Everyone has things that hit their senses and feel good, as well as things that hit their senses and feel bad.

What made me different from most of my peers was what felt good to me.

Because almost every one of my senses could cause me pleasure, as long as the triggering thing was something feminine.

I’m not just talking about touch, like how a pair of hose feel on your legs. But all my senses, like the sound of a skirt swishing or high heels clicking as I walk, how women’s perfume soothes my sense of smell, even how lipstick tastes when I apply it.

This might have been less of a problem if I hadn’t been, at least technically, a boy.

Not that most people thought I was much of a boy. “Sissy” was the most common description of me from the other kids in school.

Nobody then had even heard of “Transgender”, but honestly I don’t think my classmates would have cared to correct themselves.

But their hatred was nothing compared to my hatred of myself.

I had been programmed with that hatred, so to speak, by the first person who learned just how deep my need for the feminine went.

That programming was a key part of his control over me.

And I spent most of the next four decades trying to undo that programming.

And while I have mostly been successful, I still have moments where I am back with my abuser.

And I still sometimes struggle with feeling guilty for my push toward the feminine, even as I have come to understand I was a girl inside all along.

Which is why when I discovered the existence of transgender fiction, I was drawn to what is often called “forced fem”.

After all, if someone forced me to dress like a girl, it wouldn’t be my fault, would it?

Eventually, things changed when a woman named Andrea became my friend online.

With her encouragement, I joined the writing site she belonged to.

And she did so much more, offering kind words as I began to share my history, my hopes, my fears, and finally, my writing.

With her help, I began to make the steps necessary to deal with my past and try to forge a future. It took a long time, but I finally stepped out into the real world as Dorothy.

And it wouldn't have been possible without Andrea DiMaggio.

She changed my life for the better.