Let's just be clear about this. There is no thought or implication of doing the "S" thing, OK?
I know that others have faced what I did a couple weeks ago. And usually after a period of bemoaning my circumstances, I have managed to bounce back fairly rapidly. But, this time just feels like a mortal wound in my soul.
So, I am asking for sage advice? I don't know that I have the courage to act normally in public right any more, and maybe never again. I feel ashamed at my response to the many sisters I have met on the street and who have been unresponsive to me. I just wanted to be friendly and supportive, being too stupid and ignorant to realize that after a long time and many such violations, one loses hope, and for the sake of self preservation, we just emotionally go inside and shut the door and stay there. In short, I have been a stupid cunt.
I wish I could at least be angry at her violation. I can't because I am just not built that way.
Tell me, does it ever get better, or am I done? I don't know what is wrong right now. One of my friends suggests that I should just take care of me for now; that I am drained, and need to engage in a lot of self care. That feels so selfish to me.
Much peace
Gwen
Comments
Point by point
I spent nearly half a life-time allowing others to define who I am. It's human to want to please someone to avoid rejection, but we can't always have success because we can only be responsible for how we think and believe and feel. So you do what you can when you can to help others, but if it becomes difficult or to your own detriment, you pull back.
Self-preservation is one of the basic drives in the human soul. You have been hurt deeply; not just recently but over the years. It's okay to take care of yourself. And please never ever refer to yourself as stupid and especially with the additional noun, okay.
If you can't be angry, you can't.
You are not done. The fact that you continue to reach out for help means you want to succeed and be at peace with yourself. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. To take care of yourself all the time to the exclusion of everyone and everything is not a good thing, but to take care of yourself to recharge and renew is an entirely good thing. I've only just gotten here at this site, and it seems that a lot of folks are like ourselves. My family has rejected me, and it hurts. I tried to do everything to please them and it didn't work, but I haven't given up hope. And I hope you don't either. Just don't feel so bad about yourself, okay? Belle
Taking time for oneself if NOT selfish.
Everyone needs time to themselves. Sometimes just to work through things that make no sense regardless of what others say. Sometimes the only intelligent answers one gets is from oneself.
I'm not saying that others can't help one when one is lost and confused, but selfish doesn't enter into it. Honey, take all the time you need to think and when you're ready or feel you need to talk, you know I'm here and I'll help if I can.
Warm hugs and love,
Cathy
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
It always gets better!
Yes it does.
Mr. Ram
Gwen, Please
Do not give up hope. You are much loved here. I wish that I could help, but I am out of my depth.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Trying...
I'm not really in the know or qualified to comment but I'm reading pain here.
*Hug & Shoulder offered*
Bailey Summers
A few other things.
First: You are neither stupid nor ignorant. Don't take responsibility for others inability to se your true worth.
Second: You are a sensitive, caring, loving woman. Don't let others denigrate or ignore those wonderful qualities.
Third: Never be ashamed of honest emotions. They are the truest things there are. We humans are emotional beings.
Fourth and finally: You are loved and cared about more than you realize. Most of us will never reach the pinnacle you have already topped. Finances and fears will keep a lot of us from ever realizing our dreams of achieving full SRS. You have lived, successfully, as your true self and proven that you truly are a woman in your heart and soul. Those are heady accomplishments honey. Don't let what others say or do lessen your innate goodness and compassion for others, or your rightful pride in who and what you are.
You have my respect for what you've been through, for what you've accomplished, and for your faith. Far from being stupid, you are a very intelligent woman who is always striving to better herself.
NEVER give up on yourself, Gwen. I know I won't give up on you. Anytime you need me, all you have to do is whistle. You know how to whistle, don't you hon? You just put your lips together, pucker up, and... eEEP!! um, never mind. You know what I mean.
I'm here for you whenever you need me to be, hon... and so are a lot of others.
hugs and lots of love,
Cathy
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
Have faith, it will get better
Do what your heart tells you to do, it will never lead you wrong. Though times seem hard now, if you have faith that things will get better, they will, i promise. I've had some kicks to the gut before, although none like yours, i've found that the best way to deal with your frustration, anger, resentment, hurt, isn't to dwell on them, as strong as the desire to is, but rather to focus on tomorrow. Just know that the sun will go up tomorrow, that it will get better, stay strong, and know that things will get better. Yogi perhaps said it best when he said it ain't over 'till it's over and never were truer words spoken. Do what your heart tells you, make peace with the situation and yourself and then you'll find some healing.
Stay positive and know that it will get better.
Hugs,
El Guapo
Yes, it does get better.
Yes, it does get better. Sometimes you need to just pull back and take care of yourself for a while, till you can recharge your spirit. That's not being selfish, that's simply common sense. Think of yourself for a while.
Hugs
Brutus
Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue
Thank you all so much!
I am feeling much better now. Today, when I went out, I didn't even think about being accepted. I was too busy to worry.
I just want to thank everyone for being nice to me.
I think I about have my brattiness back! :)
Gwen