I'm a bad writer.

See, instead of writing stories, I've been making D&D characters.

sorry.

so here is my chronicle of my adventures in endoscopy:

after repeatedly telling the nurses and then the doctor about my PTSD and gag reflex, they gave me the normal amount of sedative and then had me clench this plastic tube between my teeth.

10 seconds later I'm gagging and they had to take it out and knock me all the way out to do the procedure.

Sighs, at least it's over ...

I got more triggered by a sweet romantic story than by a story about the sexual abuse of a child.

sighs, I am so messed up ...

I was re-reading one of my old stories, and couldn't help but giggle at this exchange in the comments:

"Boo hoo... You don't love me enough to kill me..."

"I had a special death planned for you but decided to be merciful to my readers, I'll kill you next time, promise."

"Aww, you're a good friend. *hug*"

Okay so last night this bit of dialog came into my head:

Young man, looking in a mirror while wearing girl's clothes for the first time: "Is it weird that I'm super attracted to myself?"

Female friend:"You're not the only one. If I'd known how hot you'd look, I would have tried to talk you into skirts a long time ago"

And since I dont have a story to go with this dialog, I'm offering it up as a challenge to anyone who wants to make a story around it,

so last night I had the closest thing to a nightmare I've had in a while.

I was at a hospital, taking a class, and as I was making my way to the exit, one of my tormenters from high school jumped on my back as I was going up a flight of stairs.

I somehow managed to not fall down the stairs, bit I lay there, seemingly unable to fight, screaming at the guy to get off me.

I'll be okay, just a bit shook up.

If you are a fan of transformation fiction, or just good science fiction, you've probably have at least heard of Jack L. Chalker. Well, I found a book by him that could have easily been written here.

It's called "The Identity Matrix", and its the story of Victor Gosner, a 35 year-old expert in political science who finds himself body swapped with a 13 year old native American girl, and then into the body of a blonde bombshell co-ed.

I found the characters charming, the situation engaging, and the book really hard to put down, so it gets a recommendation from me.

Okay so last night's dream was a bit different. I was in a school, and apparently part of the the cleaning crew. I confirmed with a teacher where I was to clean, and when she said I should know already, I told her I'd been away for a while and wanted to have the expectations I was to meet clear.

I went into the room, and started moping, and then someone joined me, and a after a moment of confusion, I figured out she was a trainee I was supposed to supervise. The dream ended with the room clean and me with a sense of accomplishment.

Make of that what you will.

ok so yesterday was a mixed bag. First, I finally got a project done that's been bugging me for a while - I cleaned out my closet's floor and sent the stuff I dont need to goodwill.

Unfortunately, I paid for that in the evening with what felt like a strained or pulled muscle in my stomach. Fortunately, a little lie down helped that, but then after I gone to sleep for the night I had yet another dream of confusion and frustration.

Well, guess what folks?

I have a new story up !

Check it out, let me know what you think!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/86618/adventures-over...

Sorry about yesterday everybody.

I let Mr. Nasty pin me for a bit, but like Rocky I've gotten off the mat, and feel much better.

Like Superman, I'm in a "never-ending battle" against the bad bits in my brain, but as of today, as the old song says, I'm still standing;

I'm sorry to post again so soon, but I had unfun day, as I got two different moments I could have done without. First, I discovered I have a rather odd PSTD reaction to pain in my leg. It not only sets off my anxiety, I have this terrible sensation that if I looked down at it, it would be a ruin. Then, later I had what I'm gonna refer to as a spontaneous male reaction. If you have (or had) male equipment, you know what I mean. Those always hit me a number of ways - they set off my dysphoria, they set off my PTSD, and they're bloody painful to boot.

Well, I had a rather down day today. It started with a bad dream that left me feeling like I was a pretty horrible person, and I just never really got out of the rut.

Ah, well, tomorrow is another day ...

I'm sorry to say I'm probably 2 weeks away from having anything new up. A number of events in real life have drained my writing spoons, just when I was making some progress on several ideas.

I hope I will still have readers by the time I have something for them to read ...

PTSD guilt is the worst.

I'm struggling with guilt right now for not telling anybody how bad things were at home.

I was too afraid they would blame my mom.

Sighs, hugs appreciated

well, my new computer seems to be working, so I'm gonna give that a tentitive yay. But on the boo side, because how prolific we've all been this last couple of days, my latest story has dropped way down, and its at least possible some of you who would have normally checked it out have missed it. so just in case, here is a link: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/86208/tinker-tailor-s...

guys, my computer is toast. I'll be back when I can

to say I'm struggling with feeling down right now is an understatement.

Okay so I've mentioned the rash on my belly, and yesterday I was struggling to reach the spot, I asked my mom to help. When she got close to my groin, I experienced something like being ticklish, only instead of wanting to giggle, I wanted to flinch. since then, I've been very shaky, and I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. Hugs appreciated.

For those who were worried, the red marks on my belly are a fungus infection. A few weeks of a medicated cream should clear it up - I hope.

Edmonton has acquired an online "University" dedicated to writing. The classes are dirt cheap, and the guy running it sounds like he knows what he's doing.

Here's the link: https://pandemicuniversity.com/

Okay, so It's just after 8 in the morning, and I'm shaking.

See, last night I had one of my "searching" dreams. I was on the campus of a university, and was totally lost. But then I found someone in authority, and let loose a stream of anger - anger at being expected to know things I'd never been told, being left to wander around without a guide or a map.

It was the level of anger I displayed that has left me shaking.

hugs appreciated;

In celebration of Canada day, I've published the sequel to "Tinker,Tailor, Solider,Dot".

If you like it, please let me know!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/85698/tinker-tailor-s...