Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 1756

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The Daily Dormouse.
(aka Bike)
Part 1756
by Angharad

Copyright © 2012 Angharad
All Rights Reserved.
  
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“How d’you feel this morning, Mrs Cameron?” asked the consultant.

“Like shit, what about you?”

“Me? I’m fine thank you.”

“I’m glad one of us is, when can I go home.”

“When your breathing is better and some of the muck comes off your chest.”

“Why can’t that be done at home?”

“Because we happen to do it better in here. As soon as you’re a better girl, you can go home to hubby.”

“Is it usual to patronise your social superiors?” I challenged.

“I beg your pardon?”

“You heard me.”

“Yes but I’ve never had a chest patient with delusions of grandeur before.”

“No it’s usually restricted to hospital consultants, isn’t it?”

“Oh we did get out of bed the wrong side, this morning didn’t we?”

“No, I’m pissed off with being talked down to by men who think they’re superior.” I could feel my colour rising.

“Madam, if that isn’t too patronising, I am a hospital consultant, who are you who’s so superior to me.”

The ward sister whispered something in his ear. “I see, so you’re married to a banker.”

“Ahem, Dr Carlton, not just any banker, this is Lady Cameron who’s a member of the Cameron banking family, as in High St Banks.”

“Yeah, so?”

“She’s a university lecturer and quite wealthy in her own right.”

“So what?”

“I think your colleague is trying to tell you to treat me with some respect, not patronise me.”

“Lady whatever, you are my patient and therefore...”

I didn’t wait for him to finish, “Get him out of here, call me a taxi, I’m leaving here now.”

“Don’t be foolish,” he said loudly.

“Why not, you’ve managed being one all your life.”

“I beg your pardon.” He looked apoplectic.

“I am leaving, so in other words you’re sacked from my case.”

“I’m afraid the system doesn’t work like that. You can’t leave like that, you silly woman.”

“Watch me, and if you call me silly once more I’ll put in such a complaint that you’ll be retraining for the rest of your career.”

“You’d have to justify it.”

“I think being an arsehole, is grounds for the first complaint.” As I said this the ward sister turned away trying to stifle a laugh.

“I refuse to discharge you, your illness has obviously turned your mind.” He stormed off the ward followed by his entourage.

“If that man comes within fifty feet of me again, I’ll slap a restraining order on him,” I wheezed and coughed.

“Fit to go home are we?” asked the sister.

“I’d rather die there than in here.”

“He is pompous but he’s a good doctor.”

“I don’t care if he’s the only doctor in Christendom who can treat me, he’s not talking like that to me. I am discharging myself. Please call me a cab.”

“I would urge you to consider, Lady Cameron. Let me call your husband.” She walked off briskly to her office.

I sat hunched over the bed, fighting for my breath. “’Ere, you really a lady?” asked the woman from across the ward.

I couldn’t reply except by nodding, I could hardly breathe. Then suddenly I couldn’t breathe at all. A sense of panic came over me as my chest seemed to become solid and I attempted to suck air into it with no success. I felt the room swimming and I fell back on the bed and everything became distant.

I don’t know how long it was before I became aware of someone standing over me. I was in intensive care again, maybe we should sponsor a bed at the rate our family finds itself in here.

“Phew, thank God, I thought I’d lost you, babes.”

“What happened?” I croaked weakly.

“You went into respiratory failure.”

“What?”

“Like an asthma attack, they shot you so full of adrenalin you won’t be shocked by anything for about two hundred years.”

“I don’t understand,” my voice was barely louder than a whisper.

“Me neither, but apparently your argument with the doctor caused you to require more oxygen than your lungs can provide and it all went into a sort of spasm, least your diaphragm did. That’s what they told me. Oh by the way the guy you told off saved your life.”

“I’ll have to apologise.”

“I’ve done it for you and sent him a case of claret, seemed to ease his ruffled feathers somewhat.”

“You bought him off?”

“Yeah, but he was relatively cheap.”

“He was an arsehole.”

“He still is, but he saved my wife so I can live with it.”

“Can’t you transfer me to a private hospital?”

“Not yet, you’re too ill.”

“Nonense,” I said as loudly as I could and fell back breathless onto the bed.

“See what I mean.”

“Just take me home and let me die then.”

“Don’t be silly, Cathy.”

“That’s how I feel,” I whispered. I closed my eyes and for a moment he thought I’d died, except the incessant beeping of the machine should have told him otherwise.

“You don’t seriously want to die do you?”

“I can’t live like this,” I whispered–I didn’t have the breath to speak any louder and I was on oxygen.

“Time for your tablets,” said the nurse who interrupted us.

“I don’t want them.”

“Please, Cathy, take them because it makes my life so much easier than if I have to force them up your arse, because believe me, I will.” The look she gave me showed she meant it.

I picked up the little pot with them in, “What are they?”

“One’s an antibiotic, one’s a steroid, one’s a...”

“A steroid? I don’t want steroids.”

“Just take the bloody thing–we are so busy here–I don’t really care whether you want them or not.”

“Take them, babes, I’m sure they wouldn’t prescribe them if you didn’t need them.”

“Look, Cathy,” said the nurse bending right over me, “Do me a favour. Die on someone else’s shift, not mine, okay–so take the bloody pills.” She handed me a glass of water and I swallowed the pills and the water. “There; what was so hard about that?”

“Nothing,” I croaked and then vomited them back up and not deliberately, “Sorry.”

She had to change me and the bed, giving me a dish to chuck up into if I had any more to give. I apologised and she shook her head. “It’s okay, it’s one of those days. Now try and keep these down, will you?”

I swallowed the second lot of pills and this time they stayed down and I fell asleep with Simon sitting next to me holding on to my hand as if he was frightened I’d run away. I suppose he was worried I might actually die.

Dr Carlton arrived, “Can we declare a truce until you’re actually well enough to leave here without suing me?”

“I’m sorry about that earlier.” I felt myself blushing.

“Okay, Lady Cameron, I presume this is your husband, Lord Cameron?”

I nodded.

“Call me, Simon,” my treacherous husband held out his hand.

“Arthur,” offered the consultant who then winked at Si and said poker face to me, “But it’s Dr Carlton to you, Lady Cameron.”

I picked up the tissue I’d been holding and waved it, “I surrender.”

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