetie." It felt odd for Drea, who only moments ago sat across the table from her former brother-in-law. But now, Janet once again was her understanding colleague and, more importantly, her sister.

"Here's her number," Janet said, sliding a piece of paper across the table.

"Go ahead...for old time's sake." Janet said, smiling.

"For old time's sake," Drea thought as she remembered another time and another place.

_______________________________________________
Daddy stood next to his lawyer and looked over at his soon to be ex-wife. He was beyond his anger, but had still hoped to persuade Toni to drop the divorce proceedings and reconcile. All of his attempts at reconciliation had been rebuffed, but really he shouldn’t have been too surprised. They had been separated for nearly two years with virtually no contact.

“If there is no other matter before the court?” The judge looked down from the bench.

“No, your honor,” the attorney said as he snapped his briefcase closed. His counterpart at the other table just shook her head no.

“This court is adjourned.” The judge said, rapping his gavel.

As everyone filed out, Daddy walked over to Toni and put his hand on her arm.

“I am so sorry,” he said, expecting her to pull her arm away. She looked in his eyes and he could see she had been crying.

“I’m sorry, too, Andy,” she said quietly. She kissed him softly on the cheek and said,

“Have a good, life, Andy. I mean that.” Toni touched his arm lightly before walking over to her fiancée, who held her coat. He looked at Andy and smiled warmly. He watched her walk away for the last time, ever.

A few days later found Drea at her desk in her office, head back against the bookshelf behind her, lost in thought.

"Drea...." a soft voice interrupted Drea's thoughts.

"It's Nikki, honey...she's...she's calling for you two." Drea looked up to see Cathilynn standing at the doorway. The clock said 10:30 sharp but it had been a long morning already. She had been napping for nearly an hour after rising at 5:07am. She went to stand up but noticed Janet wasn't moving.

"Honey...I can't...not this time." Janet sat at the chair next to Drea's desk. Tears streamed down her face as she sat almost paralyzed.

"Janet...You owe it to her to be there...and more importantly, you owe it to yourself." Drea had anticipated Janet's reluctance, but her words still sounded more like a rebuke.

"I'm sorry, honey..." Drea's tone softened. She walked around the desk and put her hands on Janet's shoulders, hugging her.

"You know you'll never forgive yourself if you don't." Drea said, this time almost as a plea.

"She's not like the others..." Janet immediately felt guilty. She tried to look away, but her head was between Drea's arms. She thought of Laurie's death only days before.

"Nikki...Oh, Drea, I can't say goodbye...I just can't...she's...." Tears filled Janet's eyes as she lifted her head and looked at Cathilynn, who waited patiently at the doorway. She understood Janet's reluctance, but said,

"Honey, I know, but that's why it's so important for both of you. Come on, it's going to be alright."

Janet loved the girl...like family. Apart from her sister Toni, Janet had no one. A series of relationships after her surgery...boyfriends, girlfriends, brought disappointment.

She discovered that the surgery had changed nothing inside. Expecting a brand new life, she was plagued with frustration as she discovered she was still the same person. The same person her mother accepted, but also same person whose father rejected her before he died; the same person who loved a boy who never would love her.

After years of therapy, she had decided to move on. Seeking fulfillment in serving, she discovered the Home that Love Built. A refuge for girls like her...her refuge came in being a part of the blessing the home had become.

She was warm and friendly, but remained guarded, not wanting to let anyone in. Never to be a father; that life had been over for years. But never a mother, either, until Nikki arrived.

Drea and Janet stood next to Nikki’s bed; it seemed they arrived not a moment too soon.

"Janet...I'm so tired...and it hurts." Nikki said weakly, struggling to lift her head of the pillow.

"Just rest easy, honey...you're going to be okay." Janet said as she stroked the girl’s hair.

"I know I'm dying, Janet. You don't have to pretend...I need to say goodbye." The girl lifted her head off the pillow and looked around the room until she saw a familiar face.

“Cathi…hug?” Tears cascaded down Cathilynn’s face. Too many girls had been hurt or discarded; too many hearts she’d allowed into her own. But Nikki was special…alive…and filled with joy.

“I love you so much, sweetheart,” Cathilynn said as she hugged the girl. Backing away she covered her face with her hands and wept on Drea’s shoulder. The girl once again sought another loved one.

“Sandra…Sandy?” Sandra would correct the girl daily. It became a playful tease between the two of them… Sandra choked back her tears and walked to the bed. She put her hand in Nikki’s.

“That’s Sandra,” she’d say, and Nikki would always reply, “Yes, Ma’am.” Sandra thought as the girl pulled her close and whispered with a raspy voice.

“Make sure Lisa gets Laurie’s teddy bear, okay? And tell her I’ll be waiting for her.” Nikki smiled weakly at Sandra, who was not going to tell the girl that Lisa would be waiting in heaven for her, having passed at 5:03 that morning. Nikki pulled Sandra in for a kiss on the cheek.

“Okay, honey,” Sandra said. She turned away in a vain effort to stop her tears.

“Drea?” Nikki called out weakly…It was almost time.

“Yes, honey, here I am.” Drea wiped her face with her sweater sleeve and stepped close to the bed.

“You take care of Janet for me, okay?” Nikki had very little time left. Her eyes betrayed her tearless weeping as she struggled to speak.

“Come here, ‘kay?” Her voice was almost a raspy whisper. Drea put her ear to the girl’s lips.

“Go for it….be happy.” Drea choked back a sob and put her hand to her mouth.

“I will, honey, I will. Oh God I love you so much.”

“I know you don’t want to cry,” the girl whispered. “It’s okay…these are good tears…trust me, I’m going….to….be….alright….Kiss Irene for me…and tell her thanks.” (Irene was on her way back from New York City with a fourteen year old girl whose parents had abused repeatedly until Social Services intervened.) Irene had found Nikki’s cousin after a long search. They spoke on the phone the day before…for the first time and sadly only time. It was a touching moment that brought joy to the girl who’d brought joy to everyone at the home since her arrival.

“Janet…kiss? Like Momma, okay?” The girl struggled to raise her head, but had almost no strength left.

“Pucker up, baby girl.” Janet almost sobbed, but kept control. Nikki’s mother would tuck her in at night with a kiss on the lips.

“Kisses…” Nikki’s voice trailed off until she whispered, “Momma….Momma.” Janet looked at her.

“It’s almost time,” Janet thought. “She’s hallucinating…Oh, God.” Her thoughts were interrupted by a tug on her sleeve.

“Janet…Momma Janet.” Nikki looked up with almost sightless eyes.

“I know it’s you…I know it’s time,” Nikki said with a faint smile.

“I love you, Janet.” A moment passed as the girl squeezed Janet’s hand. The girl's hand fell back to the bed…

Janet turned and fell into Drea’s arms and wept. Her body convulsed in sheer grief. For her father’s hatred; for the loss of her own mother. Her struggles…But nothing was as sad as gaining a beautiful daughter….She was a modern-day Rachael…She had prayed to God, almost as a mantra,

“Please give me a child….”

Some might have felt that fate…or Someone had dealt Janet a cruel and teasing blow; gaining a daughter only to lose her? But Janet felt more blessed at that moment than at any other time in her life… and she wept.

As Drea held the woman in her arms, she thought of what Nikki had said, and she sobbed into her friend’s shoulder, receiving as well as giving comfort.

“Go for it…” the girl had said in her final moments. “Go for it.”

Connie was going over the paperwork for the audit scheduled on Thursday when a tall man knocked softly on the open door to the office. He wore a uniform that indicated he worked for the phone company.

“Excuse me, Miss, but can you direct me to the men’s room?” he said with a decidedly Southern accent and smiled.

“Sure...straight down the hall...” Connie paused. She had to think about which door it was.

“Third door on the left...I think.” She looked away, embarrassed needlessly. Having never used the men’s room...at least two years at last look...she had no real idea, and guessed.

“Thanks,” the man said as he exited hastily and hurried down the hallway. Two things struck Connie as she thought about the exchange. First, she realized her eyes had remained glued to his rear as he exited the office, which evoked even more embarrassment, once again needlessly. And second, she realized as she spoke her thought aloud,

“That’s the first time anyone has ever called me Miss.” This time she grew very red and covered her face with her hand.

A few minutes later she was deep in thought about an entry in the record on her laptop when another knock at the door interrupted her.

“Pardon me, Miss.” The young man stood at the door again. He smiled and continued.

“Is this the place where....where transsexuals come?” He said but with his drawl, the word came out more like, transectials, sounding like an Algebra term. Connie looked back at her laptop and hid her frown.

“Oh, god, not one of those,” she thought to herself. “I can handle this...It’s okay,” she thought again.

“Yes, this is the place.” She said, to which the man replied,

“I’m sorry...is this where girls who used to be boys come to stay?” He went on.

Connie again turned away, and her smile had turned this time to a frown. She turned back, hoping that her attempt to be cordial had spread to her face, but she was afraid her frustration was displayed instead.

“Yes...boys and men who have come to realize that they are actually women, and that they can find a refuge here.” It came out almost like the brochure, but no brochure could have matched the iciness of her tone.

“I mean...my church...” he began, but she cut him off.

“Yes, what about your church?” This was too much. He was probably one of those...those…folks she’d dealt with in the past. Old hurts rose quickly to the surface as she glared at the young man.

“Well, that’s good to know,” he said with an odd smile. “We’ve been lookin’ for opportunities to volunteer, and I see that your lawn outside is a might overgrown.” The old Toro riding mower had broken down, and it was at the shop for repair.

“Gary and I...Gary’s my cousin...Gary and I have a mowing service on the side. We’d be happy to come and mow the lawn for you ladies.” He smiled once again.

“Is this guy kidding?” she wondered. I just told him who stays here and he uses the word ‘ladies?’”

“We can come by late tomorrow, if that’s okay?” He smiled again, which caused Connie to grow less anxious, but still somewhat cautious.

“Shh...Sure, that will be fine.” Connie looked at him and grew immediately disappointed. If it weren’t for the fact that he was…well, she’d really love to get to know him.

“Okay,” the young man said as he began to back out the door.

Connie returned her attention to her laptop. She had just entered another screen when a familiar voice interrupted her a third time.

“Excuse me, Miss?” The young man stood at the doorway again.

“Yes,” she snapped impatiently. The young man paid no heed to her tone as he walked slowly up to her desk and simply said,

“Do you have any literature?” he asked. It sounded more like “literchur” causing Connie to roll her eyes. She grabbed a stack of brochures from the credenza behind her desk and handed them to him abruptly.

“Here you are,” she said finally. The young man smiled again, this time looking right into her eyes. His eyes, she noted, were almost a baby blue. His face was rugged but welcoming and she found herself staring. The young man finally spoke.

“Thank you. This means the world to me. My baby brother...sorry, my baby sister is almost sixteen and she’s really havin’ a hard time at school. Things have been rough on her since we moved here for my job. Is there anyone here who could talk to her about what she’s goin’ through?”

Connie turned away, feeling more embarrassed and not just a little ashamed. She took a breath and composed herself. Turning back, she saw the young man was still standing in front of her desk, with those big baby blues looking right into her eyes.

“Oh, yes. She can call the number on the back,” Connie pointed to the brochures in the man’s hands.

“Thanks again, Miss.” He turned to walk out but stopped at the door. Turning back once again, he said,

“Excuse me, Miss Bevaqua, would you be free for lunch?” Connie was surprised and she just said,

“Okay, I don’t know what you’re trying to pull. First, you come in here asking all sorts of questions...” She blew out a breath as the young man hung his head. Second, you’ve got to know that we only have “transectials” working here!”

She made a point of imitating his accent.

"Third, just how did you know my name; I never told you.” She folded her arms in a “go ahead, entertain me” pose, waiting for his reply.

He took a few steps closer to the desk and smiled once again.

“Well, Miss Bevaqua,” He made a point to say her name.

“I asked questions because where I come from it’s the best way to get information. Second, I already knew that you…well, like I said…my baby sister?” He smiled again and laughed softly.

Connie grew quiet, wishing there were a secret door behind her desk so she could exit the office. She looked at him once again and he said, pointing to her desk,

“I believe your nameplate says it all, Connie Bevaqua. Senior Accountant”

His smile grew broader and his laugh deeper. Connie had already shown just how red she could get...or so she thought, as she felt a very warm feeling in her cheeks.

“I am so sorry…I’m so used to people…well, you know.” She looked at him and he nodded with an understanding smile.

“Please forgive me. Have your sister call me directly, okay? Here’s my card,” Connie said, but she looked slightly down at her desk instead of him.

“So, Miss Connie Bevaqua, Senior Accountant,” he grinned once again and continued, “the offer still stands, that is if you’re allowed to date fellas like me...you know, guys that don’t mind datin’ transectials” He laughed once again and finished with,

“Oh, and my name is Eddie...Eddie Sprague. Pleased to meet you, Miss Connie Bevaqua, Senior Accountant.”

Connie sat stunned. She waited as Eddie stood in front of her desk. Finally, she offered her hand in greeting with a puzzled look.

“Hello, Eddie...I’m...pleased to meet you as well. Yes, I would love to have lunch with you sometime.” She smiled as he started to walk away. He stopped and turned.

“Oh, and Miss Bevaqua?” Eddie smiled once again.

“Yes?”

“Where I come from a gentleman never offers his hand to a pretty lady until she extends hers.” He smiled and started to walk out before turning one last time.

“I’ll be back at 12:30, okay?” He smiled and turned and was out the door before she could answer.

Connie felt the warmth leave her face as she stared at the vacant doorway for several seconds before two very important things came to her. First, this was the first real date since her transition, which was hard enough to grasp. The second realization came in the form of a statement that left her lips before she knew she was speaking.

“He said I was a lady…a pretty lady…” Characteristically, her face reddened one last time before she realized she was crying.

Drea nervously punched the number into her cell and pressed “call.” After a few moments the characteristic click came, followed by a voice that hearkened back decades, and into another life.

“Hello? Toni McGuire.”

The voice was as pleasant and melodic as Drea thought she remembered, completely unlike the actual tone from their last conversation.

“I’m sorry, Andy, but that’s the way it has to be.”

Daddy had called Toni in a last ditch effort to dissuade her from marrying Anthony Calabrese. Anthony had been Toni’s boyfriend before she met Daddy after breaking up with Anthony.

“He’s no good, Toni….you know that. Don’t make the same mistake with him…that you made with me.” Daddy’s voice trailed off as Toni said the last words he thought he’d ever here from her.

“I have to find myself, Andy.” She said quietly. “You don’t know Tony now…he’s changed.” Daddy told me she sounded like she wanted to convince herself as much as him.

“Have a great life, Andy.”

The phone went dead as Daddy stared off. He felt hopeless, but then he didn’t yet know what life had in store for him with Mommy. He just gave up hope…forever he thought.

_______________________________________________________
“Toni…it’s me, Andy.” Drea said it quietly, like she wanted her to here the difference. Decades apart fell away almost meaninglessly as Toni replied,

“Andy? I’m so glad you called. I was afraid you….that you wouldn’t want to talk to me after all these years.” Her voice, while not as melodic as Drea remembered, still sounded as sweet as she hoped.

“Janet told me you were volunteering at the home. This is so…it’s such a blessing after all these years.” She sounded excited, more than Drea had imagined.

“It is a blessing, Toni,” Drea said, feeling more than a bit awkward.

“Why don’t you come by with Janet tomorrow for dinner, for old time’s sake.” Toni almost sounded as if she was smiling.

“Oh….okay. th…that would be nice. I don’t have much to wear…I’ve…well, Janet must have told you?”

Drea looked down at herself. The rust-colored corduroy skirt and jean jacket might look fine for the Home, but not for dinner with her ex. Toni interrupted him with a soft laugh.

“Andy…I know who you are…and who you’ve become. I’m sure anything you choose from your wardrobe will be just fine.” She chortled. Drea hadn’t heard her laugh for forever.

“And Andy…just one favor?” Toni got very quiet and serious-sounding. Drea expected the worst until she heard Toni laugh once more.

“I’ll be wearing earth tones, so wear something in a soft green so we blend, okay?” She laughed once again and said finally,

“If it makes it any easier for you, I can just call you Andy with an “I” instead of a “y,” okay? See you tomorrow.” Drea closed the phone and smiled through the tears and thought,

“For old times’ sake…” She blinked back tears and remembered Nikki’s last words once again,

“Go for it.”
 
Second Chances by Trisha Yearwood

Finally — To Hope Again: A Lovely Afternoon