SRU: The Big Mall

Edmonton isnt the first place you think of when you think “tourist destination” But there is one site that brings people from all over the world to see it - The Big Mall. Its real name is West Edmonton Mall, but nobody calls it that. Its always just been - The Big Mall. At one time, it was the biggest in the world, and I think its still in the top three.

I’m not sure if words do it justice, but the place is … HUGE. It has a rollercoaster, an enormous wave pool, a large carnival with rides and games, two food courts, a couple of movie theater complexes …. and of course, shops. Lots of shops. Some seen nowhere else in the city. So I was almost not surprised when a certain magic shop opened up in the mall...

My encounter started quite innocently enough. I was parking my car, and I saw this woman struggling with a bunch of boxes. She wasn’t really well dressed for the weather, at least in terms of her footwear. Her heels were pretty high, and they obviously had no grip, as I could tell even before she slipped and fell.

Being the kind of person I am, I went over, and asked, “You okay? You need help?”

“I’m alright. but I could use a hand.”

I helped her to her feet, and together we gathered her boxes, and headed for the mall entrance.

“You know, most people are taking stuff out of the mall. Are you having to return all this stuff?” I asked.

“No. I got sent on a run for supplies, I have no idea why.” she said.

“Supplies?” You have a new store?”

“You could say that.”

“Cool. Let me help you then.”

“Thanks. Its this way.”

It didn’t take too long until we found ourselves in front of The Store. Spells “R” Us. It was quietly nestled beside a card shop and a outdoor equipment store, and the shoppers were ignoring the heck out of it.

It looked exactly like all the stories describe it, right down to the backwards “R” on the door. I stood in front of it trying to decide if I was dreaming or not until my companion said “Come on. Bring that stuff in.”

I shook my head to clear it, and went in.

“Over here is fine.” she said.

I put the boxes down in front of the till, and then turned, intending to get the heck out of here when I heard His voice.
“No need to leave so quickly, Elizabeth. “ he said.

“So he’s a she?” the girl said.

“Only in my head, sadly.” I said.

She took a look at me and said, “That must suck.”

“It does.”

“I could help you with that.” the Wizard said.

I looked at him. The descriptions of him dont really do him justice. Most stories describe him as looking like a crazy old man in a bathrobe, but I saw something much more than that. In fact he reminded me of ….

“Gandolf? Really?” He said.

“Yeh. Like him, you hide your true power.”

He graced me with a smile.

“So that’s why you sent me out for supplies. To bring her here.” the girl stated.

“Indeed, apprentice.”

“Look. Its nice to meet you and all, but I should get going.”

“Back to a life that’s killing you.” The Wizard said.

“I don’t have a lot of choices.” I said, trying to keep the tears from my eyes.

“You could take advantage of this situation and buy something. You have a pretty good idea how my merchandise tends to work.”

“No. I can’t. If you turn me into a girl, my son would not exist, and no future happiness of mine would be worth that trade.”

“I could give you something to help you with your ex. I know her opposition to your transition is a big reason you haven’t done anything yet.”

“If you did that, she wouldn’t be the individual she is, which would be the same as killing her. Not something I want to be responsible for, even indirectly.”

“Wow. I’ve never seen anybody so unwilling to help themselves.” the girl said.

“You don’t know the half of it, apprentice. This is why I wanted to meet her. Its been a long time since I had someone who poses this much of a challenge.”

“Look. Its not like I dont want to be whole. I just cant hurt anybody in the process. And since I cant figure out how to be whole without hurting people, I just …”

“have decided to hurt yourself, instead.”

I looked at the floor in response.

He came up to me, and put a hand on my shoulder. “What will you do, then, Elizabeth? Go on as you are until you suffer a breakdown, or try to kill yourself, again? How much pain are you willing to live with?”

“I can’t hurt them. I’m sorry. I just can’t Maybe I’m just a coward afraid of change. But I can’t.”

“All right, child. Go in peace.”

I fled the store.

Once I was in the mall proper, I cursed myself as I ran away from the store. Finally, I found a handy bench, and collapsed onto it, and heedless of the crowd around me, I wept openly. How could I have been so foolish? Given a chance to have my dreams come true, I turned it down? And if there had been any negative fallout, I could blame the wizard. It would be his fault, not mine, after all.

I got off the bench, and staggered to my car. It was probably a good thing I don’t live far way, a person shouldn’t drive in the emotional state I was in. But I managed to make it home without killing anybody else. I sat down at my computer to to turn it on, and stopped. Most of the time, when my male life got too much, I’d go to one trans fiction site or another, looking for some escapism into fantasy.

Except it wasn’t fantasy, any more. I had met the Wizard. I’d had been in the SRU store. It was real, and yet when I was given the chance to be my true self, I ran away.

I crawled into bed, and wept until I fell asleep.

It was morning when I woke, and I realized I hadn’t gotten the things I had gone to the mall for in the first place. And since I had only one more day off before I would have to go back to work, I needed to go back and face it.

At that moment, something happened within me.

I changed.

I decided I would go out in public as my real self, for the first time, ever.

I went to my rather pathetic collection of feminine items, and picked out the best I had, and went to the mall. For a moment, I thought I probably looked pretty stupid, but then I realized, I was simply beyond caring anymore.

I went to the mall, and focused on the task at hand, ignoring the other patrons as I went from store to store.

After a while, I realized something. Nobody was pointing at me. Nobody was calling me names. In stores, I got called “Ma’am”, and “Miss”. I started wondering, had the Wizard done something? I finished my shopping, took it to my car, and then went back in, looking for the store.

To my great surprise, it was still there.

I went in, and He was behind the register, and his assistant was straightening up.

“Hay. You clean up nice, as they say.” his assistant said.

“Thanks. Wizard, did you do this?”

“I’m afraid not. This was all you.”

“Say what?”

“Child, a lot of what you call ‘passing’ is about confidence. You didn’t care what anyone thought. With fear out of the way, You could see yourself as an ordinary woman, going about her business, and that’s what others saw.”

“So.... what happens now?”

“Up to you. You could still buy something, if you wanted.”

“No. Now that I know I can go out like this, I think I can do the rest. It’ll take longer, but it’ll cause less damage to the people I love.”

“Then all I can give you is my blessing. Good luck, Elizabeth.”

His apprentice came over, and gave me a hug. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” I said, and left the shop.

I went home, wrapped my Christmas gifts, and prepared for my son’s arrival the next night. Once I was done, I figured I would relax, and find a good fiction story to read.

I logged on, and found I had a pretty full mailbox, and figured I better clean it out first. At the top was a message with no title, so I clicked on it.

It was from the Wizard.

It read; “If you ever decide you need a little help, just say my name. W.”

“Thanks, Wizard. But you’ve already gave me all the help I really needed.” I replied out loud.

The message changed, and said, “As you wish.”

I shook my head. “I’m rather glad I don’t deal with magic every day.” I thought. Then I read the rest of my mail, and decided to hit my bed.

Tomorrow would be another day.