So, I see in the news this morning that the roll out for the XXX web sites is today. I wonder, with some trepidation, who gets to choose who gets that designation? Fro those with that designation, will it be like a dead albatross around the neck of the hapless sailor, or will it be like honey for ants?

I don't plan to let my virus guard regulate my contact with those sites; it is for me to decide.

This has to be the happiest day I can remember in 7 years. I got the results for a medical test (Karyotype) I had last week and I am officially in the ranks of the AIS. Which means that I can be declared officially a woman in the eyes of a certain organisation.

When I can get my feet back on the floor, I have to run out to the doctor's office to sign the release for the Doctor to share it with the office of the Presidency. This means a great deal to me. Please share in my joy!

Much peace

Lady Gwendolyn Khadijah Ellen bint Boucher

Much to my utter dismay, AS IF, someone took exception to something I wrote and it made me feel quite sad. So, I took my utter sadness to a published author who I know has taken a great deal of criticism and gone on living. I did not actually think I would get a reply very soon, if at all, but at least I had tried.

Much to my astonishment, I received a reply within hours! What was said felt so profound to me that I decided to share it here, though I left the confidential part out:

In my writing of this next short story, I really did exercise my poetic license to the point that I might get a healthy fine. I hope you all like it, though I know some will not. I think I will call it "Battle Field To Cradle". I plan to publish it shortly after this blog entry. And yes, it is TG, and with some spanking (my trade mark) and some chains and bondage along the way, though none of it is sexual, she just needs a bit of correction for a short time is all.

This makes me feel so nasty. I think he should go to prison

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwAFJbJmSpQ&oref=http%3A%2F%2...

I thought I would share this for the benefit of those contemplating getting SRS. Hopefully you will be wiser because of what I am going to share.

Mine was done in Bankok, Thailand by Dr Kamon on August 15, 2006.

From the beginning Dialation of the Faux Vagina was problematic. The actual surgery was extremely simple and I had an almost pain free recovery. During post op Dilations of three times a day, I managed to achieve 1 1/4 inch diameter and 4 1/2 inch depth. When I left, I felt well but weak.

Look, no callin the cops or any other drama, OK?

I'm just really needing to hear if their is any new research on Transgender Genetics. I mean NEW. I do not mean the stuff that gets warped to conform to our own wishes, but real science. I follow this stuff closely, and if it is not dated 2011, it is probably not new to me. Sorry, don't mean to sound snotty, snide or snasty. My stress levels are just off the chart right now. I'm aware of the study recently done in OZ.

This morning at 1:00 AM I finished a short story, complete with the extra spaces between paragraphs that Drupal requires. As far as I was concerned, it was ready to publish.

This morning I got up and decided to give it one last read to check for continuity. Much to my discomfiture, all those blooming extra carriage returns are gone! Can I have not remembered correctly? Did I forget to save my work? I am quite certain that I saved it and I have auto save set at 5 minutes.

This mornings' discussion around the story "The Beneficiary", caused me to get curious about intersex penile sizes. In doing just a little google search, I found a very interesting NOVA site with an interesting article and several links to yet more informative articles.

So for those who know they are intersexed, and for those who are just trying to figure things out, here is the link:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/body/intersex-spectrum.html

Enjoy

Gwendolyn

Tonight I said goodbye to the man I love, knowing that I likely will not ever see him again. I doubt that he knows anything of my feelings toward him. He is 29, I am 64, so it is well that I never utter a word about it. He did something that is just not done in his faith, he hugged me goodbye and when he did my heart broke.

I am trying to get back to writing; reading a few of my old stories to see what I liked and thinking. The first story I published on this site, drew a comment that said something like, you have a nice little story here that needs fleshing out. Another said that my story rambled a lot.

So, I decided that before I forged ahead on finishing my last story, I would try to conduct a little "self seminar" to try to tune myself up. Who knows maybe I need a book called, "A Tune Up For Wanna Be Writers"? :)

Suggestions please?

Hugs

Gwendolyn

There has been OH, so much change in my life; mostly good ones, or at least something different. Oregon is once again pleasant, though I did not want to return. Memories of the past made it very unpleasant at first but since my arrival, some very pleasant people have come into my life.

For those who keep tabs on me, thank you. I am dropping out of sight for a week. We are going camping.

Much peace

Gwendolyn

Well, in a talk with a member of a very conservative religion, I was trying to help him to understand GID folk better. He started off asking if I had been born male and I said that I had actually beem born somewhat both, (Intersexed). He'd never heard of that. So then in the conversaton I told him that I had two natural born children, born to my X. So he said, then you were male. I told him, well sort of. So then he asked me when I first realised that I was sexually attracted to males, and I told him I never was and never actually had penetrative sex with one.

An online conversation I was just having caused me to remember taking the Rorschach test, along with the MMPI and a whole bunch of other stuff. The Rorschach Test made no sense to me at the time, and I am not even sure that I finished it. One does look like a human pelvis to me but in a purely anatomical sense, not a sexual one. I just looked it up on wiki and have to say that it seems even less relevant than when I was taking a ton of drugs.

Has anyone taken this test and did it make any sense to you? Should we question the sanity of those who think the results mean something?

Yes, the title was purposeful mis-captialisation.

So, well I was sitting in a meeting the other night, and one of the "experts" said that many GID folks are some form of Aspergers. This was a meeting put on my some political, and marketing people who thought themselves to be pretty highly, um smart. For some reason, I saw them to be self serving, snobbish, obnoxious prigs.

So, anyhow today I started thinking about what they said about GID and aspergers. Gee, I was never diagnosed with it, though I seem to have some of the same troubles that they do. This is a lot to think about.

Gwendolyn

I sat in a meeting of people who represent the GBL community who "say" they want to represent the T community more effectively tonight. This is a Democratic action group, and I quickly figured out that their organisation is floundering and they want to fix it. In my experience, organisations that try to save themselves are already dead.

I don't know how this perpetrator will survive another year, and if he does, I hope that he spends it hiding in a dark closet, trembling in fear of his victims hunting him down and killing him in the most unimaginably painful way anyone could think of.

This is substantially what my stepfather did to me, and I still remember my son asking me 10 years ago how come I was never happy. I hope that people like this spend their after life in the hottest part of hell, even if I have to be there for wishing that be their fate.

It was with a sense of sadness and rage that I read some news about children being mistreated in Care Homes in the UK. I have several friends there who have had horrific experiences in places like that, and I realised that the news of these further atrocities was likely to dredge up feeling from the past that will make them feel quite broken and sad. I am so sorry for your having to relive the past and wish that I could some how make things better for you all, but then I am not God am I?

I really like the great stories here. Once in a while my patience wears thin on the TG genre and I go looking for something else. I watch an author like Apache and Lazlo Zalesac. He has a really great one up about Corporate America and I can tell you with authority that it is the most factual, true to life story I have seen on the subject. I am sure that some of the members here can identify with it. There is NO sex. There is no menu so you will have to fumble with the address bar to get through the chapters.

Gwendolyn

I was able to download a programe called Expat Sheild, an can now access the wonderful and fascinating world orf the BBC. I say this seriously and in no way mean any ridcule to anyone.

The TG episoce is one hour long, without commercials, and is quite excellent. There are a half dozen sub plots and like someone else, I found the parts about the girl with a brain tumor, and the GID boy to be especially moving.