I recently had an interesting epiphany; deciding that my being dressed and living as a girl until age 5 was fun and I liked it! At the time, it was a profound disappointment that I was being called a boy since I just knew that I was like my sister and mom. So, as far as I am concernted, I was not abused, though it has taken me a few years to come to that conclusion.

I got barked at in another blog, so I quickly resended what I said, and decided to make my own.

I should just take a breath, shut up, buy a gag, stick my head in a bucket, get a whippen, be locked up, dominated, and get over myself!

Sorry for my sorry assed, bratty out burst.

Gwen

Ok, for a while now, I have been feeling very unsettled. I've had thoughts of doing everything from moving to New Zealand to reverting back to Male. It has all felt really weird.

So, over Christmas, in spite of the fact that I'm Muslim, I put Handel's "Messiah" in my sterio and played it a couple times. I just love it. Well, three times since then, the sterio has started playing it all by its self. Once I came home to find it playing. The remote is infrared, so I did not think anything like a cell phone or play station could cause it, but I didn't worry about it too much.

I am up to my neck in one of the G11 stories, and had an epiphany because of it. In reading the story, a huge question mark in my life is closer to resolution.

I have been trying to encourage the Author of "Healing A Princess" to seek out a publicist and make an effort to get the work in stores, making her some money. In my opinion, the story measures up favorably with any other work I have bought off the counters in Book Stores. We all know that AA has struggled financially because she has said so in this forum. I am hoping that with sufficent encouragement, you will at least give it a shot. There is of course Baen Books, Tor Books, and a host of other publishing houses.

I was digging around in the archives this afternoon and stumbled upon a discussion of Andy Warhol by SLM. That caused me to think about another artist I have been searching for. I don't know if anyone will admit to it but I was reading "Playboy" in the late 60's and early 70's and distinctly remember an artist from that publication that I really loved, so much so that I think that the character represented there most closely reveals my own personality, or what I would like to present to the public. I know, fantasy, fantasy.

Does anyone know how to get in touch with the girl who offered help for Dumdums? The person that usually does my posting is neck deep in real life, so I suppose it is time for me to grow up and be a big girl.

Gwen

One of the stories to have circulated through the site in the last year or so, included the use of Tea Tree oil but it did nto seem effective. Well, the real science is even stranger. Enjoy http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/145763/tea_tree_oil...

Gwen

I found this site interesting; though I could not join so I could comment.

http://jmcl.wordpress.com/category/gid/

Gwen

In my quest to improve myself as a woman, I watch and listen a lot; analysing the most intricate details of what they do. One thing that has just occured to me is that, for the most part, women in groups use Full Duplex communication, while men seem incapable of it. I do hope that with time I can train myself to follow what women do in that regard.

Right after the first of this year, I was so out of money, and nearly starving that I began to contemplate being a Prostitute. It might not have been so bad, because I have a really strong desire to be sexual with others, but my previous journeys into dating had me giving a couple abortive and poorly executed blow jobs, and then the plops would simply zip up and flee. It left me feeling bereft, used and extremely ashamed of my conduct. So, it was that months of near starvation really altered things for me.

When I saw that something from Aardvark was up, for a brief moment in time, I thought that he had published another of his stories that make my seat um squishy! I was only briefly saddened to see that it was "Warrior" recycled. I'm in bed with the Flu and between my feverish, coughing times, I think I will read it again. Almost as good as a bit of Chokie Ice Cream!

How is it in Boston for T folk?

Astonishingly, I have been asked to accompany a young college couple to Boston while they finish work on their respective Masters Degrees. My friend jokes about needing her English Nanny to help her care for her child to be born in June or July. If this seems a little sublime to you, then imagine what I am thinking. I worry about really having gone round the bend. I have asked them thrice over to think about this matter very seriously as it would hurt me greatly should they decide other wise at the last minute; even had a bit of tears over it. GAH!

Today, I was told that a transexual person had taken Estrogen for so long that her body had started making its own. Hmmmmmm

Well, I knew that there is some Testosterone in the body of a female, and it could seem reasonable that the body of a normal castrated XY male could have a little Estrogen in it even with out using pills, patches or shots. It seems rediculous that a T girls body could produce enough estrogen on its own.

Gwen Brown heard that you were hunting for her. If you are still suffering from the need to meet me at SCC I am at...............

Hugs

Gwen

PCOS "Polycystic Ovary Syndrome

I stumbed upon this while looking for "paint" to spray on the part of my scalp where the hair is a mere shaddow of its former glory. :( It looks like these girls suffer with many of the symptoms that the Intersexed do, and Male Pattern balding. In short they have far too many Androgins. So, not really knowing much about medicine, I am wondering if this is just a form of being Intersexed. The incidence is very high; about 1 in 10 women, and I wonder if some day things like this will help our society to get away from the binary gender model?

Khadija

Ear Bug warning?

Now, I don't want to seem too paranoid on this and I know that there is no proof yet. I recently got one of those Cell Phone Ear Bug thingies, and I just love it. Today, I went to lunch with a girlfriend who got one much before I did.

At breakfast, she saw my Bug and told me that she did not think it was good to wear it all the time because hers caused earaches. I said ok but left mine in but just a few minutes ago, I developed an ear ache.

In a short while, I will be publishing what started out to be a comic magical change from boy to girl, framed in Afghanistan. It is fiction. There is no intent what so ever to insult any of our brave soldiers to are or have served there.

I am looking for the Title to a recent movie where a CIA agent goes to Syria or Jordan to find a Terrorist. He gets captured by the same but gets rescued by the Jordanian version of the CIA. In the mean time he falls in love with a Muslim girl and stays on to marry her.

I thought it was Matt Daymon, Brad Pitt or Mark Walberg but so far can't find nuttin'

Can anyone help"

Khadija

I was talking on SKYPE this morning with a long time friend in Sauudia. We usually talk about situations there, his favorite books, and movies too. Yes, there are no movie theatres there, but they haf their vays. :)

He'd gotten heat stroke today and needed a pat on the head. I was suitably motherly to him and then out of the blue, he said,"would you like to meet my Uncle"?

I was talking with another author yesterday and she said that she doubted that she'd write any more, and after we talked for a while it seemed like she was saying "I had something to say and I said it". (I think I first heard that from Fleury)

I have frequently heard trans folk say that they felt that stress had a roll in their final decision to actually "come out", do it, get cut, and all that. I can distinctly remember the very day and minute that I finally threw the towel in, though my "comming out" and final decision did not come for a while.

Would any of you care to share that moment with us?

Khadija