I met a girl the other day and can not get her name off my mind. She's HalaMaksoud and a real mystery to me. Saying her name seems best when pronounced to the beat of Bedouin Drums. HalaMaksoud, HalaMaksoud, HalaMaksoud...just seems to become a chant. Can't you see Her/my hips shimy like...oooooh, mmmmm giggle.
In an effort to get out of this whiny assed, needs a whippin' blue funk, I am working on the next installment. Expect action, like you ain't seen no shit like this befo'. It's going to be one of those "leave the ladies faint" episodes with much funk and gore.
I have become aware that a number of the parents that I know have followed the same protocal as in the story. Happily, all the boys have tired of the practice and moved on to other things. I wonder what sort of teens, men, husbands these males will be?
I am sitting here feeling very confused and disillusioned. I am no longer sure that any of this transgender stuff is anything but a delusional fantasy. The thing that makes it really bitter is that I believed it all. I'd had these drives for 57 of my 61 years and my siblings say it was evident even before that. I'd been led to believe that the solution for the problem was the surgery that I had.
I got myself invited to work as an assistant to a person who does Shibari rope bondage. :) Yyyyaaaayyyyy ! ! ! Did I have fun? Yeeeesssssss! All I really did was recoil the ropes as they were untied from the person who had been tied up. It was my first experience with anything like this and it was soooo much fun.
The guys at work liked Ernie. Without much conversation at all, they always knew he was somehow different, but he could outwork any operator there, and he was good for a little joking now and then. Would Ernie's secret ruin everything?
The other night I was watching the award winning "House" drama, and there was a bit about a kid with Asperger's syndrome. Well, it piqued my curiosity because most of the symptoms mentioned sounded like an inventory of my life.
I am looking for a maker of corsets that someone has had good luck with. Romantasy seems nice but I do not know them. I am thinking that it could be a nice little train ride to go down there.
Can anyone make a recomendation for the Western Half of the US or ??
Andrea James is a young transwoman whose career I have followed for a few years. My first impression of her was that she was another man struggling to make a new life, and at first it seemed somehow flawed. My heart went out to her; and my wishes for her to succeed.
A few weeks ago, I saw a clip with her in it. Her voice was flawless, and she was pretty; no trace of "Frank" there.
I wrote this late at night, worn out from a very disappointing day. All I knew, and it is my only Anchor, was that my suffering is no different from others I know here. I was in utter despair with tears flooding my vision. Much to my total astonishment, some of you enjoyed it. I am non-plused by your reactions, but thank you.
I am sharing these following details so that those who have not completed this journey will either be too frightened to continue or go into SRS with a more realistic view. Had I realized how significantly different my experience would be from what others had described, perhaps I would have thought things out more thouroghly, though I doubt that it would have changed my ultimate destination.
It's finally happened. I normally use the computer 8-10 hours a day; done it for a couple years and had no propblem. Suddenly, my right arm and shoulder are hurting like there is a daemon loose in my body, and my left is not far behind. I hope this resolves soon.
It is just awful, since those of you who write deserve generous comments, but they won't be coming from me for a while.
Was just thinking about some of the old music that I missed experiencing, because I was a Fundi. You know, ZZ Top, Led Zeplin, Queen, The Village People, just to mention a few.
I have a powerful need for contact with other human beings, and in spite of my own personal fear of rejetion, that need drags me out of my apartment and into the public. Inadvertently, I have spent thousands of hours working with a group called,"The City Repair Project", and have made dozens of friends. Oh, I am 61 and they are all in the 18 to 30 Age group, so my social contacts with them are less than what I would like but we have worked on several projects together. The good part of this is that they have seen a transwoman who is socially together enough to be a viable positive force in their organization
It is something that they needed to see, and I like to hope that little actions in many different places by transwomen will ease the way for all of us.
I know that each of us grapple with the question; "who are we"? I think I am doing OK; at least as well as most other people. Those of you who know of my past brush with Islam, may also know that it left a deep, smoking, brand on my heart. I am talking of the stated philosophy, not of the weirdos, kooks and murderers who get all the attention.
I posted this as a comment to "Who Was I", and then realized that it may be for a wider readership.
My dears, coming out as a T girl can be extremely hard for most of us. Perhaps coming out in our teens is easier but I don't see how it could be. Now, into my 4th year fully out, I can see a posible future for myself. Before was all about death and dying.
After a conversation with my estranged son, I have walked around for two days with tears in my eyes and finally I decided that I had to do something to pull myself out of the pity party.
Well, I have discovered Elizabethan Language. It is so waaaay cool.
So, if any of you wish to address me in Elizabethan English, I would be terribly pleased !
I have decided to try to be of some help here at BC, so I am going to offer to proof writer's stories for them. I just want to say up front that I am NOT an English teacher, but most people tell me that I write like a professional (Doncha just love to be flattered?), so I would love to help out.
Please let me assure you that I am not suicidal. This is something I wrote when I was absolutely dismayed about the revelation that I was transgendered. I think many of you will identify with the feelings.
Once you think your goals are meet
Evil men entangle your feet
You are then beset by strife
They make a shambles of your life
"Julie was looking to where Martin was going and almost fainted. There were two snipers and an officer up there. They seemed to be getting ready to take a shot at Grok!
She let out an uncontrolled shriek and dove at Grok. “They are going to shoot you!!!”. About that time, there was a shot but it fell to the floor in back of Grok. Apparently, he had some sort of personal shield. There was another shot and one of the little children fell to the floor with blood running out of her chest."
I've grown an inch and a quarter ! Keeping my weight down is very serious business because the docs tell me that when the pain gets intolerable, they will put in Herrington Rods. Sure there have probably been less invasive advancements in Medicine. I recently heard of plastic Vertebra. I still am not attracted to the surgery theatre. This return to my old height is a very good sign for me.
Over the almost year that I have been here, I have tried to become more faithful with comments at the end of other's stories.
I just happened to notice that my latest installment here, "MS Frankenstein" has had 614 reads but 2 comments. Admittedly, the story is not that well put together, so I can understand somewhat. Episode 2 will be greatly improved.
This is the first story I ever published on line. I first put it in storysite in 2001. I was still mucking around with a name then and sometimes used Credence Browne. I think I will keep her alive as a character.
I can't read this story myself with out reliving the feelings of terror and lostness that I felt at that time. This was an extremely bleak time in my life; forcing myself to live the life that others wanted me to but knowing full well that it was not me.
I want to warn some of you that this may be triggering. I know it is for me. It is also from the depths of my heart in a time when I was not medicated into stupor. Now I am coming off all my meds and feeling really vulnerable and frightened. I will adapt and learn to be a happy person again.
I have been wringing my hands about this, hopefully not like some drama queen, and have changed my sign on to match my pen name. I can not nessessarily articulate all the reasons why but it just feels better this way.
Not that I think I am any different from many of the rest of the girls here, but the very realization that I have become a far different person than I was is such a pleasant surprise. IMHO, I am probably the ultimate girly girl or try to be. I'd be the girl wearing a frothy mountain of lace to a prom dance. I'd love to be carried to my car if the puddles were too yucky.
I was astonished yesterday to find that my identity can be traced all the way past my IP(?), even to the identity of my PC. I had joined a website forum on about.com and then got an email that showed all this information to me. It was just shocking.
When I was in Bangkok getting my SRS from Dr Kamol, I was looking in the mirror one day, about a week post op. I noticed that my upper lip was absolutely straight; no cupids bow at all.
I try to be the most loving and friendly person I can but once in a while I just blow it so bad that the enormity of what I have done simply plagues me for days. I am afraid that this is one that I will have to go back and fix if I get the oportunity.
I think it is a must read for pre-ops. I knew there would be a period or remorse or "Post part um depression, :) and I am dealing with it. I am most certainly NOT talking to the family about it.
So this means that I could nurse my own baby. I have this fantasy about being captured by a powerful business woman who is pregnant and given the job of nursing her child. I really would love to do it.
They say I am a little loopy, but perfectly harmless.
This afternoon, I am doing some very casual research into my families history. I have two other full blood brothers among the crowd of my family. Their names are Aven and Logan. I was extremely surprised to find that both of those names, along with mine, are Celtic women's names.
I have Chapter 2 of Desert Princess almost ready to post but I am thinking that it needs an edit first. Erin has done my other work, but I think she may be waaaaay to busy right now, what with,,,,, so I am not even going to ask.
Would anyone else care to have a look before the chapter has its first blush? I am thinking that this is the end.
Years ago, in my super masculine stage, I had a wonderful hill climbing motorcycle called an OSSA. It seemed that for every hour of run time, I had three hours of repairs to make.
I am home again from SRS in Thailand. I loved the trip and it was about as recreational as surgery can be. I did learn some things about navagating the SRS maze that may help someone who has been fighting the system without success.
One thing I did learn is that the Harry Benjamin rules can miss classify a person. Sure it is probably the best effort to protect a person that they have but in my case, it prolonged things unnessesarily.
I am recuperating from Surgery in Bangkok, Thailand and even though I have no experience with other surgeons, I would say that my experience with Dr Kamon at MtfSurgery is most satisfactory. Any one wishing to inquire would be well treated.
“Logan, Mom said I could sit out and watch the stars with you.” Little Gwinn said. “Oh, go back into the house and suck your bottle.”
“But Logan, Mom said” Gwinn exclaimed hotly! Tears were welling up in his huge doll like eyes and his throat was getting sore from being upset. “I don’t use a bottle anymore either.”
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.