Gwen Brown

Spying, paranoia and things in our stories.

In writing, sometimes I get so involved in the plot that I fear I am going round the bend sometimes. Part of that is due to the fact that lately while doing research for my stories, I have found out things that are even more astonishing than what I have written!

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Story idea up for grabs

THIS IS A STORY IDEA FOR ANYONE WHOSE MUSE IS UNINSPIRED

Little Johnny was a special little child. At three he had the vocabulary of a 4th grader and had begun on the Piano; doing astonishingly well for someone with hands so tiny. At 4 he realized that his thing was an outie and his sisters, a year younger than he, had none. Hmmmm

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A little confused.

I don't want to whine. It is just confusing how life goes some times.

I don't do bars, dope, steal, or stalk anyone. I live in a little apartment, own a little car, go to Prayer on Friday, and help anyone who asks me if I can. So, no drama if I can help it. I don't drink or do Pot. Not that I am so holy; I am just a boring person.

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OMG, my brain is fried!

I don't know what happened to me! It is not my fault, I did nothing wrong! My intentions were pure before Allah SWT!

It was pure boredom, and in total desparation, that I turned that glass thing on in the living room, and after a short time found myself laughing until my sides split. And to my total shock found that the program I was watching was called "Friends"! OH MY! What has happened to me! I solemly swear that I never watched that program before because it causes brain damage to anyone I know who has watched it.

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Americans living in the UK?

If there is a yank living in the UK, would you please contact me? I am going to live in Cleveland until May, and am entertaining the idea of just living temporarily in a few different places as long as my health holds out. Yesterday, the Doc said that I could go 20 or 30 years, and if that is the case, I will wear my chair out long before then if I keep sitting in it. There is not a single member of my family who would want to know about me.

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XXY

I was absolutely shocked to see a movie had been made about XXY Gene combination in one young child. Sadly, me espanole es muy poqinto :(

Yes folks this movie is in Spanish. Can it be that they do not have their collective heads up their asses like English speaking countries do?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0995829/

Those who can, enjoy.

Much Peace

Khadijah Gwen

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To The Administrators.

One of our Authors has taken me by the hand and led me to a place on this site that I did not know exists. It is indeed a very pleasant surprise to find a spot in the "Add Stories" um thingie, that says TG Universes and series.

Would it be posible to have a tab that would take us to those Universes so that we might read the the stories?

Much Peace.

Khadijah Gwen

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British Military Experience

Are there any contributors here who have British Military experience? I was in the US ARMY in the 60's, so I know about general military stuff in America. I get the impression that , at least for a Leftenant the atmosphere in the British Army is considerably more professional and far less militaristic than the US Army. It is also my impression that if a soldier gets fed up, they can simply resign and go home.

I also do not know about a Leftenant taking a post on a Heavy Machine Gun for a short while because one of his men had another short task.

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The bit about your fingers ... Bullshit!

Well, I have been looking at a lot of hands lately, ever since I heard that guy's ring fingers are longer than their pointer fingers. Well, in a week, I have seen three women with guy fingers. One of them has a baby, and the other two are either extremely good T girls or genetic women. And, to top it off, I know a guy with so called girl hands.

Hmmmmm

Gwen

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DSM-5 and GID protocols.

OK, I try to read this and just start crying. Does it mean that things will get better for us?

http://www.gidreform.org/dsm5.html

http://groups.google.com/group/transgender-news/browse_threa...

Here is a seminar that is exploring the new Protocols. It is in Phily.

http://proposals.trans-health.org/m/

Gwen

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Transgeder Treatment Protocols

I find myself feeling rather fearful and nervous about meeting I am attending at 12:00 today.

The purpose of it is to comment on Treatment Protocols for the GBLT set at OHSU, here in Portland. I don't find myself feeling very charitable toward them as I think they are a pretentious, self important bunch. They seem to filter everything one of us says with filters that put some sort of bizarre Freudian spin on it.

They seemed to feel rather insulted when I walked away from them and went on to actually have a real life, and without their mind numbing drugs.

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Afghanistan, War, TG, Police, Drug War, Sci Fi, Conversion.

I have been working on a story for me that is in a very different voice, and feels very different than anything I have ever written. It is action, funk and gore, Sci Fi and lots of other devices that I have never used. I am just a little concerned that where I take the end will offend some of you. It is not intended. I am an American Citizen, a Veteran, and very loyal to the US.

I thought I had it finished a couple weeks ago, but then my muse drug me off to Worcester for a month. GAH ! My protag really needed shopping therapy! LOL My research has been exausting

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Our Dark Shadow

Here I am thinking that I had put my Dark Shadow away when I came out, had SRS, and began living as a woman. In the last few years I have really tried to cultivate my spiritual side and to really begin to understand more about God or who ever did this humanity thing.

Still, from time to time, I have really felt something pulling at me from deep inside; something that I have tried so very hard to put away but it is still in there waiting for the tiny spark that would trigger a bonfire in my soul. It is there lurking and sometimes I get really frightened by it.

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Needed: A mushy romantic romance. :)

I'd really like to see one of our good authors write a story from the point of view of a Big Hunky Manly Man who meets a special girl. At first he doesn't suspect at all, though she is sort of Tom Boyish. He likes her brashness, and sturdiness, but he is also attracted to her kindness, modesty and bright mind.

Maybe she's a lady fire fighter, or landscaper girl, or Doctor, or even a Fighter Pilot?

The whole point is they meet, work together for a long time and then he finds he is becoming attached to her and ... well good things happen to her after that.

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What goes around, comes around.

I know that it is not good form to cheer at the misfortune of another; forbidden in my religion, but I could not resist this. Maybe this is simply justice being administered in an unusual way?

http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/crime/2010/05/05/ac.kaye.wh... After so much crowing for racial purity and morality ...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alvin-mcewen/anti-gay-organiza...

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Laughing At My Predicament Not Allowed!

So, this week end, I got a call from my Brother and he needed my help. Well, actually he did not need my help, he wanted me to change the window motors and the Alternator on his Ford Pick Up. He was not intending to help. He gets to angry and frustrated with these things. Well, I wanted to say I couldn't do it because I'm a girl, but to be fair, he has the mechanical aptitude of a Frog.

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No more SKYPE?

Having used SKYPE for years, I am seeing a pattern that makes me wonder. I do not know if it is their fault or if my little "EeePC" is simply not up to the task. It's a funny little machine, runs XP, and is pretty slow. The screen really is too small for my eyes, so for a long time I used an auxilary screen. I use it mostly for running the programs that I do not want on my good machine. Itunes lives there, and SKYPE does too.

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Will it get better?

Let's just be clear about this. There is no thought or implication of doing the "S" thing, OK?

I know that others have faced what I did a couple weeks ago. And usually after a period of bemoaning my circumstances, I have managed to bounce back fairly rapidly. But, this time just feels like a mortal wound in my soul.

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Caster ... "WTF look whose talkin' "

I am so "NOT SPORTS" that I never ever, ever never thought I would be writing on the olympics. I was looking for something else today and happened upon a photo of Caster Semena at the finish line with the defeated trailing out behind her. I have just tried very hard to ignore the whole debacle, but now that I have seen the other competitors, GAD, look whose talking? Many of her competitors look more muscled and masculine than her! So, what is going on here? Is it really about her Kariotype or is it just about sore losers?

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I don't understand this?

Um' well, I understand the idea behind overclocking a CPU and infact used a machine for several years that had been overclocked by a friend of mine who was an INTEL engineer. That was 1998 or so. So here is this video, but I don't understand what they are saying about it. Does it mean that they are running a 300 Hz chip at 5000 Hz?

http://www.custompcblog.com/industry-news/what-is-coltan-tan...

Much Peace

Gwen

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Am I getting edited and unpubbed a lot?

In the past few days, I have been called "irritating, arrogant, and other stuff". I noticed that my last two posts have not survived. So, is someone deleting me, or am I simply, stupidly not hitting the second screen? I know that some of you don't like me, but... I dunno?

Gwen

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UM, I'm OK now?

Well, I had to try to live as a Man again; try to get my family back; and try to find balance in my life.

  1. I found out that Female is the balance in my life.
  1. I found out that my family's issue with me was not about my being a woman, but about the lies that my x told about me. I don't even know what those lies were, because my son won't tell me. Is this familiar to any of you?
  1. I got 5 years of hair growth taken off. She gave me a lesbian hair cut. She thought I was a FtM.

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No More SKYPE

I used to use SKYPE a lot; spending hours talking to my friends. I used to talk to one of my friends in Qatar, who is a patron of BC, and another who lives in Saudia, plus several people here in the US. Then the service overseas, began to gradually deteriorate, and then the finally in the states. It got so I kept it on and mostly talked only to those who called me on it, if the service was working that day.

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Are there FtM's here? OH So HOT!

I have noticed some FtM story activity and wondered who wrote them. If an actual FtM wrote them then I would like to say welcome. My one time therapist was one and we got along well, but curiously as soon as I moved on, he won't even say hi on the street now. Hmmmm. Most of you that I have met are very pleasant and youthful people.

God! I just saw some transmen on a web page. I got ta get me one of these!!!!!

Tmen, you are so HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!T Take me, beat me, make me squeal!!@!!

Gwen

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Victorian Corset Fiction

10 years ago, there were some interesting Victorian Era Corset Training stories lurking on the internet, and I used to enjoy reading them once in a while. They were not TG and some dealt with coeds in finishing school. One which was TG in a sense was "Prisoner of Fashion", or something like that. I notice that these sites and sources have basically disappeared. :)

Gwen

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Did anyone's Marriage survive transition?

This is important. I have a friend who wants to transition, and thinks that their grown children and present wife will be fine with it. She has not talked with the children before this time about it.

I think that if there is any chance of success, then the wife and children need to have known about the situation for a long long time, and it will take a woman of astonishing fortitude to survive it. She will read this blog.

Many Blessings

Gwen

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Do you still have your first skirt?

This morning I was rumaging through my closet and found my first skirt from the 49th time I began accumilating clothing. I wore it on my first expedition from the house to attend a GID support group. Amazingly, I doubt that I will ever be able to wear it again, can't even get it up past my hips, and it makes me wonder if I could ever wear it. Who was that person?

I will remember that day until I die.

Gwen

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Estrogen Overdose

Earlier this week, I decided that I'd like bigger boobs. I saw a friend of mine's DDs floating around in the neck line of her T shirt and got a bit green around the gills. So, as I was changing my patch, I put two on instead of one, and forgot about it. Well later, the next day or something, I was feeling slightly nausiated and felt quite emotional, and after a while realized what was causing it. Sadly I took one patch off.

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OK, help you Poetry buffs, please?

I once read a poem, probably written in the 19th or early 20th century. It is a dramatic poem, and I have heard it recited with a musical background.

Roughly, one of the lines is something like 'the moon is white instead of yellow' or visa versa. It made so much sense to me in the mental state I was in at the time.

Can anyone remember that poem?

Many Blessings

Gwen

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Only in New Zealand

What does this have to do with anything TG?

Nuttin'.

I just thought it was so cute, and having spent a fair amount of hours on a rmachine in that size range I know how dangerous it is for the dancer and how hard it is for the operator.

In the US, a show like this could not be done. OSHA, and all the, um, government control freaks would be swarming like ants on honey.

Enjoy.

Gwen

http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-414637?hpt=Mid

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True genetic knowlege about Intersex

When I was going to High School, I think, in the early 60's I first heard about the discovery of Genes and Chromosomes. It may have been earlier but I am not sure. Now, nearly 50 years later, they are splicing genes and doing all sorts of alchemy.

Back then, I don't think they even knew much about XX,XY and certainly not XXY or any other of the myriad number of genetic variations.

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Story writing as a skill or becoming a Wordsmith

As I interact with the world around me, a difference in the way life is and the stories I read and write becomes evident. I don't seem to attract male males into my life, though I do have a dear gay guy friend. Indeed, almost all of the friends I have here where I live in Portland are College age genetic females, and most of them think of me as sort of a pseudo Mom. So, I hear all their expressions of joy and all their sadnesses, and drama.

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This Could Only Happen to Khadijah :)

OK, no one is allowed to chastize me for this!

I was on the Max Train, on the way to the Bank; there'd been fraud on my Debit Card. I was having this delightful conversation, with another woman, about a street girl that had just been sitting on the floor in the car; she'd gotten off.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a very short Hispanic man get on the train with his bike. The normal place for Bikes was full, and under transit rules, he is allowed to put his bike with the general population if that is so.

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Word 2007 problems

I've just made an interesting discovery about my Word 2007, Windows Explorer, and Asstr.org.

I used to be able to easily delete files in Word, and I could easily find the file path. Now, I can't. I also used to be able to locate files very easily in Windows Explorer, and now I notice that there are some files that I can see In "Recent Documents" in Word 2007 that I can not find with Windows Explorer, and that leads me to suspect that they are in actuality "Links" to those files. I have opened a couple of them and watched Word, go to the internet and download those files from ASSTR.org.

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Swan Song

I wrote this story probably in 2000 and published it in 2001 on Storysite. At the time, I don't think I had any idea where life would take me; certainly not to transition. It is true, and short. This really did happen to me.

Swan Song by: Credence Browne (Now Gwen Brown)

I stood on the seat of the couch, looking out the window, wanting to go outside. Pointing outside, I began talking in my little child's voice. "I want to go mom." I said.

Statistical story analysis

It would be interesting to see an Exell style graphic representation of the stories on BCTS. It would not need to mention names or titles, but it would be interesting to see number of votes, reads, and comments on one axis and perhaps the time on the other.

I know that we have people getting well over 100 votes on some stories, but I am thinking that may not be the average at all. It may be that the average is somewhere around 30-40 votes.

I also think I saw a significant jump in votes when the vote box was moved to the bottom of the story.

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Is someone wanting to kill me?

So, this morning I was reading on this site and I had an interuption. I had to leave and I forgot to get off the internet. When I got back a few hours later and sat down at the computer, I spun the track ball and the computer woke up to a funeral home on my screen but with BCTS in anothe window. I am not suicidal and have not been looking for a Funeral Home. Worse yet, it was an Arab Funeral home. Even more worser yet, I had a young woman with me whose brother had blown his head off a year ago.

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A little computer help please?

So, I have been wanting two monitors run off the same computer for a while, and yesterday went to Best Buy to see if they had a vid card that would do that. Well, according to them, I already have one in my computer.

They sold me a HDMI cable, and the old style cable is hooked to one monitor and the HDMI is hooked to the other one. When I was booting, both monitors did display some text but now that it is fully up and running, I only get stuff on one monitor; the one that uses the old style cable.

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Pre-pubescent Transgender children

Here is an interesting link about children who identify as the oposite sex before puberty. Hopefully, this will be the next big step in care for us. Many Docs agree that if a child is identified that early, they can develop a much more feminine frame and portrayal.

http://www.springerlink.com/content/5141182h05297437/

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Abuse or not?

I recently had an interesting epiphany; deciding that my being dressed and living as a girl until age 5 was fun and I liked it! At the time, it was a profound disappointment that I was being called a boy since I just knew that I was like my sister and mom. So, as far as I am concernted, I was not abused, though it has taken me a few years to come to that conclusion.

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