(aka Bike) Part 1913 by Angharad Copyright © 2012 Angharad
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I collected the girls and told them we were having a guest to dinner who was important to Daddy, so I would change them into tidy clothes and they would have to behave. If they didn’t, Daddy and I would be so cross, they wouldn’t get a birthday present until they were at least twenty five. The latter threat seemed to focus their little minds.
“Twenty five, that’s like ancient,” gasped Trish.
“It’s older than ancient,” agreed Livvie.
“Do you mind, I’m twenty nine and far from ancient,” I added.
“Aaarrrgh,” they both squealed and Mima squealed as well. I was surprised the windscreen was still intact, Jaguar must make tougher ones than I thought. Sadly, God doesn’t and my hearing felt like I’d just walked into a stun grenade.
I think my ears had just about recovered by the time we got home and I sent the girls up to change and do their homework. When Danny strolled in looking like two teams of giants had used him as the football in a match which involved kicking him through a muddy hedge, I sent him straight up to shower. While he was in the shower, I took his dirty clothing down to the washer.
David was looking very pleased with himself. “I hope your guest eats pork.”
“Why?”
“I’ve just cooked a suckling pig.” It smelt absolutely delicious.
“How did you cook it here?”
“I didn’t, I got them to let me do it at the hotel in Southsea–it’s amazing how your name opens doors?”
“What Cameron?”
“No, your name, Lady Catherine.”
“Oh,” was all I managed to say, “How come?”
“Because you’re so nice to them and give them all good reports, they want to please you.”
And keep their jobs, I didn’t add. “I shall write and thank them for their assistance.”
“No need, they hadn’t done a spit roast for ages, so I sort of did a free teaching session for them.”
“Where did you get the poor little piggy?”
“It was already deceased.”
“Poor thing–fancy being born so some two legged oik can kill you just for food.”
“In nature, the oiks are usually four legged and roar quite loudly.” David reminded me that life is a precarious business if you’re young and tasty.
“So, is everything ready?”
“It is, just waiting for his lordship to arrive–I’ll carve and Ingrid will serve, so you lot can all sit down together.”
I felt uncomfortable with this arrangement–I didn’t like to think of them as servants, rather just my staff or helpers. “When will you get to eat?”
“Don’t worry, Ingrid, Hannah and I will eat in the kitchen, don’t worry, we’ll have plenty.”
“I don’t like this very much,” I said my egalitarian conscience declared.
“This is a special occasion for Simon. You treat us really well, so on the odd occasion, neither Ing or me worry about touching our forelocks, milady.”
“Thank you,” I nodded and blushed. He went back to the kitchen chuckling. Even the bloody servants run rings round me.
Danny wore the clothes I left out for him and I explained this was important to Simon for it to go well. He said he understood and would behave himself. I chased the girls up to change and wash–not necessarily in that order. Their homework was complete and Danny went off to do his in my study.
At six, Julie and Phoebe arrived and I chased them up to change into decent outfits–they ran upstairs squealing with pleasure–they love dressing up.
Stella shrugged and put on a dress, Pud and Fi were already quite nattily dressed. I asked Jacquie to wear something decent as well and she rolled her eyes but went off to change.
“What about you, Mummy, are you wearing jeans?” asked Trish.
I glanced down–oh poo, and I’m sure I heard Simon’s car arrive. I dashed up the stairs and stripped off, flinging clothes everywhere. I washed and re-combed my hair putting it up in very quick sweep. I chucked on some eyeliner and mascara and some lippy, then pulled on an olive green velvet dress with short sleeves and a scooped neck. I slipped into black court shoes and threw on a few bits of jewellery and a squirt of No 5. I was downstairs in ten minutes. It was Tom.
He was very reluctant to change, having just come from a meeting with the Professorial committee. I pleaded with him and he shook his head and went off to put on a clean shirt and tie–one without chicken curry down it.
Simon eventually arrived with his colleague who was a man of about thirty six, with a good head of dark brown hair and a goatee beard. He introduced us and I suddenly had a little worry about the dinner. Simon was playing thick as I tried to induce him away from his guest to discuss the menu.
Just then Stella entered with her two little uns. “Geoff, is that you?” she gasped.
“Stella, Stella Cameron, what a delightful coincidence.”
“You two know each other,” seemed superfluous. I left them to it and dragged Simon into the dining room where David was putting the final touches to the table. “He’s a Jew, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, but so what? You’re the last person I’d expect to be anti-Semitic.”
“I’m not, but it would have helped if you’d told me earlier.”
“Why?” he looked bemused.
“Because David has spent all day cooking a bloody pig, that’s why.”
“Yeah, so.”
“Pigs aren’t kosher, are they?”
Simon gave me a funny look and then the penny dropped, “Oh shit.”
“He’s going to look a bit silly having an omelette while the rest of us are eating pork. You find out if it’s a problem, while I ask David what he could do quickly as a back up.”
Simon swallowed hard and went out to try and part his guest from Stella who was in deep conversation with him.
David had some steak he could do which wouldn’t take long, it was pin-bone. I thanked him and he thought it was so funny no one had wondered about religious eating habits. I said I’d give him the nod to do the steak if necessary.
I wandered out and found Simon and Geoff, as he like to be called, in animated discussion. Geoff laughed out loud, “Not a prob, old man–had bacon for breakfast.”
After the last minute crisis, the dinner was superb. The poor little piglet was delicious and everyone had loads of meat, including Geoff, who was a lapsed Jew. He sent his compliments to the chef, which pleased David no end–it also meant Simon would give him a bonus at the end of the month. The same with Ingrid who wore a white blouse and black skirt to serve at table, David being in his official chef outfit complete with floppy hat.
“How the other half live,” commented Geoff, “I couldn’t afford to run a chef and waitress.”
“Oh half the staff are off tonight,” said Stella, lying through her teeth.
“Goodness, Chez Cameron is well equipped.”
“Oh yes, Geoff, the two nannies are off today and the maid is also away with the butler,” offered Stella and I nearly blew it by choking on my wine.
When the two men went off to Tom’s study to do business, I collared Stella. “What’s with all the bullshit about servants, and how do you know him?”
“His brother is a doctor, they’re the most stuck up arseholes you could ever meet. The most fun I ever had with either was giving his brother Oliver a shot of penicillin because he’d caught a nasty after sleeping with some girl at a party.”
“So you don’t like him?”
“Like him? Do you mind–he’s about as likeable as plague.”
“But you seemed to be making eyes at him.”
“I want Si to get the business whatever it is, once he does, I’ll tell Geoff what an arsehole I think he is.”
“Just wait until the ink’s dry, won’t you?”
“I think I’d better take my two little ones off to bed, don’t you?” With that she made what is commonly referred to as a tactical withdrawal.
Comments
Oh, my...
David out did himself putting the dinner together. Simon's lucky the guest didn't have dietary restrictions. That's something he SHOULD have checked on (and passed on). *sighs* Guess he's not a stickler for detail. :-(
Stella's reaction was typical Stella... That she knows the guy (and why) is interesting. Surprised Simon didn't mention it either. Makes me wonder what Simon was up to ...
Thanks,
Annette
Uh, Bonzi ...
"David reminded me that life is a precarious business if you’re young and tasty."
Maybe not all animals are tasty, but I think they are all born or hatched young.
True, I've met a few people who seem to have skipped over childhood directly to old.
Holly
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Holly
just a thought
I was told that babies of all kinds, and cute or cuddley, for a reason. The adults feel sorry for them and don't kill them. This includes kittens, puppies and human babies, among others, where there is parental care.
Now, I am wondering about
Geoff, Simon & Stella. I am guessing that Simon simply forgot about Geoff's Jewish heritage as he probably did not follow proper Jewish practices. But were Geoff and Stella ever romantically involved?
May Your Light Forever Shine
Geoff
I seem to be on Stella's side as to how I feel about him. And what about the other bank? Where is it? Could Geoff be spying out the house for Cortez, using bank business to hide his real purpose? And where is James?
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
Which Doctors are the bastiest nastards?
I can't seem to remember. The orthopedic surgeon I has swore like a marine, but he did me right. He was a right bully to the staff though. I think most male shrinks are letcherous perverts. Ah what the hell.
G
Exotic guests.
It's hilarious having exotic guests coming to dinner cos the menue can be fraught with pitfalls. Glad I'm atheist and unencumbered with any silly dietary restrictions. Must confess I detest snobs, fortunately I usually frequent the lowest orders of society where I'm not likely to meet many snobs. Additionally the more interesting people are usually to be found amongst the bad and the ugly. They usually know how to enjoy themselves.
Good story Ang though I'm wondering where this new guest will take the story.
Still lovin' it.
Bevs.
XXX
Believe me, Mattie and Lexa my two friends below, are NOT snobs.
Once upon a time...
I had a similar experience. A good friend who I knew was a Jew of Soviet extraction(circa '91 or so) was coming over to fiddle around with some stuff associated with a research project he was working on. He'd promised to bring The best Vodka he could get and good beer, so we were set, I'd laid in a good supply of burgers and such, several of them bacon-free...
He wound up grabbing one of the ones with bacon hanging out and I mentioned it before he took a bite, just in case he hadn't noticed. He grinned at me and says "I'm not that kind of Jew!" before taking a huge bite...
Good times... Last I heard from him he was in Haifa on another project.
Thanks for the story and always wanting more!
Abby
On Being Jewish and the Dietary Restrictions
My dear Daddy was Jewish, and we used to eat bacon and eggs for breakfast every day - for him it was like a religious requirement to do so. Both my parents' families more or less cast them out for the dreadful sin of falling in love and getting married, and my sister and I were raised as atheists. Part of my teenage rebellion was exploring my Jewish roots, but eventually I saw the light - of scientific truth - and accepted that there was no magic superbeing behind the clouds looking after us all - if there was he would deserve a punch on the nose for doing it so badly !
Some of the foods that my Daddy's relations had were really nice, and they taught me me how to cook them when I used to visit them when I was at Uni, which was just round the corner from where they lived. In Jewish law one's Jewishness is inherited from the mother, so technically I am a Goy. But after WW2 most branches were quite keen to recruit new members, after losing 5 000 000 in Europe. There are lots of different sects just like in christianity and islam, and only the Orthodox follow all the dietary rules now, the Reform and the Liberal ones do not. You could compare these three main branches with the RCs, the CoEs, and the Methodists, approximately. My cousins on my father's side celebrated both Hanukkah and Christmas, but relations of Daddy's generation were not allowed to have an xmas tree and presents and all that.
As we all got older the relatives on both sides became more friendly towards us, and my Sister and I both enjoyed all the festivals but remained unbelievers nevertheless, until my Sister married a man who suddenly got dragged into a born again christian sect. I understand that after their preacher got them to contribute to the cost of a car for him to drive to Africa in, and he then vanished with car and a lot of money, she has returned to being dubious about being a believer although her husband apparently still is one! Some people cannot be helped !
Briar
Dietary limitations should evolve
Probably there were good reasons for some things being considered 'not kosher' but farm husbandry has improved a lot so it is obviously more a case of tradition than anything that Jews consider pigs still 'unclean'.
It goes to show how blindly following past practices in the name of religious conformance is just silly.
Kim
Keeping up ritual practices
I believe that what dietary or ritual practices are observed is totally up to the individual, with the proviso that this does not harm anyone. To think otherwise is, IMHO, indulging in somewhat prejudicial behaviour.
What you choose to believe is what you choose to believe, and with the proviso above, it is none of my business what you do or do not believe. Criticising these belief systems is, in many cases, not unlike blaming the victim of some outrage for what happened to them.
FWIW, I am Jewish, but of a very secular variety. However my belief system is, in many facets, strongly influenced by the ethical principles which are very much part of Judaism regardless of one's degree of religious practice. In that sense I am definitely not a lapsed Jew...
The above is not meant as a rebuke to Kimmie's comment, but rather as a pointer to look further at the possible consequences of calling the practices of others 'silly, or even worse things like 'stupid', 'misguided' or even 'evil'.
Typical Cathy
so busy getting the children ready she forgot herself, Mind you the one thing being parent does teach you is the art of getting ready in a hurry, Many is the time i found myself in a similar position when getting the children ready for school, Thankfully those days are in the past now and very soon its my children who will have that problem, They tell me they are so organized that it won't happen to them .... Seeing is believing .
Kirri