Games without Frontiers Preview - Part 2

After a light lunch, the kids got to decide what they wanted to do first. The three girls all wanted to go to the barn and spend time with the horses, while the four boys wanted to play in the large sports field behind the main building.

Which left me alone in the cafeteria.

Andrea sat down beside me, and said, “I heard you gave yourself a new name when you spoke at the trail of your abuser.”

I nodded.

“Would you like us to call you by that name? It's all up to you.”

I thought about it for a while, and said, “If it’s okay, I’d like to go by the name I chose.”

“As you wish. Dorothy. And would you like to wear some girl clothes while you’re here.”

I asked, “What about the other kids?”

“I believe they will understand. We will help them with that, if we need to.”

I remembered being brave on the stand, and I wanted to be that brave again. I smiled for the first time in years, and said, “Yes, I would like to wear girl clothes.”

And even though I didn’t realize it yet, I’d taken the first step toward healing.

Andrea took me to my cabin, and I picked out my first Dorothy outfit. It was a pink a-line skirt, a white top with a pink heart on it, ankle socks, and runners with pink stripes on the sides.

Once I was properly dressed, Andrea asked me what I wanted to do, and I said I would join the girls at the barn, and meet the horses.

“The ‘other’ girls, am I right?” Andrea asked.

“Am I a girl?” I asked.

“Only you know at this point.” She replied.

“I am struggling with that. That doctor . . . “

“Was a rapist, and a psychopath. Don’t base your choices on him” Andrea said.

I took a deep breath, and said, “Okay, then I’m one of the girls”

“Sounds good,” Andrea said, “Let's go see the horses.”

All the horses were amazing, but the one I was drawn to the most was a Shetland Pony named Talia.

I learned that Talia had a soft spot for popcorn, so when I gave her a little she decided I was her best friend, and let me ride her.

Riding a horse, even a smaller one like Talia, was an amazing experience. I didn’t feel like it was a master-servant or even an owner-pet type of relationship, but a true partnership with full trust on both sides.

During my abuse I had pulled away from the outside world as much as possible, becoming mostly numb, and even during the trial I had difficulty connecting to what was happening, but that first ride on Talia, I felt truly alive for the first time in years.

But there was a moment after we all had rides that was just as good. None of the other girls had so much as blinked at my name and clothing change, and once we were headed back to the main building they made it clear they saw me as just another girl.

I was alive, I was free, and I was accepted as Dorothy.

Anything seemed possible.