The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1607 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

“What are you thinking about?” asked Si.

“I was thinking about a boy in school who used to bully me.”

I could see synapses in Simon’s brain connecting–Meems–Petunia–bullying–Cathy. “How did he bully you?”

“Every way imaginable, he was completely obnoxious.”

“Oh.”

“He got his comeuppance, though.”

“How so?” Simon seemed quite interested.

“Another of his victims brought a kitchen knife to school and stabbed him–he died before they could get him to hospital.”

“We had a shooting.” He announced quite calmly.

“Really? In a place like Millfield?”

“Yeah, two of the sixth-formers fell out over a girl.”

“Cherchez la femme,” I offered.

“Quite.”

“So what happened?”

“The one shot the other, he was n the shooting club, took a rifle and a clip of bullets but instead of going to the ranges, he went into the school and shot his rival three times.”

“Bit excessive, wasn’t it?”

“He meant to kill him and did.”

“All over a girl–how sad is that?”

“Better than over a boy, perhaps.”

“Oh I don’t know, seems okay to me.”

“Yeah but you’re a woman.”

“I knew you’d notice one day.”

“I noticed before you were–how’s that for forward thinking?”

He had me there or did he? “Si, I’ve always been me, I was born me.”

“Okay, I noticed you looked a bit like you before you were you–properly, sort of–you know what I mean.” He blushed and I sniggered. “Bitch,” he muttered and I sniggered some more.

“What happened to the boy who shot the other one?”

“They sent him off to a young offenders, his dad was a politician in Greece or Italy, can’t remember. Probably out by now.”

“What about the girl involved?”

“Dunno, some local scrubber I expect.”

That took me by surprise and was dismissively–no contemptuously–sexist as well as snobbish. I told him so.

“Look, there were girls in Street and Somerton who loved to go out with the boys from the school, they thought we had money.”

“Did you have to treat them with such contempt?”

“Why not? They were only there for the goodtimes.”

“Even so, I don’t like the thought of you being so dismissive about women.”

“You are about blokes.”

“I am not,” I protested hoping I was correct.

“You were very deprecatory about the window cleaners the other week.”

“So were you if I remember correctly, besides they didn’t even get the bird poo off the windows.” A herring gull with laser guided bomb sights had caught all three of the windows in our bedroom–it was like carpet bombing only with more precision. Mind you if the windows had been opening, it might well have ended with carpet bombing.

“No they didn’t, did they? But did you have to go on about all men are bastards simply because he didn’t clean the windows very well?”

“I did exempt you and Tom.”

“Well I didn’t think much of your feminist rant.”

“Thanks for telling me.” He was pretty well proving I was right.

“You started it, girl, not I.” He had me there.

“Mummy, can I ’ave some ice cream–please?”

“Trish, you know as well as I do the correct way to ask for ice cream is, please may I have some ice cream?”

“Yeah, ’course you can, can I ’ave some too?”

Simon rattled with laughter while I felt anything but amused. “Don’t laugh you’ll only encourage her.” That only made him laugh more.

Emboldened by his laughter she said, “I’m waiting.”

“Yes, darling, you can wait a bit longer.”

“Like how long?”

“About two weeks.”

“Two weeks? I’m not waiting that long.” She went off to the freezer.

“Trish, if you so much as open that freezer, I’ll send you to bed this instant.”

“Well you do it then.”

“I have told you that you won’t get any ice cream for two weeks, you can make that three now.”

“Bloody hell,” she exclaimed loudly and Simon nearly fell off his seat.

“Swearing is unbecoming in young ladies.”

“Bitch,” she muttered as she walked away.

I was flabbergasted by her behaviour and was about to call her back when Simon stopped me. “But I’m not standing for that,” I said angrily.

“No, carry on then and make things worse.”

“What d’you mean?”

“I thought we’d agreed if they swear we ignore it rather than give them a bat to beat us with.”

“She was being obnoxious.”

“Yeah, but it didn’t get anywhere did it? She didn’t get her ice cream plus you’ve told her that she won’t for three weeks for her cheek. So it’s all proved counter-productive.”

“It might have done,” I was still reeling at her vulgarity.

“She’s testing your boundaries–they stayed firm–she’ll feel secure.”

“No she won’t, she’ll feel my hand on her bum–the little minx has gone out to the garage, the one with the over-flow freezer in; I reckon she’s going to help herself.”

“She takes after her mother more each day,” Simon laughed.

“I thought it was you she followed, purloining things–you know, excessive overdrafts and that sort of thing.”

“A bank is intended for making money, Cathy. You’re confusing us with a charity–they also make money but no one complains about the size of their bonuses.”

“I didn’t know they got any.”

“Cathy, my sweet little innocent, they all get bonuses, bankers, CEOs of large companies, civil servants, doctors–the whole damn lot.”

“I don’t think Dr Smith gets a bonus.”

“Cathy, nice as he is, he’s still a contractor hired by the NHS as a GP. They’re all individual practices, independent businesses and quite well paid too. If they hit their targets, they get bonuses–I know we bank for them, remember?”

I felt quite disillusioned. I knew doctors were well paid and had no quarrel with it, except some took the piss rather and screwed even more out of the system than they were entitled to claim. It’s bit like MPs except the NHS has its own fraud squad, don’t think the House of Commons has unless it’s very recent.

I shuddered thinking about it, no wonder there’s so much immoderate behaviour, the system is funding it by giving excessive rewards to relative failures. The youngsters see it and want the same only in greater amounts. Is it surprising all the youngsters think that if they win Big Brother, they’ll be set for life. What idiocy is that?